user19000

I wasn't arguing, thank you. I was correcting your misinformation.
Let's get some facts straight....

Yes, that is accurate
This is not accurate and therefore not true. If a request to withdraw one's endorsement on an alien's petition that resulted in a green card is accepted (in other words accompanied by sufficient substantive evidence to support the request) it will result in the obligation under the I-864 being released.

Inaccurate again. If the alien is conferred status through the marriage-based process, withdrawal of endorsement by the USC petitioner would result in the alien's loss of status, and the petitioner being let off the hook for the Affidavit of Support. Significant impact.
By the way, on a personal note, why is it that if anyone adds to something you've written (note that I didn't state that what you wrote was wrong in my first quote) I simple placed more accurate information around it, you consider that I am arguing? Are you that sure of yourself that you think your word is everything and that if someone doesn't agree with you in totality that they are being impudent? That really bugs me!

This is what makes it seem like there is some level of emotional abuse going on in that home. It may be understandable to not adjust status due to financial difficulties but you'd think that would be the very first thing you'd save for just so your spouse could work and increase the income coming into the household. At any rate I do hope that the OP follows up with her niece and works out a resolution to the situation.

No you cannot file. You do not have a petitionable relationship.
#3 does not indicate intelligence as the ROC is very simple and cheaper than filing the I-130 and I-485 PLUS another medical.
A person who loves his spouse would proceed with her benefits as soon as possible. My wife was approved for her citizenship 16 days after she became eligible. All of this is delaying her citizenship also. If she were to need to leave the US for a family emergency she could not return. She cannot work. These are all things a normal person WANTS for his wife.

The proof can come after the young woman is safely out of the home and social workers and counselors can evaluate her claim. At the very least she is out of a home she doesn't want to be in at this time. Once she has left and entered a shelter an investigation can be launched. The police and social workers can interview neighbors and members of the local community. They will question the husband, the wife, and the child. In short telling someone that they don't have the standing for a VAWA case because they haven't been nearly beaten to death is a bit irresponsible. The best thing to do is get the immigrant out of the home and to safety and let the professionals do their job. If there is no VAWA case to be had then the Philippine Embassy or local social workers will help her get back home, until then she has every right to attempt to stay in the US.
Honestly, if everyone that moaned and complained about people abusing VAWA would support the psychological testing for visa petitioners we'd probably see fewer problems. Anyone that is controlling or aggressive could be weeded out as potentially abusive and the beneficiary would be denied the visa. We have to prove that we are financially able to support our spouses, we should have to prove to be able to support them emotionally and psychologically as well.

Of course it is tied to other behaviors as well, not just the lack of pocket money, but it is imprisoning to be dependent on someone that you fear. I'm going to be blunt here. I will make a few assumptions based just on what I see of your profile. You are white, middle class, and come from a Western social support structure. You speak fluent English, perhaps with an accent that someone in the US wouldn't have too much trouble understanding. Your friends and family would welcome you with open arms if you returned to your home country. For many immigrating Filipinas absolutely none of that is true. Their entire lives are dismantled for the chance to be with a loving husband. If it falls apart they are often blamed by family back home for not being 'understanding' or knowing her place. How comfortable would you be with your lot in life if you were threatened with deportation every day and you didn't have a home to return to back in Australia?
We see a common pattern of abuse that is often observed in the Filipino-American communities here in the US. Everyone I have ever met in the Fil-Am community (and I mean literally everyone) has a story of a family member or friend that has suffered some level of abuse from a husband or boyfriend here in the US. So many men see Filipinas as nothing but chattel that are here to provide them maid service and sex all in return for a better life (which isn't all that better when you are trapped in an abusive relationship).
Does the OP's niece have any non-Filipino friends nearby? Does she talk to the neighbors? (If she has any. Most of Western and Central Kansas just outside of Wichita is God-forsaken and empty.) There are plenty of husbands that don't let their wives talk to other people, especially men. It's not entirely unlikely that she can only communicate with her family because her husband can't understand a single word she's saying. Most men that marry Filipinas never bother to learn much Tagalog or their wife's native dialect at all.
Telling this woman to send her niece and child back to the Philippines might be a good idea from your viewpoint, but could you afford to drop $3,000+ to help a relative on short notice? What can she do about the possibility that her family would turn her away if she returned? There are plenty of checks and balances in the system here in the US. I left her plenty of information to get the young woman to safety first if that is her concern and then afterwards she can deal with the issue of immigration.

Emotional abuse (also called psychological abuse or mental abuse) can include humiliating the victim privately or publicly, controlling what the victim can and cannot do, withholding information from the victim, deliberately doing something to make the victim feel diminished or embarrassed, isolating the victim from friends and family, implicitly blackmailing the victim by harming others when the victim expresses independence or happiness, or denying the victim access to money or other basic resources and necessities. Degradation in any form can be considered psychological abuse.
Emotional abuse includes forceful efforts to isolate the victim, keeping them from contacting friends or family. This is intended to eliminate those who might try to help the victim leave the relationship and to create a lack of resources for them to rely on if they were to leave. Isolation results in damaging the victim’s sense of internal strength, leaving them feeling helpless and unable to escape from the situation.
Of course there is always three sides to a story, his side, her side, and the truth. My question is why has the husband waited so long to file the AOS if not for control over the wife. She can not work, get a drivers license, and at this point even if he did give her money she is more than likely scared to leave the house without her spouse since she is out of status. I understand the idea that the husband may feel he got played and she only came to get the visa, however if that is the case why not put her on a plane back to her own country he has not filed the AOS so he is off the hook. Why keep her here under these conditions if that is the reason for not filing. Emotional abuse can turn into Physical abuse in the blink of an eye as soon as the abuser feels they are loosing control.
To the OP assist as much as you can but be very mindful of the situation, because you could put your niece at a greater risk, since you don't know the ENTIRE situation that is going on.

You've only given your wife $300 to pay bills yet you are paying a lawyer $2500?
Wow. I'm not sure whether to believe your story because of how awful it seems to be. It just can't possibly be real that someone would treat their spouse who helped get them to America as you have. Even my father, who used my mother for a greencard, treated her better than you are treating your wife. I can't believe someone would paint themselves so poorly on here, so I am going to call troll.

You can't "make" her do anything. I'd be willing to bet she's been hinting at divorce for a while, or at least thinking about it.
If you want to try and save your relationship, stop being so selfish. Stop thinking she is responsible for paying all the bills while you save and send money "home". Start helping out more financially and respecting her as a partner, rather than treating her like your mother or a slave.

We both decide what is for dinner.
If one of the spouses is spending the family into debt, then I would say that relationship has more than just money problems. It's all about respecting each other, if there's no respect, then the relationship is in trouble from day one.

I don't get this separate, "yours and mine" money stuff at all. In OUR house, both my wife and I work, who makes more money does not come in to play, (and just in case anyone is wondering, I make twice as much as my wife does). Both of OUR paychecks get direct deposited into OUR joint bank account. All of the bills get paid out of this joint account, no percentages based on who makes more, it's OUR money. What's mine is hers and what's hers is mine! Neither of us makes a major purchase without consulting the other first, because that's the respectful thing to do.
We share all of the household chores, for the most part my wife handles the cleaning and laundry while I handle mowing the lawn, snowblowing, fixing the vehicles and any house repairs. I usually handle the trash, but if for some reason I don't, she will. I do most of the cooking, I love to cook. We go food shopping together. I also pay all of the bills and handle the bank accounts. If there is a weekend when I am busier than usual, my wife has no problem mowing the lawn. Other weeks when she is busy, I will clean and do lauundry. It's OUR life together and there isn't anything either one of us wouldn't do to help the other.

she expects me to hold the door for her, go grocery shopping with her, help clean the house, chip in with bills,

You're kidding right? That sounds like a women who wants to be in control or a feminist?
Yes - it is his choice. She expects him (in his own words) to share the household financial and other responsibilities and he expects to live off of her and support his family while she "takes care of herself like she was fine doing before he arrived".
So the consequences of his choice is his pending/upcoming divorce and a lesson learned that leeches are eventually peeled off and tossed back into the water.
MEN take care of their responsibilities at home first

My ex was horrid. I worked, he got money from his parents (international student). He finished university 6 months before starting his graduate medical program and sat at home all day playing on the computer.
Our agreement was I do the dishes, he cooks. Well I'm sorry but that does not include the dishes from you sitting around all day! he would never take out the trash "I didn't go that way", or collect the mail from the mailbox "I didn't go that way". He didn't want to help pay for gas for me schlepping over to the grocery store because "he didn't come". Never mind it was OUR groceries.
My husband doesn't do the dishes unless he's bored. He can't cook (I don't want to die or live on mac&cheese). I take out the trash on a Friday morning because he leaves REALLY early in the morning. I get the mail when I walk the dogs (have to actually go to the post office). Difference between this and my ex is he at least appreciates it. It's all about attitude.
Sounds like this OP has issues helping out financially or doing "women work"... even though in the womens vs. men mindset typically it means the man is the hunter-gather and the woman the homemaker.. this guy wants her to do both and let him live his life.
Responses in red above.
As others have said, you're using her financially. It doesn't matter that she makes more than you, you should be helping her with the bills. "Your" savings are actually her savings as well, so be prepared to give her half when you divorce. She's been supporting you like you were a child. As she said, you can't live somewhere for free and you're trying to do so. You're using her for a roof over your head and someone to pay the bills. Good luck surviving on what you make without her carrying you.
My husbands pays ALL the household bills, I pay for the groceries, and of course gas my truck (and for parts if it needs it). We discuss the split of bills regularly (I do it to make sure he doesn't feel taken advantage of) and from time to time I offer to pay a bill to give him more spending money (which he never takes me up on).
Money issues are the #1 reason for divorce.

He's not in charge if he isn't even paying for housing. That isn't how a traditional man in charge relationship works. I can tell you that, because despite living in maybe the most feminist country on Earth, we have a traditional relationship. He pays for the housing and utilities and I stay home and clean, cook, and take care of the little one. He also gets to make the decisions.
It is his choice to give his money back to his family, but then it is his wife's right to treat him like a non-financially contributing member of the household, i.e. like a housewife. If he doesn't like it, he needs to learn to contribute financially or with stay at home husband duties. You can't just have a partner pay all your expenses and you give nothing in return. It doesn't work that way.

Your family was probably doing fine before you got here too.
Give love a chance? What makes you think you can put yourself and your family back home first and your marriage and household second and pull that off? She expects you to be a MAN and ended up with a dependent and selfish boy-child.
No wonder she wants to trade your a$$ in.

Sounds like you guys are married...but not committed. For instance "Her place", "save money for myself", separate finances, "my life".

First have you two ever lived together before????????? It never fails to amaze me how two people from two different, totally different cultures, get married and then want a divorce sooo quickly thinking the relationship will require no work.
You basically are still going through culture shock. You need time to adjust to your life here. Because of this adjustment, which is normal, she may assume you are unhappy with her although it is not the case. You both have to learn eachothers habits, patterns, body language, how each person deals with stress, what makes you both happy, sad, sleeping positions and many more.
Honey moon stage is over. But this does not mean that your relationship is too. It is just like any friendship there will be ups and downs. Why was she originally attracted to you? Think about this and use it to your advantage. Take an interest in her. Teach her your language. Find some you and her communication time with tea and conversate about work. Dont let her duck and run easily when you uprooted your life to be with her. This will make it harder for other people from your country to come.
This is a natural stage. Many IR couples go through because it is a learning process.
First have you two ever lived together before????????? It never fails to amaze me how two people from two different, totally different cultures, get married and then want a divorce sooo quickly thinking the relationship will require no work.
You basically are still going through culture shock. You need time to adjust to your life here. Because of this adjustment, which is normal, she may assume you are unhappy with her although it is not the case. You both have to learn eachothers habits, patterns, body language, how each person deals with stress, what makes you both happy, sad, sleeping positions and many more.
Honey moon stage is over. But this does not mean that your relationship is too. It is just like any friendship there will be ups and downs. Why was she originally attracted to you? Think about this and use it to your advantage. Take an interest in her. Teach her your language. Find some you and her communication time with tea and conversate about work. Dont let her duck and run easily when you uprooted your life to be with her. This will make it harder for other people from your country to come.
This is a natural stage. Many IR couples go through because it is a learning process.

Vawa- Vawa based on mental abuse you need to specify how you reacted the abuse, how you changed after the abuse, how the abuse affected you in that moment.They need to know the emotional consequences of the abuse, and not just your statement about the abuse.Despite your psychologist sent an evaluation , you need to tell them how you felt and/or reacted every time you were abused by your spouse.
Did you ask in your cover letter for USCIS to search in their records about her status in this Country, if you didn't ask they won't search and you will get an RFE to provide copy of her birth certificate or passport.

Hello verysadguy,
Am very sorry for what has happened to you,such is life and sometimes things do not go well as you may have planned or wish but just take it easy.
i have been on this forum since 2010 and got my green card last year.it was really a tough time,going thru custody and divorce which i later dismiss all cos i wanted to have my family back.its not about the green card its about happiness.being happy with your partner is very important not fighting everyday on trying to kill each other.my husband is an african american who is saying the same thing you are doing.yes i went back to him cos he promised me he will change but NO! he did not,it become worse. that even if am sleeping in the room i dont feel comfortable,having a feeling that he will hurt me again.so i finally moved hoping that i wont go back to him anymore.he told his friends that he is going to tell immigratin that am a scammer,i dont care, am not scared of him and immigration anymore cos am tired of life.if you allow people to treat you bad and use you as rag and you dont allow them anymore then they start saying a whole lot of crappy things about you.and i dnt care.cos i dont give a ######!!!is not that he has not hit me before he did many times.he threw me out side many time,i have to sleep in the cold.i had no family here to help me.i mean nobody expect one friend that was even scared to come closer to me cos of my husband.
All i can say to you is even if you disturb her emotionally,its an abuse not to talk of hitting her and retricting things from her.immigreations are not stupid.if you lie to them they will come back and get you.when i went for my green card interview in 2011,i told the officer am going back to my husband,i told her our tradition and family do nt belife in divorce bt am going to try and she smiled.did not ask me any question and i had my green card before 2 weeks will come.i have been truthfull to God.my huband and immigration so i still have hope for the future even doe am tired of this life.now am about to file for divorce and custody.
take care and continue with your life.just be happy.

optimistic wedding certificate and license don't show bonafide marriage, but you should send if you have tax return, notarized affidavits from friends stating the relationship was genuine, health insurance plan, car insurance, ID showing same address,wedding cards, greeting cards, if you use to shop online send copy of the invoices showing were the goods were delivered, if you have letter from doctor,dentist showing same address of your husband or ex husband,if you travel together boarding passes,hotel invoices, pictures etc...Explain to USCIS why you didn't have joint bank account or joint tax return, tell them all details , because sometimes some husbands were controlling and basically kept the women inside the house without any rights.

It was a big challenge trust me
hope God helps me for this one.
Evidence of marriage.
- Copy of the front and back of my marriage license
- Copy of my marriage certificate
• Copies of the Photographs (photo album).
- 55 pages(trip and birthday party)
• Evidence of Co-Mingling Finances.
- Copy of letter from Bank
- Copy of bank agreement(both names and both signatures)
- Copies of bank statements (showing address).
- Copy of letter from Insurance. (both names)
• Evidence of Shared Expenses.
- Copies of financial transactions.(both names)
Showing payments of rent and utilities
Showing payments of furniture and domestic bonds
- Copy of letter from my old apartments (both names)
- Copies of cashed check ( both names)but signed by me
• Evidence of Share Residence.
- Copy of apartment lease contract (both names and both signatures)
- Copy of lease contract amendment (both names and signed by me)
• My personal statement briefly.
• Affidavits from Friends.
- Copy of letter from friend 1
- Copy of letter from friend 2
• Evidence of relationship/marriage.
- Copies of emails from my spouse
Showing proof and or state of our relationship in all levels (emotional, financial) including “honey Do” lists and others.

I had bank statement
Life insurance but they wanted proof that it was been maintained they are so technical
Bank cards didn't have a lot of of proof but what I had was just straight forward ...
Oh I had to show automatic payment for LI policy who would have thought. Old post cards luckily I didn't though them away this process goes way back to 2005 lol I have PD of Jan 05.God has been good to me.

Transporter:
Your last resort to proof that you intended to established life together would be:
In your own declaration explain in as much as possible what plans do you guys had for life as couples. How many kids had you plan to have? When things were normal what do you guys talk about as couple and what do each of you wanted to achieve in the future. If you have family members or friends who knew about your marriage, get an affidavit from them.
Explain to them your lack of joint account and joint properties and sometimes USCIS know is not about lack of ID or lack of Social Security number in most cases is about the USC Spouse being possessive and not involving you in their personal stuff.

gotta love people who start by saying never listen to anyone here, then render legal opinions as advice themselves.
Interesting to lump priests in with marriage counselors and unnamed state agencies. First of all immigration is federal, not state business. Priests aren't noted for competency in immigration matters, nor are marriage counsellors.
So perhaps the advice should be not to follow the advice of people who demonstrate they have no idea what they are talking about.

What I don't understand is how, if you are never certain, you could go ahead and get married anyway. Although it seems to happen quite a lot, judging from this section. People can rationalize anything, I suppose. But really, if you even think for a second that your future spouse might be using you for a greencard, then don't get married! Find a US citizen to screw up your life with instead, it's easier.

Ok, a few things. You pointed out that you had no desire to leave your daughter so you could go to your then-fiancee's interview. While I do understand you, it might've looked different from your then-fiancee's perspective.
The two sentences highlighted with purple is to demonstrate that while there might have been a language barrier, the one thing you were amazed about with your wife in the beginning seemed to have diminished. Did you ever discuss moving to her country rather than the US?
I highlighted (bold) a few other things. Even if you did not pay attention to it at that time, you did not forget about it either.
The one thing that bugs me regardless of your situation is when saying someone is arguing over "simple and unimportant" issues. They might seem that way to one part but not the one in the relationship who sees it at an actual issue. I've been here for more than a year and still have issues that my husband views differently - but he never says they're unimportant because he knows me well enough that not having my friends and relatives around puts me in a fragile situation.
When you ask someone to move for you, you're asking alot. I'm not saying you're at fault here, just that there are two sides of the story. And while it is sad that you're stuck with the mess, one weekend of romance won't make up for a daily life with each other's habits there. Factors you couldn't possibly have known about because you did not have a change to live with each other's habits and bad habits(and accept them) before moving on to getting married. I personally think a few steps were missing from the romantic weekend getaway to the marriage no matter how much you skyped to make up for it.
The red flags you mention are basically when things have already gone wrong. Your story however, is when things are going wrong as they happen.
While your wife might've had an agenda all along, you were also caught up in wanting a wife that you didn't see what was going on.
I am glad you're recovering - for your own sake and your daughter's sake.