Stress

[Leney 0]

I cannot imagine marriages going through much more stress than dealing with this entire visa adventure, especially families that already have children when parents are dealing with raising children on their own, working two jobs to afford all the fees, etc. What sort of effect do you think the process and the stress has on marriages/families. How many of the marriages which are tested by this process succeed?

[MaydayDas 1]

only the real ones

[doodlebug 3]

It's definitely the biggest test of patience I've ever had to endure. It's like our whole life is on hold.

[Krikit 1,166]

It's definitely the biggest test of patience I've ever had to endure.

You don't have kids yet, do you?

Sorry. I just had to say that. The devil made me do it.

[TracyLuis 0]

I cannot imagine marriages going through much more stress than dealing with this entire visa adventure, especially families that already have children when parents are dealing with raising children on their own, working two jobs to afford all the fees, etc. What sort of effect do you think the process and the stress has on marriages/families. How many of the marriages which are tested by this process succeed?

I can say from my experience that my marriage was actually made stronger from the trials my husband and I had to endure through the immigration process. But we don't have children yet, so I don't know how much different that would have made things. Not much, I imagine...

[Aymerlu 3]

It's definitely the biggest test of patience I've ever had to endure.

You don't have kids yet, do you?

Sorry. I just had to say that. The devil made me do it.

I have to agree with Doodle. Yes, I do have kids, one that is autistc and has challenges of his own, but the whole visa process was a complete and total stressor for me. I know what a challenge raising kids are, but never knew how stressful obtaining a visa could be. Many have the luxury of their SO being able to visit them or they are able to go visit often. We were not that fortunate which made the process even harder. In the end though our relationship is strong.

[JoeMama 0]

I just don't invest much into stress. I should. But things need to get done. I'm a single father with 3 daughters working 2 jobs and taking care of my home. I actually found the initial filing of my K-1 to be easy. My fiancee' has just as much intensity as I do. She's all set to go when the time comes for her medical and interview. We're hoping to hear something about our NOA2 by the end of this month. In the meantime, I've always got a million things to do to keep my time occupied.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

USCIS/DoS is remarkably efficient. I don't know what kind of stress you're talking about.

/learning to black it out is half the battle

[Dr. Obvious 49]

I can say from my experience that my marriage was actually made stronger from the trials my husband and I had to endure through the immigration process. But we don't have children yet, so I don't know how much different that would have made things. Not much, I imagine...

If it was your shared child, it probably would make a world of difference. I don't mean in the way that it would cause divorce, but it is horrible to know that my husband will miss his daughter's first steps, first words, and won't remember at all who he is when he finally gets here. This depresses my husband a lot obviously and he misses his child possibly more than he misses me. Having a young shared child definitely throws a wrench in the gears, there can be no doubt. But that's life at the moment.

[Oath 0]

Sounds to me like someone has cold feet and is looking for validation.

[doodlebug 3]

It's definitely the biggest test of patience I've ever had to endure.

You don't have kids yet, do you?

Sorry. I just had to say that. The devil made me do it.

Oh I do!!! It's a different type of stress though. For example, my daughters are 360 days apart. My ex left me for another woman when my two dumplings were 1 and 2 years old...............both were teething, both still in diapers and neither one at that time was sleeping through the night. I worked full time and was constantly being called by daycare that one or both were sick since they tend to get sick an awful lot between 0-3 yrs old when in daycare so I constantly had the stress of losing my job, though thankfully that never happened. The most stressful times back then were when I'd be up at say 2am with both of them puking their guts out all over their cribs while I was also throwing up myself and knowing that I HAD to be into work the next day and worrying whether I could get a relative to take care of two kids who were sick as a dog.

That type of stress is difficult, I assure you but this is very different. It's the stress of not being able to really talk to anyone in real life, aside from friends who are going through it, about my husband because everytime I bring him up I get "why isn't he here yet" or "is he REALLY coming", blah blah blah. Or I my kids feel bad because they see all other kids with stepparents actually with them at softball games, etc. and there's isn't here at all and they can't even talk to their friends because they totally wouldn't get it.

At least with the stomach virus I knew it would end within 24 to 48 hours.

[Krikit 1,166]

Oh I do!!! It's a different type of stress though. For example, my daughters are 360 days apart. My ex left me for another woman when my two dumplings were 1 and 2 years old...............both were teething, both still in diapers and neither one at that time was sleeping through the night. I worked full time and was constantly being called by daycare that one or both were sick since they tend to get sick an awful lot between 0-3 yrs old when in daycare so I constantly had the stress of losing my job, though thankfully that never happened. The most stressful times back then were when I'd be up at say 2am with both of them puking their guts out all over their cribs while I was also throwing up myself and knowing that I HAD to be into work the next day and worrying whether I could get a relative to take care of two kids who were sick as a dog.

OMG, you had me rolling on the floor laughing!! Ahhh, sweet memories.

Doh... it just occurred to me that people may think I have no empathy. Believe me, I understand. I had two toddlers when my first husband passed away. I also had a full time job while finishing up my college courses. To say it was stressful is an understatement. But the visa process is definitely a different type of stress.

Cheers!

[Fandango 1,440]

Yes, I do think the time apart is stressful, but I put things in perspective.

No one's shootin at me. My loved ones and I are all healthy and safe.

Real stress...to me....is God forbid not having a roof over your head, or being terminally ill, or facing a medical challenge that is touch and go. this is a piece of cake imo.

I tell myself...David's just in England...he's not on the front lines of a war.....

[Krikit 1,166]

Yes, I do think the time apart is stressful, but I put things in perspective.

No one's shootin at me. My loved ones and I are all healthy and safe.

Real stress...to me....is God forbid not having a roof over your head, or being terminally ill, or facing a medical challenge that is touch and go. this is a piece of cake imo.

I tell myself...David's just in England...he's not on the front lines of a war.....

I'm with Lisa. There are some things which are definitely worse than this. Having a sense of humour is key. Live in, and enjoy, the moment, because the future is not promised to anyone. This is not to say that your feelings are not valid. They are. Just don't neglect the present.

[Fandango 1,440]

Yes, I do think the time apart is stressful, but I put things in perspective.

No one's shootin at me. My loved ones and I are all healthy and safe.

Real stress...to me....is God forbid not having a roof over your head, or being terminally ill, or facing a medical challenge that is touch and go. this is a piece of cake imo.

I tell myself...David's just in England...he's not on the front lines of a war.....

I'm with Lisa. There are some things which are definitely worse than this. Having a sense of humour is key. Live in, and enjoy, the moment, because the future is not promised to anyone. This is not to say that your feelings are not valid. They are. Just don't neglect the present.

I don't want to sound arrogant here, but I think only people who have lived through really terrible things are able to put things in perspective. I know my accident/surgery & losing my beloved grandmother after watching her fight for her life for a year have put things in a different light for me. Before those two things, I'd get worked up over everything.....but you are so right...life IS short...and stress can have such a negative effect on a body. Stress kills.