KAL

I am so sorry....God will make a way....this is just a comma and not a period to your journey... God is on your side

He did file the VAWA thing. that is the only way he could've stayed without doing the process with me. He just conveniently waited til we married to start all the BS. HE told them things like I kicked him out, etc etc. Which is sooo soo untrue. And why would immigration even beleive that stuff? I mean really, I waited for him for almost 2 years to get here and then I kick him out in a month? give me a break. it had fraud written all over it and our system is really messed up cuz they allow him to stay. And THIS is why it is so friggin hard for the GENUINE couples to get approved, cuz of people like him.

Our lord could be testing your faith. If you pass the test and dont let sadan turn you away, Think how glorious your blessing will be. I am a true believer in faith sense the lord sees that my faith, no matter what, will always be. And i am so glad I was able to keep mine through the years of waiting even after sadan caused us to wait another year. Please believe me its worth the sweat and tears.

You are definitely entitled to your opinion but I would suggest to look through the lenses of the illegal immigrant before judging them so harshly. Educate your self regarding what they have been facing because of their status and show some compassion. We all need a little compassion here and there.

I understand your frustration but some of those (a large portion) who our President is legitimizing are not illegal because they did something wrong, it is their parents who made the choice and now they are left between a rock and a hard place. We cannot be angry at those who did not have a choice in their illegal status. We tend to lump everyone together and not show compassion to those who deserves compassion.

I see the humor but I think the minister was simply saying it would be nice if the man came to the USA, so they could meet and have a courtship. He simply didn't understand anything about how that is accomplished.

Well, back to the topic...though the last page or so was quite entertaining...
Kal, I hope that you are able to obtain some additional evidence so you are able to proceed with your visa application. Further, if you have any other questions about the process please don't be discouraged to post them here for advice. You will get a far better answer from those with experience in that area than you will from a spritual leader, though he will be good to use for the emotional side of this (it's a long process that's sometimes hard on you).
I know sometimes it's hard to hear what others say and perceive. It may or may not be your situation, but just keep what they say in the back of your mind and trust your gut. We (afterall) have nothing to gain from giving you this advice. I hope it won't be a bad situation for your sake. A broken heart is hard to mend. Be careful on your trip and I wish you luck on your journey no matter where it takes you.

This means you do not know enough people and nothing more. It matters not what "most people you know" would do.

Stick around a while and you'll find most VJ members have not only thought of but already done the kind of things most of your, my or their friends don't think they would ever think of doing. Until shortly before I did it, I never thought of committing to marriage under the circumstances I did either. Probably most VJ members' friends and family at least at one time thought they were crazy for doing what they did. Some of them were. Most of the members here are engaged or married to people from a country without a border touching the USA, whom they met on the internet. For VJ,.....YOU....have the minority oddball relationship. When you get your head around that, you'll at least be reading from the same book even if not on the same page.

Yay Dwheels!!!! Amen, doing the happy dance, yep, its that realistic point of view!!! Am on mobile so my response will be brief, but where 2 people are determined in love and faith in God, noone will prosper in coming between!!! My husband and I have done realistic talks, he knows these things and more, yes, he wont get it until he gets here, but he isnt walking in totally blind! Can my husband overcome the hardships?? I have EVERY confidence in him while I stand beside him being as God intended me to be, his help mate!!!
Love it Dwheels!!! Absolutely LOVE IT!!!

Okay here is my take on the whole over/under age immigrant saga. What I have seen and witnessed my own self even before I even meet or knew my husband and that is many of the USC are fake themselves. I have stated this myself in post. Lets look at the facts.
Many of the USC (we are talking women here trying to get their men here. No matter the age or race) are women with kids and divorced or had prior multiple relations and kids out of wedlock. Already out of the norm for a Nigerian culture. When we were dating, talking, emailing. It was as if it was just you and him. We talked, walked slept (if we really did sleep) phones and internets. Heck we slept with computers on, phones in our hands. We forsaked everything and everybody. Lost friendships, family members, jobs, houses, cars valuables all to make HIM happy. We borrowed, hocked to get that flight, that toy for him. That hotel when we got there. We paid for it all.
I don't care if you never sent him a dime or you sent him your whole paycheck every payday. This relationship drained us of everything. Be honest what have you sacrificed to be with this man?
Than it happens he gets the Visa, there you go again buying a plane ticket to be there and you buy him a ticket to fly back another oh what $3000 or $5000 grand. I dare you to go back to the birth of the relationship and count up the cost. You will passout. Now he is home, but WHATTTTTT, it's not what HE thought. Hold up when he was in Nigeria he was the center of your world you made him think all your time belonged to him. I mean how can a mom with kids and job and whatever else she has going be on phone 1/2 the day, running all over the world at a drop of a hat, pay bills, and still maintain!
He sees that kids and responsibilities is your real life. As it should be. Sure you talked about the kids. Hecked you skyped with them, webcamed with your future kiddo's. Truth be told he may rank about 3rd to 5th behind all your obligations and responsibilities. You weren't honest with him. You made him think he had all your attention and he is not. And us with our American ways and yes attitude want to know why he can't get in that kitchen and do it himself, heck you tired.
Most of our men went from 0-Single to .............................................Married with children in a year or so.
You are thinking "Why can't he get up and get a job", your uncle Frank did. Let me enlighten you and I have seen this too much. The economy is down. There degrees over there mean nothing here. They are competing with the Indians and other foreigners. And some of you have failed to realize that this is America, Racist America. Let me make it plain you are married not just to a Nigerian, but a black man. Do you even have a clue what that means here. You seen the looks the stares than you say "But my husbands Nigerian." You might as well had said he's a leper. Why do some act like he is just any man. He is not a Swed, or Brit okay. He won't be walking off plane with much fanfare and people swooning at his cool accent. Look at this post, just the word Nigerian brings up deceit, scam, trickery. It's just very disheartening.
I say all this to say, that marriages fail. I am sure across the board if you were to look at immigration marriages its more divorced than the average.
To say my or anyone's relationship WILL fail will break up because OMG why would anyone want your black old butt (thats my butt I am speaking of) is a disservice to me and anyone else. Sure there are scammers, sure their is a profile of what a scammer looks for (although for the life of me if getting an older woman is such a red flag why wouldnt't thy aim lower age.........oh wait they are and have).
I am a realist. I am not an older woman who just thinks "she has it going on" and "I am just to sexy". I nor my husband have ever been married. This has been a challenge for us both. But we do have the advantage that neither of us grew up in the country of our birth. he was raised in Bonn, Germany and went to British Embassy school. I was raised in Tokoyo Japan and went to all Japanese girl schools. Me and my husband both spent the first 10 years of our lives in a foreign country speaking their language where we are both fluent (well he is in German, my japanese not so good anymore).
I get your warnings NigeriaorBust and TakiaNaija. I feel ya and as the saying goes "The truth should be told and not feared". I guess its just this broad stroke that is painted across the board. I am sure with every approval you may shake your heads and think "Another one bites the dust". But yet it very well can be a success story.
This journey is scary enough. We are all entering some uncharterd territory. We all need to as we always hear in presidental election "fulling Vet" our husbands/fiances. Ask every question, challenge them.

Visit as much as you can when you can. He should always be available to call or answer your call your IM, your Email, BBM, Whats App. Ya feel me. He should be able to drop everything he is doing to cater to you. I am so for real. No one else he is around should matter to him more than you. Another words no chatter. You are talking to your love not the boys in the hood. If it seems you and your needs take second or third check him than check yourself. You should not be going without to please him taking care of his needs (whether that happened in Nigeria or when he got here).
Some think just because he is here now with you its okay if he sucks your resources dry. Heck naw it ain't.
Sorry just free flowing some may say what the heck but this is a discussion. And I would rather discuss how we can overcome obstacles instead of always saying the bridge is out and it will never happen. He will never want you, love you, need you. You are a meal ticket to a GC.
I will say this my time on earth isn't too much longer. I am alot older than many of you. But I can happliy and proudly say if I closed my eyes tonight and never awake again I will have died a very loved and happy 9ja wife. That I know to be true and nobody I mean nobody can ever take that feeling or that thought away from me.

Trust me I did not miss your point. I just added my own opinion into this. Only time will tell in the long run, but many times, it is human nature when something goes sour to point the finger at the other person, when in reality there are always 2 sides to every story and relationship.
And how easy it is indeed to point a finger at another who is already been stacked against based on where they come from. I do not believe in labeling people, so for those who come back here to complain about how their marriage went bad and put it all on the absentee partner, of course many are going to think and say, "It's because he/she used you to get here". Those who post negative feedback will receive the same back in replies. They want sympathy, they are hurting, and angry. That is the plain and simple truth. People need to get honest with what really happened. I am NOT saying it doesn't happen, I am simply saying look at ourselves first and the role we played. No one gets off so easily.

Each post here has a valid point to be considered. None of us have that luxury to juggle a job, life in the US, family, traveling back and forth to Nigeria as much as we would like. Our careers demand us to be here and be responsible otherwise out we go. Yes, it would be wonderful, if Nigeria was few hours away and traveling there for a three day weekend would work and also be feasible. But reality is very different. It is at least a day's travel for most of us and we need at least a week to go back and forth with the dedication of two days to travel alone.
None of us would think twice to travel and spend more time with our husbands or fiances. But in order to be able to qualify as a petitioner we need to have a reliable job and income to be able to sponsor our loved ones. So how do we travel to Nigeria and live there for months at a time, be able to file for our husbands, wives, or fiances and be able to juggle a career and a life meanwhile???
If impossible is the current going rate of the Lagos embassy, I would say they are succeeding. In the K1 visa application process they ask that a couple have met in person, it never indicates how many times are mandatory trips or the length of the time which must be spend with each other. But the US Embassy in Nigeria has the right to deny any one based on their assumption and decision of how many times a couple should meet and be together.
All in all I think there is some truth to your question. Whether it is 21 days or 21 years that remains the question which would be nice to have an answer to. Any one care to elaborate?

Ok thank you all, I get it now. The fact that he is Nigerian is an automatic red flag. I now know that the Lagos is the hardest to convince to receive a visa. I also know what we have is real, although I appreciate the advice, and tips, what matters is what the three of us know, him, myself and yes GOD. I am fully aware of the scams that takes place in Nigeria. VJ is not the first place in which I have heard about Nigeria and 419 and all of that. In no way am I saying that people in Nigeria do not scam others, Im just saying that not all of them and defiitely not the person I am involved with. Now if by chance I am wrong, then guess what Im human we can't always be right. Does that me that I will end this, NO because life and love is a risk, no matter where you are or who you fall in love with.There will always be a risk of being hurt by someone you love, but if we focus on not getting hurt, noone would ever know the joy of being loved and loving someone in return. Only the THREE of us know what is really in our hearts. Until I make further progress, this is my last comment to this thread. Once again thanks for the advice, I will continue to read, I will continue to go in with both eyes and ears open.

Good luck! I find marriage and commitment a wonderful thing. I hope you find it also. I haven't had a bad day since I met Alla.