how to best use the 90 days prior to marriage k-1

[DARUMA07 25]

My advice would be not to bring her here until you sort out these TRUST issues with her... It would not be fair to her if you took her away from her country, family and friends and send her back because you have these issues!!! Every relationship takes alot of work, no matter if it is a K-1 or if you were marrying a American Citizen. Give her the benefit of the doubt and communicate with her to what is really bugging you! Also, remember there are alot of Cultural differences, language barriers! Just my 2 cents!!!!! Good Luck to you both!

[Drew and Tik 0]

Maybe it depends how you met your fiancee. If you don't really know them, of course you may not trust them much. I'm not dogging international dating sites, because I know people, including a guy I work with, that have found very successful marriages this way, but at the same time you really have to make that extra effort to make sure the relationship is right (and you're not being taken advantage of), since your fiancee was specifically looking for an American citizen.

I don't know the whole situation, but another friend I work with says his friend married a girl from Brazil, brought her over here, and as soon as she became a US citizen she left him and brought her boyfriend from Brazil to the US. They even had kids together when she did this! Seems like a lot to go through, waiting all those years and starting a family just to become a US citizen and bring over your real lover, and if this is true I'm sure it's extremely rare...but I mean, he says it's someone he knows personally so unless he's lying to me, it's not an urban legend.

You would think there would be red flags in this case, but I guess love can be blind.

Anyway, I trust Tik completely. In the past I always believed I could never marry a girl without a prenupt and all that, but now that I know what love really is, I know I don't need that because she won't take advantage of me. I even have the password to her e-mail and all her accounts and I've never opened one message in her inbox, I know she's good to me.

[tmma 467]

I agree with you. I made a mistake.

Honestly, the post made me uncomfortable and when I saw other people stating their true feelings, I felt like I should too.

I'm sorry.

Don't apologize, Laura. You are entitled to your opinion as well as anyone else on here. You are also entitled to change it.

No one ( especially me) asked for nor wanted an apology.

I am of the opinion that when you take the time to post and add to a discussion ( especially one as emotive as this)-then the OP at least deserves an honest and sincere opinion based on the reading of his post, in it's entirety- that's all.

That's what I did-read the OP's post in it's entirety-read L+N's reply and gave my honest opinion on both.

L+N are entitled to their opinion, so am I, no apologies needed by anyone to anyone; I was honestly intrigued by the change of heart; and commented which is just as much my right as theirs for posting it in the first place....

[Cassie 8]

We got married 6 days after I entered the US....so much for those 90 days

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

No one ( especially me) asked for nor wanted an apology.

I am of the opinion that when you take the time to post and add to a discussion ( especially one as emotive as this)-then the OP at least deserves an honest and sincere opinion based on the reading of his post, in it's entirety- that's all.

That's what I did-read the OP's post in it's entirety-read L+N's reply and gave my honest opinion on both.

L+N are entitled to their opinion, so am I, no apologies needed by anyone to anyone; I was honestly intrigued by the change of heart; and commented which is just as much my right as theirs for posting it in the first place....

Thanks TMMA...but I felt the need to apologize.

I should have been honest from the start and I'll admit, I skimmed the topic..I read most of it but just felt so bad. I figured the OP must be going through a rough time and probably has been dealing with enough #######...so I was just polite and kept my mouth shut and made the comment that I did.

Then, after thinking about it for awhile and seeing others comments that reflected my own thoughts inside, I felt the need to go back and express my true feelings, as I'm entitled to. It wasn't done with mean intent.....

Have a good day.

[featherB 1]

There is nothing wrong with putting a key-logger program on your computer and monitoring

your beneficiaries email for a month.

Erm... I would say that there is actually EVERYTHING wrong with doing that. Everything.

[tmma 467]

This is the question I have-would the OP [ or did the OP] or his fiance go to the interview stating he /they would be using the 90 days as a sort of "trial" period? if so-it would make the letter of intent filed with the K-1 rather redundant, no?

[*JG* 2]

the rule is that a couple has to get married within 90 days. This is just a suggestion, but it

is based on experience. You could possibly save yourself a lot of grief and $$$ if you

will step out of your emotions and observe your fiance during this time. You can set the

wedding date towards the end of 90 days. Allow yourself to be a third party observer

looking in. Be alert to red flags and possible issues. Address any issues that arise. You

can end up deeply regretting it, if you choose to overlook problems and just hope

they will resolve themselves. There is a whole lot more to living as a couple than emotion

and feelings of love which can be exaggerated from a long distance relationship. Your

fiance may not express her/his concerns to you in an open direct way. The USA is a

big big dream for many immigrants and some will say anything and do anything to

be here. Dont think that you are immune to being taken advantage of. This is not to say

you live under a cloud of suspicion and doubt. Of course few people would take this

advice, because "they know" their relationship will make it. Dont be afraid to ask

hard questions and even seek pre-marital counseling prior to being married. Most of

all trust your gut. All of us have that little still voice or tug at our spirit that warns of

upcoming disaster, take a long long time to think about it before you get married.

There is nothing wrong with putting a key-logger program on your computer and monitoring

your beneficiaries email for a month. Find out what they are saying to people back home.

a little invasion of privacy is way better than having your life blown apart later, not to

mention the emotional devastation..

hopefully this will be rcvd in the spirit it is given..

thanks

While that is some good advice, we did not heed it. We married within a few weeks in order to start the AOS process, do all the necessaries that allowed him to look for work. We've been married 16 months now. So far, so good.

[tmma 467]

No one ( especially me) asked for nor wanted an apology.

I am of the opinion that when you take the time to post and add to a discussion ( especially one as emotive as this)-then the OP at least deserves an honest and sincere opinion based on the reading of his post, in it's entirety- that's all.

That's what I did-read the OP's post in it's entirety-read L+N's reply and gave my honest opinion on both.

L+N are entitled to their opinion, so am I, no apologies needed by anyone to anyone; I was honestly intrigued by the change of heart; and commented which is just as much my right as theirs for posting it in the first place....

Thanks TMMA...but I felt the need to apologize.

I should have been honest from the start and I'll admit, I skimmed the topic..I read most of it but just felt so bad. I figured the OP must be going through a rough time and probably has been dealing with enough #######...so I was just polite and kept my mouth shut and made the comment that I did.

Then, after thinking about it for awhile and seeing others comments that reflected my own thoughts inside, I felt the need to go back and express my true feelings, as I'm entitled to. It wasn't done with mean intent.....

Have a good day.

[tmma 467]

the rule is that a couple has to get married within 90 days. This is just a suggestion, but it

is based on experience. You could possibly save yourself a lot of grief and $$$ if you

will step out of your emotions and observe your fiance during this time. You can set the

wedding date towards the end of 90 days. Allow yourself to be a third party observer

looking in. Be alert to red flags and possible issues. Address any issues that arise. You

can end up deeply regretting it, if you choose to overlook problems and just hope

they will resolve themselves. There is a whole lot more to living as a couple than emotion

and feelings of love which can be exaggerated from a long distance relationship. Your

fiance may not express her/his concerns to you in an open direct way. The USA is a

big big dream for many immigrants and some will say anything and do anything to

be here. Dont think that you are immune to being taken advantage of. This is not to say

you live under a cloud of suspicion and doubt. Of course few people would take this

advice, because "they know" their relationship will make it. Dont be afraid to ask

hard questions and even seek pre-marital counseling prior to being married. Most of

all trust your gut. All of us have that little still voice or tug at our spirit that warns of

upcoming disaster, take a long long time to think about it before you get married.

There is nothing wrong with putting a key-logger program on your computer and monitoring

your beneficiaries email for a month. Find out what they are saying to people back home.

a little invasion of privacy is way better than having your life blown apart later, not to

mention the emotional devastation..

hopefully this will be rcvd in the spirit it is given..

thanks

While that is some good advice, we did not heed it. We married within a few weeks in order to start the AOS process, do all the necessaries that allowed him to look for work. We've been married 16 months now. So far, so good.

Us too!!! We were married and had DORA filed within a month.

I know that VWP is not available for some countries for the foreign fiance(e) to visit the US...I realize that complicates things and puts the onus on the USC to visit them-which can be a very heavy burden financially....I know that.....but when the OP of this thread is advising the 90 day period be used to check things out to " save alot of grief and $$$".... IMO it would save alot of grief and $$$ to spend the $$$ and time upfront checking things out before letters of intent to USCIS, before signing the I134 and before bringing someone here in the first place.

Just MO.

Save the $$$ now and make afew visits.

[Fandango 1,440]

Let's be clear here: the 90 days is not a get to know you time.

If you need that time to get to know your fiance, you shouldn't have petitioned yet!

[Fandango 1,440]

This is the question I have-would the OP [ or did the OP] or his fiance go to the interview stating he /they would be using the 90 days as a sort of "trial" period? if so-it would make the letter of intent filed with the K-1 rather redundant, no?

The fact that the visa is good for 90 days pretty much implies a "cooling off" period was anticipated. Otherwise it would be more like 10 or 30 days. Remember that the K-1 dates back to the '80's. I don't know what the filing times were back then, but I'll bet you could get your "foreign bride" into the US within a couple months. Couple that with the fact that there was no internet to exchange emails and photos, plus the high cost of long distance, and you could be meeting someone at the airport who you fell in love with on vacation, but who you really don't know. So I don't think any interviewer would have a problem with the beneficiary saying at the interview that they were going to marry towards the end of the 90 day period. That's what it was designed for.

You can bet your azz that if you said it was a ''trial period' or 'cooling off' period, that you'd never have gotten approved. I think you're being a bit semantical in nature here...because while it's not a problem to marry at the end of the 90, it's not designed for the purpose of 'cooling off'. I mean focking hell, your fiance just got here and you're gonna 'cool off'????

Don't use the 80s to justify marrying a stranger.

And btw, did you actually READ your letter of intent that you signed?

[tmma 467]

This is the question I have-would the OP [ or did the OP] or his fiance go to the interview stating he /they would be using the 90 days as a sort of "trial" period? if so-it would make the letter of intent filed with the K-1 rather redundant, no?

The fact that the visa is good for 90 days pretty much implies a "cooling off" period was anticipated. Otherwise it would be more like 10 or 30 days. Remember that the K-1 dates back to the '80's. I don't know what the filing times were back then, but I'll bet you could get your "foreign bride" into the US within a couple months. Couple that with the fact that there was no internet to exchange emails and photos, plus the high cost of long distance, and you could be meeting someone at the airport who you fell in love with on vacation, but who you really don't know. So I don't think any interviewer would have a problem with the beneficiary saying at the interview that they were going to marry towards the end of the 90 day period. That's what it was designed for.

But that's not what you said at the beginning of this post...You said a " cooling off period"-go to the interview and say that.

This is the question I have-would the OP [ or did the OP] or his fiance go to the interview stating he /they would be using the 90 days as a sort of "trial" period? if so-it would make the letter of intent filed with the K-1 rather redundant, no?

The fact that the visa is good for 90 days pretty much implies a "cooling off" period was anticipated. Otherwise it would be more like 10 or 30 days. Remember that the K-1 dates back to the '80's. I don't know what the filing times were back then, but I'll bet you could get your "foreign bride" into the US within a couple months. Couple that with the fact that there was no internet to exchange emails and photos, plus the high cost of long distance, and you could be meeting someone at the airport who you fell in love with on vacation, but who you really don't know. So I don't think any interviewer would have a problem with the beneficiary saying at the interview that they were going to marry towards the end of the 90 day period. That's what it was designed for.

You can bet your azz that if you said it was a ''trial period' or 'cooling off' period, that you'd never have gotten approved. I think you're being a bit semantical in nature here...because while it's not a problem to marry at the end of the 90, it's not designed for the purpose of 'cooling off'. I mean focking hell, your fiance just got here and you're gonna 'cool off'????

Don't use the 80s to justify marrying a stranger.

And btw, did you actually READ your letter of intent that you signed?

GMTA Lisa.

[Fandango 1,440]

This is the question I have-would the OP [ or did the OP] or his fiance go to the interview stating he /they would be using the 90 days as a sort of "trial" period? if so-it would make the letter of intent filed with the K-1 rather redundant, no?

The fact that the visa is good for 90 days pretty much implies a "cooling off" period was anticipated. Otherwise it would be more like 10 or 30 days. Remember that the K-1 dates back to the '80's. I don't know what the filing times were back then, but I'll bet you could get your "foreign bride" into the US within a couple months. Couple that with the fact that there was no internet to exchange emails and photos, plus the high cost of long distance, and you could be meeting someone at the airport who you fell in love with on vacation, but who you really don't know. So I don't think any interviewer would have a problem with the beneficiary saying at the interview that they were going to marry towards the end of the 90 day period. That's what it was designed for.

But that's not what you said at the beginning of this post...You said a " cooling off period"-go to the interview and say that.

This is the question I have-would the OP [ or did the OP] or his fiance go to the interview stating he /they would be using the 90 days as a sort of "trial" period? if so-it would make the letter of intent filed with the K-1 rather redundant, no?

The fact that the visa is good for 90 days pretty much implies a "cooling off" period was anticipated. Otherwise it would be more like 10 or 30 days. Remember that the K-1 dates back to the '80's. I don't know what the filing times were back then, but I'll bet you could get your "foreign bride" into the US within a couple months. Couple that with the fact that there was no internet to exchange emails and photos, plus the high cost of long distance, and you could be meeting someone at the airport who you fell in love with on vacation, but who you really don't know. So I don't think any interviewer would have a problem with the beneficiary saying at the interview that they were going to marry towards the end of the 90 day period. That's what it was designed for.

You can bet your azz that if you said it was a ''trial period' or 'cooling off' period, that you'd never have gotten approved. I think you're being a bit semantical in nature here...because while it's not a problem to marry at the end of the 90, it's not designed for the purpose of 'cooling off'. I mean focking hell, your fiance just got here and you're gonna 'cool off'????

Don't use the 80s to justify marrying a stranger.

And btw, did you actually READ your letter of intent that you signed?

GMTA Lisa.

We're in tune as always, marra

[bakofoil 27]

I'm just disappointed that this thread isn't delivering what it appeared to; valuable advice on ways in which to utilise the time waiting for permission for the beneficiary to start working or useful tips on how to cope with adjusting to life in a new country.

I agree with those who have already stated that the 90 day period is not a cooling off period. Whilst historically it may have served that purpose, there is no way in this climate that I would be undergoing this process at all if I wasn't as sure as I can be that my future is with my fiance in the US.

Believe me, giving up friends, family, belongings, not to mention a good career and facing the prospect that I may have to retrain or take a lower paid job is less important to me than being with my fiance for life. If I wasn't sure that we can make it work then we wouldn't have submitted the K1. He knows what I am giving up for him and he is as committed to making this work as I am.

I'm sorry but it is as simple as that. If you have doubts beyond the things we can never forsee then you should not be petitioning for a fiance visa.

(Oh and please note that as part of the application process you state your INTENT to marry your fiance(e) within the 90 days, the application does not cater for those who are still thinking about it.)

Edited October 24, 2007 by babblesgirl