Jump to content

Immigrant mother completely dependent on me. Been 10 years.

4 posts in this topic

Recommended Posts

I moved to the US 10 years ago with then husband and mother. Ex and I no longer together, but my mom (59 years of age) is still here. We used to live together for many years. Now we live separately but within a 10 minute walk.

She is completely dependent on me, financially, emotionally, for day to day errands... She has no friends here, barely speaks English and can't drive. The worst part is, she is making no attempt to address this situation. I think it's pretty comfortable for her, and there is no reason so change the status quo and get outside her comfort zone.

She used to be abused by her parents in childhood, and was told that she is a burden. She has PTSD and depression -the meds seem to help somewhat.

But every time I bring up this subject, her depression flares up and she shuts down. I have no idea what to do as I have this huge responsibility to take care of an able-bodied parent, which saps me completely of time and energy. 

Anyone dealt with this kind of issue before? What would you recommend?

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

You might need to try some tough love. The situation is draining for you, but it's also not healthy for your mother. You could start by helping her sign up for some English as a Second Language classes at a local community college, many of them offer them at little or no cost. That would get her out, meeting people in similar situations to her own. I would also gradually start giving her more responsibility for things- be "busy" all the time. She's gotten into this routine, but a little at a time you need to take your life back. Good luck!

Day 0 - 2 May 2012 Mailed AOS package overnight delivery
Day 139 - 17 September 2012 Interview & APPROVED on the Spot!! :)
Day 145 - 23 September 2012 Received Green Card!

ROC - Eligible June 19 2014

Day 0 - 18 June 2014 Mailed ROC package via 2 day priority

Day 42 - 29 July 2014 Approval and Card Production Email

Day 49 - 5 August 2014 Received Green Card

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, she is your mother, so you gotta take care of her. I don't know what else to say. Have contacted your county's health Department? Some mental health patients may qualify for some sort of help/relief. It is tough, no doubt. 

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

It really depends on your relationship with your mother and how much you are willing to do everything for her. If she is still able and capable to to learn to drive, I'd force her to learn for her own sake. That way she can at least go to a store if she is bored, or go just drive around, meet people, go to school, whatever she finds interesting. If you have time, or your kids/ neighbors/ friends then get their help to teach her basic English, so she is at least comfortable to get out of the house on her own. Find out what people her age do in your area, maybe some sports or camping, picnicking, cooking, pottery classes or whatever, and sign her up. Go there with her a couple times until she makes some friends and then she is on her own. 

I think there is a little of your fault int here too, when you immigrated with your mother, you should have known that older people adapt slower, or don't adapt at all. So years ago, you and your husband should have helped her to learn the language and drive. Maybe by now she would even have a part-time job just to get out of the house. I can see why it can be draining but you are responsible for her now, unless you want to give her to a care house or something. 

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites
Didn't find the answer you were looking for? Ask our VJ Immigration Lawyers.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
- Back to Top -

Important Disclaimer: Please read carefully the Visajourney.com Terms of Service. If you do not agree to the Terms of Service you should not access or view any page (including this page) on VisaJourney.com. Answers and comments provided on Visajourney.com Forums are general information, and are not intended to substitute for informed professional medical, psychiatric, psychological, tax, legal, investment, accounting, or other professional advice. Visajourney.com does not endorse, and expressly disclaims liability for any product, manufacturer, distributor, service or service provider mentioned or any opinion expressed in answers or comments. VisaJourney.com does not condone immigration fraud in any way, shape or manner. VisaJourney.com recommends that if any member or user knows directly of someone involved in fraudulent or illegal activity, that they report such activity directly to the Department of Homeland Security, Immigration and Customs Enforcement. You can contact ICE via email at Immigration.Reply@dhs.gov or you can telephone ICE at 1-866-347-2423. All reported threads/posts containing reference to immigration fraud or illegal activities will be removed from this board. If you feel that you have found inappropriate content, please let us know by contacting us here with a url link to that content. Thank you.