ScottnIzabela

thank you

You are grieving a loss. There has been a lot of study about the Stages of Grief. Some models are 5 and others 7 stages. It is most often applied to terminal illness and death. But grieving the loss of your relationship is similar. Anger is a stage. Google it and get some info on normal emotions and "stages" that can be identified so you recognize what you are feeling is normal. Recognize that it's a process and well meaning folks who say "get over it" aren't helping because maybe you need to experience each stage on your own timeline in order to get to the acceptance stage.

Here' s two I randomly picked from Google--

http://www.webmd.com...epression-grief

http://www.recover-f...s-of-grief.html

Caring thoughts to you as you struggle with your loss...

man no idea ####### is going on with me. i want to scream things at her.

cant get the thoughts and feelings away from me. no sense to be made of this #######. how does one go from very awesome plans to totally screwing up every opportunity

we both made and planned for?

trying to make sense of ####### is a fools game.

i d love nothing better than dropping in to her favorite hangout and in front of her friends shine some truth onto who i am and what happened. she seems like one who projects vary different

personas . she knows all my family and friends contact info and i know none of hers. if she dropped dead when she was here i would have no one to call.#######???

sigh

this sucks

thanks Darnell. i feel the meltdown sneaking around.so far been busy to keep it in check and deal with it a little at a time.

strangely this makes me very angry. i am rarely "angry" so i dont know what to think of this.probably something relating to the feeling of being hurt

and betrayed by someone who claimed love. it still makes no sense. i really feel i am not getting the whole story from her. and never will, why would she?

Scott - I'm so happy for you, this 'turn' ...

Stay busy for a bit, until you are numb.

After being numb for a bit, yer gonna have a meltdown - and that's OK, as you've been doing what you need to do.

At some point (IMO) later, seek a few counseling sessions.

I sense you'll be ok, but the road has some glass shards on it, for a few kilometers.

i understand various things motivate us all. telling me i cant do something is one for me.

and just doing what i said i would do..well yes i told her this. but ultimately these are tthings i said i would do for me no matter what.

they are personal and selfish and i need them anyways. so not so much for someone who will never see, but for me. it would be nice to have love along for the ride but i ll be fine i promise

today i have an interview for an instructor position to teach auto repair. i am trying to do my fraud analyst job over nights and this as my day job.if all goes well i might be able to make near 200 a day.

a full time and a part time job but hell i have to do what i must.

i am making a point to go on in my life doing what i planned and wanted to. and that is everything she said i wouldnt do lmao

doing well is the best for me and it also is good revenge. lmao

scott

thanks honey

crumpet

eh its no big deal i guess in the over all big picture. and seriously... everyone i have no ill feelings bout the thread.

be cool i love you all you all are awesome

so...erm....

my first wife died from medical malpractice in 2001. this is especially bitter but from my prior experiences.... i am doing good most days. really disappointed in her quitting tho.

it seems to have phases.....be alone after.....then some one to "wet the whistle " LOl and then on to better things. i have my classes to get back to. and the plans i made for me

to share with her...well i keep going if she doesnt want to i wont give her a second thought.

if one risks nothing then you deserve the nothing you get. .

i appreciate everyones thoughts and posts.

thanks

today i got some e mails from her. she actually said "it just didnt work out' I WAS LIKE LMAO 3 of our 5 days i worked.

so yeah it wont work when you dont even try.

oh well i am as over it as i can be for now. the things she says are just incredible.

move 7 thousand miles and ###### most of the 5 days and then say "it just didnt work out"

and thank you cathy

i actually feel better now than i ever thought i would. i did everything in good faith and gave a real effort. i had a long successful marriage before-- i know how i am.

she has never had any long term anything with anyone. i did not quit a marriage over a fight. and i did not hit anyone ever. i am alone because of another's actions and inablility

or unwillingness to try.

now to get my divorce filed and get back to my classes and live my life as i want it to be.

it seems now all contact is now ended.i should have cash and papers set for aug 15th filing for divorce.

it doesnt seem right. all the e mails and all our phone calls and our hopes and dreams.

it is all nothing now.empty promises and delusional dreams.

TRACY AND CATHY I THINK YOU BOTH ARE CORRECT darn caps lock hahaha

been thinking on this off and on all week. why push away those who would support you? this just makes no sense to me at all.and why hurt the one who means the most in the whole country?

oh well i guess i get to learn to accept the unacceptable now. and i did not mean to "be nicer than normal" i meant it in the way that i would have been. be nice and open and not make enemies straight away.

i would expect anyone i like and respect to hold their ground and beliefs. but to nit pick and go on like what i had to me...i totally do not get it.

well i made my info pass appointment and here is what i learned.

since she left at 5 days the officer is ordering her file to this field office. i filled out a form, and am withdrawing my petition. i ll also put in the file the divorce papers as quick as i can.

we have no mingled finances,property and never lived together.

he also made a note in her file that she must attend the interview for the two year mark where she would apply for the next card good for ten??? years?

and they they ask her "did you enter the marriage in good faith" and with 5 days and divorce papers......

and since i did this before she tried to accuse me of abuse, which there is none. no evidence and no police report and they were called. otherwise she can apply as abused spouse and nothing except her commiting a felony can over turn that.

so i was thinking beyond our obvious issues. for those of you who come here do you not think maybe be a bit nicer than normal? i mean, with no friends and no support to come here like she did and say this is how i am too bad if you dont like it....why bring an attitude that will alienate the people who are there and will help you no matter what? sorry....

again i am trying to make sense of something that cant be made sense of.

good luck to all of you. keep your dreams alive and going .

i need to find new ones now.

scott

So sorry to hear this. I wish you all the best.

i am unsure what if anything immigration will do but i have my appointment thursday. getting divorce papers today. and enrolling back to finish my classes.

yeah we married.

and yes totally opposite of what i was "sold" on. 5 days of odd jokes about getting greencard and not needing me any more.

and today i spoke with her and she says she doesnt remember kicking me. no memory at all.

so yeah i am really wondering #######? i do think i ll go and call nvc/immigration about fraud. and in the sense of a one sided argument here.... yeah i understand

this is my view. but my friends will vouch for me. so will my kids. this is just a load of poo i wish i never had.

typical abuser actions today. ridiculing my version of what happened. telling me i am delusional. calling me the abuser. and on and on. i grew up that way and have never

followed the pattern. i talk, and i love my kids and have always told them so often and huged and kissed them like mad.

yes i am a man, yes i am cantankerous and akward and stubborn as can be. but abusive? no.

never said anything bad to a partner, all have been over weight and have never ever said an ill word of that. never about their jobs, not their kids not their incomes. and in 5 days

i have been told over and over again i can do nothing right.eat drink walk wash myself --nothing was ever up to par with her.

i guess i am trying to make sense of someone who is abusive and wont even consider that i can be right and she can be wrong.

she said she never been with anyone and fight like this. i guess because she browbeats them into submission. bullies dont like it when you stand up to their bull sheet.

so again i am trying to make sense of madness.

Scott,

I seriously doubt these are "adjustment pains" of any kind. From your descriptions. This goes way deeper than that. I also sense that your current interactions are completely different from the previous times you two have been together. Would that be fair to say?

A long while back, there was another poster on here, who made it less than 2 days before they boarded a flight back to the UK, and never came back. It's not unheard of for the ome immigrating to have a change of heart and think the process has all been a big mistake, regardless of their prior personal feelings for the USC.

You and Izabella have a big decision to make, sooner, rather than later. Good luck to both of you.

thanks

i am just lost right now. i guess i will always be lost it seems. time to get back into my classes and leave all this behind. she wants to talk but i mean what is there to realistically do?

the usual pattern of i am sorry and then it all creeps back again. and where will this violence end? i want to be happy, not worried if an argument is provoked. and then out of hand. been doing a lot of thinking

on this. there is a pattern and i see it more clear than before.

i just cant see why or how someone can ruin the relationship that means the most in a country where she knows 2 people. her eyes and ears, her personal guide and ambassador to the local culture and

she just set it alight and walked off and did not care.called me all kinds of horrible things and then strike me me?

i have never had anyone criticize everything i say,wear, do,eat, drive, like, want, listen to . and always acts as tho my prior 45 years of life i have learned nothing and know nothing, and she acts like she does no wrong,and has commited no foul. and her way of talking to me is just how she is. this could be a prime example--

she came to me when i was doing some e mails. and laughed and made ill comments over my 300 or so e mails i have not deleted. storing e mails on a google server/in the cloud even if 30000 of them is nothing.i mean we can probably store a half a million peoples entire e mails ever in plain text on one tera bite hard drive. and then she walks off like she won and smirks and wont even let me explain how meaningless 300 e mails is in terms of space on a server in the gmail section of what we call the cloud. it is like comparing my bank account to how much the US economy generates in dollars.

something needs to unravel here and it needs to see the light of day.

i guess i ll try and go to sleep now.

gnight all

scott

i ll be ok.....my first wife died when i was 35. i was at her side.

i had feared this exact outcome with izabela but once it happened i really cant even compare it. i was devasted when my first died, and just sad and disappointed with what i have here.

i dunno...maybe like a car you buy and the engine blows up on you.

time to move on.

she took all teh food and most of my clothes. what a way to begin one's day.

take care ppeople and dont give up on love. it is worth it.

well i am stunned and dont know what to say. she came, was a complete jackass and we are now done. she made it 6 days.

today she starts the day yelling at me, and when i get home from work it picks right up and when i am to the point i want to just walk out

then she wont let me leave, and then starts hitting me.

i have never hit any woman i have ever been with,and today she crossed that line. and we are finished. i grew up in a very abusive home and i absolutely will not tolerate

it in my own life or home.

and i am here wondering why would a woman move 7 thousand miles and then be so ill mannered and abusive?

saturday we had a huge fight because i got her a whole glass of beer instead of the half glass she asked for. is the 1/2 glass of beer upgrade really so offensive to citizens of the UK???

i honestly believe she been trying to provoke a situation where she would be justified in leaving. she did not act like this before.

every sound i made, every word spoken, every movement and every action did not meet her expectations. i could do nothing correctly. and she could do no wrong.

i tried to be nice is asking her to not be so forceful in how she talks to me. and we all know when we are being talked down to. and that is all i had.

i ll be back and read a few more times but then i probably will be gone from here. i am so sick and feel very bad right now. i expected one thing and got another.

how did i go from love to being abused in 6 days?

hahahah thanks everyone

yeah she can be the financial gatekeeper.

i wont mind. we will be fine and work it all out. and i planned

on just out to drop off luggage and then a quick bite and back.in her time

it will be 3 am !! hopefully she slept some on the way over

getting a bite to eat now at applebees and then a few short

errands and then i head out to airport and wander around.too nervous

to sit any more.

catch ya'll later

scott

i ll see her before the sun goes down friday

yep you read it right.

she be here friday 630 pm. so the flight was scheduled LOL

i took the day off. need a hair cut and shave. get cleaned up.

clean the old bmw....get teh convertible top down. cooler with cold drinks in it. i ll leave the beer

in the fridge. and i will be all smiles. i am thinking of going to the point of entry and ambush her

when she is finished there instead of waiting by the baggage claim area....

yes this all is worth it

heck we might have sex before Christmas !!!!

LOL my life is utter CHAOS right now.

trying to sort out all the mess right now. as much as one wants to, somedays you cant just make it happen.

21 days to go

Good you hear you feeling so much more positive about things. Now remember that you only have three weeks to get the house looking spotless and clear some space in the closets!

yes we are at 3 weeks to go finally. i just was offered a new job today, and life is good.

if she would only just get here LOL

you know for a while i worried that out year and 9 months took too big a toll on us.... but it seems to not be the case for us here. i was so worried and it appears for no good reason after all.

we seem to be talking very freely and openly and this is better than it has ever been. i guess this time between us had an unknown purpose for us to learn and appreciate our good points and differences. and no this has not been easy at all for us it has been full of pain and worry and the unknown for both of us. it now seems to be for the best for both of us. she seems to be embracing the area we live in and i think she really likes what we get here for our money as far as how much home for the money.

i might even be able to get a small SUV for dirt cheap and then we have a big American home and fuel sucking pig of a SUV in the garage LOL

but i am keeping my old 80's BMW for sure.

my wife is Polish and she is in UK. this food thing could get rough. i cook something really good and my challenge will be mastering hand made perogi and chruski and not annoying my wife LOL IF she will share the knowledge on Polish food i be fine.

and some of the beans??you guys are nuts

lmao

we will have to learn each other's slang and each other's favorites.

i am from Alabama....not sure she will ever come around to black eyed peas. LOL

42 days to go

yes. when she gets here in late june it is going to be 1 year and 9 months. we fought and quit. we all good but still i can see and feel the stress and wear on us. she is rightfully very nervous and scared. i do what i can to help. it is hard to do. i wish she was here already honestly.

try to understand both sides. and not let fight be bigger than your love.