Mrs Lee

I TOTALLY AGREE 100%….

I Agree 

I’m 20 years older than my husband. My attorney says that is not a consideration in our case. We love each other and just have had to show this is a real marriage.

I would suggest marrying rather than doing the fiance visa, particularly if you are from a high-fraud country or if there are big cultural differences. Fiance visa is taking as long as the marriage visa, and marriage visa has a lot more advantages.

Just concern yourself with what u need to do to either move with him to be together or follow thru with a divorce if that's your intention
 
Let him handle his own tourist visa and any issues that arise 

Is the interview already scheduled or he's waiting for the interview to be scheduled? If it hasn't been scheduled, email NVC. If it's already been scheduled, email the embassy.
 
No need to write a story about what you think he is doing or so, just write a simple statement  to the embassy/NVC that your marriage is falling apart and you would like to withdraw the i864 and the petition. That should cancel his ongoing visa application.
 
However, i recommend you take a moment before you do so. Hopefully you are doing it with some wishful thinking and not with an impromptu anger thing that you may regret later.

I wanted to address the negative attitudes we have seen on the rise recently in the upper/ immigration forums towards those who ask beginner/ simple questions, or have unusually fast or slow VisaJourneys.

First, there is a tone difference between the Progress forums- which are mostly for support and cheerleading, and the Info forums, which are mostly to have questions answered.   While all our forums are supposed to be welcoming to all and friendly, this is especially important in the Progress forums, which are not to discuss politics, or be negative towards  those fortunate to have their case dealt with quickly, or  critical of those who voice sadness about their own slow progress. These forums are there to uplift eachother!

Secondly- in the info forums, you may get bad news.  When a question is asked, our members are encouraged to answer truthfully, even if this may not be what the Op wants to hear, because it is important to be informed.  However, the emphasis is still on being welcoming and friendly.  If you need to give bad news, do so gently, and stick to facts; constructive criticism of the Op's plans ARE allowed, but the emphasis is on constructive.  No need to dwell on mistakes (or tell members they should be on 90 Day Fiance- that is a personal attack and automatic suspension), or  illegal actions in the past- instead, encourage and explain legal options for the future.  And ONLY legal options- as per our TOS, VJ does not support, condone or encourage illegal (immigration) actions, and such posts will be removed.

Ultimately, we are here to help all members, old and new, easy cases and complicated, those who write a fact filled bullet point post and those who are panicking and don't make much sense in their first post. Yes, sometimes questions can be easily googled, or answered via a search of our forums.  But if you feel that way, just scroll past- no need to criticise the OP for asking the question.