mtcmk1

I would put out the arguement that those of us too old to have children have fewer years together due to less life span and should have priority over the younger ones. ( makes as much sense as giving baby factories a fast pass )

I didn't want to comment on this topic, as it seems a rather "heated" discussion and I did not come on an IR1/CR1, BUT... Dear Iluvialluvita, how can you generalize that it is easier on people who do not have kids to go through this process? Have you been in their shoes, and do you know how much they are suffering too from the separation? Just as you say that we do not know your situation, neither do you know other people's situations. If you are implying that people who have kids should get their visas faster, that would mean that those without kids would have to wait longer... and then everyone would just try to get pregnant... which would lead the whole system ad absurdum.
<End of my contribution to this topic.>
I wish all of you good luck with the process and to those of you who are pregnant an easy delivery and lots of happiness with your kids.

If people want the father to be there for the birth, then practice safe sex until the immigrant is here with a green card.
There is a reason why the US rejects pregnancies as a reason to expedite. The choice to not practice safe sex does not constitute an emergency for the US to quickly reunite the couple.

Because it seems that having a child alone is one of the excuses to shortcut the process , To me it is a choice they made. Sometimes it just happens was good back in the 50's in modern society that is just a weak excuse. There are many methods of birth control ( including not having sex ) to prevent unwanted children or children born at undesirable times

So less complicated is what you want.A different opinion from yours is ignorant?
Adults can use condoms, the pill, etc. to prevent pregnancies. Adults should know that not using protection can result in pregnancies. When adults make the choice to engage in unprotected sex, they knowingly risk getting pregnant.
Accidents do happen. However, no one I know have ever accidentally had intercourse. Having sex is a choice with consequences.
Getting pregnant during the immigration process and then lamenting how the immigration process prevents the father from being there at birth is bupkis.

Having a child is a choice and most adults know how not to have a child at a time that is inappropriate. Because you choose to have a child while you are still separated is your decision and you could have waited if being together for the moment was really that important,. ( At least that is what adults should do )

Did I say that I was more American than you or your spouse? No.
Keep my warning to myself? Who are you to tell me that? Are you more American than me that you can do this?
Oh by the way, you being an LPR does not make you a US citizen does it?
Oh by the way, I have paid far more in taxes than you ever have so hush with how much taxes you have paid. It's irrelevant.

The answer is NO. Suing the government although not impossible sure would cost you more than you have.
You would have to show direct evidence that the delay was the reason. Not anything else. You would have to show why you couldn't travel to be together. As far as consummating they can argue why did you marry someone you didn't meet in person.
Less that 10 years ago (mid 2000) it took 3 to 5 years to get family and spouse here. The government although for us now seems like a snails pace has improved over 300% in less than 8 years. I know small consellation for those waiting. But waiting you must.
What is stopping you from living in her country. You have to look at every factor everything and say REALLY. The government??

You just have to wait... it'll happen this week. Don't forget that the Embassy is an American agency situated in Haiti--therefore they keep holidays from both countries... Patience :-)

You can contact them by email to request the reason why you are on AP. Often, you may be required to submit more documents. So, I recommend writing them today to find out. But a lot of the times, you do not need to do anything. Administrative processing often lasts about 90 days, but in some instances, it can take several months or even longer. So let's pray it doesn't even take a month! Praying for you!!

To the OP, you sound like a wonderful, mature couple who is genuinely ready to take the relationship to the next level. I like this a lot.
You want to know the "trick" I learned from all this?
The only trick to make the approval come faster is NOT TO WAIT FOR IT. Keep living your life. Keep yourself busy. I was so focused on this process that now (that I'm so close to finishing it) I felt sad that I didn't spend more time with my family and friends. All I did was check for an approval every so often. Trust me, 6 months will go by too fast.
Use your wait time to talk to your fiance about plans AFTER the wedding. Things a normal (couples who live in the same zip code) couple considers. Like kids, how living arrangements should be, your plans after the wedding and if the budget makes it feasible, etc. This tends to get overlooked by people. The journey doesn't stop from getting the visa and being together. The journey starts when the marriage starts
Welcome to the visa journey, keep us updated We're here for ya.

You are not required to send your original document. A photocopy will be enough. Front and back. Keep your original one and only send it if requested later on in the process. You will not get any original copy back and will be stuck having to go to your country for another one...Make sure though that you have a certified English translation of it if it is not in English. Good luck!

If you can forgive to forget, then try. You don't have to forgive and forget right away. But only you can make that decision. My cousin was in a similar cheating situation with her husband (then boyfriend)--she decided to give him a second chance and they've been married for 6 years now with no problems. The decision to stay together, however, was made by both of them. The husband committed to making changes and she committed to allowing him to prove himself and to forgive and slowly forget. You cannot choose by yourself to stay in the relationship. Like someone said, maybe he has already made his decision and you just don't know... So, sit down with him and tell him how you feel and urge him to keep his promise and go to counseling NOW. Before you get married or split (whatever you decide)
Just make sure that whatever you choose to do, you are ok with it. Don't choose to stay because he chooses to stay in the relationship. Be ok with whatever decision you take, first. Don't let anyone influence you into staying or leaving. Good luck!

oh, there are lots of go back home comments.. I think that's not that easy. I did similarly same things you've done. left my job, left my family behind and all my social life. For the one I love..
I only can advice you to listen to your hearth. And i believe that love is not sth that we can handle by ourselves. It's something getting stronger when we are together with beloved one. Think deeply about how you felt when you were together.. i mean before you learnt about his weaknesses.
Just listen to your hearth. It won't be easy to start things over, trusting him again. But just think, can you do that for this man? can you give him another chance?
You don't need to walk in the same way as the others. Sometimes fixing problems can make life better than having no problems. I had a couple friends. Girl cheated on him and after he learnt her mistake they had some bad days. But both of them wanted to fix this and they have very good life now. They are more open to each other than any couples i've ever seen. ( She had the same excuses as your husband, she cheated him when she was feeling too weak and when she had big concerns about the relationship) .
Another point is you don't have any concerns about today, do you? You are sad about the 8months. Ask him if he really wants to fix this problem. Then think about yourself if you can help him to fix this.. This is your relationship and don't let other people decide your future. Ask your hearth.
I hope the best for you..

In a case like this it's very often heart versus head. The heart wants what it desires, and it often finds a way to forget what the head may not be able to forgive in the long term.

The only person who can decide if you have enough of a relationship to continue into marriage, with confidence and faith is you. If you do go ahead, please make sure you take him at his word for counseling to get to the bottom of his actions. It isn't normal for people who get engaged to be looking for sex on free listings. It just isn't, and you know that.

Marriage is about many things, but honesty and fidelity are very high up on my list of requirements and I know that I would prefer not to marry the kind of guy who wants to justify his actions by saying "but I was lonely" .... weren't you lonely while you were waiting for your visa? Did you cheat? Were you out scanning sites for sex with strangers? I'm guessing that, like most of us, you were not.
At the end of the day, you get engaged to someone you know wants to be with you, and only you, with a view to making it a lifetime commitment. If you have any doubts that this is the case, go home. There's nothing to stop you guys from getting married somewhere in the future and going through the visa process again when you are both 100% sure it is the right decision and you are ready.

It's hard enough to move to a foreign country with no family, friends, work or anything else that gives you comfort without suffering an unhappy, untrusting marriage on top of it.
Think long and hard about what YOU need and what YOU want. At this stage, YOU are the one giving up everything for this relationship. He's merely adding a new member to his household.

I have also created a separate account to respond to you. I am well known on the boards and wouldn't want other people to know this.
I went through a similar situation although I know for definite that my husband (then my fiancé) cheated on me as I found the e-mails. I suspected something on a visit to him and did some investigation. That led to an e-mail address that I was not aware of, a posting on a dating website, an e-card to a woman which demonstrated that they had had sex. Using this information, I broke into his e-mail account and found the e-mails between them.
I confronted him with all my evidence (I actually confronted him at each stage). He broke down and begged me not to leave him. We talked it through, how he was feeling when I had to leave to go back to my home country. How he was devastated when I left. When we first met, he was still married and his divorce was brutal. His lawyer friend which helped him with the divorce was not familiar with divorces and my fiancé went to court to find he was fully divorce when he expected to have to wait 3 months cool down period. He just went into a complete tailspin and did not have the emotional tools to deal with what was happening. The cheating was more to do with his ex-wife than to do with me.
Why I decided to continue with our relationship was the behavior of my husband in the immediate aftermath of my finding out. Apart from a couple of mistakes he made in discussing it, he was truly remorseful. It wasn't that he was sorry for me finding out, he was truly sorry for having done it in the first place. He constantly apologized, he gave me all access to his e-mail accounts, he deleted the one that he used to communicate with 'her'. He worked constantly to rebuild my trust and was so so grateful that I stayed.
I married him less than a year after I found out and I don't regret staying with him at all.
Some pointers for you. He needs to have complete disclosure wit you. I have found that one of the most hurtful things is something called 'trickle truth'. The truth of what happened comes out in stages. Sometimes it depends on what you find out. they will only admit to what you actually know and no more. Your fiancé needs to be completely truthful. I do not believe that he didn't have sex with anyone else in that 8 months. I think he is saying that because you cannot prove otherwise. But he needs to be 100% honest with you in order for complete mending to happen.
It is good that he has agreed to go to counseling. That will help with the mending process. But only you know if you can get past this betrayal. You can forgive but you will never forget. It is 14 months since I found out but I think about it every day. It doesn't hurt as much as it did at the beginning but it still hurts. But I look at the good life we have - I look at the good man I married - and I am happy. He is fully aware that if ever does anything ever again, that I am gone. He will not get another chance. The fear he experienced when he almost lost me (I had my bags packed when he came home for my final confrontation) is something he never wants to feel again.
Some people have said 'once a cheater, always a cheater'. This is not true. Circumstances sometimes mean that people do things that are not truly part of their nature. Sometimes good people do bad things but it doesn't make them bad people. Just flawed and human. As are we all.
I found help by posting on this forum - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/ - They also have a thread for LDRs.
If you want to talk, then please don't hesitate to PM me and I will send you my phone number. I know what it can be like - I was 4000 miles away from 'home' when I found out and had no one I could really talk to.

My first question is, "How old is your finace?" If he is young and foolish, then you might be able to forgive him for being young and foolish. He had 8 months to think about the rest of his life while not being able to satify his sexual desires. For some men that is frightening as they decide to get married while having great sex, but once the sex fades they begin to wonder if they really want to get married or not.
It really comes down to whether you can forgive him and move on or will this be an issue forever and haunt your relationship. I was in a similar situation with another woman where she had a lisiting on a dating website while at the same time saying she wanted to be with me. Thankfully I did not have to make the choice as she broke up with me. Looking back on it, I would have had a hard time continuing the relationship. I realize you gave up everything to come to the US, but you need to be 100% sure that this man is the one for you. If there is any doubt, staying in the US would not be worth it. Maybe he has already made his decision and has yet to tell you.
So sorry this is happening to you, but you need to do what is best for you.
Good luck,
Dave

Perhaps his terrible mother turned him off to women?
If one of my kids were to be gay, I don't care. It's much more important that my kids are happy than that they follow cultural norms.

If your kid was bi-sexual, could he/she come half-way into your home?

Just the top half. No peen.

THANK YOU LORD GOT A TEXT FROM MY BABY VISA APPROVED LEFT THE EMBASSY IN LESS THAN TWO HOURS IN A HALF!!!!! YAYYYYYYY THANK YOU TO ALL MY HAITIAN SUPPORTERS ESPECIALLY MTCMK1 FOR HELPING ME WAY BEFORE I STARTED THIS PROCESS, MRS. PRINCE AND OF COURSE MY GIRL JESSICA.....THANK YOU GUYS!!!!!!

Well to be honest it really is a big help when the petitioner is present for the interview. The CO asks less questions. For us it was pretty easy, about 2 min, not a lot of questions, we entered the embassy at 7am by 9 we were done. If you submitted lots of proofs like pics on many trips on different occasions u visited him to haiti, text logs, phone logs etc.. you guys will do fine

Others have pointed out the legal ramifications of getting married and trying to adjust status on VWP, so I won't rehash that, but here's another thought for you:-
You are immigrating to a new country which won't contain your family and your friends, much less your belongings. You know, all those things you've collected since you were born that have meaning to you and would need to be shipped halfway across the world. You're also going to miss all those people you love and spend time with now - even if it's just "hanging out" or going for a coffee.

Do it the right way, give yourself time to say long goodbyes to those you love because chances are it'll be a while before you see them again in any meaningful way. Visit by all means and take all those small, breakable items you want to keep in your hand luggage. Trust me ... something always gets broken or goes missing. Especially in military moves.

Remember that you are marrying into the military (presumably Army as it's Germany) and that you will have a whole new life to learn. The military is full of jargon, traditions and "habits" that you will need to adjust to.

Either get married and apply for CR1, or apply for K1 and wait it out. Spend the time you're waiting learning about your future and preparing for it, and putting your present life into "hold" mode. Teach your aging relatives how to use Skype or some form of video chat program, make sure you have a net-based email address and get everyone using it comfortably.

There are so many things that we take for granted BEFORE we move internationally. It's better to think and plan ahead than regret it afterwards. Take a few words of advice from those of us who didn't quite get it right.

Good luck to you, Ms OP.

The CR-1 is superior in a lot of ways such as being able to work. It is inferior to the K1 mainly because with the K1 you could file now, as in tomorrow. The CR-1 requires you to be married first.
I'm a little confused by your boyfriend saying you can just "stay with him" after marriage. Do you mean he thinks that you just need to get married and *poof* you have legal status? Or is he suggesting that you file paperwork within the US? In the first instance, no. In the second, it's fraud to do enter with the intent to do that.
When you get married it conveys NO legal status. You would be unable to work or be "normal" until the appropriate paperwork is filed. There are so many negatives to doing that while he is military, especially if he is getting deployed soon. You would be trapped in the US without legal status. What does he expect you to do? You couldn't legally work, drive, move with him...
Personally, given your situation I would go and get married and file the CR-1. I would then return to my home country and wait for the visa to process. If he's deployed at the time your visa is approved, you have 6 months to use it. You can either enter the US and turn right back around and return to Germany to wait until he returns, or if there's enough time, you can play your entry for when he's back in the US.
Personally i wouldn't want to be in the US without my spouse... kinda the whole point of moving over! Moving to a new country is hard enough let alone how lonely I would feel if he were gone from day dot.
Good luck with your decision.

What exactly did their 221g denial form say? No way you can be denied just for age difference and no CO will just say that. you denied because of age difference.
You said age difference was 20's to 50's. Do you mean the man is in his 20's and the woman is in her 50;'s?
Best way to show proof of bonafide relationship is visits. face time is #1. here is a list they may consider also. depending on country some weigh heavier than others.
Also what were the questions?
How was their confidence?
many times people think its one thing and its not that at all. This list is for married people but still some engaged folk have some of this.
BONAFIDE EVIDENCE
1. Evidence of Communication Before and After Marriage
Phone bills showing who called whom Letters Greeting cards Chat logs Emails / PM’s Delivery receipts (of gifts you send each other) 2. Evidence of Visits / Vacations / Meeting in Person
Boarding passes Passport stamps Hotel receipts with both your names Vacation / honeymoon photos Receipts or bank statements showing remote ATM withdrawals (to show you were pulling money from that location at such time) 3. Evidence of Co-habitation During Marriage
Birth certificates of any children born to you together Mortgage loan contract or lease contract with both partners’ names in it Utility bills with both partners’ names Receipts with both partners’ names in shipping/billing address Pictures of you two living together 4. Evidence of Joint Ownership of Assets and Shared Financial Responsibility
Joint bank account statements Proof of joint credit card use Money transfer receipts Power of Attorney Wills (never used this) Utility bills Life insurance policy showing spouse as beneficiary Health insurance Car insurance 5. Photographic Evidence
Photos of you two together Photos of you two with family (such as wedding, parties, kids’ graduation, etc.) Photos of you two in various locations and times 6. Evidence from Others in Support of Bona Fide Marriage
Sworn affidavits of friends and/or family Letters/cards from friends and/or family

You could also use your first amendment rights to say "thank you" to an active duty member of the armed services or a veteran, or if you want you could continue to call us stupid.
Either way you're welcome.