berber_wife

The chasm between what responders are actually saying and the OP's replies keeps getting wider and wider. Not to mention coming across as really dismissive and condescending to the posters who have been actually living these experiences, and are beyond just having spent a couple of vacations with their SOs.
"Aren't in much of a honeymoon phase"?? You're not even pre-pre honeymoon phase to be grappling with. Not even close.
If you've been divorced since May of this year, but have been proposed to by multiple guys, richer, older, closer than the Egyptian wunderkind, that raises multiple alarm bells, as opposed to proving amazing, super woman desirability prowess.
Regardless, I hope the discussion continues despite that, because there's some really good points being made here by several posters, and important issues to consider that other readers might benefit from.

Personally, I think if you have only been together for a year and a half (give or take some months) and you are already having "horrible fights," then maybe it isn't the right relationship for you. Long-distance is hard (oh is it ever!) but so is kids, job stress, health problems, figuring out elder care for parents and oh yeah, moving your entire life to a different country. If your relationship isn't strong now, how will it withstand all those tests that inevitably occur within a marriage over the course of the next 50 years?

I would also advise you to not get too ahead of yourself on this visit in regards to marriage and visas (although save all the evidence of your trip!) Try to mentally take yourself out of that mindframe. You've only spent two weeks together in person. Your focus right now should be getting to know him and making sure you are compatible as life partners.

I feel like a broken record on this subject, but you should slow down. Marriage isn't just a means to an end to get the visa-at least it shouldn't be. I know it's hard finally being with him, facing the prospect of another long separation and just wanting to get this arduous visa process underway. But you've spent barely any time with him.
What about your kids? Have they gotten to know him at all? Is there any way you all can try and meet up in a third country so they can meet him prior to him coming here? What about your ex? Could he cause problems for you if he feels you are springing a new marriage on the kids?
Have you discussed whether you want kids of your own? If so, how does he feel about fertility treatments and adoption? Does he expect you to convert is Islam? Have you talked about how you feel about a bi-religious household? If you have kids together, how will they be raised? Is he a casual Muslim or will marrying him mean major lifestyle changes for you and your kids? Even if he's casual now, how will you handle it if he becomes more devout in the future?
You said he's 24 y/o. Has he ever lived on his own? Does he know how to cook, clean and take care of himself? Does he know how to manage money? Has he had any romantic relationships before? How are his "relationship skills" ie communication and compromise? How does he feel about becoming a stepfather?
What's the process for getting married in Egypt? Have you researched it at all? Do you even have enough time? I know in Morocco it takes longer than two weeks, involves running around to multiple ministries, and involves tons of paperwork.
What if you don't get the visa? Will you move there, move to a third country, divorce, continue a long-distance relationship or just keep trying till you get it?
The questions I just asked? That's just the tip of the iceberg. You've been married and divorced. You know that marriage is hard, even between two people of the same nationality (assuming your ex is a USC). It's even harder when you throw in cultural differences, immigration, stepparenting relationships, moving halfway around the world and a sizable age gap. Best to be as prepared as possible before you tie the knot.

I feel like a broken record on this subject, but you should slow down. Marriage isn't just a means to an end to get the visa-at least it shouldn't be. I know it's hard finally being with him, facing the prospect of another long separation and just wanting to get this arduous visa process underway. But you've spent barely any time with him.
What about your kids? Have they gotten to know him at all? Is there any way you all can try and meet up in a third country so they can meet him prior to him coming here? What about your ex? Could he cause problems for you if he feels you are springing a new marriage on the kids?
Have you discussed whether you want kids of your own? If so, how does he feel about fertility treatments and adoption? Does he expect you to convert is Islam? Have you talked about how you feel about a bi-religious household? If you have kids together, how will they be raised? Is he a casual Muslim or will marrying him mean major lifestyle changes for you and your kids? Even if he's casual now, how will you handle it if he becomes more devout in the future?
You said he's 24 y/o. Has he ever lived on his own? Does he know how to cook, clean and take care of himself? Does he know how to manage money? Has he had any romantic relationships before? How are his "relationship skills" ie communication and compromise? How does he feel about becoming a stepfather?
What's the process for getting married in Egypt? Have you researched it at all? Do you even have enough time? I know in Morocco it takes longer than two weeks, involves running around to multiple ministries, and involves tons of paperwork.
What if you don't get the visa? Will you move there, move to a third country, divorce, continue a long-distance relationship or just keep trying till you get it?
The questions I just asked? That's just the tip of the iceberg. You've been married and divorced. You know that marriage is hard, even between two people of the same nationality (assuming your ex is a USC). It's even harder when you throw in cultural differences, immigration, stepparenting relationships, moving halfway around the world and a sizable age gap. Best to be as prepared as possible before you tie the knot.

I'm sorry you are going through this, but I'm glad you shared your story because it's an important one.
I think people (especially in high-fraud consulates) get caught up in determining whether there is fraud and convincing family, friends and immigration that their partner doesn't not have fraudulent intentions-and they don't focus as much on determining compatibility.
And for the record, incompatibility isn't always a cultural thing. Sometimes it's a personality thing. There's plenty of emotionally absent guys in this country too.

I'm sorry you are going through this, but I'm glad you shared your story because it's an important one.
I think people (especially in high-fraud consulates) get caught up in determining whether there is fraud and convincing family, friends and immigration that their partner doesn't not have fraudulent intentions-and they don't focus as much on determining compatibility.
And for the record, incompatibility isn't always a cultural thing. Sometimes it's a personality thing. There's plenty of emotionally absent guys in this country too.

I would also advise you to not get too ahead of yourself on this visit in regards to marriage and visas (although save all the evidence of your trip!) Try to mentally take yourself out of that mindframe. You've only spent two weeks together in person. Your focus right now should be getting to know him and making sure you are compatible as life partners.

I feel like a broken record on this subject, but you should slow down. Marriage isn't just a means to an end to get the visa-at least it shouldn't be. I know it's hard finally being with him, facing the prospect of another long separation and just wanting to get this arduous visa process underway. But you've spent barely any time with him.
What about your kids? Have they gotten to know him at all? Is there any way you all can try and meet up in a third country so they can meet him prior to him coming here? What about your ex? Could he cause problems for you if he feels you are springing a new marriage on the kids?
Have you discussed whether you want kids of your own? If so, how does he feel about fertility treatments and adoption? Does he expect you to convert is Islam? Have you talked about how you feel about a bi-religious household? If you have kids together, how will they be raised? Is he a casual Muslim or will marrying him mean major lifestyle changes for you and your kids? Even if he's casual now, how will you handle it if he becomes more devout in the future?
You said he's 24 y/o. Has he ever lived on his own? Does he know how to cook, clean and take care of himself? Does he know how to manage money? Has he had any romantic relationships before? How are his "relationship skills" ie communication and compromise? How does he feel about becoming a stepfather?
What's the process for getting married in Egypt? Have you researched it at all? Do you even have enough time? I know in Morocco it takes longer than two weeks, involves running around to multiple ministries, and involves tons of paperwork.
What if you don't get the visa? Will you move there, move to a third country, divorce, continue a long-distance relationship or just keep trying till you get it?
The questions I just asked? That's just the tip of the iceberg. You've been married and divorced. You know that marriage is hard, even between two people of the same nationality (assuming your ex is a USC). It's even harder when you throw in cultural differences, immigration, stepparenting relationships, moving halfway around the world and a sizable age gap. Best to be as prepared as possible before you tie the knot.

I feel like a broken record on this subject, but you should slow down. Marriage isn't just a means to an end to get the visa-at least it shouldn't be. I know it's hard finally being with him, facing the prospect of another long separation and just wanting to get this arduous visa process underway. But you've spent barely any time with him.
What about your kids? Have they gotten to know him at all? Is there any way you all can try and meet up in a third country so they can meet him prior to him coming here? What about your ex? Could he cause problems for you if he feels you are springing a new marriage on the kids?
Have you discussed whether you want kids of your own? If so, how does he feel about fertility treatments and adoption? Does he expect you to convert is Islam? Have you talked about how you feel about a bi-religious household? If you have kids together, how will they be raised? Is he a casual Muslim or will marrying him mean major lifestyle changes for you and your kids? Even if he's casual now, how will you handle it if he becomes more devout in the future?
You said he's 24 y/o. Has he ever lived on his own? Does he know how to cook, clean and take care of himself? Does he know how to manage money? Has he had any romantic relationships before? How are his "relationship skills" ie communication and compromise? How does he feel about becoming a stepfather?
What's the process for getting married in Egypt? Have you researched it at all? Do you even have enough time? I know in Morocco it takes longer than two weeks, involves running around to multiple ministries, and involves tons of paperwork.
What if you don't get the visa? Will you move there, move to a third country, divorce, continue a long-distance relationship or just keep trying till you get it?
The questions I just asked? That's just the tip of the iceberg. You've been married and divorced. You know that marriage is hard, even between two people of the same nationality (assuming your ex is a USC). It's even harder when you throw in cultural differences, immigration, stepparenting relationships, moving halfway around the world and a sizable age gap. Best to be as prepared as possible before you tie the knot.

Before you go to Algeria, get yourself an accordion file folder, and put all boarding passes, receipts, and other paper evidence in it to use in the future if you decide to file.
Aside from that, wipe marriages and visas from your mind. Focus your energies on getting to know him and determining whether you are actually compatible face-to-face.
All you need to file is one visit, but I would recommend getting as much in-person time as you can. Yes, it looks better to immigration, but much more importantly, it gives your relationship a stronger foundation. After all, isn't the ultimate goal not simply to get a visa but to have a happy and long-lasting marriage?
As far as older woman-younger man relationships, from reading the archives it seems like there are 3-4 couples that made it past the five-year mark. I don't think any of them are still active. As far as current posters, I think mimolicious has an age gap of 20 years (although you wouldn't be able to tell from her picture!)
Good luck.

Before you go to Algeria, get yourself an accordion file folder, and put all boarding passes, receipts, and other paper evidence in it to use in the future if you decide to file.
Aside from that, wipe marriages and visas from your mind. Focus your energies on getting to know him and determining whether you are actually compatible face-to-face.
All you need to file is one visit, but I would recommend getting as much in-person time as you can. Yes, it looks better to immigration, but much more importantly, it gives your relationship a stronger foundation. After all, isn't the ultimate goal not simply to get a visa but to have a happy and long-lasting marriage?
As far as older woman-younger man relationships, from reading the archives it seems like there are 3-4 couples that made it past the five-year mark. I don't think any of them are still active. As far as current posters, I think mimolicious has an age gap of 20 years (although you wouldn't be able to tell from her picture!)
Good luck.

It's such a huge part of building intimacy, you know? I mean it's what marriage is-being there for your partner through the good times and the bad and being there for them emotionally even if you can't actually do anything substantial to help them.
And your worries about worrying him when there's nothing he can do about it-well that's going to happen when he's in the states with you too. Job stress, family stress, health stress-it's not like he'd be able to magically take all those problems away if he were with you everyday. All a partner can do in many of those situation is playing the support role and that applies no matter how close or how far away he is.
You're a team now and I'm sure he wants to hear everything, both the good and the bad.
Hugs to you. Long-distance relationships are hard!

We're going to be transiting about 1000 international students at work during the month of August. That's going to be REAL fun with this going on.

I'm sorry for what you have gone through, OP.
I do think there are issues far beyond culture here. For example, you normalize abuse ("fairy tale" and "physical abuse" do not belong in the same sentence) and it seems that you lost yourself in the relationship. I'm not trying to blame you here because it is very common for people (especially young women) to put up with bad behavior within a relationship because they think its normal or because they don't know their own value. I think as a society, we have failed miserably in teaching our young people about healthy relationships.
I do think that before you get into a new relationship, you should spend a lot of time thinking about what you want from a relationship, what values you won't compromise on and what you consider to be dealbreakers in a relationship. Yes, the intercultural aspects undoubtably made your relationship more difficult but the underlying issue seems to be your poor sense of self-worth. Until that happens, you'll be at risk at repeating these patterns with your future parter(s)-no matter what their nationality is.

No one is blaming you. I would bet that 99.9% of women here have put up with bullsh!t of some type from men at some point in their lives, whether it was physical abuse, emotional abuse, cheating or just general inconsiderate behavior. It's practically a rite of passage for young women. But that doesn't mean that there's not anything that can be learned from those experiences. And it's difficult to learn if you are focused solely on the role culture played in the downfall of your marriage.
And sorry for not having ESP and being able to guess the exact timeline of your relationship.

I'm sorry for what you have gone through, OP.
I do think there are issues far beyond culture here. For example, you normalize abuse ("fairy tale" and "physical abuse" do not belong in the same sentence) and it seems that you lost yourself in the relationship. I'm not trying to blame you here because it is very common for people (especially young women) to put up with bad behavior within a relationship because they think its normal or because they don't know their own value. I think as a society, we have failed miserably in teaching our young people about healthy relationships.
I do think that before you get into a new relationship, you should spend a lot of time thinking about what you want from a relationship, what values you won't compromise on and what you consider to be dealbreakers in a relationship. Yes, the intercultural aspects undoubtably made your relationship more difficult but the underlying issue seems to be your poor sense of self-worth. Until that happens, you'll be at risk at repeating these patterns with your future parter(s)-no matter what their nationality is.

I'm sorry for what you have gone through, OP.
I do think there are issues far beyond culture here. For example, you normalize abuse ("fairy tale" and "physical abuse" do not belong in the same sentence) and it seems that you lost yourself in the relationship. I'm not trying to blame you here because it is very common for people (especially young women) to put up with bad behavior within a relationship because they think its normal or because they don't know their own value. I think as a society, we have failed miserably in teaching our young people about healthy relationships.
I do think that before you get into a new relationship, you should spend a lot of time thinking about what you want from a relationship, what values you won't compromise on and what you consider to be dealbreakers in a relationship. Yes, the intercultural aspects undoubtably made your relationship more difficult but the underlying issue seems to be your poor sense of self-worth. Until that happens, you'll be at risk at repeating these patterns with your future parter(s)-no matter what their nationality is.

Congrats on the pregnancy Mithra! I've been struck with serious baby fever myself lately but I know I need to keep it in check for at least 3-4 more years.
I posted here months back when Y was visiting me in the US and we were first starting the research into the visa process. Some people encouraged us to get married while he was here and file AOS. We did not do that. Although him going back to Morocco was physically painful (the entire day I literally felt like I couldn't breathe), I was not financially or emotionally ready to be married at that time.
So he's back in Morocco and it's OK-not ideal but we're able to talk twice a day on skype. I finally landed a job; unfortunately it's only seasonal. But I moved to NYC and I think this job could be a lead-in to better things. Plus, Y will have more opportunities in NYC than other places.
He's planning to come back to visit in the fall. He was going to come earlier but it hasn't been a great year for him financially either-he's in tourism and hasn't gotten much business. I know he feels really bad about that. I don't know when I can come visit him again. Hopefully I'll have a job with vacation time in a few months but who knows how much. I want to see his family again. His nieces are growing up and he has a new baby nephew I've never met.
We're leaning towards getting married in the US and then doing a CR-1. We did research and the fact that he could work immediately was the tipping point. He HATES not having work and if we're living in NYC on my nonprofit salary, that could be really tight.
September 15th will be two years to the day we met and our relationship keeps getting better. Despite all the logistical problems and the tough road we have ahead of us, I feel very, very lucky.

What WOM said.
I've been dating my Moroccan man for 18 months, seriously for 15 and we're still not officially engaged. We'll probably get married after 2 or 3 years together. I was tempted to marry during his last visit but chose to put it off. Marriage is hard enough between two people of the same country and culture. It's even harder when you are dealing with an intercultural marriage. Take it slow, get to know him, do your research, arm yourself with knowledge and prepare thoroughly, both for the challenges of marriage and merge two very different cultures. Focus on the relationship and not so much on immigration at this point. Good luck.

What WOM said.
I've been dating my Moroccan man for 18 months, seriously for 15 and we're still not officially engaged. We'll probably get married after 2 or 3 years together. I was tempted to marry during his last visit but chose to put it off. Marriage is hard enough between two people of the same country and culture. It's even harder when you are dealing with an intercultural marriage. Take it slow, get to know him, do your research, arm yourself with knowledge and prepare thoroughly, both for the challenges of marriage and merge two very different cultures. Focus on the relationship and not so much on immigration at this point. Good luck.

Inluv I certainly see the benefit of your suggestion to move to Morocco and I was actually wanting and planning to do that...but my S/O thinks it would be more valuable for me to stay here and get my career started, which means we can get married and he in turn, can get his career started. After a fair amount of discussion, I see his point. Staying in Morocco for a few more years while knowing the ultimate goal would be to move to the US would leave him in a weird lingo where he couldn't move his career forward on either continent.
So that's where we are right now. I'm relaunching my US job search (I may actually be close to the offer stage with this one organization, but I'm trying not to be overly optimistic), as well as checking out grad school to become more marketable. We're also researching various immigration options. It's unlikely (though not impossible) that we'll be able to get married this year so we are looking at getting married sometime in spring/summer 2014. If we have to wait that long, I will fight tooth and nail to scrape up enough money and vacation time to visit him in Morocco and spend more time with his family-after all, I'm sure they will want to get to know their future in-law better! Maybe I'll even learn so basic Berber by then.
Thanks to everyone who responded. I'm sure I'll be back at some point with more questions, but for the moment, I really need to read VJ completely and consult with some lawyer types.

Inluv I certainly see the benefit of your suggestion to move to Morocco and I was actually wanting and planning to do that...but my S/O thinks it would be more valuable for me to stay here and get my career started, which means we can get married and he in turn, can get his career started. After a fair amount of discussion, I see his point. Staying in Morocco for a few more years while knowing the ultimate goal would be to move to the US would leave him in a weird lingo where he couldn't move his career forward on either continent.
So that's where we are right now. I'm relaunching my US job search (I may actually be close to the offer stage with this one organization, but I'm trying not to be overly optimistic), as well as checking out grad school to become more marketable. We're also researching various immigration options. It's unlikely (though not impossible) that we'll be able to get married this year so we are looking at getting married sometime in spring/summer 2014. If we have to wait that long, I will fight tooth and nail to scrape up enough money and vacation time to visit him in Morocco and spend more time with his family-after all, I'm sure they will want to get to know their future in-law better! Maybe I'll even learn so basic Berber by then.
Thanks to everyone who responded. I'm sure I'll be back at some point with more questions, but for the moment, I really need to read VJ completely and consult with some lawyer types.

I can't put it into words.
I just felt like I could walk out of my hotel room and have a new adventure everyday. (S/O was just one of the many adventures I had in Morocco!)

wife_of_mahmoud, I tend to agree with you on this. Our relationship has been public since it began (ex we've been FB friends since Sept. 2011 and "in a relationship" since Feb. 2012; he's also friends with my family and friends) and there's too much of a trail for me to mess around with this. I'd much rather have things take longer, but do it the right way, than risk being accused of immigration fraud.
ETA: There honestly was no intention of getting married when we planned his trip here, we just wanted him to visit, meet my family and spend time together. The thought of getting married this quickly never even occurred to me until I was reading the replies yesterday. But that would be hard to prove.