SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER

[brnidokiegurl 0]

SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER

>

> I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in

> the glue on

> envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every

> envelope that

> needs sealing.

>

> Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the

> same reason.

>

> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl

> (Penny Brown)

> who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

>

> I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I

> receive the

> $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for

> participating

> in their special e-mail program.

>

> I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels

> looking out

> for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

>

> I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually

> horrible mutant

> freaks with no eyes or feathers.

>

> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell

> like a water

> buffalo on a hot day

>

> Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get

> answered if I forward

> an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five

> minutes.

>

> Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it

> can remove

> toilet stains.

>

> I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to

> watch the car

> so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm

> pumping gas.

>

> I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who

> make these

> products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their

> cans .

>

> I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes

> cancer.

>

> And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in

> the microwave

> anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me

> for life.

>

> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I

> could be pricked

> with a needle infected with AIDS.

>

> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me

> with a perfume

> sample and rob me.

>

> I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are

> actually Al

> Qaeda in disguise.

>

> I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't

> support our

> American troops or the Salvation Army.

>

> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to

> dial a number

> for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica ,

> Uganda, Singapore,

> and Uzbekistan

>

> I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I

> now have their

> recipe.

>

> Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a

> big brown

> African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant

> death when it

> bites my butt.

>

> And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I

> dropped in the

> parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex

> molester waiting

> underneath my car to grab my leg.

>

> I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from

> certain gas

> companies!

>

> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in

> the next 70

> minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at

> 5:00 PM this

> afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,

> causing you to

> grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually

> happened to a

> friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second

> husband's

> cousin's beautician...

>

> Have a wonderful day....

>

> Oh, by the way.....

>

> A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy

> study, has

> discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read

> their e-mail

> with their hand on the mouse.

>

> Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

[Nessa 23]

i didn't have my hand on the mouse. HA!

[brnidokiegurl 0]

then u are the exception your in charge of THE question on mondays

[Amby 490]

I read everything with my hand on the mouse

[Ladylethal 12]

I always have the hand on the mouse when browsing the net, except when I am typing.

[de_sjiem 0]

I keep my hand on my mouse when i am reading stuff online because i use the scroll function on my mouse...

[Nessa 23]

if I can find a question next Monday I'll start a thread.

[Jasman0717 8]

> A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy

> study, has

> discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read

> their e-mail

> with their hand on the mouse.

>

> Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

[Toshtishtash 1]

[Ash_Koog 0]

I have a laptop with a senstive mouse so I hover over with out touhing what does that count for, does anyone know?

Edited November 1, 2007 by Ash_Koog

[Toshtishtash 1]

I have a laptop with a senstive mouse so I hover over with out touhing what does that count for, does anyone know?

I would say that's pretty much the same as keeping your hand on the mouse

[MissStacey 1]

That was great- I have received most of those emails!!

Also- my hand was on the mouse the whole time

Edited November 1, 2007 by Stacey33

[sweet_peach 0]

SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER

>

> I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in

> the glue on

> envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every

> envelope that

> needs sealing.

>

> Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the

> same reason.

>

> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl

> (Penny Brown)

> who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

>

> I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I

> receive the

> $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for

> participating

> in their special e-mail program.

>

> I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels

> looking out

> for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

>

> I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually

> horrible mutant

> freaks with no eyes or feathers.

>

> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell

> like a water

> buffalo on a hot day

>

> Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get

> answered if I forward

> an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five

> minutes.

>

> Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it

> can remove

> toilet stains.

>

> I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to

> watch the car

> so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm

> pumping gas.

>

> I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who

> make these

> products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their

> cans .

>

> I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes

> cancer.

>

> And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in

> the microwave

> anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me

> for life.

>

> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I

> could be pricked

> with a needle infected with AIDS.

>

> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me

> with a perfume

> sample and rob me.

>

> I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are

> actually Al

> Qaeda in disguise.

>

> I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't

> support our

> American troops or the Salvation Army.

>

> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to

> dial a number

> for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica ,

> Uganda, Singapore,

> and Uzbekistan

>

> I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I

> now have their

> recipe.

>

> Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a

> big brown

> African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant

> death when it

> bites my butt.

>

> And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I

> dropped in the

> parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex

> molester waiting

> underneath my car to grab my leg.

>

> I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from

> certain gas

> companies!

>

> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in

> the next 70

> minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at

> 5:00 PM this

> afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,

> causing you to

> grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually

> happened to a

> friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second

> husband's

> cousin's beautician...

>

> Have a wonderful day....

>

> Oh, by the way.....

>

> A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy

> study, has

> discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read

> their e-mail

> with their hand on the mouse.

>

> Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

This is way to true.........

[Ash_Koog 0]

I have a laptop with a senstive mouse so I hover over with out touhing what does that count for, does anyone know?

I would say that's pretty much the same as keeping your hand on the mouse

D*** it. I was hoping I made it around that. lol

[JODO 2]