Internet Casanova's

[slbois 0]

In light of the drama that transpired recently here on ME/NA regarding probable Visa fraud, I have a hypothetical question....

Let's say that you get engaged to or marry someone from another country. (Far stretch, I know)

Once they are here with you in the US you find out through a close family member or friend of his that he was at first only using you to get a green card. But despite his original deception, he fell in love with you during the process. Would you kick him out of your life or would it not matter since he did eventually learn to love you?

[raymaga 25]

That would be a hard one.... and I'm not from the ME/NA.

It would be hard for me to trust someone who once used me for their own gain, but I suppose it would have to happen in order to really know.

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

I would be hurt, of course, that he had lied to me. But, I would probably forgive him if I had no doubts about his feelings at the present time.

[slbois 0]

Even if I did forgive him, I don't think I could ever trust him again which would lead to an evident demise of our relationship.

I know that this has to happen often. I know that not all men search the internet to find their soulmate. Especially when they happen to live in a country where there's no jobs and slim chances of even getting travel visa's to other countries.

[doodlebug 3]

He'd be out the door.

I mean I'd have hard core proof that he intended just to get the greencard right?

I would not, however have hard core proof of his love for me, since that is not something one can prove.

I'd say don't let the screen door hit ya where the good lord split ya!!!!

[slbois 0]

I mean I'd have hard core proof that he intended just to get the greencard right?

Yeah, me too. I would have to have heard it from a reliable source.

I'd say don't let the screen door hit ya where the good lord split ya!!!!

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

What if the opposite were to occur? What if you (the female), married for love , but because of the wait for the visa, bad communications, misunderstandings, you found yourself doubting your feelings for your husband. Would it be fair to either one of you to bring him here, not knowing if you would want to stay with him after he got here?

Edited September 3, 2007 by tammy sue kay

[m&n 0]

He'd be out the door.

I mean I'd have hard core proof that he intended just to get the greencard right?

I would not, however have hard core proof of his love for me, since that is not something one can prove.

I'd say don't let the screen door hit ya where the good lord split ya!!!!

That is sooooo funny!!!

[slbois 0]

What if the opposite were to occur? What if you (the female), married for love , but because of the wait for the visa, bad communications, misunderstandings, you found yourself doubting your feelings for your husband. Would it be fair to either one of you to bring him here, not knowing if you would want to stay with him after he got here?

I could see how that would happen. The visa process seems to either make or break a relationship. IMO, I would not continue to process a visa for someone knowing that I deep down was no longer emotionally invested in our relationship. The guy should know the truth and if he really and truly loves the woman...he would not want to continue with the visa as well!!!!

[Jasman0717 8]

No one likes being used

[m&n 0]

I agree. I think that the agony of the visa process is almost a test of the strength of the relationship......especially in today's world that is full of temptation and where everyone is after immediate gratification....... a visa journey (especially a long and difficult one) tests the amount of love and mercy that exists between the couple.........if the couple can't pass that first test then they should question whether or not they want to spend the rest of their lives together since.........for sure............life will give them other tests.......maybe even more difficult ones.......to cope with.

What if the opposite were to occur? What if you (the female), married for love , but because of the wait for the visa, bad communications, misunderstandings, you found yourself doubting your feelings for your husband. Would it be fair to either one of you to bring him here, not knowing if you would want to stay with him after he got here?

I could see how that would happen. The visa process seems to either make or break a relationship. IMO, I would not continue to process a visa for someone knowing that I deep down was no longer emotionally invested in our relationship. The guy should know the truth and if he really and truly loves the woman...he would not want to continue with the visa as well!!!!

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

I can't take anymore punching holes in relationships no matter what. I'll avoid the sticky putting drama aside. I am here for support and nothing else. Good luck to all!

[doodlebug 3]

What if the opposite were to occur? What if you (the female), married for love , but because of the wait for the visa, bad communications, misunderstandings, you found yourself doubting your feelings for your husband. Would it be fair to either one of you to bring him here, not knowing if you would want to stay with him after he got here?

Well in that case, you've already spent the money for the visa right? If the doubt is just from miscommunications and waiting for the visa then that can easily be solved by him being here.

What I mean is, what if you cancelled it all and in reality the problems would have gone away once he got here because all the problems were just due to distance? I'd wait it out, suck it up and see if things improve once he's here. Give it a good six months to a year and if you see NO improvement try some counseling. I mean we're talking a married couple, right? Not just an engaged one. That makes all the difference.

If however the problems are such that you fear he'll be violent, then think hard before bringing him here. We've all seen that scenario at least twice on this board and that's a harder one to get rid of.

[aminah 6]

I agree. I think that the agony of the visa process is almost a test of the strength of the relationship......especially in today's world that is full of temptation and where everyone is after immediate gratification....... a visa journey (especially a long and difficult one) tests the amount of love and mercy that exists between the couple.........if the couple can't pass that first test then they should question whether or not they want to spend the rest of their lives together since.........for sure............life will give them other tests.......maybe even more difficult ones.......to cope with.

Well said m&n!

[chasnik 0]

Personally, I think in general alot of couples arent really "in love" when they get married. People marry for a variety of reasons...financial, arranged, love, friendship.....and alot of the "non love" marriages last and these people tend to end up more in love than the flash in the pan butterflies and pounding hearts. Because "in love" and love are really 2 different things. If I knew that he loved me, he would stay. My parents got married so they could adopt me from her little sister who was pregnant. At that point you could say my mom used my dad....he was sedate and laid back..she had been dating him but she was wilder and wanted more excitement out of life...but she couldnt have kids. When told she couldnt have me unless she was married my dad offered to marry her...She did, but not really for love at that point. This weekend they are in North Carolina celebrating 40 years. And they love each other. Even if the man had dishonest tendancies to start with...but now loves you...Id stay!!