Why do people change their surnames after they are married?

[Sister Fracas 5]

Personally I'd rather have the last name of the man who loves me than the father who left my mother and me when I was age 5. It was the only reminder of him left...so there ya go...couldn't have been happier to get rid of it. Also, I knew how happy it was going to make him, to have me carry his name. It is a special part of the traditional ritual (to me) of two becoming one.

[raymaga 25]

I could have kept my previous married name (to be the same as my children, but they're all grown up now anyways) or I could have taken my husband's name..... it was completely up to me.

But, I asked my husband to be VERY truthful about his preference, and he said he would like it if I took his name, so that's what I did.

The first 6 letters are the same in both names, if you can believe it!!!!! Was very hard to get used to signing the new "similar" name that I had signed for 22 years prior to marrying my new husband.

[Sister Fracas 5]

6. I'm a girl and it's kinda romantic

[meddykomp 0]

At this point I have kept my maiden name ... because I can't even pronounce my husbands last name correctly

[pax 1]

I had to admit, I gave the name thing a lot of thought. It was not an easy decision for me. Particularly since I am professionally established under my maiden name, and if I'm to continue to publish after I get married, I'll probably continue to publish under my maiden name.

What I think is going to happen is that once Ewen and I have our "nice" wedding in a year or two (we're just having a quick civil ceremony for now), I will add on his last name but continue to use my maiden name as a middle name, so I'll use both legally (without the hyphen). And I'll continue to publish under my maiden name. It's a nice compromise, I think.

But it is a highly personal decision. I know women who have not taken their husbands' names and are still quite excellent and devoted wives and mothers. I do not think it's wise or generous to construe that a woman is somehow less dedicated to her marriage because she declines to take her husband's name. I don't want to be thought of as "his" just on the basis of a name.

[Sister Fracas 5]

But it is a highly personal decision. I know women who have not taken their husbands' names and are still quite excellent and devoted wives and mothers. I do not think it's wise or generous to construe that a woman is somehow less dedicated to her marriage because she declines to take her husband's name. I don't want to be thought of as "his" just on the basis of a name.

Agreed and I don't think anyone here is saying either is better or worse...just their decision...no?

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

At this point I have kept my maiden name ... because I can't even pronounce my husbands last name correctly

A guide to pronounciation / Handelshögskolan i Stockholm

[pax 1]

Agreed and I don't think anyone here is saying either is better or worse...just their decision...no?

No one has come right out and said it, but there's been an awful lot of implication.

Edited March 10, 2006 by pax

[scy 0]

I had to admit, I gave the name thing a lot of thought. It was not an easy decision for me. Particularly since I am professionally established under my maiden name, and if I'm to continue to publish after I get married, I'll probably continue to publish under my maiden name.

What I think is going to happen is that once Ewen and I have our "nice" wedding in a year or two (we're just having a quick civil ceremony for now), I will add on his last name but continue to use my maiden name as a middle name, so I'll use both legally (without the hyphen). And I'll continue to publish under my maiden name. It's a nice compromise, I think.

But it is a highly personal decision. I know women who have not taken their husbands' names and are still quite excellent and devoted wives and mothers. I do not think it's wise or generous to construe that a woman is somehow less dedicated to her marriage because she declines to take her husband's name. I don't want to be thought of as "his" just on the basis of a name.

I agree. It doesn't seem like changing one's name is a very rational thing to do from a work/legal perspective. I mean, why create hassles for yourself. You are the same person, no matter which name you have.

But then again, humans do a lot of irrational thing in the name of love and family.

[Sister Fracas 5]

No one has come right out and said it, but there's been an awful lot of implication.

Agreed and I don't think anyone here is saying either is better or worse...just their decision...no?

*shrug* I guess I don't read it that way...but it doesn't really matter...as long as you do what makes you happy and who cares if someone else has a different opinion of it.

[pax 1]

Aye, well, there's something we can all agree on.

[Ephesia 0]

Stayed with my maiden name because:

1. Singapore immigration authorities require me to return to get a new passport made if I changed my name. I'm practical ... and supremely lazy.

2. It's the very last and most significant tie I have to my father, who passed away 4 years ago. I was very close to him. And he was only 56. But he died a very, very contented man.

[ChristinaM 0]

I just asked my hubby if he would have minded if I'd kept my maiden name and he said that he would have been hurt if I hadn't taken his. He followed it up with "You're MY little wife!"

Horses for courses though, and I by no means meant to imply that it's anything than a personal choice. I apologise if I came across that way.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

No one has come right out and said it, but there's been an awful lot of implication.

Agreed and I don't think anyone here is saying either is better or worse...just their decision...no?

*shrug* I guess I don't read it that way...but it doesn't really matter...as long as you do what makes you happy and who cares if someone else has a different opinion of it.

I agree, Frances. I did not read any of that implied (other than in the article that Christina posted a link to) in any of the reponses. I thought folks just explain what motivates them to change or not change names upon marriage.

[canadalaura 0]

I want to have the same name as my children, that's my practical reasoning at least. I know a few friends of mine have had hassles at emergency rooms and such with their children who have their father's last name.

Other than that... I just wanted to.