I never thought I would be back here writing a post like this. But I'm coming to recognize and accept that my husband is emotionally abusive (but not physically). Sorry, this is going to be long... When he first arrived in March 2019 I happened to come across some dating websites on his phone when I was helping him with something. After a big argument, he said he didn't really go on them and he wouldn't do it again. We got married in April 2019. The greencard was approved in November 2019 with lots of documentation and already co-mingling of finances, etc. Over the course of our marriage I've come across dating websites from time to time (he's technologically challenged and often has me help him with things without realizing what I will see). This most recent fight he laid into me because he was home for a month and when he returned he was angry I had gained a little weight (stupid Thanksgiving!). Defending myself here - I've lost weight since we've been married, so yes, I gained a bit back while he was gone, but I'm still smaller than when we met or married. In the tirade of insults he also said that he had every right to go on dating sites because of my weight. I also had a miscarriage this summer and he threw that in my face as well. (I won't go into all the examples of the type of emotional abuse, but let's just say that it's classic verbal abuse with a lot of stonewalling & silent treatment thrown in). He was gone all day today and after days of giving me the cold shoulder, I tried to confront him when he came home. It was like he was a different person. He swore at me (he doesn't like swearing) behaved like a child and refused to talk, and added more insults. I took his phone which he didn't even notice. I found texts that he had tried to meet up with some woman that he had started messaging in August but she didn't want it because of no contact since then. But he found some other woman and went to her place, he spent the day there and bought a bottle wine on our credit card. On top of that one of the messages between them is about her getting weed (I'm a bit of a prude here, I admit).
So now here I am, feeling financially trapped. I want to kick this man out of the apartment. But I feel stuck because of my financial responsibility through the greencard. He doesn't have anywhere to go. He has a job but ALL our finances are mingled - joint bank account, credit cards under my name, driving the car that is registered to me, etc. Plus COVID - where does one go in this mess!
I really do love him. But I can't continue with the rollercoaster of how he treats me. I think he (or we) need counseling and I think that's the only way I would be willing to continue in the marriage, but he refuses. While it breaks my heart to say this, I think I need to walk away. So what do I do? How do I do this with the whole financial requirements? How do I untangle this mess? I'm hurt, angry and not sure how many chances to give this man. Do I need a lawyer? Does he get deported? I don't know any of this stuff and I have no idea where to turn. I'm so ashamed, I fought my family so much for this relationship and now this.