ecwai

1 hour ago, Unidentified said:

Why would you have to withdraw an application for a fiance visa that has been approved and dealt with and is history? You were doing Adjustment of Status? 

I am not sure. Yes, we were doing adjustment of status interview.

Maybe it is because if I does not withdraw that, she could file I-485 again by herself (?)

56 minutes ago, f f said:

wow using something that can be faked in less than 5 minutes as good enough evidence for marriage annulment.

 

notice the "insert sms feature"

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.mdroidapps.smsbackuprestore

 

In my case I also have a police report and the police confirmed with my wife in person that she sent the message. 

52 minutes ago, Unidentified said:

So you pulled the application for fiance visa even though you are married and your lawyer thought a text message was enough to prove marriage fraud? Right... 

I didn't know that I need to withdraw I-129F until the interviewer (immigration official) informed me to withdraw both. 

You guys are so smart. That lawyer's answer wasn't that good. He probably shouldn't be able to say yes based on such little information. Maybe he tried to keep the technicalities simple (?). I will see how the other lawyers answer the same question. 

I could not reach USCIS by phone on time, so I pulled by I-129F and I-864 during the interview and testified for her attempt to defraud.  

I asked a lawyer and he said her text message was enough ground for a marriage annulment based on marriage fraud. 

After more reflection and study, I came to realize that my wife is a sociopath. Every characteristic was right on the dot including criminal behavior. I felt stupid to not have thought about that at the beginning.

Because I did not expect that, I felt really bad everyday not knowing why to deal with such an irresponsible constant liar. We would argue when I called out how she blatantly lied to me, dealing with the constant betrayal, single-handedly trying to make our relation more loving. All efforts were futile. It stressed me and hurt me so much. I kept thinking whether I did something wrong, and what else I could have done to improve our relationship.

Now, the fact that she could not keep any promise, unable to learn from experience, unable to feel guilt, unable to accept criticisms, and lack of love all make sense. My experience felt like a clone to the accounts in the comments here. There really are "pure evil" people. But they are not "evil", they are sociopaths. 

Now I am reading up on the relationship between sociopaths and society to educate myself to make a decision on what to do. I think that exposing her remorseless attempt to defraud is necessary. 

3 hours ago, spim said:

It really feels like you two are in the dating period of a relationship, not the marriage period.  The fact that you two rely on others to deal with each other, instead of relying on each other to deal with others says it quite clearly.  

 

Our situation was that we both got along very well will others, but not between the two of us. 

We had both said to each others something to the effect that "Why do you treat the others so nicely but you treat me like this. I am your spouse, shouldn't you treat me better?"

We both tend to focus on the things that we did better to others than to focus on the things that we did specially for each other.

3 hours ago, Unidentified said:

English is her second language right? Sometimes things need to be repeated. Even I, who see myself as quite proficient in English needs repetition sometimes. Sounds to me like your communication fell apart. 

 

But it is true that you did not want a child? I don't think the reason is relevant then. If you have said no to kids, it is no and she didn't want to risk getting pregnant. Correct me if I am wrong but you didn't deny not wanting children. 

We talk in the same mother language. English is a second language for both of us.

We had a short dating period because we were getting older than the "good" age to conceive. We got into the marriage wanting to have a child as soon as possible (including settling down, having her learn enough English to get around, getting over the duration of certain immigration vaccines). So the reason was not that I didn't want a child, but some other factors. 

Just now, Unidentified said:

Did you guys ever talk about it? Communication is the most important thing in a relationship. 

Yes, but she would misrepresent what I said, or forget my reasons. 

She holds on to the reason she believes, she does not acknowledge my explanations, although sometimes she admitted that I told her. 

She does not say, "Well, you believe that the reason is this, but I believe that the reason is that."

She says, "The reason is this. You told me your reason but I don't remember what it was."

4 minutes ago, Unidentified said:

because she had told me and others that she wanted a child, but I didn't.

Sorry for the confusion. What I meant was that she had told others that "I want a child, but he doesn't" and told me that "I want a child, but you don't." 

Just now, Lemonslice said:

Who's I and you - not sure who's who in your answer.

ecwai listens to Lemonslice and stop talking about sex. 

4 minutes ago, Lemonslice said:

How do you think babies are made?  

 

I meant that when someone asked whether we are planning to have kids, she would say that I don't want kids. And I will listen to you and stop.

Thank you everyone, I am convinced that I am immature, and the fact that both sides got advises from their trusted circle and the situation snowballed from the biases. 

For the part about "unprotected" sex, what happened was that at first she agree to have sex but with condoms, then when I clarified that I wanted unprotected sex, she did not bring up the fear of childbearing, because she had told me and others that she wanted a child, but I didn't. What she said in refusal was that her stomach hurt. At that point I didn't push any further. 

I am ashamed that I believed that the two of us could work things out by ourselves.  Our issues had been going on for too long. And the part of me that believed she was not sincere was larger than the part of me that believed that we just needed more and better help. 

A lawyer told me that if I wanted to stop the process, I need to send a notarized letter to cancel I-130. The lawyer also told me that even if we don't go to the interview, she could still get a green card by a petition method, that method didn't need me at all. The lawyer also advised that if I get a divorce, due to the length of marriage, I wouldn't even be splitting half of my earning during the marriage, but I will be paying alimony for a month or two. He also said stay away from trying to go to the interview to expose fraud or trying to sue based on fraud. 

I am too ashamed to fill out my profile. I hope to those replying or viewing is getting something out of this thread. I am sorry if it wasted your time.

If we ever become happily together I might consider filling my profile. If it breaks apart, I think that it is better for us now to disclose any further. I think I do need her consent to provide any details. 

I did not expect her to leave. When she left, I was sitting in a room waiting to see what she would say. Then she took the documents that we prepared for the interview and left with her backpack. She was not crying or anything.

When she left like that, I was afraid that she would harm stuff at home, or spend everything in the credit cards.

45 minutes ago, Coco8 said:

 

Anyone can refuse to have unprotected sex or not have sex at all, even someone who is married to the other person. Not accepting someone's refusal would be rape. 

 

Maybe she didn't want to get pregnant before having the paperwork in order.

 

 

Now this is the important part. I think the "sex" part is irrelevant to your story. 

 

Everyone else has given good advice so I am not going to repeat it.

 

 

 

What does "not accepting refusal" mean? 

After she refused, we just sat together for a long time. I point out her behaviors throughout the marriage and how she had many excuses, and broke promises. Then I asked her what she could do to convince me that she really loved me. She couldn't answer. Then I said I wanted to break my wedding band because I felt that I was the only one trying to fix our marriage while she was breaking promises and did nothing. At that point she started reacting. So I asked her calmly what the ring meant for her. She again couldn't answer. I asked why she cared about the ring more than caring about my daily life and how I felt. We would wait together, then I would move closer to get tool to break it. She would tell me to stop and I would stop, wait for her to say something to explain to me what the ring meant to her. 

At the end, while I was waiting, she text my mom saying that I was angry for no reason, and I was forcing her out of the house, and that if I couldn't help her get green card, she would sue me and such on the grounds of abuse. In the text message she was asking my mom to talk to me out of trying to get a divorce. 

Then my mom called me and told me I didn't need to feel sorry for my wife, because my mom also believed that my wife didn't love me. After that, I went back to the garage, put on safety goggles. My wife stood at the door way watching whether I would really break the ring. I broke it with a hammer, then she picked up her backpack and left without saying anything. 

36 minutes ago, missushabes said:

But if she is claiming "abuse", where is she going to get proofs for those? How is she going to prove the existence of such claims without proofs? Have you ever demeaned her? Texted her offensive words that would hurt her feelings? Hit her? If she has proofs for this and reports you, you might end up having a more bumpy ride to the court. 

We were no always polite at each other when we start arguing, We both had thrown small items onto the ground, tear up unimportant paper. I never hit her, sometimes she would hit me to make me do things for her. It is not like we call each other names. When we argued, we had both questioned whether we loved each other. When I make that question, she would say that it hurts her feelings. But she was doing that to me too.

Going to file a police report first.

My mom was crying again saying that she was such a bad person after all the help we gave her. I was crying too, because I had been hiding how she treated me from my mom, until a few months ago, it was her that first brought our issues to my mom trying to convince my mom to make me change, but my mom ended up agreeing with me that she should change. Now again it was her that choice to send that text message to my mom, hurting my mom once more.

6 minutes ago, Michael2017 said:

Well, you come to this forum and want help. We provide help, but you would not provide any information? Your profile is not filled out, you have not contributed to the community in any ways, but you want help. Great, don`t answer. Just take:) There is a logic difference if she comes, e.g. from Australia, Switzerland or Sweden or if she comes from Africa, MENA or Asia. The living standard in her country do play a role in this case.

I am sorry that I couldn't contribute much because of my lack of legal knowledge. The most I could do is to let you know what I found that I think is relevant.

I am not comfortable in disclosing the country. But before she came, she was not in poverty. She could quite easily find proper jobs to have have a standard living, the kind that she and her coworkers could dine out at lunch almost every workday.

8 minutes ago, pulloa said:

Then my guess is that you both need a lawyer! Honestly, I can't see how someone refusing to have unprotected sex would be an explanation to claim fraud. Now, I suppose it depends on which of the two of you decided you needed to get a divorce because of that. But if it was the petitioner's decision that would only be seen as pressure on the immigrant to do something they're uncomfortable with. This is just my 'common sense' based opinion, naturally.

By fraud, I meant that the I-485 interview is supposed to be one where we prove to USCIS that we are not trying to trick them to give her a green card then divorce. But she already texted me that she wanted me to do just that. So she is asking me to commit immigration fraud. 

I found that in CA there is no "at-fault" divorce. But I had to split my acquired assets, the question would be could I sue her based on her disclosing her "true nature", that she wanted to get the green card then divorce me. So the marriage was a fraud of some sort.

11 minutes ago, f f said:

go to the police show them the messege and make a report about her blackmailing you. also send it to uscis and as other have said withdrawal the i864 and never be alone with her or else she can try and claim a vawa.

If I do this, will the police report be held against her if she were to apply for immigration to the US later?

Because so far the two actions below don't seem very incriminating:

1) I withdraw I-864, no questions asked, no interview, no need to disclose what happened.
2) No-fault divorce (It seems that all divorces in CA are no-fault), again, not in-criminating.

8 minutes ago, pulloa said:

If I may just ask a 'technical' question: who refused (immigrant or petitioner) to have unprotected sex and why should that determine whether you divorce or stay married?

The immigrant refused.

It is because I suspect that she is a fraud. If I help her go through I-485 interview, I-864 comes into effect and I have to support her even if she leaves me later. According to her text message, she will leave me regardless whether I help her get green card. She wants some kind of divorce anyway. 

Thank you for the replies,

Do you mean that if I file no-fault divorce, there is still a good chance that I don't need to split half of my assets during the marriage? While we were married, Only I was working. She never got any paycheck that I know of. But I filed tax jointly last year and got a credit. We have no property we bought in both our names (no cars, houses, etc). 

I believe no-fault divorce does not need to be served (I am in California). If I also don't need to split my assets, this will be the easiest and fastest way.

My marriage of 9 months fell apart when my then K-1 wife left home after refusing to have unprotected sex with me before the coming first AOS interview.

After she left, she texted me that I have only two options: 1) help her get the green card in the interview, then file a divorce and let her live separately. 2)  Sue me based on emotional abuse and domestic violence to get my assets and property.

Is it better for me to not show up for the first interview (so that she will probably fail AOS), or to go to the interview but personally withdraw the I-864 to fail her AOS?

Is there legal consequence for me for doing so?

Based on her text message, may I file for at-fault divorce on the grounds of marriage fraud?

If I proceed like this, how could the case end when her AOS fails and has no ground to stay in the US?

Will I be unable to get the divorce? Forever still married?

For those who have gone through the interview in Guangzhou recently, how long was the interview? What did you do about the cellphones that cannot be brought into the interview?

Thank you.