Not much family support

[Mmelon 8]

My family does not speak my fiancé's language (and he doesn't speak English), nor have they met him since I met him while studying abroad. They are not necessarily "unsupportive," but not very enthusiastic either. And HIS family likes me, but do not want me taking their son to a big, scary country, so are quite skeptical about this whole thing. Needless to say, I don't think we are going to get any written affidavits of support from either side to show at the interview. I know these are not "required," and Costa Rica is not one of the high fraud embassies, but I am still worried about getting questioned about what our families think about it and that becoming a red flag even though the rest of our information and "proof" is good. We have been in a relationship for over a year now and I have been to see him once (for 6 weeks) since we first met. We talk mainly using google voice since internet really is not an option for us. I am just worrying about every little thing that could possibly go wrong right now. We really truly love each other and have gone through a lot together and it would really stink if we got denied because our families were not too pleased about us getting married. Is anyone going through something similar, or can speak to this subject at all from experience? Thanks!

[Inky 1,111]

No friends from school or anything that could write affidavits for you? A teacher? Does not have to be family it could be ANYONE to write it for you. They aren't required though either so if you really cant get any its not a big deal.

[Mmelon 8]

When met him I was completing an internship in his town and there were no other students with me. And when I went back, it was just me. Of course I have friends who are well aware of the relationship and who are supportive, but they have never met him or spoke to him. I feel like affidavits from friends might not have much weight though and might make the interviewer wonder why I don't have any from immediate family.

[cee-gee 20]

I am going through a similar situation. My family isn't very supportive of me marrying an American (I'm Canadian). My family have met my fiancé and spoken to him on Skype and the phone quite a few times, and they approve of him and like him, so it's a little hurtful that they don't support our decision to get married and for me to move the the us. What's even more confusing to me is that my mother is originally from Australia, so she has had to go through the immigration process (granted, to Canada), so it's difficult for me to understand why she is unable to support my fiancé and I as she knows what it feels like to go through an immigration process. I am also a little worried if I am asked questions about my family, I haven't really thought about what I would say. My fiances family on the other hand has been more than amazing, they are so supportive and I am in constant contact with them. Hang in there, and the best of luck on your journey!!!

[Possiblymaybe 371]

So I'm kind of in the same boat. My mother is not only unsupportive, she does not approve of me marrying my fiancé. The rest of my family understands that I'm an adult, and I am free to make whichever choice I want in my life. They are happy that I am happy.

I've discussed this with my fiancé, and we don't see any reason to not be honest in the interview. If they ask him how my family feels about our engagement, he will tell them what I have said above.

The way I see it, there is no perfect person or perfect situation. Not everyone is going to agree with the choices we make, but they are OUR choices to make. Whether or not my family is supportive should have no bearing on the outcome of this visa journey. We are adults We are in love. I'm planning my life with the man I choose. And we will not hide the truth during this immigration process just because the truth may not look pretty.

[Mmelon 8]

I am going through a similar situation. My family isn't very supportive of me marrying an American (I'm Canadian). My family have met my fiancé and spoken to him on Skype and the phone quite a few times, and they approve of him and like him, so it's a little hurtful that they don't support our decision to get married and for me to move the the us. What's even more confusing to me is that my mother is originally from Australia, so she has had to go through the immigration process (granted, to Canada), so it's difficult for me to understand why she is unable to support my fiancé and I as she knows what it feels like to go through an immigration process. I am also a little worried if I am asked questions about my family, I haven't really thought about what I would say. My fiances family on the other hand has been more than amazing, they are so supportive and I am in constant contact with them. Hang in there, and the best of luck on your journey!!!

Thanks for sharing this with me! It is such a touchy subject and I agree, it is pretty hurtful when your family doesn't accept the person you love. I come from family background with a long line of divorces (including my own parents), so it is hard for me to want to take relationship advice from the people that I watched screw up so much when I was a kid. But that being said, I have listened and talked to them about concerns and have been patient and have shared. They don't have any objections to my fiancé as an individual, but they just don't like the idea of the relationship and won't make any effort to try to get to know him or anything. It is not fun feeling like we are "in this alone."

[Mmelon 8]

So I'm kind of in the same boat. My mother is not only unsupportive, she does not approve of me marrying my fiancé. The rest of my family understands that I'm an adult, and I am free to make whichever choice I want in my life. They are happy that I am happy.

I've discussed this with my fiancé, and we don't see any reason to not be honest in the interview. If they ask him how my family feels about our engagement, he will tell them what I have said above.

The way I see it, there is no perfect person or perfect situation. Not everyone is going to agree with the choices we make, but they are OUR choices to make. Whether or not my family is supportive should have no bearing on the outcome of this visa journey. We are adults We are in love. I'm planning my life with the man I choose. And we will not hide the truth during this immigration process just because the truth may not look pretty.

Thanks for this post The disapproval comes mostly from my mother as well. I have been upfront and honest about the relationship as it progressed and she has chosen to kind of "freeze me out." I know she wants the best for me, but it would be nice if she could be supportive of me even if it is not what she would have done in my position. I have a good head on my shoulders and she knows it. I'm not rushing forward blindly, I KNOW I am making a good decision in choosing to be with my fiancé even though it is certainly not an "easy" route.

I definitely agree with the idea that things are never going to be perfect or completely ideal. But we can't please everybody. I hope with time my whole family will come to love and accept the man I am choosing to spend my life with.

[TBoneTX 45,497]

You'll do far better in the consular interview -- and in the family aspects -- if you have multiple visits with him for as long as possible, BEFORE any visa interview. From their standpoint, familiarity will breed comfort. Furthermore, I would not underestimate the wherewithal of any Latin American consulate to question the bona fide nature of a relationship. Time in person with him will render your worries less worthy of concern.

[Mmelon 8]

You'll do far better in the consular interview -- and in the family aspects -- if you have multiple visits with him for as long as possible, BEFORE any visa interview. From their standpoint, familiarity will breed comfort. Furthermore, I would not underestimate the wherewithal of any Latin American consulate to question the bona fide nature of a relationship. Time in person with him will render your worries less worthy of concern.

Thanks TBone! This leads me to another question to ask you. I am a recent college grad (as of May 2012) and just started my first full-time job as of March this year. I am still in my 90 day "orientation period" and so far do not have any time off. I make enough at this job to easily be able to sponsor my fiance. But another option I have is that I have someone willing to co-sponsor him. My job is not going to be too keen on me leaving and making many visits to Costa Rica especially when I just started. In order to establish this "bona fide relationship," I was thinking of moving to Costa Rica with him after a few more months of work (obviously this would involve quitting my job) and using my co-sponsor. I don't know how long it is going to take to get our NOA2 but I have a feeling that it will be awhile. We talk daily on the phone, but I don't want to risk problems with the interview based on the fact that I have only been there twice (and because of his poor background and "no ties to country" it would be impossible to get him a tourist visa. Moving to Costa Rica to wait out the NOA2 would be a big move, but I would be willing to do anything to get this to work. I don't have a lot of money to play with to make multiple small visits, but we could live very cheaply for a few months there until interview time.

[Abell 11]

I am going through a similar situation. My family isn't very supportive of me marrying an American (I'm Canadian). My family have met my fiancé and spoken to him on Skype and the phone quite a few times, and they approve of him and like him, so it's a little hurtful that they don't support our decision to get married and for me to move the the us. What's even more confusing to me is that my mother is originally from Australia, so she has had to go through the immigration process (granted, to Canada), so it's difficult for me to understand why she is unable to support my fiancé and I as she knows what it feels like to go through an immigration process. I am also a little worried if I am asked questions about my family, I haven't really thought about what I would say. My fiances family on the other hand has been more than amazing, they are so supportive and I am in constant contact with them. Hang in there, and the best of luck on your journey!!!

I can actually shed a little light on this, this is actually a reason why she is against it, since I assume you were born here and didn't immigrate you have no idea how hard immigration process is, but she knows, so she just doesn't want you to go through the same pain she went through

I would also assume that any family member who ever heard of people scamming usc into marrying for green card is going to be against this type of relationship, language barrier would add more into this situation

[EasternDE 35]

My family does not speak my fiancé's language (and he doesn't speak English), nor have they met him since I met him while studying abroad. They are not necessarily "unsupportive," but not very enthusiastic either. And HIS family likes me, but do not want me taking their son to a big, scary country, so are quite skeptical about this whole thing. Needless to say, I don't think we are going to get any written affidavits of support from either side to show at the interview. I know these are not "required," and Costa Rica is not one of the high fraud embassies, but I am still worried about getting questioned about what our families think about it and that becoming a red flag even though the rest of our information and "proof" is good. We have been in a relationship for over a year now and I have been to see him once (for 6 weeks) since we first met. We talk mainly using google voice since internet really is not an option for us. I am just worrying about every little thing that could possibly go wrong right now. We really truly love each other and have gone through a lot together and it would really stink if we got denied because our families were not too pleased about us getting married. Is anyone going through something similar, or can speak to this subject at all from experience? Thanks!

I wouldn't worry about that, affidavits are not mandatory. And If during the process they asked for affidavit, just say the truth "our parents are not supportive", this won't be news for the CO, I'm pretty sure.

On the personal part, I think our parents are rarely supportive about this process.

Buuuut... It will get better!

My mother gave me hell about this. I mean real hell, I had to stop to talk to her for a couple of weeks because I was not able to manage the stress of the process and my mother altogether.

Since my husband didn't speak french, he made a drawing with a couple of simple words in English, this has actually won her heart.

Now, three years after, she says we were meant to be together, blabla!

Edited May 30, 2013 by EasternDE

[chrisclassic 14]

it might just simply be the language barrier going to a country where you dont speak the language is going to be tough im sure they will come around as soon as they get to know more on the situation and see how much in love you both

love conquers all

[IntoTheLight 5]

I can really relate to this. The only family that I have left is my mother and she doesn't like the idea of her only daughter moving to another country, even though she does like my fiance. It has caused a lot of upset and stress. My mother's health is not good, too, so I think it scares her to be alone. Also, my fiance's parents both died when he was a child, so family on his side is limited. I have only met his grandmother and Skyped with his cousin and other grandfather so far.

We don't plan to have affidavits because of this. Just a ton of pictures, chat records, receipts, etc. He's planning to visit this summer and also for the interview, so hopefully that will help us. We've visited 3 times prior to filing the K1, too.

It certainly makes the process much more difficult, doesn't it? It's hard enough being separated from your fiance(e), but having to deal with unsupportive family sucks.

[glinda123 2]

Mary Ellen, I'm so sorry you are going through this angst. I know it is very hard not to have the support of family and friends. Sometimes we just have to follow our hearts and hope for the best. Good luck and be strong!