For white men married to African women

[Opheliacy 0]

I recently asked African women on a previous post about an issue that I have with my white husband. I am a Nigerian women with thick (course?) hair. It is normal hair for most Nigerian women. My husband, however, seems to be fixated on long, silky hair like many Ethiopian and Somali women (and even Hispanic) have in our city (Minneapolis). He makes me put on a wig to cover up my natural hair. Nothing else will suffice: no relaxer, no twists, no natural look. Just the wig. I, as I said on the other topic post, am furious.

I would like an honest answer from white men married to African women: Is our hair an issue to you or is my husband being absolutely unreasonable. Please be honest, because I don't want to keeping perceiving him as being ashamed of me if it is something that many white men may have an issue about.

I am hurt and confused and looking for perspectives from women and men.

Thank you.

[NaijaPrincess Need NaijaPrince 0]

I would sit down and really talk to him about it. Say to him, "honey, is it my hair that you married or me?" I would then explain to him that I was born with hair that is so unique to any type on this planet. I can wear my hair in many different styles. If that doesn't work, I would suggest to him tha we go to professional counseling. Be sure that YOU have a say so in the counselor or therapist.

I recently asked African women on a previous post about an issue that I have with my white husband. I am a Nigerian women with thick (course?) hair. It is normal hair for most Nigerian women. My husband, however, seems to be fixated on long, silky hair like many Ethiopian and Somali women (and even Hispanic) have in our city (Minneapolis). He makes me put on a wig to cover up my natural hair. Nothing else will suffice: no relaxer, no twists, no natural look. Just the wig. I, as I said on the other topic post, am furious.

I would like an honest answer from white men married to African women: Is our hair an issue to you or is my husband being absolutely unreasonable. Please be honest, because I don't want to keeping perceiving him as being ashamed of me if it is something that many white men may have an issue about.

I am hurt and confused and looking for perspectives from women and men.

Thank you.

Edited February 17, 2007 by NaijaPrincess Need NaijaPrince

[Ta Ta 1]

From a white woman's perspective I would say he is very insensitive.

I do not believe this is a African/Western issue but he is just plain inconsiderate.

When he met you and you both dated did he only see you with the wig or did that

become an issue later during marriage ?

If he had no problem before then why does he want you to change your appearance now ?

[NkemEmeka 0]

On a previous post you had claimed you were a Ghanaian, and now you are claiming that you are a Nigerian.

Anyhow, your husband married you with your thick course hair. Apperently, thats what he likes and that is what he should stick with without any complaints. If he wanted an Ethiopian then he should of gotten one before he married you. My whole point is that he chose to marry you and he knew what the package was. At the day of your wedding, he married you with your course hair and he was not complaining then. Why now?

I recently asked African women on a previous post about an issue that I have with my white husband. I am a Nigerian women with thick (course?) hair. It is normal hair for most Nigerian women. My husband, however, seems to be fixated on long, silky hair like many Ethiopian and Somali women (and even Hispanic) have in our city (Minneapolis). He makes me put on a wig to cover up my natural hair. Nothing else will suffice: no relaxer, no twists, no natural look. Just the wig. I, as I said on the other topic post, am furious.

I would like an honest answer from white men married to African women: Is our hair an issue to you or is my husband being absolutely unreasonable. Please be honest, because I don't want to keeping perceiving him as being ashamed of me if it is something that many white men may have an issue about.

I am hurt and confused and looking for perspectives from women and men.

Thank you.

[jamrok 0]

On a previous post you had claimed you were a Ghanaian, and now you are claiming that you are a Nigerian.

Anyhow, your husband married you with your thick course hair. Apperently, thats what he likes and that is what he should stick with without any complaints. If he wanted an Ethiopian then he should of gotten one before he married you. My whole point is that he chose to marry you and he knew what the package was. At the day of your wedding, he married you with your course hair and he was not complaining then. Why now?

I recently asked African women on a previous post about an issue that I have with my white husband. I am a Nigerian women with thick (course?) hair. It is normal hair for most Nigerian women. My husband, however, seems to be fixated on long, silky hair like many Ethiopian and Somali women (and even Hispanic) have in our city (Minneapolis). He makes me put on a wig to cover up my natural hair. Nothing else will suffice: no relaxer, no twists, no natural look. Just the wig. I, as I said on the other topic post, am furious.

I would like an honest answer from white men married to African women: Is our hair an issue to you or is my husband being absolutely unreasonable. Please be honest, because I don't want to keeping perceiving him as being ashamed of me if it is something that many white men may have an issue about.

I am hurt and confused and looking for perspectives from women and men.

Thank you.

From a honest stand point I think the problem goes farther than just the hair. Open and honest

discussions are very necessary at this point. I feel very sorry that you have to deal with this.

God bless

[Kelechi 0]

I recently asked African women on a previous post about an issue that I have with my white husband. I am a Nigerian women with thick (course?) hair. It is normal hair for most Nigerian women. My husband, however, seems to be fixated on long, silky hair like many Ethiopian and Somali women (and even Hispanic) have in our city (Minneapolis). He makes me put on a wig to cover up my natural hair. Nothing else will suffice: no relaxer, no twists, no natural look. Just the wig. I, as I said on the other topic post, am furious.

I would like an honest answer from white men married to African women: Is our hair an issue to you or is my husband being absolutely unreasonable. Please be honest, because I don't want to keeping perceiving him as being ashamed of me if it is something that many white men may have an issue about.

I am hurt and confused and looking for perspectives from women and men.

Thank you.

Hi I also answered your post when you sent it before. Are you from Ghana or Nigeria? This really seems to be bothering you very much. But I am here to tell you that truly you are going to come to many issues during your marriage. If you don't like the wig just talk to him about it. You have to learn to communicate with your husband in a way that he can understand you. Maybe even try a different wig or sew in weave or maybe some very small braids that look like sraight hair. I understand your concerns but sometimes we tend to make things harder on us then we have to. Take it easy and enjoy your new marriage. Oh have you received you papers yet?

[Opheliacy 0]

On a previous post you had claimed you were a Ghanaian, and now you are claiming that you are a Nigerian.

Anyhow, your husband married you with your thick course hair. Apperently, thats what he likes and that is what he should stick with without any complaints. If he wanted an Ethiopian then he should of gotten one before he married you. My whole point is that he chose to marry you and he knew what the package was. At the day of your wedding, he married you with your course hair and he was not complaining then. Why now?

Sorry about that. I am from Ghana. Whew, I have been here too long and my conversation for geographically challenged Minnesota people brought itself into the post :-). Everytime I tell people I am from Ghana in America, the first thing they say is "where is that?" So I started saying Nigeria, which is where I last lived before arriving in U.S., a more familiar country to keep the conversation moving. Most people think I am Spanish (because of the wig).

Do they not teach geography in America? I could tell you a million stories from other Africans here who go through the same thing: "Where's Ethiopia?, where's Somalia?, Where's Eritrea?" If you don't say Nigeria or Kenya, they are lost. I'm still trying to get some people hear to believe that Egypt is in Africa. They usually say "Egypt is in Saudi Arabia."

Thanks for your feedback

[Patrick_A 0]

Ummm, Yup. Americans are an ignorant bunch. We think America is 90% of the world.

As far as your hair problem goes. Sounds to me like he is a inconsiderate moron who doesnt deserve you. Maybe you can get an annulment.

Patrick

[brnidokiegurl 0]

First he would not MAKE you do anything. You are you and will continue to be, as example , do you like his hair? tell him to change and see the reaction. Only my thought but i think hair is the least of the issues your going to see surface. Stand strong for yourself, maybe after a long talk things will be seen differently.

[Kelechi 0]

On a previous post you had claimed you were a Ghanaian, and now you are claiming that you are a Nigerian.

Anyhow, your husband married you with your thick course hair. Apperently, thats what he likes and that is what he should stick with without any complaints. If he wanted an Ethiopian then he should of gotten one before he married you. My whole point is that he chose to marry you and he knew what the package was. At the day of your wedding, he married you with your course hair and he was not complaining then. Why now?

Sorry about that. I am from Ghana. Whew, I have been here too long and my conversation for geographically challenged Minnesota people brought itself into the post :-). Everytime I tell people I am from Ghana in America, the first thing they say is "where is that?" So I started saying Nigeria, which is where I last lived before arriving in U.S., a more familiar country to keep the conversation moving. Most people think I am Spanish (because of the wig).

Do they not teach geography in America? I could tell you a million stories from other Africans here who go through the same thing: "Where's Ethiopia?, where's Somalia?, Where's Eritrea?" If you don't say Nigeria or Kenya, they are lost. I'm still trying to get some people hear to believe that Egypt is in Africa. They usually say "Egypt is in Saudi Arabia."

Thanks for your feedback

Wow, I am an American and I can answer a few of your questions about Americans being taught geography. And not all people in America nor Africa are ignorant. Let me as an American woman give you a piece of advice. Wear the wig until you get that green card of yours. Do you know why I come to this post everyday? Because I respect my African brothers and sisters and I am about to marry a Nigeria as soon as I can get him here. I come here to learn some things and to see what issues are being faced. I kind of feel like Rodney King here and just want to say can we all just get along. As far as what we are taught in school we rarely are taught anything about Africa and the African people except that most of them have HIV.( Before anyone says anything I have been to Nigeria twice and I know better) I am just telling you how most Americans view Africa even the African Americans who are actually of the African heritage. You are going to be faced with so many issue now that you are here. You are going to see white women looking at you funny for being with one of their own and the black woman will look at you like you think you are better than they are. Not all but some. You are going to face many things girl in this world. Come on get a grip on this wig thing and if you don't want to wear it don't. Go get you some mico-braids you will love it.

[Patrick_A 0]

On a previous post you had claimed you were a Ghanaian, and now you are claiming that you are a Nigerian.

Anyhow, your husband married you with your thick course hair. Apperently, thats what he likes and that is what he should stick with without any complaints. If he wanted an Ethiopian then he should of gotten one before he married you. My whole point is that he chose to marry you and he knew what the package was. At the day of your wedding, he married you with your course hair and he was not complaining then. Why now?

Sorry about that. I am from Ghana. Whew, I have been here too long and my conversation for geographically challenged Minnesota people brought itself into the post :-). Everytime I tell people I am from Ghana in America, the first thing they say is "where is that?" So I started saying Nigeria, which is where I last lived before arriving in U.S., a more familiar country to keep the conversation moving. Most people think I am Spanish (because of the wig).

Do they not teach geography in America? I could tell you a million stories from other Africans here who go through the same thing: "Where's Ethiopia?, where's Somalia?, Where's Eritrea?" If you don't say Nigeria or Kenya, they are lost. I'm still trying to get some people hear to believe that Egypt is in Africa. They usually say "Egypt is in Saudi Arabia."

Thanks for your feedback

Wow, I am an American and I can answer a few of your questions about Americans being taught geography. And not all people in America nor Africa are ignorant. Let me as an American woman give you a piece of advice. Wear the wig until you get that green card of yours. Do you know why I come to this post everyday? Because I respect my African brothers and sisters and I am about to marry a Nigeria as soon as I can get him here. I come here to learn some things and to see what issues are being faced. I kind of feel like Rodney King here and just want to say can we all just get along. As far as what we are taught in school we rarely are taught anything about Africa and the African people except that most of them have HIV.( Before anyone says anything I have been to Nigeria twice and I know better) I am just telling you how most Americans view Africa even the African Americans who are actually of the African heritage. You are going to be faced with so many issue now that you are here. You are going to see white women looking at you funny for being with one of their own and the black woman will look at you like you think you are better than they are. Not all but some. You are going to face many things girl in this world. Come on get a grip on this wig thing and if you don't want to wear it don't. Go get you some mico-braids you will love it.

Sorry, but not all of our Americans get an education. Hopefully you will overlook these kind when you get here.

Patrick_A

[MissStacey 1]

Tell him if he loves the wig so much, he should wear it.

[Ta Ta 1]

Tell him if he loves the wig so much, he should wear it.

Hahahahaaa......yeah and get him some pink barrettes to go with it.

I can just see the look on his face if you plop it on his head.

Good one !

[NkemEmeka 0]

Opheliacy, now I get you of the fact about geography. It is true that most Americans are clueless about geography. Anyhow, thats not for all. About Dorothy's comment that white women will look at you that you have one of their own. The white womans mentality is way different. They will look at you as if the man has married a Russian girl (Imported bride) as many of them do. Most of them do not care if the man marries an oriental or any kind of girl they chose. They are most likely not to be a jealous type unless their husband or boyfriend had commited infidelity which could make them be jealous. My advice to Opheliacy is to be patient and wear the wig and get a recorder until you get paper. NO MAN should try to change a womans looks, especially if thats the way he married in the first place. Many American men will be with a woman at the way she looks at first, and then he will start to complain about her looks wether it be in weight, hair, or her not being a super-model. Many of them do not know what they want in the first place. Just be patient! You will be rewarded for your patience.

PS. Continue wearing your wig (its only temporarily)

On a previous post you had claimed you were a Ghanaian, and now you are claiming that you are a Nigerian.

Anyhow, your husband married you with your thick course hair. Apperently, thats what he likes and that is what he should stick with without any complaints. If he wanted an Ethiopian then he should of gotten one before he married you. My whole point is that he chose to marry you and he knew what the package was. At the day of your wedding, he married you with your course hair and he was not complaining then. Why now?

Sorry about that. I am from Ghana. Whew, I have been here too long and my conversation for geographically challenged Minnesota people brought itself into the post :-). Everytime I tell people I am from Ghana in America, the first thing they say is "where is that?" So I started saying Nigeria, which is where I last lived before arriving in U.S., a more familiar country to keep the conversation moving. Most people think I am Spanish (because of the wig).

Do they not teach geography in America? I could tell you a million stories from other Africans here who go through the same thing: "Where's Ethiopia?, where's Somalia?, Where's Eritrea?" If you don't say Nigeria or Kenya, they are lost. I'm still trying to get some people hear to believe that Egypt is in Africa. They usually say "Egypt is in Saudi Arabia."

Thanks for your feedback

Wow, I am an American and I can answer a few of your questions about Americans being taught geography. And not all people in America nor Africa are ignorant. Let me as an American woman give you a piece of advice. Wear the wig until you get that green card of yours. Do you know why I come to this post everyday? Because I respect my African brothers and sisters and I am about to marry a Nigeria as soon as I can get him here. I come here to learn some things and to see what issues are being faced. I kind of feel like Rodney King here and just want to say can we all just get along. As far as what we are taught in school we rarely are taught anything about Africa and the African people except that most of them have HIV.( Before anyone says anything I have been to Nigeria twice and I know better) I am just telling you how most Americans view Africa even the African Americans who are actually of the African heritage. You are going to be faced with so many issue now that you are here. You are going to see white women looking at you funny for being with one of their own and the black woman will look at you like you think you are better than they are. Not all but some. You are going to face many things girl in this world. Come on get a grip on this wig thing and if you don't want to wear it don't. Go get you some mico-braids you will love it.

[joej 0]

I recently asked African women on a previous post about an issue that I have with my white husband. I am a Nigerian women with thick (course?) hair. It is normal hair for most Nigerian women. My husband, however, seems to be fixated on long, silky hair like many Ethiopian and Somali women (and even Hispanic) have in our city (Minneapolis). He makes me put on a wig to cover up my natural hair. Nothing else will suffice: no relaxer, no twists, no natural look. Just the wig. I, as I said on the other topic post, am furious.

I would like an honest answer from white men married to African women: Is our hair an issue to you or is my husband being absolutely unreasonable. Please be honest, because I don't want to keeping perceiving him as being ashamed of me if it is something that many white men may have an issue about.

I am hurt and confused and looking for perspectives from women and men.

Thank you.

Where is Nigeria?....... Just kidding.

Do you plan on having children with him? If so, how will he act if the child has hair like yours? Just curious, how you would feel about him making your son/daughter wear a wig or relax their hair or whatever.

Although I find it offensive that your husband would ask you to wear a wig all the time, I also find it hard to believe that he would marry someone that he was ashamed of. I guess stranger things have happened though.