Experiences of Discrimination Against Immigrants

[MouadsWife 161]

When I "broke" the news to my mother... lol. I say 'broke' because she's a church of christ Christian, and basically you learn what Fox news and the church teaches you. She said, "is his name Mohammad"? And "how dark is his skin"? Rotfl lolololol. But now she just loves him soooo much! She'll take his side over mine any day!!!!!

[IslAmy 122]

I struggle with it a bit because I know my husband is often the first Muslim/Middle Eastern person people have met where we live so it's an opportunity to be an "ambassador" of sorts and change some assumptions.

It's easier though when the questioning/comments are directed towards me. When your spouse is in the hot seat it's harder and I do notice myself becoming defensive.

[Smelserjl 137]

When I "broke" the news to my mother... lol. I say 'broke' because she's a church of christ Christian, and basically you learn what Fox news and the church teaches you. She said, "is his name Mohammad"? And "how dark is his skin"? Rotfl lolololol. But now she just loves him soooo much! She'll take his side over mine any day!!!!!

My mother said the exact same thing. And though she hasn't met him yet, she and the rest of my family are already planning things and asking questions like, "Can he eat this?" "Do you think he'll like that?" It's sweet but sad at the same time. We've been together 3 years and they've never met him in person. Over that period of time though, I've noticed my family getting defensive when people on social media or in family get togethers say things about Muslims/Islam or even immigrants. They're the first to jump in and correct ignorant people and stupid comments, which makes me feel good.

[Smelserjl 137]

I struggle with it a bit because I know my husband is often the first Muslim/Middle Eastern person people have met where we live so it's an opportunity to be an "ambassador" of sorts and change some assumptions.

It's easier though when the questioning/comments are directed towards me. When your spouse is in the hot seat it's harder and I do notice myself becoming defensive.

Yes, I felt like I was an ambassador of the US so to speak when I was studying abroad in Egypt and Jordan, and it's a unique opportunity to explain and correct misconceptions, which I have no doubt my husband will do. I do worry sometimes about people directing comments towards him that he won't "get" culturally, but we'll see. He's pretty saavy on American culture and politics thanks to me and his own personal interest.

To everyone generally: Do/did your spouses follow American politics and culture before coming to the US? Did they have misconceptions?

[MouadsWife 161]

My parents are the same way. Being defensive and corrective. But they still try daily to change him, to convert him, and always shoving pork in his face which makes me livid. They keep saying one day they will americanize him. But they still dont get you can be muslim and American at the same time. And the definition of being American isnt eating pork. I guess you've figured out 'pork' is the weak spot in our family. Rotfl

[Boiler 43,434]

I had visited but living somewhere is not the same as visiting somewhere.

A lot of terms are different and way of doing things, you tend to assume things are similar unless you know to the contrary.

If he learnt American English that would help, I remember wondering what a faucet was and it was 4 years years before I realised that period was a punctuation term.

The WWW helps, I certainly was surprised as to how disfunctional Government and politics are, one of those things you only see close up and personal.

[MouadsWife 161]

Yes, I felt like I was an ambassador of the US so to speak when I was studying abroad in Egypt and Jordan, and it's a unique opportunity to explain and correct misconceptions, which I have no doubt my husband will do. I do worry sometimes about people directing comments towards him that he won't "get" culturally, but we'll see. He's pretty saavy on American culture and politics thanks to me and his own personal interest.

To everyone generally: Do/did your spouses follow American politics and culture before coming to the US? Did they have misconceptions?

No..neither one of us never followed politics. I had some cultural misconceptions. After I met my husband I learned alot about his culture and Islam. He had some misconceptions about the US. Alot of what they learn is from movies. They think we're all rich over here. Lol. Boy did he have a big wake up call when he got here. Its not at NYC, Beverly Hills and Los Angeles. He wasnt really that forgone. . But I know some others who were. He was mostly surprised at the amount of bills and the cost of things. Especially medical bills.

[Smelserjl 137]

No..neither one of us never followed politics. I had some cultural misconceptions. After I met my husband I learned alot about his culture and Islam. He had some misconceptions about the US. Alot of what they learn is from movies. They think we're all rich over here. Lol. Boy did he have a big wake up call when he got here. Its not at NYC, Beverly Hills and Los Angeles. He wasnt really that forgone. . But I know some others who were. He was mostly surprised at the amount of bills and the cost of things. Especially medical bills.

Kinda the same with my husband. He seems a bit different from other Egyptians I've met, in that he doesn't take everything at face value and pretty much assumes everything is propaganda--domestically and internationally. With that, he's had a pretty open mind. He knows things aren't like NYC, etc.--especially for me. My daily commute is about 2 hours to DC and he knows I live around farms and just generally rural area which is different from him, since he's a city boy!

I had visited but living somewhere is not the same as visiting somewhere.

A lot of terms are different and way of doing things, you tend to assume things are similar unless you know to the contrary.

If he learnt American English that would help, I remember wondering what a faucet was and it was 4 years years before I realised that period was a punctuation term.

The WWW helps, I certainly was surprised as to how disfunctional Government and politics are, one of those things you only see close up and personal.

We're definitely working on American English. The way he learned English was British spelling and pronunciation at times, but we're working on it. I keep telling him it's just like for me: I'll never be perfect in Arabic unless I live there again, and the same goes for him with English. He's taken online classes for English and I help him with writing and reading things, so he's getting better. The internet is really a godsend, not only for educational purposes, but also for keeping us contact. God forbid we still had send snail mail. Half of what I sent him never arrived!

My parents are the same way. Being defensive and corrective. But they still try daily to change him, to convert him, and always shoving pork in his face which makes me livid. They keep saying one day they will americanize him. But they still dont get you can be muslim and American at the same time. And the definition of being American isnt eating pork. I guess you've figured out 'pork' is the weak spot in our family. Rotfl

That's kind of an issue with my family. We eat pork no big deal, but for him, he's a medical student so his reasons for not eating it are more health related than religious. He probably won't be able to stay halal while we live with my family since we are like 40 miles from a kosher or halal market, but we'll try our best. He might end up being vegetarian, which I've been considering doing for some time anyway.

[KokiLulu 8]

[quote name="Smelserjl"

Funny you should say that. I've heard quite a few people say that as well. Do you worry about his experiences in the US?

I worry about culture shock and the initial adjustment period. I have a friend from NY married to an egyptian and she said the adjustment was difficult and took time and patience. I am not too worried he will be discriminated against. people won't know where he's from or what religion he is from looking at him and I think most will assume he is hispanic since the hispanic population here is huge. I worry about him missing home, his family, and life in Egypt. Women in Egypt are so different than women in America so that will be a big adjustment as well. In Egypt women should not bend down in public, or prop their legs up, or do anything that calls attention to their bodies. But here it's so different. I sent a photo to my fiance of a young mother at my children's pediatrician's office that was sitting in a chair with her leg bent upright at the knee so that her foot was pulled up onto the chair exposing her butt area and she was wearing short shorts. My fiance was shocked because women just don't sit that way in egypt but here people don't think twice about it.

[MouadsWife 161]

I worry about culture shock and the initial adjustment period. I have a friend from NY married to an egyptian and she said the adjustment was difficult and took time and patience. I am not too worried he will be discriminated against. people won't know where he's from or what religion he is from looking at him and I think most will assume he is hispanic since the hispanic population here is huge. I worry about him missing home, his family, and life in Egypt. Women in Egypt are so different than women in America so that will be a big adjustment as well. In Egypt women should not bend down in public, or prop their legs up, or do anything that calls attention to their bodies. But here it's so different. I sent a photo to my fiance of a young mother at my children's pediatrician's office that was sitting in a chair with her leg bent upright at the knee so that her foot was pulled up onto the chair exposing her butt area and she was wearing short shorts. My fiance was shocked because women just don't sit that way in egypt but here people don't think twice about it.

I never show my backside wearing long shirts... but my husband is always pulling my shirt down when I bend over anyhow. Lol. If we go to other peoples homes where its required to take my shoes off I have to bring socks because he doesnt like my feet exposed. Their his! Lol. No shorts, but longgggg capris are acceptable. And he doesn't like fingernail polish because it draws attention to my hands. Now dont read anything into this... I'm not controlled by any means. I love my husband and I respect him. So many American woman are so absorbed with the don't tread on me attitude. And I'm not going to conform because you just want to control me thought process. I do it because I love myself and respect myself and love and respect my husband.

I don't think he felt much culture shock or home sickness. He waited almost 5 years before he went home. His ailment was boredom! Then he met some other moroccans and joined a soccer league and played pretty regular, and that helped. I think a biggie for us was the language barrier. Words not taken correctly. .. jokes not received and taken seriously. .. if there ever is a hint of the other not receiving anything said correctly, ask what he understood. Don't ask 'did you understand'? Because most likely they will say they did when they didnt. Also ask their opinions. When they get here they will feel like a fish out of water, not standing.on solid ground. Yes you are more experienced being the American. .. but they are insecure. So to give them some of their manly feelings back on this unsolid ground their on... ask them their opinions in matters, as much as you can. Get them involved in things. It will help build their confidence here.

Edited May 31, 2015 by MouadsWife

[KokiLulu 8]

My mother is very opposed to my relationship. She doesn't even know we plan to get married. She is so bothered by the fact i am in a long distant relationship with a muslim. He has tried to say "hi" to her on a couple of occasions and to wish her a merry christmas but she flat out refuses to take the phone stating she has nothing to say to him. She also doesn't know I have converted to Isalm. She knows I was researching and trying to know more about Islam and she assumed I would eventually convert but she doesn't know I actually did it yet. My mother has never really approved of anyone I've dated but then again i've never dated a doctor or someone with tons of money. That would make her happy ad a lark no matter what kind of a personality he had. What really bugs me is she already has her mind made up about my fiance without so much as giving him a chance to say "hello". I don't mind if you dislike a person after meeting them and having an actual reason to dislike them. But don't dislike a person you've never said not 1 word to.

[MouadsWife 161]

My mother is very opposed to my relationship. She doesn't even know we plan to get married. She is so bothered by the fact i am in a long distant relationship with a muslim. He has tried to say "hi" to her on a couple of occasions and to wish her a merry christmas but she flat out refuses to take the phone stating she has nothing to say to him. She also doesn't know I have converted to Isalm. She knows I was researching and trying to know more about Islam and she assumed I would eventually convert but she doesn't know I actually did it yet. My mother has never really approved of anyone I've dated but then again i've never dated a doctor or someone with tons of money. That would make her happy ad a lark no matter what kind of a personality he had. What really bugs me is she already has her mind made up about my fiance without so much as giving him a chance to say "hello". I don't mind if you dislike a person after meeting them and having an actual reason to dislike them. But don't dislike a person you've never said not 1 word to.

My mother also had a hard time talking to him prior to him coming here. I also converted to Islam and she doesn't know about it. I remember before he got here she spewed out our whole story on Daniels Pipes and tried to contact ICE to keep him from coming. It pretty much destroyed our relationship. Now. My mother and father would do anything for him. My mom fell in love with him from the first meeting. She likes to introduce him to anyone she can. Can't tell you how much she loves him. My dad will fight wars over him. He is totally and completely accepted by my family. They have even lost friends from the church over my marriage and they dont care because they love him so much. So.. not all is lost for you yet!!!! ;-)

[KokiLulu 8]

As for cultural misconceptions...my fiance had a ton of them when it comes to how men and women interact with each other. He used to work in a tourist town in Hurghada where there are many westerners...mostly Russian's and Germans's it seems. Apparently many western tourists in hurghada go there looking to "hook up" with the locals. Many women are married and don't care. Some women go there with their husbands and the husband allows the wife to hook up with a local. And many people go there with friends and switch partners. From my fiance's description, it sounds like a hot spot for swingers. So my fiance has the impression that most americans sleep around and cheat on their husbands or they have husbands that allow their wives to sleep around. He thinks friends hook up together regularly. I have told him there are people that do those things here but it is not the majority of the population.

[MouadsWife 161]

As for cultural misconceptions...my fiance had a ton of them when it comes to how men and women interact with each other. He used to work in a tourist town in Hurghada where there are many westerners...mostly Russian's and Germans's it seems. Apparently many western tourists in hurghada go there looking to "hook up" with the locals. Many women are married and don't care. Some women go there with their husbands and the husband allows the wife to hook up with a local. And many people go there with friends and switch partners. From my fiance's description, it sounds like a hot spot for swingers. So my fiance has the impression that most americans sleep around and cheat on their husbands or they have husbands that allow their wives to sleep around. He thinks friends hook up together regularly. I have told him there are people that do those things here but it is not the majority of the population.

Lol yeah sounds like one big swinger party. I could be incorrect but seem Eqypt is more liberal than Morocco. In Morocco men generally keep with men and Women with Women. From the traveling I've done and from the time that I've spent there, I have never seen mixed interaction except for tourists. Lol. I almost got arrested for kissing my husband and one time I was stopped by being out after dark with my brother-in-law.

[KokiLulu 8]

Lol yeah sounds like one big swinger party. I could be incorrect but seem Eqypt is more liberal than Morocco. In Morocco men generally keep with men and Women with Women. From the traveling I've done and from the time that I've spent there, I have never seen mixed interaction except for tourists. Lol. I almost got arrested for kissing my husband and one time I was stopped by being out after dark with my brother-in-law.

Everything you said about Morocco is pretty much the same in Egypt. Egypt may be less conservative than Saudi Arabia but a far cry from being as liberal as say Turkey. Men with men and women with women. You cannot get a hotel room without showing your marriage license. Things like that. But this one tourist town is a bit more lax on sticking to the rules because of the huge western population. Many westerner's own vacation properties there which makes "hooking up" with local men easier. It is virtually possible for a local man to stay in a hotel with a woman he is not married to but it can be done in privately owned flats. If you are cought you will be in bog trouble though. And they do have police that go door to door making sure unmarried people aren't shacking up lol

Edited May 31, 2015 by KokiLulu