Divorce before wife comes to the u.s

[Wee-moon-ah 3]

2 minutes ago, Stein said:

I wouldn't kick her to the curb as fast as the other posters here.  Definitely tell her you are putting the visa on hold until you both work through some things and see what happens.  If she's not a bar girl (and it doesn't sound like she is) she doesn't have someone else on the hook to bring her to the US so she will come around and give it a fair shake if she's serious.  If not, the visa is already on hold and you can make it permanent later.  No risk to you other than the time needed to see if it's real or not.  Invest as much time figuring it out as you did getting into it and see what happens.

Yeh I’ll talk to her and work things out. She’s not a bar girl. Haha I usually keep her in check by calling a lot. Yeh she’s a workaholic and focuses on work and forgets everything else so I give her a hard time about that but then I see her on fb or say she’s on lunch when she could be calling me. 

[TBoneTX 43,422]

On 12/7/2020 at 11:47 AM, NOTORIOUSJeff said:

There’s a lot of cultural differences that I didn’t expect.

 

13 hours ago, NOTORIOUSJeff said:

her being busy at work and not communicating with me that much. She says she’s sleepy at night since the time change but yet she goes out with her coworkers for drinks after work.

#1

13 hours ago, NOTORIOUSJeff said:

She’s also not a person of her word or reliable.

#2

13 hours ago, NOTORIOUSJeff said:

this one hangs up the phone and says she can’t hear me.

#3

13 hours ago, NOTORIOUSJeff said:

She doesn’t even say good bye. And when I went to visit her she was always playing on her phone.

#4

12 hours ago, NOTORIOUSJeff said:

before she was giving me more attention and now at her job she’s been hanging out more after work.

#5

12 hours ago, NOTORIOUSJeff said:

I see her on fb or say she’s on lunch when she could be calling me. 

#6

13 hours ago, NOTORIOUSJeff said:

It’s my insecurities.

No, brother.

She's displaying (in spades) where her priorities are, and you're not among them.

And she's married to you, for God's sake!

Would you put up with this garbage if a local American girl treated you like this, much less a wife?

Start the divorce process immediately and follow through with it, with zero regret.

All the sweet, genuinely available, loving, sincere women in the world, and you're waffling about this one?

 

[Wee-moon-ah 3]

9 minutes ago, TBoneTX said:

 

#1

#2

#3

#4

#5

#6

No, brother.

She's displaying (in spades) where her priorities are, and you're not among them.

And she's married to you, for God's sake!

Would you put up with this garbage if a local American girl treated you like this, much less a wife?

Start the divorce process immediately and follow through with it, with zero regret.

All the sweet, genuinely available, loving, sincere women in the world, and you're waffling about this one?

 

Yeh I know. If an American was like this I’d bounce quick!  

[TBoneTX 43,422]

More of your own sincere words, with the ring of truth to them.

There's your answer and your plan.  Stop immigration, start the divorce.

She's not marriage material, and you can't wish it to be so.

Set yourself free now -- it's ridiculously easier now than it will be if you delay even a little while.

[Wee-moon-ah 3]

27 minutes ago, TBoneTX said:

More of your own sincere words, with the ring of truth to them.

There's your answer and your plan.  Stop immigration, start the divorce.

She's not marriage material, and you can't wish it to be so.

Set yourself free now -- it's ridiculously easier now than it will be if you delay even a little while.

My buddy and I were talking about your post and thanks for being real. Yeh that’s the problem, I’m wishing for it to work and comparing to my buddies Viet girl. Ugh sucks to have wasted 3 years with her. 

[TBoneTX 43,422]

Am here to help you, brother.  Wishing for it to work is a natural human reaction; however, when we bang up against reality, it comes time to decide whether to throw good effort after bad or cut our losses.

On 12/8/2020 at 11:51 PM, NOTORIOUSJeff said:

Ugh sucks to have wasted 3 years with her. 

In one way, sure, but your eyes are open now, and you're wiser.  You also have a self-rescue route.

 

You have a genuinely golden opportunity -- beyond what's available to most married guys -- to rescue yourself with minimal expense, effort, headaches, and associated pain.  How straightforward to stop the immigration process and get divorced!  Do it.

 

I respectfully predict that you'll feel much better almost immediately, more than you expect.

The sooner you're situationally free, the sooner you'll be emotionally available for someone deserving.

And avoid restricting yourself just to Vietnamese women; there's a wide pool for you.

[Wee-moon-ah 3]

2 minutes ago, TBoneTX said:

Am here to help you, brother.  Wishing for it to work is a natural human reaction; however, when we bang up against reality, it comes time to decide whether to throw good effort after bad or cut our losses.

In one way, sure, but your eyes are open now, and you're wiser.  You also have a self-rescue route.

 

You have a genuinely golden opportunity -- beyond what's available to most married guys -- to rescue yourself with minimal expense, effort, headaches, and associated pain.  How straightforward to stop the immigration process and get divorced!  Do it.

 

I respectfully predict that you'll feel much better almost immediately, more than you expect.

The sooner you're situationally free, the sooner you'll be emotionally available for someone deserving.

And avoid restricting yourself just to Vietnamese women; there's a wide pool for you.

Thanks man. Appreciate the advice. I don’t know about feeling better immediately. I was w her for 3 years. I do know in the long run I’ll be happier. Just wish this COVID thi would end so I can start traveling again. I miss it so much. 

[TBoneTX 43,422]

31 minutes ago, NOTORIOUSJeff said:

I don’t know about feeling better immediately.

You might be surprised.  Look ahead.

31 minutes ago, NOTORIOUSJeff said:

I’ll be happier.

You said it.  Look yourself in the mirror and repeat it aloud to yourself, with more conviction each time, and see how you feel afterwards.