Welshcookie

This thread made me realise the importance of bread.

I saw a documentary awhile back on PBS called The Story of English and they found 2 truck drivers - one from Kentucky and one from Glasgow - and put them next each other to read from the same passage of a book. It was surprising how 2 people with 2 accents that were initially so different sounding were so much alike

Australia. Because they are the best at everything and rank highly in international studies and quality of life surveys.

Um.......ok. Nice contribution....

Which British accent do you find the most 'faggy' sounding?

Does your bride to be know how far down the rabbit hole goes?

It was a surprise attack but the conspiracy theory is the govt. knew about it and could've done something to stop it or at least counterattack.
Reading a tinfoil hat website doesn't make you educated.
Are you insinuating the same govt. that can't do simple math or torture people without someone finding out was competent enough to wire up an entire building in NYC and nobody said anything about it?
Have you ever watched one of those shows on the guys wiring up a building for explosive demo? It's a time-consuming process and it isn't exactly "easy." There are several folks involved as well and given the history of our country, I'm willing to bet at least someone who saw something would've come forward by now.
So they must've been in on it too?

I was responding to Lucky Jimmy...
He also seemed to want to delete his account... Dawn and I are good. and hopefully, their visit will go great and can move thier relationship up a few levels..
Thanks for everyones, support.. I really don't always come across as a diplomatic person, but the intent is well meaning...
Kenny

I am not sure what's the big deal.. Just dont log-in.. why would it matter if your account is deleted or not.. They're not taking any money from you.. just dont visit the site anymore and that solves that..
Kenny

Agree one hundred percent,and apologizing to dawn?...I'm sure she's a good lady,but what the heck does anyone need to apologize for??..I never read one thread on there that was mean or evil,just good advise was all I read,and isn't what this site is about??...answers and advice?

Kenny has repeatedly apologized, explained himself, and even in this thread, has asked her to stay. I think the connotation of 'there are many good people here' mean what? Kenny's 'bad'?
No one was trolling, he just had a differing opinion, to which he's already apologized. If people can't handle that, perhaps the net is not for them. This place is TAME compared to what is out there, and wrapping noobs in cotton woll and/or begging them to stay is kinda strange imo, What does it matter who stays or who goes? As long as no TOS were broken, I don't see the problem with Kenny at all.

QFT.
This is where I stopped reading, because I couldn't wait anymore before throwing my .02 in here. Kenny has taken a lot of ####### in this thread, and imo, it's undeserved.
Now, with that being said, I'll give you *my* perspective. I was living with a man in the UK for 5 years. I got homesick and decided to come home, eventually I agreed to his proposal, and we started the K-1. Now here's someone with whom I knew like the back of my hand...and yeah, we can all talk about those 'butterflies' and all that wonderful stuff, but at the end of the day, the distance has a way of sometimes skewering perspective. We hear and see what we want, which is easy over a phone/webcamera/etc, and while that may gel with reality, sometimes it doesn't. But it's easy to happen because the heart wants what it wants. In my case, the reality of what was did not gel with what I thought, and eventually I canceled the visa and moved on.
Everyone says that 'this is the hardest part, being apart'....and I can tell you that from my perspective, that's not so. I've been here on VJ long enough to see how the adjustment period is the hardest on the beneficiary...and can cause major stress for the couple (i think this holds true more for male beneficiaries btw)...there's a loss of identity, adjusting to a new culture, missing home, etc. I know the feeling of being displaced within a country - felt it when I went to the UK, and that was meant just as 'party time' and not 'real life' lol. There was no AOS stress, or 'hey this is your new life' hanging over my head; I always knew it was temporary. So I can't really imagine how it must feel for a bene, although I have an inkling. I feel the worst for the K-1ers, because they basically come here statusless and are wholly dependent on the petitioner, which must feel so odd as a grown adult.
Now, I am married with a child to a wonderful man...he's also a USC btw. And I can tell you this: as much as I knew him, as wonderful as he is, as compatible as we are...it was quite a shock 'getting to know' him on a deeper level when we both were sharing the same house. He felt the same way too. It was stressful at times....and it was someone I was with for a long time before we lived together.
Those of you who are now married, and those whose fiance(e)s are here - are you actually saying you haven't formed a deeper bond with your spouse since you met? You don't know your partner on a much deeper level now, as opposed to when you were just on the phone/internet? Come on.
Saying all that, I can understand people getting defensive over what may seem like Kenny 'challenging' your feelings for one another...but really...we're all adults here. More power to you if you want to get married before you even meet...but if your sibling or best friend were telling you the same thing, would you really not question whether that was the wisest choice? Would you just say 'great, you feel butterflies, go to it'. Especially those of you with children. By all means, do what you want, it's your life...but as a concept, and for the sake of this conversation (meaning, I don't really care what the OP does or doesn't do as it doesn't pertain to me), it's foolhardy to not vet your SO in person before marrying?
But this convo is superfluous anyways, because of USCIS's reqs.

Gemmie,
Great, you don't have to read it.. I was replying to your posts and still trying to understand how your prior posts relate to meeting in person...
I gave my 2 cents worth and created a pointless firestorm.. My advise is sound and based on my experience..
Kenny

ok allow me to throw in my two bitchy cents.
knowing youre in love and meant to be is one thing,applying for a visa is another.
youre going to be legally responsible for your fiance,and trust me,the amount of questioning youre going to go through in every stage of this process is much more harsh and out there than these people have already done.
i can assure you THAT.
being in love,having butterflies,knowing you want to spend the rest of your life with someone,all that is really really nice,but you have to be realistic.
how much do you know about your fiance?do you trust him enough to be his sponsor,meaning responsible for him financially during this visa process until he adjust his status?are you sure he has no skeletons in his closet that could cause problems for the visa process?
thats just the logical part.
the emotional part is even worse,you have to pretty much prove your relationship,to USCIS,to NVC and in the end to the consulate,wait what,6 to 8 odd months for a five mins interview where someone is either going to get convinced that your relationship is real or accuse you of fraud.
i was one of those people who found the whole idea of two people from different nationalities and cultures really romantic and fairy tale like,but this process MADE me grow up and look at things differently.it gave me a completely different perspective.
so,bottom line,it will be hard,it will be long,and it will be unfair,so make sure the one youre applying for is worth it.

I think this has gone too far. As I understand what Kenny is saying, because going from an online relationship to a married couple was a hard change and took a lot of work from my husband and I. So I won't jump all over Kenny, and honestly I think men think more rationally than women when it comes to this subject. I think if you put my husband on the spot and asked him, he'd tell you we married too fast though we met 3 years before getting married. I don't look at it as a fairy tale because international relationships have a lot to conquer, so it may sound sweet and unreal, there are a lot of things we had to over come to be where we are today. A lot of change as a couple and a lot of heartbreak from goodbyes to my husband leaving his family behind. When we applied for the K-1 I thought it was going to be like a fairy tale, I thought life was going to be great because there would be no more tearful goodbyes, but boy was I wrong, it's been a roller coaster. From financial stress to homesickness, it's great having him here but it's hard at the same time. Right now it's better than it's ever been as he's been here over 2 years and has his own life and friends along with our life together. No one really warned me what real life was with my husband, as all I knew was visits where one of us always was off work and sometimes both of us, we had no responsibilities and just were happy to have each other.
I'm a strong believer in online dating and relationships working out, but there is so much you just don't know until you're in that position.
Dawn, you can friend me, and message me anytime. I wish you both the best of luck and a happy first meeting! It's something you'll never forget!

Some of the phrasings in this thread have been pretty harsh. No one in love appreciates having their relationship called into question. But, I think kenny's right from an overall point of view. And there's a lot of perfectly needless "Poor victimized me!!!!" in this thread.......I know online couples can feel pretty defensive sometimes (we are, I've felt it) but get a grip on it, especially here - because a lot of us are in that same boat. I've learned to own and embrace our relationship and how it evolved. The more you play up and the harder you defend the unusual-ness, the stranger and more suspicious it feels to 3rd parties, and the cycle continues. Treat your relationship as normal and true, and so will others.
There are a lot of people who feel like they are in love based on their online relationships. One day they meet, and sometimes all their dreams come true. Sometimes it doesn't work out. On VJ, we don't hear from that second outcome because they never make it this far, but they are out there. And, until you do meet, you'll never know which side you're on! I think it's really great that our relationships which started out online came to such beautiful fruition when we all met in person, but to assume that anyone who feels in love in a virtual relationship will absolutely just keep growing when they meet in person is just silly.

This is just advise..
Marriage is a lifelong commitment... Not just "for the moment" commitment.. The factors that go into compatibilty cant be know until you've had time to really know someone.. I don't know how much time that is, it varies with everyone.. Don't get started on a battle of semantics.. There are to many people that believe they're in a fairy tale novel and that the rules of relationships don't apply to them... I should have kept my opinion to myself, but since you asked..
The Immigration process is based on these factors as well as others factors including fraud prevention.. I'm not a relationship expert, but everyone knows that "Love" can somewhat be powerful force that sometimes keeps us from thinking rationally.. If I see a couple making a normally bad descission, then I hope that I can say something that will cause them to think it through...
It clearly appears that my advise is not very popular, but I really encourage anyone making rash descisions about anything to stop and think things through...
Kenny

Dont mean to take this thread off into the weeds, but Rob and Jill, you're taking my post way out of context.. So maybe you just want to appear cute, but I didn't state any kinda time that someone needs to know each other after meeting.. My only point was, is "you can't be in-love without meeting someone.." You can be irrational and believe it's love, but that is not love.. So take my point and put whatever twist you want on it, but rational adults do not make these kinds of comitments until the relationship has taken its course.. The things that lead to true love are as individual as anything, and I did not attempt to define that... I only said you can't be in-love unless you've had time to meet someone.. I know that there are movies and fairytales and fantasy worlds that say diferent, but keep in mind, thats not reality..
Kenny

Not only are they in love BUT THEY ARE ENGAGED!...you have never met in person??...you can't possibly know that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person without having smelled his breath in the morning????

It doesnt get any better when they get here if they are already having temper tantrums. Its awful especially if you have children living with you and you bring a tempremental ####### over here and they wreak havoc on your life and your family.
I think the women that withdraw petitions after they see red flags are smart as hell

maybe in addition to the hearts, every suspension gets a new icon

Thank god for someone else who cares about the #######!

But no really there's a bit of truth to that statement, there's more nutters per-capita in many domestic locations than in any other country / region I've traveled to.
I long for somewhere where you don't have gun toting holy rollers yearning for a return to medieval feudal society where every tribe/clan is left to fend for themselves.

right, it just kills babies and old people. but some of us care about babies and old people dying or getting sick, especially when it can be prevented through vaccination.
the risk of a 6 month old or younger baby dying from pertussis is astronomically huger than any "risk" from the DTaP or TDaP vaccines.
http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/967268-followup
thanks for bringing this up vanessa&tony, it's an important issue. one thing to remember, especially for new parents, is that pertussis immunity wears off. so when you get a tetanus booster, you should get a TDap, that has the pertussis component in it, to make you immune to pertussis again. because even though it probably won't kill you, it could kill yours or someone else's newborn, or yours or someone else's grandma or grandpa.