mrettercap

Relax until you hear the answer, and then relax after you hear it -- because the knowledge of the answer will itself be a relief, and you'll have an idea of how to proceed. The "unknown" can be the biggest worry that we have, si man.

By Indian you mean, of Indian origin? If not, where in India are you from? I am having a hard time believing that you personally know of 4 cases where a 20 year old Indian boy was engaged/married to a nearly 40 year old Indian woman who had previously had a child out of wedlock. You're telling me that this couple, according to you, would be deemed totally normal and acceptable in Indian society circles? In your experience, this is a routine case?
If so, what are you smoking? And can I get in on some of it?

Well, I am glad that my posts finally convinced you to delurk. Let's call that my good deed for the day. I also thank you for your concern regarding my social skills. Here's the kicker. I didn't join VJ to display my social skills or make friends. I have enough of those in real life. The comment I made earlier, that my interview took less than three minutes wasn't bragging on my part, merely a fact. I know plenty of people whose interviews were a breeze, too. Others who had a torrid time and were humiliated and berated for hours. My point was rather simple: all cases are unique and that, your mileage may vary. A huge factor that led to a relatively uncomplicated immigration journey was the enormous amount help and wonderful advice I got on this site. And the best help came from some fantastic veteran members who gave sharp, precise advice. No BS, no fuzzy-wuzziness -- just straight-talking. That's what I try to emulate. Because sometimes people need to hear things that they don't particularly want to hear. Nothing chaps my hide more than these "supportive" comments that are nothing but empty platitudes and offers nothing more than false hope. Contact your ambassador. Is that the US ambassador to India? The Indian ambassador to the US? Anyway, what on earth is an ambassador going to do?
Not once did the OP in her opening post ask for help or suggestions. I can't find a single sentence where she says that. I don't see an instance of "what do I do now?" All I see is a lot of blustering and blithering about how horrible those people were, how they yelled at her fiance, how she's going to contact her Congressman, yada yada yada, and something about panties and how she's not going to take this lying down. Not once in her opening paragraph does she show any (implicit) acknowledgement that perhaps, her case is full of several holes and for a high-fraud consulate, this outcome (denial) was not surprising. The treatment of the beneficiary (which I am not saying I agree with) was frankly, pretty much in keeping with the norm and similar to what I witnessed when seated at the embassy for three hours. This is how I see it, you are under no compulsion to remain in the embassy and be yelled at for eight hours. You're not being kept there against your will, ergo, you're free to leave at your convenience. Till date, I haven't attacked her personally or anyone else on this site (although, I tell ya, it's getting hard trying to remain polite). I suggest you re-read her opening paragraph and feel free to correct me if my comprehension skills are lacking.
In the meantime, have a nice night.

Sachinky is one of the most intelligent, literate, thoughtful, no-bullsh!t members of VisaJourney -- wise beyond her years, and a breath of fresh air.

My last post was more of a general musing in nature, and not specific to this case -- I thought that this thread would be the most relevant one in which to post in. Like I have said before, it personally doesn't bother me if the OP is 20 years older or younger than her fiance or how many kids she has. Again, I am not judging her or anyone's relationship. I am writing my perspective from my experience of having being an Indian for the last 25 years. I don't poke my nose in cases where the beneficiary is from another country since I cannot authoritatively speak about another nation's cultural norms. I can however do that with India. Telling the truth doesn't automatically mean judgement, I don't know why people keep insisting that I must be judging them. Anyway, whatever, think what you will.
I will stand by my comment that the scenario of a 25 year old Indian male being engaged to a 40 year old Indian woman with a child from a previous relationship would never happen. In Indian society, it IS absurd. None of my male friends, of which I have plenty, would even consider it. And they all belong to the upper echelons of society, have university degrees, liberal upbringing, they grew up in urban, cosmopolitan cities, etc.
Of course, I don't work for the DHS or DOS, so I have no idea what you're trying to say there.
I am one half of an unconventional (by Indian standards) relationship so clearly I am not saying that only Indian/Indian relationships are legitimate. We both belong to different races and we had no real issues during our immigration journey to speak of, for which I am truly grateful. But I can tell you right now that if Mr. Sachinky were a black man, our immigration journey would've been a whole different ball game. If we hadn't met in college and instead, met on Facebook. If I was ten years older than him. If he or I were Muslim. If he had a kid. If I had been previously married. You could change one variable and the outcome could have possibly been radically different.
I do not envy the job of the consulate officers, I do not think it is easy to deal with blatant fraud on a day to day basis. Do they make mistakes? I am sure they do. But on the whole, I will say that most of the cases out of India who have been denied, I too would have denied them too, based on their profile picture alone. If I, a stranger on the internet, am having doubts about the validity of your relationship, you can be rest assured that the CO (who has extensive knowledge of the land, its people, its culture and normative societal expectations) has his doubts as well. I realize that this will not be a popular opinion but then, the truth is never popular.
The problem here is that you, I or even the lady in question is not the ultimate judge of the beneficiary's intentions. The consulate officer is. All the whining and "supportive" comments in the world is not going to change that. These text-book red flags invite scrutiny for good reason.

I know Boiler addressed this but I don't get this. Somehow when the question of the USC moving is posed, it is always damned near impossible. House, mortgage, kids, wonderful job, retirement etc are cited and yet, apparently, the beneficiary has no binding ties. He or she is capable of moving across oceans but it is unreasonable to expect his/her spouse to do the same. Do these conversations not take place before marriage? Especially in red-flag cases where denial is a very likely outcome, especially on the first try? "It is impossible for me to leave, but the US government must issue a visa to my intended despite murky circumstances! How can they not? We are in love! Love, I say!"
I know Mr. Sachinky and I talked at length about possibly living in India since I am the only child of my parents. We eventually went with the CR-1 since I had been in the US for four years (on a F-1 visa) and there wouldn't be any issues regarding transitions. If denied, Mr. Sachinky would've moved to Calcutta and we would've made a go of our life there. Perhaps, we would've have given the DCF a try in the future. Perhaps not. Anyway, V&C, your case doesn't seem similar to the OP's (the circumstances and evolution, at least, but perhaps, you too, have an age difference and therefore are relating your situation to the OPs?) and this discussion is rather off-topic as it has no bearing on the original thread.

Oh, awesome. Another one of those "agree with me about how horrible the consulate officers are or say nothing" posts. My favorite! These threads should be titled "please don't bother replying unless you are in agreement. If you disagree with me, you must be a horrible person." If you simply want a place to vent or are in need of some internet sympathy, then just say so. As far as I don't violate the VJ TOS, I believe I am allowed to post as and where I please. Not once did I say anything mean to you personally, I didn't attack your relationship or make any judgements about it. (However, you've already made several unwarranted personal attacks against me, because what I said was the truth, and you didn't like what you heard). I merely made a couple of observations that were apparent from your profile. Bullet points that fit an unfortunate pattern. You can bluster all day long about how you and Harsh know your relationship is real but at the end of the day, it matters whether you can prove that to a consulate officer who sees fraud on a daily basis. And you didn't. The picture you are painting needs to make sense and right now, it doesn't. It reeks of fraud, a text-book pattern Embassy officials are very aware of.
Again, I am not implying that you are in a sham-relationship or a judgement on your relationship -- but it is what it is. I have no idea who you are or who Harsh is but clearly you are very aware of my posting history. That's wonderful, I am sure you have noticed that I am not in the habit of mincing words, I have no time for cyber-hand-holding and sugar coating the truth. Life isn't unicorns and rainbows. Neither is immigration. I have sat in the Bombay consulate-general and watched passports being hurled across the room. My own interview lasted three minutes. I was treated with respect and courtesy. Others weren't. Life's not fair. Why should I lambast the consulate officers who are simply doing their jobs? Jobs that I certainly don't envy. But then again, why should you listen to me? What do I know? I will just go back to watching Food Network with Mr. Sachinky. It is none of my business how old you are, whether you have kids or not from a previous marriage, or how you met. Frankly, I couldn't care less, it will have zero effect on my Friday night. But it IS the US government's business and they certainly care given that you are requesting them to let your beloved enter on an immigrant visa. Here's a tip: the odds are stacked heavily against you. Drop the outrage, especially if you plan on being in this for the long haul.
Minor correction: "She" -- but I am in agreement with you on the rest of the statement. Despite my best efforts, I have been unable to get Mr. Sachinky on VJ.
No one has told the OP that she cannot be with her loved one. She is free to move to India tomorrow if she so desires. It is what we would've done if my CR-1 visa wasn't successful. We, as a country, are very open and non-discriminatory when it comes to handing out visas.
How was I mean? Because I wasn't "supportive" as you claim? What should I say? "Oh honey, don't worry, everything is going to be fine. Just fight the good fight, girlfriend." How on God's good green earth is that helpful or constructive? You want a "solution" --here's my advice. Move to India to be with your Indian fiance. No amount of letter writing to a Congressman or all the righteous indignation in the world is going to squeeze a visa out of Bombay.

Smh. I'm surprised he survived this long in the world.

I'm sorry, but you give absolutely horrible advice. Your ONLY suggestion is to always "leave them be" ... the husband has said he no longer needs his wife for anything now that he can "disappear in the US" and the wife has no idea where he is. And this is a situation that should be ignored, in your opinion? Horrible.

I think it's unfortunate that people here are so quick to jump to the conclusion that the immigrant is a conniving, ruthless scammer who only ever wanted legal status in the US and that's it.
I don't pretend to know anything about your husband's motives or intentions, nor am I naive enough to suggest that love is enough to make things work out, but if you have loved this man for two years then maybe you owe it to yourself to find out what's really going on... Please at least consider the following.
The limbo that the USCIS puts K1 fiances in when we first move here is awful to say the least, especially if you are an independent, self-reliant person. You cannot be an independent self-reliant person when you first get here, you totally depend on your new spouse to give you a status, to return your "personhood" to you. Even when you are comfortable enough to not financially depend on your spouse, you still depend on them for your status since you can't buy it from the USCIS no matter how much money you've got. In this sense without the USC spouse, we are nothing.
I truly deplore those USC spouses who fail to understand this or make light of it. The K1 fiance has already made a total commitment to their USC when they arrive by leaving behind everything they had in this life, which may have been a little or it may have been a lot. USCs who treat the 90days to get married as some kind of a "trial period" should not be surprised if their fiances deeply resent them for it. Stalling an AOS application would be like hitting you when you're already down. In the heat of the moment asking your no-status spouse to leave the house? My husband and I are solid, but had he ever so much as hinted at these things, I think something would have broken between us.
There, done ranting. Maybe your husband is a scam artist, and if so I'm sorry that you fell for him and are going through all this heartache. Either way, only you can find out.

I don't know what your husband's real intent is, but from what you said, I don't think it's as black and white as you seem to suggest.
First you said " We ended up marrying close to the 90 mark, which of course he had an issue with since he wanted to marry immediately. I just felt that online is good and visits are wonderful but real life is another story". Well, K1 does grant you 90 days to organize your wedding, it is NOT a testing period during which you try out your foreign spouse before making the big decision. You signed a letter of intent to marry him in order to bring him here, so the big decision was supposed to be made long ago. I would have been really upset in your husband's situation, thinking he left his whole life behind to be with you, and when he gets here, he realizes you might not be so sure you want him!
Second: your husband might contribute to pay the AOS fee, but you knew FOR MONTHS you would have to spend about 1K on his adjustment petition, this should have been planned and arranged way before he arrived. Again, if I were your husband, I would be really, really mad to realize my spouse wouldn't mind letting me live out of status, with no authorization to work or travel, just because the process was not well prepared.
There are really 2 sides to this story.

So it seems you both do most of your communicating by texting and emails. REALLY???
I think you both need to grow up and sit down face to face and talk properly like adults would. Perhaps you are still teenagers (I don't know your ages) but you are married and as such should at the very least be talking out problems face to face. Not texting and emailing to communicate. You both seem to be stuck in your "courting days".
Sorry if this sounds harsh but emails?? REALLYY???
If you 2 can't talk face to face then you still have problems which aren't going to fix themselves through email chatter.
Do you email each other when dinner is ready or email each other with possible plans for a weekend outing or anniversary date?
Ditch the computers, iPhones and other 21st century devices and gadgets and sit down and talk to each other. As long as he has gadgets the temptation to cheat is still there. There will always be a measure of distrust there as he has betrayed you. IF he has no better use for a computer then he shouldn't have one and doesn't need one when he's married cause he's only using it to pick up internet girlfriends. You will always wonder who's on his email list or facebook friend's list and justifiably.
So he says this girl has gone. I wonder how long it will be before the next one comes along. Maybe he'll be more discreet about hiding the next one better so you don't find out. Heck he was planning to go meet her while you were working. Someone needs to slap this guy upside the head and remind him that he's M-A-R-R-I-E-D !!!!
He may tell you what you want to hear now but he surely can't do a complete turnaround overnight and become the you hope him to be.
Good luck and I hope you stay on guard with him.

Be sure - absolutely sure - when you file the petition. If you have any doubts whatsoever that things are going to work out then wait - don't file yet.
I had a pretty good idea how I thought things would be after my wife arrived in the US with her K1. We talked about it a lot, so we both knew what to expect. So far, after more than a year, it's been almost exactly what we both expected. There were some adjustments, but we both knew about them beforehand and were prepared to make them.

What?!! You are sounding like you feel you own him and now want to return him to the store! He is a person with his own rights and needs. He is undoubtedly not perfect and I bet you aren't either! You made the decision to marry and if he entered into a good faith marriage with you and has shown that to the satisfaction of the officials at his ROC interview then it will be his decision where he lives. Divorce means severing a marital relationship. You cannot hold the power to 'send him home'! Maybe that attitude is playing a role in the threatened break-up of your marriage! Or maybe he is just a real jerk that took advantage of someone willing to believe whatever he needed to say to get here by marriage to you. Either way he is here now and it really shouldn't concern you that much where he goes once he is out of your life if you do divorce. A bit of advice, don't dwell on whatever anger or bitterness this has caused you. The only one hurt by that is yourself! Move on with your life and look on this as tuition paid for education!

Good lord what kind of cesspool did you create and decide to take a swim in?
I'm speechless and sorry to say baffled at your stupidity (which you call nice).
You need to listen to yourself and look at your actions. How can you file a report with ICE when YOU agreed to marry your wife ONLY for her & her kids to get GCs? Sir you were an accomplice, I'm surprised that you didn't get in trouble.
Anyway, as I said, you and only you got yourself in this hellhole so you better get professional legal advice to see how you can mitigate your financial obligations to your wife and step kids.

No, they really don't. Children need good, loving supportive people in their life to grow into well rounded individuals. Living in a conflicted household can emotionally cripple a child and result in anger issues, self-esteem issues and all sorts of other problems.
Are you saying that by simply spawning a child that person MUST be in said child's life? Or are you saying that at least a male and female parent must be in the child's life because a biological connection does not a parent make. Also, by your logic if a parent passes away the surviving parent must IMMEDIATELY find a replacement parent because only one parent is bad for the child.
It's a complete fallacy that children raised by single parents are less well-off by only having one parent. It depends ENTIRELY on the type of parent/s and the situation the child grows up in (including school and peer group).

Congratulations guys! I can only imagine how excited you must be.

Another example of starting by denying the thing you are about to do: The speaker professes themselves to be the "sad bleeding-heart type". Boundless compassion for others - look at the happy face. We are taught to see if the next sentence will demonstrate the opposite: in this case to deny the OP any compassion at all. So right on cue:
BUT. (Translation: I'm going to do the opposite of what I just said). "Devil's Advocate" means to blame the victim: to take up the side against him. The OP has a cheating green card scammer beneficiary and we'll show him no heart at all, let alone a bleeding one. No happy face here!
After you provoke someone, make sure to minimize what you've done, and blame them for answering your question:
The word "only" is the minimizer. All I did was ask this little bitty question and here you went and over-reacted with an answer. How could you be so unreasonable when I am showing you zero compassion and all?
Then finish off by casting even more aspersions on the OP. Such a Bleeding heart happy-face thing to do, you know. Look again how the words mean the opposite of what they say. I don't know much of this person, but we are taught that this is an important signal we should pay attention to.
Look for this in your beneficiary. The OP had a beneficiary that was doing the opposite of what she was saying and there will have been signals just like this that he discounted because love is blind. Look back over your history with her verysadguy - where your gut was telling you something but you explained it away. They'll profusely declare their love for you in words, sure. But the actions - gee, it's almost like they love someone else or something!

Yeah, the whole thing is so laughable. North Korea can't even feed itself. I doubt they could manage to put together a vessel that was even sea-worthy enough to make the journey across the Pacific. Anyone who thinks that there is a chance that they could actually so dominate this country as to get us all speaking Korean has to have his head checked. Even if the US had no military at all, there's no way they could pull it off. Before they try to govern someone else's country, they should try figuring out how to govern their own.

Not really the point here but neither Iran nor North Korea ever wanted to invade the US, there was never any "risk" of America speaking "Iranian" or "North Korean". Neither of which is a language, by the way. They speak Korean in North Korea and Persian, Azeri, Kurdish, etc. in Iran. *Sigh*

No they are not. Get over yourself.

Just because someone is in the military does NOT mean, in any way, that they are an upstanding person. I have known some really aweful people that have been in the military. It really bugs me that people always jump to "he's putting his life on the line... Or....it's because of him that we have all the rights that we do.". Some military are complete asses, lazy, don't give a ####### about their country OR you and me, and have mental problems just like regular citizens.
As with every story we read here on vj, no one will ever know the whole truth.
PS. I'm not bashing all military. One of my best friends is also military. But don't put someone on a pedestal just because they wear the uniform. They are not all godsends.

There is something very, very wrong here. You need more help than simply filing papers. Your relationship sounds tragic and abusive and not healthy for you at all. Your husband should be helping you, supporting you, loving you. It doesn't sound like he's doing ANY of this.

Public service announcement:
I really hope your petition gets approved soon! Because otherwise, with the state of extreme indignation and high blood pressure that you seem to be in with every last post that you make, your health (and, to be honest, my patience with you) may not stand much more waiting. I would recommend acquiring a new hobby or starting some sort of new project as a way of learning to cope with this unpleasant in-between state (which most people tend to encounter time and time again throughout life, making it worth learning to handle gracefully). Everyone else here is waiting, too, just like you, and most of us manage not to be tied up in knots about it 100% of the time. Breathe.

As far as I understand the best answer is always 'honest is the best policy' however I would also recommend being factual. Diagnosed, undiagnosed, treated for etc...
You could also get a letter written by your GP explaining the situation, and also explaining that you are not likely to become a risk to yourself or others.
Worst case scenario, at the medical you are told to go to an approved counsellor or psychiatrist to find whether you qualify, which does add additional cost. You may be asked to apply for a waiver, but yes, being declined is a possibility although I would say it's unlikely as many people suffer from minor depression and anxiety / stress from time to time.
Also hello fellow Dallas person... or soon to BE fellow Dallas person