How the heck did/do you plan a Wedding/Reception/Etc...

[schuelsta 1]

Hi everyone! We're recent filers for our K1, just waiting on our NOA2 now.

Here's my question... How did you plan for a wedding when both families want to be involved? I live in Milwaukee (only two hours north of Chicago, an easy entry point for family visiting from the UK), so we thought about doing it here as it'd be most convenient for us, but it makes it costly for his friends/family to come here.

We've discussed doing two ceremonies, but we tossed that idea out the window pretty quickly as the cost of that was WAY too much for us (we don't really want a "wedding" anyway, more of just the reception celebration part!) We've also talked about doing something in a city closer to the east coast, such as Boston... as it'll cut his family/friends flight time/price down a bit and then BOTH families/friends would have to travel, but how the heck would you plan something in a city you don't live in?! It'd be nice to just do a reception dinner somewhere lovely, So that's an idea. But, i'd also feel bad about having his friends/family fly over and just having them get dinner somewhere with us, you know? OH HOW DO WE DO IT?!

Both of our parents REALLY want to be involved as much as possible, so its not easy. Honestly, if we could just fly off to a resort somewhere and get married and stay at an all inclusive resort, i'd TOTALLY be down with that, but alas, we have to stay in the US (I know there are resorts in the us... but that's not the point, haha).


SO... what'd you guys end up planning? Or what are you planning to do?

[ChicagoSarah 127]

Flight prices are about the same from heathrow to Chicago as heathrow to Boston, so I don't think an east coast wedding will do much other than save a few hours on a plane and cost you and your family a lot more time and money!

I'd say to go ahead with a Milwaukee wedding, and maybe offer to pay for a hotel/partial flight cost for part of his family if possible!

(I live in Chicago, so it's a bit easier for us. But I felt it was important that if his family was going to come to America for the wedding, I wanted them to see where we live, not see a resort in Florida somewhere).

Good luck and happy planning!

[nobbie 105]

Thats the easy bit, what you may not know yet is the apparent randomness of when you will hear about anything. You have the variable wait for your NOA2, then the same for the petition getting to NVC and out again to London. Once you have had medical and got all the paperwork together there is the wait (where I am now) for the interview date and then how long to get you passport back.

Very difficult to plan a date and if you have family coming over and flights accom to organise it's nigh on impossible.

Good luck anyway.

[Vanitas 310]

Here's our plan. Our original one was modified because my Mother's been diagnosed with blood clots in her neck and all which they're classifying as tumours which means practically none of my family are coming over now.

1) If for whatever reason the visa is approved earlier than we expected, we'll have a civil wedding at the courthouse with just us and some friends/co-workers as witnesses.

2) In May next year, we will hold our ceremony in Roger Williams Park. At this point, again it'll be the two of us and friends.

3) We'll then go on honeymoon.

4) After the honeymoon, we'll head up to Michigan to have a reception with Amy's family.

5) Once I have AP or my GC, we'll head to England for a reception/blessing with my family.

We might cut part 2) out yet, not sure. But we'll see, it depends on the visa at the moment.

[rhirhi 35]

I think that the small ceremony at first/big ceremony later on seems to be the best route for most people.

Personally, we intend to get married next August. I'm a teacher so I'd really like to stay until school ends in July. We have booked and fully paid for the church for August 8th next year, solely because the church said they would move the date at no cost to us if anything changed with the visa. Anything that isn't time-sensitive (the dress, shoes, tux, decorations etc) are being bought throughout the next year. We have a reception venue in mind and when I visit in October my fiancé and I will be having a tour of the place, tasting the food etc so that when the visa in in my hand we can just swoop in and pay the deposit to secure the date.

We're lucky as we filed in July so if everything goes smoothly the visa should be in my hands by Easter *touch wood!* This gives us ample time to book flights for family, still possible our date will be available at the reception venue etc.

[Owen_London 65]

We had a small civil wedding on the bridge a minute's walk from our house last November, close family only, so nine of us. It was a Friday afternoon, so we met the kids off the school bus in our wedding regalia, got married half an hour later, and then went out to a really nice steak restaurant. The next day, we had all our Houston friends over to the house for a party, hired in a bouncy house and slide for the kids, and had our great local tex-mex restaurant deliver fajitas for lunch.

In July, we came back to the UK and had a big wedding do. The civil wedding ceremony was replaced by a "renewal of vows" ceremony, and we rededicated our rings, rather than exchanging them, but that was the only difference. It did cost a lot more than the US do, but it was a lot of fun. Since I'm on an L1 visa, there was no rush for us to marry. The UK do was therefore originally booked as our actual wedding, but it would have been difficult for us to satisfy the residency requirements for the UK marriage license. I feel like the way we did things worked out better anyway.

[BOS_LHR 829]

We planned our wedding based on who could afford to travel where. We didn't want a big wedding to begin with, so step one was figuring out who absolutely had to be present (i.e., who would never forgive us if we eloped!). Our parents, siblings, and my grandmother were the must-have attendees to the ceremony, so we looked at their finances and flexibility to make our decision, and ended up with a US ceremony. With a long distance relationship you have to do a little triage, which is unfortunate, but it's just reality. Not all of both your desired guests will be able to attend, so decisions should be made to accommodate a sort of top tier of people in your lives.

If you're thinking of planning in a city other than your own, sites like theknot.com can be really useful. It's useful anyway, of course, but especially when you're out of your element and can't physically visit all the places you'd like to. Since I'm in Boston and my family is within an hour of the city, it made sense for us to plan a ceremony here, where his family could fly directly from Heathrow and not have to worry about car rentals or additional travel to get to a ceremony/reception venue. If not everyone who'd like to attend your wedding can afford to travel, maybe you could hold a separate reception style dinner in the UK later on for those guests who can't make it. Alternatively, maybe you can do a small civil ceremony for the two of you first, and plan a "real" wedding down the road when people have had more time to save money and make plans to attend.

[schuelsta 1]

Thats the easy bit, what you may not know yet is the apparent randomness of when you will hear about anything. You have the variable wait for your NOA2, then the same for the petition getting to NVC and out again to London. Once you have had medical and got all the paperwork together there is the wait (where I am now) for the interview date and then how long to get you passport back.

Very difficult to plan a date and if you have family coming over and flights accom to organise it's nigh on impossible.

Good luck anyway.

We understand that! We're not setting dates or anything yet, but we need to have an idea of what to do when that time comes.

It sounds like everyone else seemed to do something small (Courthouse, civil ceremony, etc) and then just a party for each side which is what I think we'll end up doing. It seems most logical. Thanks for your ideas and stories!

[Azsara 110]

We understand that! We're not setting dates or anything yet, but we need to have an idea of what to do when that time comes.

It sounds like everyone else seemed to do something small (Courthouse, civil ceremony, etc) and then just a party for each side which is what I think we'll end up doing. It seems most logical. Thanks for your ideas and stories!

For us we battled with the idea of many different scenarios from court house to destination wedding, but we decided to go for a fairly big "typical" wedding in NJ where all his family live. Made even more complicated by the fact i live in the UK and he is moving to Michigan this week

We decided to pick a wedding date on my last visit there (last week) and a venue and a church, and are in the process of sending out invites. It is booked for the 27th of October which is 2.5 months after my medical. This means the UK guests have a fairly good amount of notice to book flights and hotels and we can have the big wedding we have dreamed of. But on the flip side this also means we will have to live with the consequences if our visa is not ready by then. Which may mean cancelling the wedding, people losing money on fligths etc. it is a possibility this could happen but its a risk we have decided to take knowing there may be consequences.

Just praying we have the visa in time!

[Nich-Nick 3,354]

If you want to plan a big wedding with certainty, then wait for the visa to be in your hand. You have maybe 5 months to use it and then 90 more days in which to marry. That gives you 7-8 months to plan your perfect wedding. Nobody ever does that though, but it is an option without risk.

And plan for yourself. I've been around a long time and see how the plans turn out. I know a number of girls from the UK forum whose UK friends and family all promised to come to their wedding. "Oh yay, we are going to America for a wedding!" But not a one did. It was too expensive or they had other commitments when it became reality. Of course the parents will show, but don't go to inconveniences to yourself based on a huge group from the UK, unless they have several thousand pounds of extra money they don't need. Plan something nice, big or small, that is closest to the largest group of friends/family. It kinda sucks when you marry somebody from another country and have no idea when that date might be. It just doesn't work out like when you marry the boy next door, so you have to make do with a less than ideal situation. I vote for Milwaukee.

[ChicagoSarah 127]

If you want to plan a big wedding with certainty, then wait for the visa to be in your hand. You have maybe 5 months to use it and then 90 more days in which to marry. That gives you 7-8 months to plan your perfect wedding. Nobody ever does that though, but it is an option without risk.

And plan for yourself. I've been around a long time and see how the plans turn out. I know a number of girls from the UK forum whose UK friends and family all promised to come to their wedding. "Oh yay, we are going to America for a wedding!" But not a one did. It was too expensive or they had other commitments when it became reality. Of course the parents will show, but don't go to inconveniences to yourself based on a huge group from the UK, unless they have several thousand pounds of extra money they don't need. Plan something nice, big or small, that is closest to the largest group of friends/family. It kinda sucks when you marry somebody from another country and have no idea when that date might be. It just doesn't work out like when you marry the boy next door, so you have to make do with a less than ideal situation. I vote for Milwaukee.

Agreed (except for the being around a long time since I'm new to the process and this site).

You have to figure out what makes sense for you guys. It seems like the safest bet is to have a civil ceremony as soon as you have the visa and then planning a larger wedding for 2014 sometime. Then he can apply for EAD and AOS as soon as you're legally married. But remember that once he has his visa, it's for one-time entry into the States, so if you plan your entire wedding for 2014 sometime, he likely won't be able to visit in the interim.

The visa process leaves a lot of loose ends, and you just have to tie them up as you go and decide where your priorities are....Who would you regret not having there? Would you regret not getting married in Milwaukee? Would you rather legally marry as soon as the visa arrives and be able to more leisurely plan a big wedding down the road?

The good news is that sites like this one exist where we're all in the same boat and facing the same challenges!

Good luck with everything!

[Lisi 3]

My fiance and I have decided to get married at the courthouse relatively soon after he's entered the US...and then we will have a big reception at a later time. We want to get married as soon as possible so we can get the paperwork sent off for his green card. We don't have any family members contributing to the cost of our wedding/reception (which is fine) but since we will be shelling out money for the visa, moving expenses, and a flight, it seems that if we have a wedding/reception to pay for on top of that, it's going to be a smidge tight for a while. This way, it'll give us some time to save and we'll have time to plan it together! Good luck on whatever you decide to do! Remember it's your day, so make your decison on what you (and your fiance of course) want to do...I feel like that's a pretty important thing to remember!

[TigerFlower 61]

Love what you posted, Lisi. Very true!

I have also seen people who think they've planned far enough out, and something (K-1 approval, NVC, Embassy interview, AP) causes an unforseen delay. Money has been deposited, tickets purchased... panic, stress, $$$. This isn't a traditional path to marriage, so some creativity should be used (and understood by family).

We had both sides (parents) wanting to celebrate with us, and we didn't want any feelings hurt. So, once we finally go that visa in hand, we had a lovely "just the two of us" wedding in Key West on the beach. We then planned for both sides of the family (and any friends who wanted to attend) to meet us here in North Carolina in February for a Valentine's Day celebration. It was the best thing we ever could have hoped for. For one thing, the ceremony was very personal and special - no stress, no expensive things to pay for. We were able to enjoy the intimate ceremony, then file for the AOS immediately. By the time our families arrived, it was a very care-free, happy event, and all were very pleased with the outcome.

[UK-USA-K1 128]

We hadn't planned anything and kind of figured we'd just do a courthouse wedding and then plan a reception or something. Now that we are getting near our interview date, she is getting excited and wanting to plan a wedding. We have both been married before so we don't "need" a real wedding, but she's now got her heart set on getting married where we got engaged, but just having a small personal ceremony. I think we'll be able to do it without having to delay things, so I'm ok with that. I just want her over here and if a small wedding in a specific location is what she wants, then for her picking up and moving across the planet, I think I can accommodate her wishes