Dante & Geor

tell him to cook his own damned food then

I will advise you as I would any female friend of mine OK. I'll start by saying I do not agree with what you are planning, its morally wrong!!
If you had doubts about the marriage, why the hell are you having a baby?????? You are now bringing a poor innocent child in to a mess!!!!!
I would say if you are 100% sure you want to leave your husband, I would do it sooner rather than later. No proof or knowledge of this (just a thought) but if your husband wants this baby there may be ways such as court orders that he can get to stop you leaving.
Is there no way you can try at the marriage? I'm sure you've invested a lot of emotion, time, money and energy into the whole process, surely its worth giving it a go.
Can you not embark on a life in America by yourself but near you husband??
Do you want you child at 18 hating you because YOU removed the chance it had of knowing its father properly?? You really having lots of thinking to do and I urge you to be an adult about the whole thing and not a selfish child.
Best of luck, I do feel for you being in this situation because I'm sure its not nice - just please do the right thing.

Honestly, amigo? I wouldn't do anything until the visas are in hand.

darren likes to give so much information bcoz he likes the attention that is given to him by all the members who posted here... same as in the village too he liked the attention that was given to him by the village thats why he loose out of control in spending his money. its already sickening hearing about the MIL issues now he is pulling out the ex issues... Its a never ending drama... you can almost make a tele novela out of your dramatics.

Thats just sad 19 and 44 i see 2 things here, poor Filipina looking for a way out and rich American buying a young slave.

Alla will file for her citizenship in about 3 weeks and ours still says "initial review" Shhhhhhhhhhh, Don't tell them.

You want to bring him to Wal_Mart on his first day here?

nyahahahaha!!! very funny! i wonder what Gretchen has to say to all of these... does she even know that her future hubby "broadcasted" their lives here???? Dios Mio! Muy Mal!!!!

Jeez.
160,000 php is about $3700 US dollars. Plus you traveled to the Philippines three times in nine months. What did that cost in dollars? Ten grand?
What the hell did you think her family would think!
You set yourself up for this.

Your point?
I call BS!

"she had better"?! Pants and dresses?! "gravy train"?! You call that respect?!
Out of the mouth comes the heart.
Mama should give you a woodshed spanking. That's a 3 bonker. :bonk:
You are gonna stiff dad on the boat deal? No boat for dad?
Seems to me you are focused on dominating mama and making yourself the family bull.
Cry a river. You spent the money and now you make asawa mo responsible for it. You leverage asawa mo with it.
(Salt-n-Peppa) Whatta man whatta man whatta man whatta mighty good man.
Why do you think you are in a position needing a "foot down"? How did you get to that point? Think it through before you blame / punish others for your inability to control (them) and for your desire to control (them).
I can see..you surely do respect mama.

I think you are confused. I think you are fond of your (new) parents but based on your post...I'm not sure you have much respect for them...yet.
Are you responsible for mama's grudges? Do you desire to decide who mama may or may not hold grudges against?
What does asawa mo want?
What are you selling? and Why?
Irrelevant. Please do not use this to justify your (end justifies the means) strategy.
Does this bother you?
1) Why are you talking about mama to the brother? Divide and conquer?
2) Shouldn't you be nice? Was that a thinly veiled threat?
to be continued....

If this thread was moved to RUB , Darren would get more moral support and less thrashing

you practically bought this little girl....why didn't you just settle with an american girl and save you a bunch of moolah and aggravation???? i wonder why...oh why...oh why? you knew what you were getting into..besides, you should've picked someone who is professional or someone as smart as you? naaahhh....you would not be able to manipulate someone who is mature and educated.

you lost control the minute you stepped on the plane to meet a girl 19 years old, that you knew for less than 3 weeks. now you want it back? you set a precedent that will take lots of time, patience, and understanding to work through. my advise is the next time Kleenex is on sale, buy lots!

Darren, you've said many times that you understand the Philiipine culture, but it seems you do not understand human nature. the monthly support you were sending for Gretchen was a windfall. you knew the way Gretchen lived, yet you sent far more than what was needed to support her and now your shocked how all the money was spent. you brought her more clothes than she needed, now are surprised she gave some to members of her family.
Gretchen is the one who now will have to deal with the financial expectations of the her family back in the Philippines. you will need to work together with her, not just laying down the law. it seems there are many things do not see without your glasses...

Your posts are getting weirder and weirder. Do you expect anyone to believe that pile of jebs?
Do you even realize that Markieboy is Filipino? Sheesh...
I'm going to enjoy reading the responses from the rest of the tribe!!!
By the way, I find it strange that you would whine about how your inlaws are pissing away money, then go on to describe how you didn't stick to your own budget.
It must be h*ll when a control freak loses control.
Gretchen...we will pray for you!
OK tribe...Magdasal na tayo.......

Darren, I haven't said much yet, but have read all of your threads this past month. As some have said, I think you have a serious lack of ability to express yourself as you mean to. At least, I HOPE that's what it is that's leading to all your woes.
But about the money... it's wonderful that you sent it. And I know full well money doesn't grow on trees. But you sent it. It's gone. The moment it left your bank, it was NO LONGER YOURS, and unless you sent a certain amount of money, with instructions on how to spend it, it's none of your business how it got spent. And since you brought it up first... if you didn't have the money just laying around to throw at the trip, then you could have saved LOT by staying in the US and working. Not only would you have completely eliminated all the SLEC and USEM drama, you would have saved all the costs of YOUR travel, plus you would have a paycheck this week. Not the smartest decision you could have made, considering your dire financial status now.
And another thing... why even mention the PHP160,000 that you have sent? Do you think it matters to anyone here? That is personal business, and you should know better than publish it publicly. And FWIW, considering the amount of time you were sending it, it really isn't all that much. More than they had before, and I am sure it was appreciated by Gretchen's family, but not an amount worthy of bragging about (or complaining about, depending on your point of view) on VJ. If you have it to send, and won't miss it, by all means, share away. But quit trying to make it sound like you are some sort of champ because you did. Most on here do. And even if they send less in total than you, I am sure it is a significant part of ALL their budgets, trying to help out another family halfway around the world.
I understand where you are coming from, saying Gretchen "is yours". While it is a foreign concept to many of us, my Asawa has told me that is how she feels about our relationship... she is "giving herself" to me; she "is mine". But bear in mind that it means more about fidelity, love, honor, and commitment than it does anything physical. As long as the respect, love, & fidelity are given back equally, you will be alright, in spite of how it may sound to some on here. I'm sure if I don't treat her as an equal, she will slap the (insert your favorite expletive here) out of me, and set me straight, or leave me for someone who WILL respect her.
As for the MIL part of it, you have been given some good advice thus far. Namely, like them or not, agree or not, they are now part of your family. And while Gretchen may love you, which I am sure she does, as much as she knows how, remember that she has been loving her mama for 100% of her life, and you only 3.5% of it. Blood/water was mentioned, and is very true. Respect her parents as much as you love Gretchen, and it will prolly work out ok for you. And to help sweet, young Gretchen understand the money situation, a monthly tally of your income and expenditures for the past few months, as well as the future, might help a lot. People who aren't used to the money that Americans "throw around" have virtually no grasp on what bills and such cost over here. A good example was when my fiancee and I were discussing plane fares... Our round trip for two from MNL to TAG is costing me a whole $178. Imagine her surprise to find out that a visit to my parents from Alaska will be more like $800 EACH. Absolutely no frame of reference to someone who has never traveled outside the PI.
Good luck to both of you, you're both gonna need it. And while this piece of advice may seem counter-intuitive, you may wish to seek advice from those that know you better than most on here.
Best wishes to you and Gretchen!

Darren, you voluntarely paid all the money to impress her family so you could gain a 19 year old in your possesion. You have'nt had her here one week and turned into a Control Addict. Your not even married yet but now you have her here and laying down your rules.
You have Issues. Are you going to hide her in the closet and only take her out of it when you decide. She is a young child (Adult) and will learn what you were and what your turned into. How are you going to act when she adjusts and meets other Pinays and they look at her situation with you and your behavior. Your butt is cooked. She will get smart.
You taken a young woman from her Villidge and promised the world and in less than a week destroyed all that but she don't see it yet. Oh, she will see eventually. And you are stuck. Modify your behavior.
You taken advantage of this young ladies life. You brought her to the States and now wish to be treated like a King from a 19 year old.
She is going to notice other men/husbands wifes. She is trapped. And she will get out of that trap eventually.
You talk about money in all your replys. No trust and even doubts. Well, you did it.
You would be a fool to not realize Sucker! Blood is thicker than water and your blood is running thin and crystal clear.
I just hope after the fake presentation you showed over there did not shame the family.
They trusted you. Now your complaining. Never heard of Marrigde Counsil before being married. YOU HAVE ISSUES Darren. Your behavior will intensify because Grethchen is pretty and men will look. She is going to be your wife and not a barbie doll to hide in the closet and pull out when you want to play with it.

Oh boy...here we go again...
I understand the fact that you're not the most articulate person in the world, but do you think about what you say before you say it???
Some comments you made are very degrading and humiliating. Other comments just contradict themselves.
I believe much of the problems you are experiencing are the same problems YOU created.
Do you really believe this? Even though she may marry you in the near future, you must remember that she'll always have ties to her parents. She probably holds their advice and opinions with very high esteem and respect. That doesn't mean that her parents "control" her, and neither should you. I'm hoping you would want Gretchen to be a successful, independent woman who is capable of making her own intelligent decisions.
I highly doubt both of these claims.
In general, women don't appreciate being treated like #######. They don't like to have their minds made for them. Instead, they prefer to be treated with love, respect and admiration. Putting these qualities into practice helps improves relationships.
Again, contradictions. Is she capable of making her own decisions? Or do those decisions need approval from you first?
It upset you that Gretchen willingly decided to give her mother P6,000? Seriously?
Perhaps if you weren't so controlling and dominating, Gretchen wouldn't feel the need to hide things from you. Have you considered that?
Nope, not in the slightest.
That's not necessarily a good thing.

pure bs!!

"Your parents no longer control you, I do"?????
I don't think I even know what to say to that!

Okay, I'm assuming that you really are sincere when you're asking how to deal with mama in law? So, I'm going to just answer that question and ignore all the controversial parts of the post.
I'm going to assume that you meant the part about respecting Gretchen's parents; but the problem is, your actions don't seem to show that respect. If mama doesn't want Gretchen associating with certain people, I think it's disrespectful to totally ignore her wishes. Plus, you haven't even told Gretchen that the people will be at the wedding. Doesn't Gretchen get to help decide that? Would Gretchen want to go behind her mother's back? You're showing a lack of respect to both Gretchen and her mother.
You also have a problem with mama trying to influence Gretchen. If you have respect for the person Gretchen is, then you should have respect for her mother because there is probably nobody who has been more influential in her life. And to start talking about the gravy train also shows a lack of respect. You get to make all the decisions now because you're the man with the money. Do you seriously want to say that? What happened to the respect?
My advice is start showing real respect to her parents and even more importantly, show respect to Gretchen. Don't make decisions without her being a part of it. Don't deceive the mother in law. Think about the point of view of others. And do a lot more listening.
Hope that helps.

when you marry a little filipina girl, you marry her whole family. i don't know why we need to know your life story but this is what happens when you STEAL from the crib.

and also: THINK before you/i/we CLICK.
i just think that there are things better left "unpublished" here... well, it's just me... and that's how i see it.
To Gretchen, i sincerely wish her true happiness.

Ayayayayaaaaaay!!!! the more i read (and think), the more it scares me!!!! run!!! run for your life!!! oh boy! oh boy!