about the children...

[doodlebug 3]

Just curious as to what the reactions have been to the children involved in this process? It's definitely not the norm for a kid to be telling his/her friends that his mom/dad is married but the step parent lives in a different country.

Has anyone's kids adjusted well, freaked out, been suprisingly nonchalant about it?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Good topic! I have two teenagers that live with me and Jinky has a 5 year old son. I talk to him (Job) on the phone and he understands that we are getting married and he's excited to come here. Jinky talks to my kids on the phone often but they seem a bit unsure of how our their lives are going to change once we're all together. I'm trying to be realistic and expect that the transition for all of us is going to be a rough road at times.

[Henia 11]

My duaghter is still young so cannot comprehend these types of issues. But she does question why my husband does not come over But she is looking for having my husband in her life and going to DZ.

I think it is about communication. Letting them in on decision and in the know of happenings.

And showing them this is good thing, a plus not a minus in their lives.

My husband talks alot to my daughter, sometimes more then to me :lol:They talk about things they will do, how to play tricks on me, etc. And my husband even asks my daughter about her schooling and even *helps* her (limited of course cos of the poor net connection and time diff)But all and all I think a good start to this new life.

[Ban Hammer 14,276]

But she is looking for having my husband in her life and going to DZ.

help me out here........what's DZ? the only think i can think of is demilitarized zone

[Henia 11]

But she is looking for having my husband in her life and going to DZ.

help me out here........what's DZ? the only think i can think of is demilitarized zone

DZ=Algerie where my husband is from

[Thingee 0]

My kids range from 10 1/2 down to 4. The older 3 are very impatient and excited to have him here ASAP..they take turns marking immigration milestones on the calender. The younger 2 are 4, and don't quite understand the paperwork angle. They ask frequently when he's coming...if the phone rings, or someone knocks on teh door they immediately ask for him.

[doodlebug 3]

My duaghter is still young so cannot comprehend these types of issues. But she does question why my husband does not come over But she is looking for having my husband in her life and going to DZ.

I think it is about communication. Letting them in on decision and in the know of happenings.

And showing them this is good thing, a plus not a minus in their lives.

My husband talks alot to my daughter, sometimes more then to me :lol:They talk about things they will do, how to play tricks on me, etc. And my husband even asks my daughter about her schooling and even *helps* her (limited of course cos of the poor net connection and time diff)But all and all I think a good start to this new life.

If I let my kids decide I'd die single. They think boys/men are icky still and like the fact that it's just us three girls. They do talk to him occasionally though but they're moody as hell and sometimes they just don't want anything to do with the situation.

My kids range from 10 1/2 down to 4. The older 3 are very impatient and excited to have him here ASAP..they take turns marking immigration milestones on the calender. The younger 2 are 4, and don't quite understand the paperwork angle. They ask frequently when he's coming...if the phone rings, or someone knocks on teh door they immediately ask for him.

holy ####### you have 5 kids???

God love ya!!!

[Caladan 19]

Have your kids met him yet, doodle?

[doodlebug 3]

Have your kids met him yet, doodle?

No. Their dad won't let me bring them to Egypt, but they do talk to him via the webcam.

[Thingee 0]

Yep, 5 kids. This explains my sometimes rather garbled posts.

[Caladan 19]

If they're freaking out, that's probably why; it's not that mom has a boyfriend, or that mom is going to get married, it's that mom went to Egypt and married someone. And in a ten-year-old's head married people don't live apart.

They're kids, so they can't have a say in all the decisions, but maybe planning something like a marriage welcome-to-U.S. party and letting them plan the decorations might give them more of a stake in it.

[doodlebug 3]

If they're freaking out, that's probably why; it's not that mom has a boyfriend, or that mom is going to get married, it's that mom went to Egypt and married someone. And in a ten-year-old's head married people don't live apart.

They're kids, so they can't have a say in all the decisions, but maybe planning something like a marriage welcome-to-U.S. party and letting them plan the decorations might give them more of a stake in it.

That's exactly what they're gonna do with my sister. They're all planning a cookout at her house if he gets here in the summer. Otherwise it'll be Chinese food in her place. (she has the bigger house. ) He also sends them tons of homemade jewlery, etc. to butter them up so he's on the right track.

[Aymerlu 3]

Both my kids have done amazingly well. They had both talked to Khallid for over a year, wrote him letters, saw him on the cam etc. TI tried to keep them involved with the whole process as much as I could...trying to keep my stress hidden from them. It was hard though when they kept saying "When will he be here mom?" because I never knew. My oldest would tell his friends about his step dad being from Egypt. The first day he was here, we had got back in to town from the airport at 4:00 am. They kids were at my parents so after sleeping a couple of hours they called to see if he was here yet. They both were going crazy because they wanted to see him so bad. So, I went to pick them up and brought them home. Khallid was still sleeping. They both crawled in bed beside him and woke him up. He loved it! I have heard them both call him "dad" on occasion. Everyone has adjusted well. The only one not adjusted is my ex

[Henia 11]

Both my kids have done amazingly well. They had both talked to Khallid for over a year, wrote him letters, saw him on the cam etc. TI tried to keep them involved with the whole process as much as I could...trying to keep my stress hidden from them. It was hard though when they kept saying "When will he be here mom?" because I never knew. My oldest would tell his friends about his step dad being from Egypt. The first day he was here, we had got back in to town from the airport at 4:00 am. They kids were at my parents so after sleeping a couple of hours they called to see if he was here yet. They both were going crazy because they wanted to see him so bad. So, I went to pick them up and brought them home. Khallid was still sleeping. They both crawled in bed beside him and woke him up. He loved it! I have heard them both call him "dad" on occasion. Everyone has adjusted well. The only one not adjusted is my ex

I am still unsure about 'what to call him' thing. My duaghter calls her father, aba even thou his involvment in her life is minimal. I still donnot want to open that can of worms of 'why is my duaghter calling this guy Dad (or in our case Aba)'. But I feel it should be left up to her and my husband. My husband says she may call him whatever she likes. My daughter has even asked me. I could not answer her. I feel his given name is not respectful enough and something I am not used to (children calling adults by their first names) and calling him mister or sir is way too formal (not loving at all) ... and uncle is really out of the question. Sounds too incestual. I donnow even know. I am hope she finds a special nickname for him.

[Henia 11]

My duaghter is still young so cannot comprehend these types of issues. But she does question why my husband does not come over But she is looking for having my husband in her life and going to DZ.

I think it is about communication. Letting them in on decision and in the know of happenings.

And showing them this is good thing, a plus not a minus in their lives.

My husband talks alot to my daughter, sometimes more then to me :lol:They talk about things they will do, how to play tricks on me, etc. And my husband even asks my daughter about her schooling and even *helps* her (limited of course cos of the poor net connection and time diff)But all and all I think a good start to this new life.

If I let my kids decide I'd die single. They think boys/men are icky still and like the fact that it's just us three girls. They do talk to him occasionally though but they're moody as hell and sometimes they just don't want anything to do with the situation.

Well I guess I worded that wrong. WHat I meant was: depending on their age, letting feel they are involved not excluded since mum or dad remarried... (in smaller decision making) of course not in major issues but small enought things that lets them (or least my dauhter ) feel apart of this change. Like her opinion counts too.

At first my daughter was against me remarrying but she was only 3 then so she didnt know any better. Thinking more in the lines that mum would be taken away. Now years later she realizes she has no siblings and after her real father remarrying and haveing other children( she was very much away from them) I think she realizes there is no one else but me I think and knows a husband and new "daddy" figure would be a good addition. I remember when my duaghter was 4 she asked me to buy a little sister at Wal-mart... I laughed so much,bless her little heart. Hopefully this may come true

What types of things did you all do to get your children to open up to the new SO in your life?

Edited January 19, 2007 by Henia