Fiance in US, but deciding not to get married

[Medellin2007 0]

My fiance has been here for 5-weeks and we are not getting along. She is bored since she has no friends

and does not speak english. If we do not work this out, what do I need to terminate the process, what am

I responsible for? What happens if she moves out and does not go back? Need to know all the options

here. Please help.

I checked the FAQ and searched and could not find any details.

[kitkat1 5]

My fiance has been here for 5-weeks and we are not getting along. She is bored since she has no friends

and does not speak english. If we do not work this out, what do I need to terminate the process, what am

I responsible for? What happens if she moves out and does not go back? Need to know all the options

here. Please help.

I checked the FAQ and searched and could not find any details.

If she does not marry you within 90 days, she must leave the country by the 90th day or she is be illegal in the US.

[Jasman0717 8]

Send her home

[one...two...tree 2,762]

My fiance has been here for 5-weeks and we are not getting along. She is bored since she has no friends

and does not speak english. If we do not work this out, what do I need to terminate the process, what am

I responsible for? What happens if she moves out and does not go back? Need to know all the options

here. Please help.

I checked the FAQ and searched and could not find any details.

Are you ready to ditch the process or is she? I'd recommend that you get in contact with some Colombians in your area or some people who speak Spanish so that she has some kind of social outlet. Do you not speak fluent Spanish? What were your expectations on your new life together? The transition in the first months is extremely difficult but I hope the both of you would not measure this a failure based on that.

It just seems a pity to go through this process to the point where you are now only to ditch it because of such difficulties. Whatever brought you two together, I hope you both can find that and make it through the transition part.

[LASPENCE 0]

My fiance has been here for 5-weeks and we are not getting along. She is bored since she has no friends

and does not speak english. If we do not work this out, what do I need to terminate the process, what am

I responsible for? What happens if she moves out and does not go back? Need to know all the options

here. Please help.

I checked the FAQ and searched and could not find any details.

good luck my friend my wife is also from colombia her arrive is sometime in decemeber, i marry my wife 31 of march 07 we are having difficult times do to our finance and she's not here yet so good luck from laspence

[LASPENCE 0]

My fiance has been here for 5-weeks and we are not getting along. She is bored since she has no friends

and does not speak english. If we do not work this out, what do I need to terminate the process, what am

I responsible for? What happens if she moves out and does not go back? Need to know all the options

here. Please help.

I checked the FAQ and searched and could not find any details.

good luck my friend my wife is also from colombia her arrive is sometime in decemeber, i marry my wife 31 of march 07 we are having difficult times do to our finance and she's not here yet so good luck from laspence

try to understand her situation she in a country only knowing just you she home sick and everything , my thoughts to you taker her out to a salsa event or a latin club make her feel that tropical vibe remember how it was when you were in colombia i was their too i know the vibe and when my wife arrive i will give her all that and more and find some good marriage couple and start a relationship give her sometime i truly things will workout fine.

[a-jeanne 2]

My fiance has been here for 5-weeks and we are not getting along. She is bored since she has no friends

and does not speak english. If we do not work this out, what do I need to terminate the process, what am

I responsible for? What happens if she moves out and does not go back? Need to know all the options

here. Please help.

I checked the FAQ and searched and could not find any details.

good luck my friend my wife is also from colombia her arrive is sometime in decemeber, i marry my wife 31 of march 07 we are having difficult times do to our finance and she's not here yet so good luck from laspence

try to understand her situation she in a country only knowing just you she home sick and everything , my thoughts to you taker her out to a salsa event or a latin club make her feel that tropical vibe remember how it was when you were in colombia i was their too i know the vibe and when my wife arrive i will give her all that and more and find some good marriage couple and start a relationship give her sometime i truly things will workout fine.

I agree that it's difficult to have gone through the painful process that a Visa can be just to find out that she's not happy here. I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do. Do you love her enough to live in her country?

[Dan J 277]

There is nothing you really have to do. If you don't get married, she has to return home before or on the 90th day or she would be considered overstaying her visa.

I do suggest trying to help her get connected with other people in your community. You may still be able to make things work out between the two of you.

[Medellin2007 0]

Thanks for all the input.

I really want to know what I am legally responsible for since I signed the affadavit of support.

If we decide not to get married and she wants to moves out, do I have to support her until

she leaves (upto 90 days)? I have no problem paying for her ticket back and giving her some

money, but can she stay up to the 90 days and I have to pay support?

I speak fluent Spanish so we do not have a problem communicating other than we have a 20yr

age difference.

Some of the problem started with she started talking with her friend and her asking why we have

not gotten married yet? Her friend came here last year. Her friend got her thinking that I am

playing games with her, which is not true. But since this issues, she has become very biligerent

and complaining and yelling about everything. I have tried to reassure, but she has it in her

mind that I must be in a relationship with some other girl. It is not true and not possible since

I spend all my time with her. (Her friend's influence here)

I thought we understood each other, especially since I spent a year going back and forth every

month to better know each other.

Don't know what to do and I do not think it will work out in the long run.

[a-jeanne 2]

Thanks for all the input.

I really want to know what I am legally responsible for since I signed the affadavit of support.

If we decide not to get married and she wants to moves out, do I have to support her until

she leaves (upto 90 days)? I have no problem paying for her ticket back and giving her some

money, but can she stay up to the 90 days and I have to pay support?

I speak fluent Spanish so we do not have a problem communicating other than we have a 20yr

age difference.

Some of the problem started with she started talking with her friend and her asking why we have

not gotten married yet? Her friend came here last year. Her friend got her thinking that I am

playing games with her, which is not true. But since this issues, she has become very biligerent

and complaining and yelling about everything. I have tried to reassure, but she has it in her

mind that I must be in a relationship with some other girl. It is not true and not possible since

I spend all my time with her. (Her friend's influence here)

I thought we understood each other, especially since I spent a year going back and forth every

month to better know each other.

Don't know what to do and I do not think it will work out in the long run.

Based on what I have read - you should contact the USCIS to cancel any paperwork that is in progress and then when her 90 days is up and you haven't married yet, they will send her back to her country. For what it's worth if you don't think that it will work out in the long run - let her go. There are many more women out there.

[chris4gretchen 1]

Some of the problem started with she started talking with her friend and her asking why we have

not gotten married yet? Her friend came here last year. Her friend got her thinking that I am

playing games with her, which is not true.

i dont get it, her friend came here last year and now you still arent married. we're not getting enough info to answer you correctly. is the 90 days up? was that up last year? is the 90 days still in effect? why arent you married already? you should know she will have a hard time if she speaks NO english. why didnt you have her learning english during the process? it seems to me from your posting that you just want to get rid of her and send her back. you are responsible for her financially until she leaves. call the uscis and tell them you want to stop the process.

Chris

[Medellin2007 0]

She has a friend here that came here last year and got married to an american.

My Fiance got here 5 weeks ago and the plan that I told her when she got here was that we would get married 3rd week of August. But

now for the last 2 weeks she is trying to insist that we get married immediately, if not she wants to leave. We are still within the 90

day period. She has it in her mind that I must be playing games with her. I've done everything I can to reassure her, but I do not

want to be forced into a marriage when there are issues with the relationship.

As I stated, she is yelling alot and has even woken me up in the middle of my sleep yelling and hitting me.

We've have gotten along well before, but this is a new side which I am worried about.

BTW: I tried to get her started with english about a year ago in Colombia, but she gave up after a month saying that they did not

speak and teach her the correct english.

Some of the problem started with she started talking with her friend and her asking why we have

not gotten married yet? Her friend came here last year. Her friend got her thinking that I am

playing games with her, which is not true.

i dont get it, her friend came here last year and now you still arent married. we're not getting enough info to answer you correctly. is the 90 days up? was that up last year? is the 90 days still in effect? why arent you married already? you should know she will have a hard time if she speaks NO english. why didnt you have her learning english during the process? it seems to me from your posting that you just want to get rid of her and send her back. you are responsible for her financially until she leaves. call the uscis and tell them you want to stop the process.

Chris

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Thanks for all the input.

I really want to know what I am legally responsible for since I signed the affadavit of support.

If we decide not to get married and she wants to moves out, do I have to support her until

she leaves (upto 90 days)? I have no problem paying for her ticket back and giving her some

money, but can she stay up to the 90 days and I have to pay support?

I speak fluent Spanish so we do not have a problem communicating other than we have a 20yr

age difference.

Some of the problem started with she started talking with her friend and her asking why we have

not gotten married yet? Her friend came here last year. Her friend got her thinking that I am

playing games with her, which is not true. But since this issues, she has become very biligerent

and complaining and yelling about everything. I have tried to reassure, but she has it in her

mind that I must be in a relationship with some other girl. It is not true and not possible since

I spend all my time with her. (Her friend's influence here)

I thought we understood each other, especially since I spent a year going back and forth every

month to better know each other.

Don't know what to do and I do not think it will work out in the long run.

Oh man, hang on then and be patient with her. You sound like you have been dedicated so don't give up. What about her family? I'm guessing they got to know you well from all your frequent visits? See if they can help talk sense into her. Ultimately, if she is determined not put trust in you then all you can do is let her go, but it sounds like a mixture of insecurity combined with the anxiety of being in a strange place and a strange new life.

I hope you can get her introduced to other Colombians in your area, but also find a supporting social outlet for the both of you. We were very lucky in that way - my wife immediately established social connections with other Filipino's in our area, plus her parents and family have been very supportive of us.

Best wishes, man.

[sakurasama 0]

Eek! I would be pretty mad too if I left my country with the assumption that I would be getting married and then my fiance was saying things like, "I do not want to be forced into a marriage when there are issues with the relationship." There are always going to be "issues" with a relationship. You promised her marriage, took her through the visa process and now saying that you don't think it will work out in the long run. Instead of making her out to be the crazy one, you should have a little sympathy for her and look at things from her point of view and try to allay her fears. Her fears and insecurity clearly seems to be justified because all you want to do is dump her.

[kitkat1 5]

Eek! I would be pretty mad too if I left my country with the assumption that I would be getting married and then my fiance was saying things like, "I do not want to be forced into a marriage when there are issues with the relationship." There are always going to be "issues" with a relationship. You promised her marriage, took her through the visa process and now saying that you don't think it will work out in the long run. Instead of making her out to be the crazy one, you should have a little sympathy for her and look at things from her point of view and try to allay her fears. Her fears and insecurity clearly seems to be justified because all you want to do is dump her.

The OP did not say to his fiance "I do not want to be forced into a marriage where there are issues with the relationship". He said that to the people on VJ as a way of providing some insight into his current state of mind. His fiance is the one who is freaking out on him - not wanting to wait until the third week of August, which was their initial plan, to marry (well within the timeframe requirements, and some people wait until day 89 for their own personal reasons). She is the one saying they need to get married immediately or she wants to leave, which appears to based on something her friend in the US said to her (I imagine it was something like i.e. if he doesn't marry you right now, he'll never marry you"). She is the one accusing him of "playing games with her" and she is the one who has woken him up in the middle of the night, yelling and hitting him. He has already explained that he has "tried to reassure, but she has it in her mind that I must be in a relationship with some other girl. It is not true and not possible since I spend all my time with her"

Read the post clearly before you pounce on him and give the guy a break. It's well within his right to seek information on how he will be affected if the relationship does not work out.