how to best use the 90 days prior to marriage k-1

[one...two...tree 2,762]

We can say what people *should* do until we're blue in the face. It doesn't change the fact that a lot of people are bringing fiance(e)s over here that they really don't know as well as would be ideal. For people who fall into this category, I think waiting the 90 days and using precaution is not ill-advised. Personally, it's not a situation I would put myself in, but who really cares what *I* think is right?

For some, it's a novel endeavor.

[Fandango 1,440]

I'd personally just like to get to the 90 days!

And PS I find the pumpkin azz annoying and juvenile, so I turned photos off (thanks to whomever taught me how!)

yea, announcing you hate the pumpkin butt was immature and mean, all you had to do was turn off pics, no need to announce why you did it

Why? People enjoy going on and on around here about "TOS" etc. I find that having a naked rear end in a photo to be cutting quite close to that. Every day I find that there are many examples of rudeness and juvenile behavior on this site. I truly don't feel that my announcement was either. I am also not alone in my opinion, which is why I stated it. I stated nothing directly at the user, only at her choice of photos. You're right, I could have not said anything. But it appears on this site that some people are allowed to say what they choose and others are not. Not cool in my book.

No, people are going on about USCIS...not VJ TOS.

If you have a problem with it, instead of doing the juvenile smack talk....report it. Or even better yet, you could have asked me politely to remove it.

And if you were *that* insulted to begin with...I notice my inbox doesn't have a pm from you nor does this thread have a simple 'would you please remove that as it offends me?'

No, instead you want to talk about how juvenile and whatnot it is, and publicly state how your siggys are turned off because of it. All you forgot to say was 'neener neener'

Edited October 25, 2007 by LisaD

[Sinergy 3]

I'd personally just like to get to the 90 days!

And PS I find the pumpkin azz annoying and juvenile, so I turned photos off (thanks to whomever taught me how!)

yea, announcing you hate the pumpkin butt was immature and mean, all you had to do was turn off pics, no need to announce why you did it

Why? People enjoy going on and on around here about "TOS" etc. I find that having a naked rear end in a photo to be cutting quite close to that. Every day I find that there are many examples of rudeness and juvenile behavior on this site. I truly don't feel that my announcement was either. I am also not alone in my opinion, which is why I stated it. I stated nothing directly at the user, only at her choice of photos. You're right, I could have not said anything. But it appears on this site that some people are allowed to say what they choose and others are not. Not cool in my book.

aham, its not naked

oh and heres a tissue for your tears

Edited October 25, 2007 by Ionescu

[rebeccajo 14]

did the OP even come back to read the thread he started?

you know, when we just started doing the whole petitioning thing, i was afraid and had no idea what to expect. Yes we were in love, but the fact that we are so far apart made me seriously paranoid. But that is where trust comes in. after more than a year of just chatting online as friends, i think i had an idea of what kind of person he is and learned to trust him.

the 90 day period was never a period where i thought i could change my mind or maybe "test" if this is working out at all. i stepped into this knowing i want to spend the rest of my life with him. The amazing thing is - we are still getting to know each other. we have been married for 3 years and i have never been happier. with all the bad habits both of us have, i still am 100% sure nothing can stop us from making it work.

i think marriage has a better chance of surviving if you really take time in trying to know each other better before you sign any petition. for your own good!

we all have our own ideas of how to make your relationship work. rushing into it is not going to help any ways, but also delaying the wedding after your loved one is already here, after all this USCIS hell, is not fear either. having a doubt at that point is a big, RED flag in my opinion.

Simona

Good to see you around.......

[Fandango 1,440]

I'd personally just like to get to the 90 days!

And PS I find the pumpkin azz annoying and juvenile, so I turned photos off (thanks to whomever taught me how!)

yea, announcing you hate the pumpkin butt was immature and mean, all you had to do was turn off pics, no need to announce why you did it

Why? People enjoy going on and on around here about "TOS" etc. I find that having a naked rear end in a photo to be cutting quite close to that. Every day I find that there are many examples of rudeness and juvenile behavior on this site. I truly don't feel that my announcement was either. I am also not alone in my opinion, which is why I stated it. I stated nothing directly at the user, only at her choice of photos. You're right, I could have not said anything. But it appears on this site that some people are allowed to say what they choose and others are not. Not cool in my book.

aham, its not naked

oh and heres a tissue for your tears

you made me lol Tara

[bakofoil 27]

I knew my husband for almost two years before I moved to the USA.

We were lucky to get to see each other every three months. When I came to the USA to live, I thought we should still wait almost until the 90 days were up just to see how we all (blended family) got along living in the same house. I didnt make that decision because I didnt love my fiancee. I did it to see how things went with us all living together. Having to live with someone is totally different then visits from each other. We all get caught up in the romance on those visits. If anyone says that dont they are full of themselves.

I just didnt want to come here and get married 2 days later just so I could get my AOS sent out so I could start working. That was not our plan.

Everyones plan is different

Thats my opionion

Yes, plans and circumstances vary. Yours seem perfectly reasonable. However, I didn't notice anything about stroke loggers and other snooping. I take it also that your plan was a mutual decision, not an "audition".

It really makes no difference whether you choose to marry on day 1 or day 89 as long as, like you have said, there is a mutual respectful intent to your decision.

I have no objection to someone who has a mutual agreement with their partner to take time to see how well things fit once they are together on the K1 - although I still think that 90 days is going to be a bit of a push to arrange weddings and work out whether full adjustment is going to take place.

What concerns me about the thread is that it has evolved into a disagreement on the terms of the K1. I object to the notion that 'the intent to marry' is not a prerequisite for filing the K1 in the first place.

[Fandango 1,440]

did the OP even come back to read the thread he started?

you know, when we just started doing the whole petitioning thing, i was afraid and had no idea what to expect. Yes we were in love, but the fact that we are so far apart made me seriously paranoid. But that is where trust comes in. after more than a year of just chatting online as friends, i think i had an idea of what kind of person he is and learned to trust him.

the 90 day period was never a period where i thought i could change my mind or maybe "test" if this is working out at all. i stepped into this knowing i want to spend the rest of my life with him. The amazing thing is - we are still getting to know each other. we have been married for 3 years and i have never been happier. with all the bad habits both of us have, i still am 100% sure nothing can stop us from making it work.

i think marriage has a better chance of surviving if you really take time in trying to know each other better before you sign any petition. for your own good!

we all have our own ideas of how to make your relationship work. rushing into it is not going to help any ways, but also delaying the wedding after your loved one is already here, after all this USCIS hell, is not fear either. having a doubt at that point is a big, RED flag in my opinion.

Simona

Good to see you around.......

Hell, Becs it's good to see YOU around. Where have ya been?

[jundp 191]

did the OP even come back to read the thread he started?

He did and I believe he said he bought a plane ticket for a visit.

I'd personally just like to get to the 90 days!

And PS I find the pumpkin azz annoying and juvenile, so I turned photos off (thanks to whomever taught me how!)

yea, announcing you hate the pumpkin butt was immature and mean, all you had to do was turn off pics, no need to announce why you did it

Why? People enjoy going on and on around here about "TOS" etc. I find that having a naked rear end in a photo to be cutting quite close to that. Every day I find that there are many examples of rudeness and juvenile behavior on this site. I truly don't feel that my announcement was either. I am also not alone in my opinion, which is why I stated it. I stated nothing directly at the user, only at her choice of photos. You're right, I could have not said anything. But it appears on this site that some people are allowed to say what they choose and others are not. Not cool in my book.

aham, its not naked

oh and heres a tissue for your tears

Man. I got PWND.

[rebeccajo 14]

did the OP even come back to read the thread he started?

you know, when we just started doing the whole petitioning thing, i was afraid and had no idea what to expect. Yes we were in love, but the fact that we are so far apart made me seriously paranoid. But that is where trust comes in. after more than a year of just chatting online as friends, i think i had an idea of what kind of person he is and learned to trust him.

the 90 day period was never a period where i thought i could change my mind or maybe "test" if this is working out at all. i stepped into this knowing i want to spend the rest of my life with him. The amazing thing is - we are still getting to know each other. we have been married for 3 years and i have never been happier. with all the bad habits both of us have, i still am 100% sure nothing can stop us from making it work.

i think marriage has a better chance of surviving if you really take time in trying to know each other better before you sign any petition. for your own good!

we all have our own ideas of how to make your relationship work. rushing into it is not going to help any ways, but also delaying the wedding after your loved one is already here, after all this USCIS hell, is not fear either. having a doubt at that point is a big, RED flag in my opinion.

Simona

Good to see you around.......

Hell, Becs it's good to see YOU around. Where have ya been?

We moved. Cardboard boxes, paint and sawdust are taking up too much of my time at the moment.

[Fandango 1,440]

We moved. Cardboard boxes, paint and sawdust are taking up too much of my time at the moment.

Well congrats and best of luck in your new home. It's been a long haul, I'm sure you're thrilled it's finally over!

[rebeccajo 14]

I knew my husband for almost two years before I moved to the USA.

We were lucky to get to see each other every three months. When I came to the USA to live, I thought we should still wait almost until the 90 days were up just to see how we all (blended family) got along living in the same house. I didnt make that decision because I didnt love my fiancee. I did it to see how things went with us all living together. Having to live with someone is totally different then visits from each other. We all get caught up in the romance on those visits. If anyone says that dont they are full of themselves.

I just didnt want to come here and get married 2 days later just so I could get my AOS sent out so I could start working. That was not our plan.

Everyones plan is different

Thats my opionion

Yes, plans and circumstances vary. Yours seem perfectly reasonable. However, I didn't notice anything about stroke loggers and other snooping. I take it also that your plan was a mutual decision, not an "audition".

It really makes no difference whether you choose to marry on day 1 or day 89 as long as, like you have said, there is a mutual respectful intent to your decision.

I have no objection to someone who has a mutual agreement with their partner to take time to see how well things fit once they are together on the K1 - although I still think that 90 days is going to be a bit of a push to arrange weddings and work out whether full adjustment is going to take place.

What concerns me about the thread is that it has evolved into a disagreement on the terms of the K1. I object to the notion that 'the intent to marry' is not a prerequisite for filing the K1 in the first place.

I'm not sure that is what is being debated.

There's a debate about whether it's RIGHT to use 'intent to marry' when actually there may be a 'test drive' in mind.

Everybody's definition of 'intent' is going to be different. You can intend to cross the street at a certain juncture in the road, but decide at the last minute to walk down another block or two before you actually cross over.

The bottom line is - if both people had intent - but the marriage never takes place and the beneficiary returns to their native country before 90 days is up, there is no 'lawbreaking' going on.

It might not be the grooviest thing in the world, and USCIS sure doesn't want to advocate people use the visa as a 'get to know you' thing, but the fact remains that no LAW has been broken if the marriage doesn't occur and the foreign intended goes home in a timely manner.

Beyond that, I don't think we as members here can advocate or advise anything else. Without interjecting our personal opinions, that is.

[Fandango 1,440]

I knew my husband for almost two years before I moved to the USA.

We were lucky to get to see each other every three months. When I came to the USA to live, I thought we should still wait almost until the 90 days were up just to see how we all (blended family) got along living in the same house. I didnt make that decision because I didnt love my fiancee. I did it to see how things went with us all living together. Having to live with someone is totally different then visits from each other. We all get caught up in the romance on those visits. If anyone says that dont they are full of themselves.

I just didnt want to come here and get married 2 days later just so I could get my AOS sent out so I could start working. That was not our plan.

Everyones plan is different

Thats my opionion

Yes, plans and circumstances vary. Yours seem perfectly reasonable. However, I didn't notice anything about stroke loggers and other snooping. I take it also that your plan was a mutual decision, not an "audition".

It really makes no difference whether you choose to marry on day 1 or day 89 as long as, like you have said, there is a mutual respectful intent to your decision.

I have no objection to someone who has a mutual agreement with their partner to take time to see how well things fit once they are together on the K1 - although I still think that 90 days is going to be a bit of a push to arrange weddings and work out whether full adjustment is going to take place.

What concerns me about the thread is that it has evolved into a disagreement on the terms of the K1. I object to the notion that 'the intent to marry' is not a prerequisite for filing the K1 in the first place.

I'm not sure that is what is being debated.

There's a debate about whether it's RIGHT to use 'intent to marry' when actually there may be a 'test drive' in mind.

Everybody's definition of 'intent' is going to be different. You can intend to cross the street at a certain juncture in the road, but decide at the last minute to walk down another block or two before you actually cross over.

The bottom line is - if both people had intent - but the marriage never takes place and the beneficiary returns to their native country before 90 days is up, there is no 'lawbreaking' going on.

It might not be the grooviest thing in the world, and USCIS sure doesn't want to advocate people use the visa as a 'get to know you' thing, but the fact remains that no LAW has been broken if the marriage doesn't occur and the foreign intended goes home in a timely manner.

Beyond that, I don't think we as members here can advocate or advise anything else. Without interjecting our personal opinions, that is.

But that's the thing....while mostly everything you said is 100% factually accurate, I have to disagree with the last 2 lines. It's not a personal opinion that a K-1 is not a 'get to know you' visa.

Edited October 25, 2007 by LisaD

[rebeccajo 14]

We moved. Cardboard boxes, paint and sawdust are taking up too much of my time at the moment.

Well congrats and best of luck in your new home. It's been a long haul, I'm sure you're thrilled it's finally over!

Thanks. Whenever we get our contractor out of the house, it'll be over. Tonight I can unpack my shoes cause the closet is finally done (no thanks to him).

But that's the thing....while mostly everything you said is 100% factually accurate, I have to disagree with the last 2 lines. It's not a personal opinion that a K-1 is not a 'get to know you' visa.

If you can show me in the Code where it's prohibited, I'll concede.

[Melyssa 0]

the rule is that a couple has to get married within 90 days. This is just a suggestion, but it

is based on experience. You could possibly save yourself a lot of grief and $$$ if you

will step out of your emotions and observe your fiance during this time. You can set the

wedding date towards the end of 90 days. Allow yourself to be a third party observer

looking in. Be alert to red flags and possible issues. Address any issues that arise. You

can end up deeply regretting it, if you choose to overlook problems and just hope

they will resolve themselves. There is a whole lot more to living as a couple than emotion

and feelings of love which can be exaggerated from a long distance relationship. Your

fiance may not express her/his concerns to you in an open direct way. The USA is a

big big dream for many immigrants and some will say anything and do anything to

be here. Dont think that you are immune to being taken advantage of. This is not to say

you live under a cloud of suspicion and doubt. Of course few people would take this

advice, because "they know" their relationship will make it. Dont be afraid to ask

hard questions and even seek pre-marital counseling prior to being married. Most of

all trust your gut. All of us have that little still voice or tug at our spirit that warns of

upcoming disaster, take a long long time to think about it before you get married.

There is nothing wrong with putting a key-logger program on your computer and monitoring

your beneficiaries email for a month. Find out what they are saying to people back home.

a little invasion of privacy is way better than having your life blown apart later, not to

mention the emotional devastation..

hopefully this will be rcvd in the spirit it is given..

thanks

I disagree with this advice. People should know each other well enough before filing the K1. The K1 is not for getting to know someone. That is supposed to be done BEFORE filing the K1.

People could save themselves a lot of grief if only they would do it God's way. Sadly today's method of dating is not ideal and people get married based on feelings instead of foundations that are much deeper than feelings.

[Fandango 1,440]

But that's the thing....while mostly everything you said is 100% factually accurate, I have to disagree with the last 2 lines. It's not a personal opinion that a K-1 is not a 'get to know you' visa.

If you can show me in the Code where it's prohibited, I'll concede.

Well I showed you where it's written in black and white on the USCIS website. If that's not enough, then I dunno what to tell ya.

Edited October 25, 2007 by LisaD