Roman Catholic wedding- Please help

[tyene 5]

I had a regular Catholic wedding. It did require a lot of planning though. Many parishes require AT LEAST 6 months of engagement, and oftentimes prefer a year. 

When it comes to documents you need full baptismal certificate (the one that states you've never been married - make sure to say that you need a baptismal certificate from your parish FOR THE PURPOSE of marriage, and make sure you get the proper annotation in Latin).

We also did pre-Cana online (our archdiocese accepts that). We also had to to the compatibility test (usually Focus test) and attend retreat. NFP training was not required in our diocese but some do require it. In our case we did those things BEFORE filing K1 visa paperwork, but AFTER engagement. We had been engaged since October 2014, got retreat and pre-Cana done by Summer 2015 (I flew in for one month for vacation time), filed K1 visa in September 2015, got my visa in February 2016, flew in in June 2016 and in August 2016 had my beautiful, Catholic wedding.

 

I really did not want to get a civil ceremony as it's against Church teaching. We knew that from the get go though, hence we planned for our engagement to be almost 2 years and prepared for it accordingly. I think that doing Catholic wedding on K1 visa definitely requires having a good timeline and a lot of time. In our case the timeline worked perfectly, and I have no regrets. But honestly, I don't know how able you'll be to achieve them within few months. It might not be possible. 

 

Feel free to message me though, in Polish or English and I can give you more details on what we did.

 

Good luck! 

[tyene 5]

To be fair though, in my case both me and my husband are devout Catholics, so Catholic wedding and putting a time and work into that was no-brainer. 

[pattyandvern 282]

Thank You so much for answers! Now I know where I am standing. Answering some of your questions:

1. My fiance is baptist so he was baptised. I was reading that catholic wedding is fully valid if both husband and wife are baptised, even if one of them is not catholic. He is still Christian.

2. He went with me to church one time, he liked it. But I don't know if he would convert, he is not really paying to much attention to religious life, he is not going to his church, but he believes in God and want to get marry the way I want because he knows it is very important for me and my family.

3. Yesterday I found this website, what do You think?

http://www.catholicmarriageprep.com/course-info/online-pre-cana

maybe I should contact diocese? In this link it say the diocese from the place we want to get marry accept courses online.

 

@tyene I think I recognize You from wizaz forum  correct me if I am wrong. Its good to see You here.

[Kosi Wahala 153]

Have you reached out to the priest who is pastor at what will become your home parish? He would normally be the one to walk with you through the pre-Cana preparation, then assist you will coordinating with the priest who will be officiating your marriage. 

One other thing to consider - you mentioned that you wanted to marry at the camp where you and your fiancé met. I am not sure what type of camp this is, but, unless it is one with a chapel and altar, the Church does not allow for things like outdoor weddings. That's why you never see a Catholic wedding on a beach in the Caribbean.   That is something you are going to have to discuss with the priest, as well. 

[pattyandvern 282]

YEs, I wrote email to the parish office last saturday and I am waiting for response. And close to the camp there is small church, we used to go there in summer 2015, they were making summer masses there but last year they quit it. That church was under the parish that we contacted and I know that the church is still there. The area where the camp is is stricte touristic. But the main parish church is only 25min from camp so it wont be the problem either. What I want is reception at camp, the wedding don't have to take place there.

[tyene 5]

5 hours ago, pattyandvern said:

Thank You so much for answers! Now I know where I am standing. Answering some of your questions:

1. My fiance is baptist so he was baptised. I was reading that catholic wedding is fully valid if both husband and wife are baptised, even if one of them is not catholic. He is still Christian.

2. He went with me to church one time, he liked it. But I don't know if he would convert, he is not really paying to much attention to religious life, he is not going to his church, but he believes in God and want to get marry the way I want because he knows it is very important for me and my family.

3. Yesterday I found this website, what do You think?

http://www.catholicmarriageprep.com/course-info/online-pre-cana

maybe I should contact diocese? In this link it say the diocese from the place we want to get marry accept courses online.

 

@tyene I think I recognize You from wizaz forum  correct me if I am wrong. Its good to see You here.

 

1. Your marriage will be sacramental if he's baptized (but he MUST be baptized in a trinitarian formula, so make sure he is), but he's not Catholic side. You still need full pre-Cana, he needs to agree to raise kids within Catholic faith. You will need to talk with the parish priest about "permission to enter in a mixed marriage". It's not a problem my any means, and you still can have a Catholic wedding, but your husband won't receive communion etc. Your marriage will be valid in the eyes of the Church though AND sacramental. 

 

2. Conversion in the US is quite a process and definitely it won't be rushed because you're getting married. My advice is to just marry with him as non-Catholic and if he truly has a change of heart he always can convert. 

 

3. This is exactly the website we used for our pre-Cana. It's legit. The course takes quite some time so be prepare to put some work into it! But it's pretty cool and yes, in our diocese it was an accepted for of pre-cana.

 

And yes, that's me.  

[pattyandvern 282]

Thank You @tyene! You are very helpful!

so my plan for now is to wait and see what the parish office would say and if they would agree to contact me by email/phone by the time I will come to USA, eventually contact my fiance. I will ask about the date availibility and online preparations and of course formalities and documents I should bring from Poland and my fiance from his church. If they would accept online pre-cana than I will start the course.

 

can I ask how does the course look like? Both partners have to learn and fill tests or they have to talk online to teachers?

[tyene 5]

You get questions and have to write responses with your partner to those questions. Then you wait for their feedback and get the next set of questions. You also get reading material. It is a lot of work and it will definitely take some time over Skype for both of you. 

 

I would contact the parish now by e-mail (most parishes in the US are very fast with responding) and start the course ASAP. There is no need to wait.

 

I don't think you will have enough time by the time you actually physically enter US on the fiance visa, so I would definitely set up the contact and possible Skype meeting with the priest right now. Honestly, Catholic church in the US is more strict about procedural times than Church in Poland. In Poland you can get married within few months from engagement, but in the US they really don't like to rush and honestly, you really need to contact the parish ASAP, explain your situation thoroughly and ask for assistance. 

 

 

[pattyandvern 282]

Thank You, that is what I did. I am waiting now for their respond.

[Pee&Eee 70]

16 hours ago, Kosi Wahala said:

Also, if you decide to marry outside the Church, first, most priests will require you to go through Pre-Cana before convalidating your marriage. FYI - there are considerations concerning state of grace and reception of the Holy Eucharist, until you have your marriage regularized. 
We just completed our Pre-Cana for the convalidation of our marriage - Again, you can PM me if you wish.

@Kosi Wahala This is the first time I have heard of convalidation of a Marriage. I have looked it up and am getting conflicting answers. Is convalidation same as a normal Catholic Marriage ceremony? If it is indeed different, then we would opt for the Catholic Marriage.

[Kosi Wahala 153]

1 hour ago, PrisEri said:

@Kosi Wahala This is the first time I have heard of convalidation of a Marriage. I have looked it up and am getting conflicting answers. Is convalidation same as a normal Catholic Marriage ceremony? If it is indeed different, then we would opt for the Catholic Marriage.

In many places convalidation is known as regularization. It is how the Church makes an illicit marriage sacramental. It may take place within a Mass, our outside of the Mass (depending upon the preference of the couple, and whether or not both are Catholic). The priest follows the Rite of Marriage - it's not just a "let's fix this" sort of thing - it's a Catholic marriage.  It can be celebrated as a normal marriage, or it can be a more reserved ceremony...that is up to the couple. 

[Pee&Eee 70]

2 hours ago, Kosi Wahala said:

In many places convalidation is known as regularization. It is how the Church makes an illicit marriage sacramental. It may take place within a Mass, our outside of the Mass (depending upon the preference of the couple, and whether or not both are Catholic). The priest follows the Rite of Marriage - it's not just a "let's fix this" sort of thing - it's a Catholic marriage.  It can be celebrated as a normal marriage, or it can be a more reserved ceremony...that is up to the couple. 

@Kosi Wahala Many thanks for this.

[Kosi Wahala 153]

2 minutes ago, PrisEri said:

@Kosi Wahala Many thanks for this.

You are welcome. While convalidation follows the Rite of Marriage, no one should choose to have anything other than a marriage within the Catholic Church. Convalidation is the way the Church makes an illicit marriage a valid sacrament of the Church. To marry outside the Church. without permission of the bishop causes one to be in a state of grave sin. 

Since one must be in a state of grace, in order to have one's marriage convalidated, one must receive absolution and the priest would advise the couple to live as "brother and sister" until the convalidation takes place. 

I would not advise anyone to enter into a civil marriage, when with some patience and planning, a sacramental marriage can be celebrated. 

[Pee&Eee 70]

1 minute ago, Kosi Wahala said:

You are welcome. While convalidation follows the Rite of Marriage, no one should choose to have anything other than a marriage within the Catholic Church. Convalidation is the way the Church makes an illicit marriage a valid sacrament of the Church. To marry outside the Church. without permission of the bishop causes one to be in a state of grave sin. 

Since one must be in a state of grace, in order to have one's marriage convalidated, one must receive absolution and the priest would advise the couple to live as "brother and sister" until the convalidation takes place. 

I would not advise anyone to enter into a civil marriage, when with some patience and planning, a sacramental marriage can be celebrated. 

@Kosi Wahala You are so spot on! Thank you so very much we will go ahead and begin the marriage prep and follow through with the sacramental marriage.

[B and C 1]

My wife, from the Philippines, went through a civil and Church annulment process. It seemed to take forever, but having any and all paperwork needed was/is really important. Our priest here in the U.S. was very, very helpful and worked to make sure everything was valid and done properly. We were engaged for quite a while and she worked outside the Philippines as a university level English teacher. We took the process in stride, and eventually, everything worked out. We've been married over six years now and she became a U.S. citizen last Fall.

 

God Bless your journey!

Bruce