DON’T WORRY, I CHECKED MY PRIVILEGE.

[smilesammich 10,727]

If you’re a white man like me, you’ve been hearing the same question a lot lately: “How may I help you, sir?” It’s a great question, and yes you do have my permission to help me. I’ll take those shoes, and that phone-watch, and North Carolina’s 4th Congressional District. But men like me have also been hearing another question: “You need to check your privilege.” Which I’d like to point out is not actually a question. Now as a white man my natural response to non-questions is to get sarcastic and ask to see somebody’s manager. Which I did. And it turns out I was their manager. So I sat down for a long meeting with myself, and came to one conclusion. I do need to check my privilege. Because what if I’ve lost it?

I can’t imagine life without my white male privilege. Literally, my mind cannot conceive of what that would be like. And I’ve got a really good imagination. Ask me to imagine a half-man, half-zebra dressed like a half-woman/half-lion. No problem, already done. I can even see how the fake fur of his yarn lion-mane gets tangled in the real fur of his zebra pelt. And just for extra credit, I imagined he was on the beach eating a blue steak, a color no real steak has ever been. So let’s not kid ourselves, my imagination is probably in the top seven or eight imaginations of all time. If I can’t imagine life without my privilege, then it’s probably outside the realm of human thought, like string theory or the rules for frequent-flier mileage.

If my privilege was missing, I needed to know right away. Taking a few days off from work (I’ll tell them I was sick or had a family thing or something — if my boss/dad’s college roommate even asks me), I checked the status of my white male privilege in a variety of situations.

read this last night and thought of ya'll. i'm sure you'll read more here, but let me just put my favorite out there:

Driving

Spend two hours circling an elementary school at high speed while announcing, “I have a bomb” through a bullhorn. Asked to pull over by a police officer, I roll down my window and take a swipe at him with a machete. The officer immediately hands me a beer and asks if I think the Mets have a shot at a series win. We bond over our shared love of pornography and cargo shorts. Not once during this interaction am I shot to death.

Privilege: Standard

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/dont-worry-i-checked-my-privilege

[Darnell 8,479]

what? other ethnic groups have been seeking to live with the same privileges? No Way !

We need some Marvin input, I'm a thinking...

[smilesammich 10,727]

what? other ethnic groups have been seeking to live with the same privileges? No Way !

where is marvin huh? you keep your bullhorn riding shotgun - no?

[Darnell 8,479]

huh? i only have 1 shotgun at the house, the rest are in the country stored in a locked cement bunker.

i don't use bullhorns this decade - I prefer the soft, whisper-like quality of my voice.

But I digress. Lemme say this - If'n one dinna get theirs during federally-enforced affirmative-action, well, ya missed out.

[smilesammich 10,727]

huh? i only have 1 shotgun at the house, the rest are in the country stored in a locked cement bunker.

i don't use bullhorns this decade - I prefer the soft, whisper-like quality of my voice.

But I digress. Lemme say this - If'n one dinna get theirs during federally-enforced affirmative-action, well, ya missed out.

whoa! close call there that federally enforced affirmative action chip on your shoulder almost knicked me in the eye, simmer down softly, whisper

[Darnell 8,479]

huh? it's not any chip - it was a solid thing, caused a great Diaspora, and got many on the righteous path to be upwardly mobile.

Since it's not a law anymore - and it's 2nd and 3rd generation kiddies in the pipe - I just pray the parents hang on to the level they achieved, no backsliding on anything. Raising kids is not easy, irrespective of who you are !

[smilesammich 10,727]

huh? it's not any chip - it was a solid thing, caused a great Diaspora, and got many on the righteous path to be upwardly mobile.

Since it's not a law anymore - and it's 2nd and 3rd generation kiddies in the pipe - I just pray the parents hang on to the level they achieved, no backsliding on anything. Raising kids is not easy, irrespective of who you are !

oooo. tell me about the great diaspora. and what's this upward mobility you speak of?

pray in one hand and poo in the other, see which stinks faster. that's what i always say!

[Darnell 8,479]

uh oh... nevermind...

[smilesammich 10,727]

uh oh... nevermind...

ugh. nevermind is so boring.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

ugh. nevermind is so boring.

I prefer the energy of "Bleach," personally.

[smilesammich 10,727]

I prefer the energy of "Bleach," personally.

NO RECESS! yes, i harbor a soft spot for incesticide as well.

[ExPatty 503]

You realize the author was joking right?

[smilesammich 10,727]

You realize the author was joking right?

i've been reading mcsweeneys for a while, i get it. jokes not jokes.

[Rob L 3,811]

You realize the author was joking right?

the defense of our use of cargo shorts is no joke my friend....

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

the defense of our use of cargo shorts is no joke my friend....

There should have been a mention of pleated khakis. #notallwhitemenbutseemslikeit