Met someone

[Nasturtium 500]

Seconding the Moroccans Do It Better. They're superior beings, to which I notice the only people objecting aren't involved with Moroccans and must wish they were. Moroccans for everyone!!

Whatever. My breed of Jordanian is so much more superior. He can debka and make cheese. When he takes out the trash, he not only does it with finesse, but also recycles plastics 1-5 with his mind.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I would like to say I agree with SaharaSunset. If this man makes you happy then why not go for it? I don't think it makes you weak. Life is just too short - so if you are finding some happiness with this man - whether friendship or more - then I say good for you!

As for Moroccan men being special - well I certainly can't speak for everyone but my fiance is the most loving and kind and sweet man I have ever known. I don't know if that is because he is from Morocco or not. I just know that he is an amazing person and I am so happy to have him in my life. Are all men from Morocco wonderful? I have no idea. But mine is

We are most likley NOT EVEN GOING TO DATE.. But just having a conversation with someone not cursing at me in arabic and demanding I wash their clothes is refreshing.

I am not getting remarried. EVER

I am not living with another man EVER .. I like having my house back and my life back

I may or may not have sex SOMETIME THIS YEAR but it hasnt happened yet

I got my hair cut, it looks amazing

I read books now that I want to read and do things I want to do

I am enjoying my kids

I just like to talk to you guys because we have 6 years of history LOL

Whatever. My breed of Jordanian is so much more superior. He can debka and make cheese. When he takes out the trash, he not only does it with finesse, but also recycles plastics 1-5 with his mind.

oh god.. the debka is pretty intense..

I think you win!

Whatever. My breed of Jordanian is so much more superior. He can debka and make cheese. When he takes out the trash, he not only does it with finesse, but also recycles plastics 1-5 with his mind.

oh god.. the debka is pretty intense..

I think you win!

While I am glad you are feeling better and are happier, I would be more impressed if you were able to find this on your own instead of with a man. This forum is a constant reminder of how weak women can be. Why does happiness ALWAYS have to involve a man? Why can't we learn to love ourselves before jumping into yet another relationship? Women are strong by nature. We're mothers and teachers, protectors of our family...why do we always have to count on the love and acceptance of a man in order to feel good about ourselves? Makes me sad.

Edit - I do not mean every woman in a marriage or relationship is weak. I'm saying that women who NEED to be in a relationship in order to feel good about themselves are weak, IMO.

agreed....but if you write off all the dumb #### women in the world mithra, you will be sitting by your damn self LOL

And we have talked.. I AM alot happier. This was a 2 year process that took a long time to conclude. I have a WHOLE lot of things to do and think about...

Edited January 23, 2013 by Beauty for Ashes

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I think it's pretty awesome you are getting your groove back. Life is too short. If it feels right then you are ready jmo. I know I'm in the minority here.

However, what Lisa said about that poem is legit, too.

I dont think I have my groove back but I decided to stop being sad. I got a nook and downloaded some of my books. I have been writing a book about what happened called THE SLAVE OF ALGIERS and other short stories. I found a lost painter named Newton Wells in the smithsonian archives and his g grandaughter tracked me down and we are looking for his grave through people in the sahara city he died. I spend time working, writing and doing things with my kids. My daughter just turned 8 and she is going to have a party and we are going to mix in moroccan elements and I invited some of my good friends from Casablanca to celebrate. The realty is NOTHING is happening all that differently other than I am not sad. I am sick. But I am not sad... and thats been a LONG time coming!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Just curious...what is special about Morocco, specifically, that makes their "good" men superior to "good" men from other countries? Is it the accent? The skin? The smooth moves? Are they more romantic? Do they take the garbage out with more finesse? They can make a mean mutton tagine? I must know this

LOL

Not telling... You got an Egyptian. You tell me?

I have never dated one but damn, Egyptians are fine too LOL

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Just curious...what is special about Morocco, specifically, that makes their "good" men superior to "good" men from other countries? Is it the accent? The skin? The smooth moves? Are they more romantic? Do they take the garbage out with more finesse? They can make a mean mutton tagine? I must know this secret!!!

You will never know Mithra...

You will have to ask women involved with them or who HAVE been involved with them to find out..

[Mithra 1,185]

Meh men are men are men. Being Egyptian doesn't make my husband spectacular or unique. By fine do you mean good looking? If yes, I've seen some very unattractive Egyptians so they're not all "fine."

LOL

Not telling... You got an Egyptian. You tell me?

I have never dated one but damn, Egyptians are fine too LOL

[Mithra 1,185]

IDK I have a few female friends that are not "dumbasses", in fact they're quite intelligent.

I don't think you're dumb, Kat. I just feel like you've been through way too much to be good girlfriend material at the moment. I mean you just got divorced weeks ago and from your posts you state how you're still in love with your abusive ex, etc. That indicates to me that you're pretty messed up, no offense. However, If you feel you're ready for a new relationship, have at it.

We are most likley NOT EVEN GOING TO DATE.. But just having a conversation with someone not cursing at me in arabic and demanding I wash their clothes is refreshing.

I am not getting remarried. EVER

I am not living with another man EVER .. I like having my house back and my life back

I may or may not have sex SOMETIME THIS YEAR but it hasnt happened yet

I got my hair cut, it looks amazing

I read books now that I want to read and do things I want to do

I am enjoying my kids

I just like to talk to you guys because we have 6 years of history LOL

oh god.. the debka is pretty intense..

I think you win!

oh god.. the debka is pretty intense..

I think you win!

agreed....but if you write off all the dumb #### women in the world mithra, you will be sitting by your damn self LOL

And we have talked.. I AM alot happier. This was a 2 year process that took a long time to conclude. I have a WHOLE lot of things to do and think about...

[Mithra 1,185]

Loving another person can be loving your child, your friend, your parent, etc. It doesn't necessarily mean needing a love interest (romantically speaking). The OP stated just days ago that she still loves her ex, does that count? Will loving her abusive POS husband help her see the face of God?

I've been reading this thread with interest...And I'm gonna go out on limb here...

I know its quite hip to suggest that true healing can only be found if your heal "yourself" and love yourself etc. I don't necessarily disagree with that, I do think there is great value in having a healthy sense of self worth...but...

I think what I feel is said best in a quote from Les Mis: "To love another person is to see the face of God..."

I feel like there is such incredible healing power in loving someone else. I have been self critical of my body since I was 10. Sad, I know - the curse of being a woman perhaps. And when I met my husband, I was still super critical of my not being a size 0. Some would say I should have learned to love myself more before I got in a relationship. But, the incredible thing is, loving my husband, even with his imperfections, has actually helped me be more accepting of myself. And yes, the fact that he loves me despite my imperfections makes me feel wonderful....but its fleeting. The real healing for me has come from truly, deeply loving someone else despite their flaws. That I could never have done on my own.

Again, I do think there is a place for developing a healthy sense of self worth. And I also think that sex and love are not one in the same. I do not think that sex alone has the same healing power as love. So I am not advocating seeking "sexual healing." But, real love is a wonderful, powerful thing. And I just don't know if avoiding "falling in love" with someone, because of past trauma being "unhealed" is the best solution. I know some people feel that always wanting and needing to love and be loved is a sign of weakness...but I don't think it always is that. I believe we are meant to be with someone. We are not meant to be alone and to struggle to find supreme happiness being alone. For people that are able to find happiness alone, they are blessed and fortunate. But I don't think we all need to find that. I believe there is, in all of us, an innate need for love and companionship. And I am going to venture to say that if "Beauty" feels that this man she's met is a good, kind, loving man - then the relationship may bring more healing than could ever happen on her own.

So to "Beauty" - he sounds wonderful. Best of luck to you. And I think all "good men" are a gift from heaven....maybe especially the ones from Morocco My Moroccan husband is the most sensitive, affectionate, passionate, sincere, sweet, generous, wonderful man I have ever met. I'm not sure if that's because he Moroccan, or just because he is wonderful...but love is fabulous, and I hope everyone is blessed with true, sincere, pure love...broken or unbroken, we all need it

Edited January 23, 2013 by Mithra

[sandinista! 1,816]

Whatever. My breed of Jordanian is so much more superior. He can debka and make cheese. When he takes out the trash, he not only does it with finesse, but also recycles plastics 1-5 with his mind.

Ain't nothin without the mutton. Tajine, that is.

[Nasturtium 500]

Ain't nothin without the mutton. Tajine, that is.

Cold?

I dont think I have my groove back but I decided to stop being sad. I got a nook and downloaded some of my books. I have been writing a book about what happened called THE SLAVE OF ALGIERS and other short stories. I found a lost painter named Newton Wells in the smithsonian archives and his g grandaughter tracked me down and we are looking for his grave through people in the sahara city he died. I spend time working, writing and doing things with my kids. My daughter just turned 8 and she is going to have a party and we are going to mix in moroccan elements and I invited some of my good friends from Casablanca to celebrate. The realty is NOTHING is happening all that differently other than I am not sad. I am sick. But I am not sad... and thats been a LONG time coming!

Do you have any publishing plans?

[sandinista! 1,816]

Cold?

Literally gagging. I can't keep on with this anymore, it's grossing me out too early in the am.

[Nasturtium 500]

Literally gagging. I can't keep on with this anymore, it's grossing me out too early in the am.

My work is done, then.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

IDK I have a few female friends that are not "dumbasses", in fact they're quite intelligent.

I don't think you're dumb, Kat. I just feel like you've been through way too much to be good girlfriend material at the moment. I mean you just got divorced weeks ago and from your posts you state how you're still in love with your abusive ex, etc. That indicates to me that you're pretty messed up, no offense. However, If you feel you're ready for a new relationship, have at it.

I think I need to clarify some things

First, my marriage ended in 2009 effectively. I first asked for a divorce in the spring of 2009. I had been through just an unspeakable set of circumstances. My husband at that time REFUSED to sign papers or leave my house. I filed for his greencard removal of conditons which came through several months later. At the time the card arrived, I asked, can we get divorced NOW? He said, I really need my citizenship so I can see my mother and within a month or two of his greencard arriving he began to pressure me for citizenship. He told people he wasnt married. We were not having sex. I slept most of my time on my couch. In the spring of 2010 ,my older son became very very very sick and had alot of problems. I had to have him hospitalised 3 times. That summer I felt like things were going to go my way but in the fall I got desperately sick with auto immune and my kidneys stopped working well. Again... STILL ON THE COUCH. In 2011, I saw a divorce paralegal but could not get enough money together to get an attorney. I couldnt turn to my parents to get the divorce money NOR could I handle things so I just kept living like I was living, with no physical affection, no love NOTHING

Literally gagging. I can't keep on with this anymore, it's grossing me out too early in the am.

With all due respect I do not blame you. I cant begin to show you what happened blow by blow but it was more than even you would wish for me or anyone else

Cold?

Do you have any publishing plans?

Yes. I have already published. This book of short stories has to do with more of the complete culture of chasing dreams overseas and some of the things that happened to me and other women I am friends with along the way. Its more about why than what. Its more about WHY we made the decisions we made than what happened.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I've been reading this thread with interest...And I'm gonna go out on limb here...

I know its quite hip to suggest that true healing can only be found if your heal "yourself" and love yourself etc. I don't necessarily disagree with that, I do think there is great value in having a healthy sense of self worth...but...

I think what I feel is said best in a quote from Les Mis: "To love another person is to see the face of God..."

I feel like there is such incredible healing power in loving someone else. I have been self critical of my body since I was 10. Sad, I know - the curse of being a woman perhaps. And when I met my husband, I was still super critical of my not being a size 0. Some would say I should have learned to love myself more before I got in a relationship. But, the incredible thing is, loving my husband, even with his imperfections, has actually helped me be more accepting of myself. And yes, the fact that he loves me despite my imperfections makes me feel wonderful....but its fleeting. The real healing for me has come from truly, deeply loving someone else despite their flaws. That I could never have done on my own.

Again, I do think there is a place for developing a healthy sense of self worth. And I also think that sex and love are not one in the same. I do not think that sex alone has the same healing power as love. So I am not advocating seeking "sexual healing." But, real love is a wonderful, powerful thing. And I just don't know if avoiding "falling in love" with someone, because of past trauma being "unhealed" is the best solution. I know some people feel that always wanting and needing to love and be loved is a sign of weakness...but I don't think it always is that. I believe we are meant to be with someone. We are not meant to be alone and to struggle to find supreme happiness being alone. For people that are able to find happiness alone, they are blessed and fortunate. But I don't think we all need to find that. I believe there is, in all of us, an innate need for love and companionship. And I am going to venture to say that if "Beauty" feels that this man she's met is a good, kind, loving man - then the relationship may bring more healing than could ever happen on her own.

So to "Beauty" - he sounds wonderful. Best of luck to you. And I think all "good men" are a gift from heaven....maybe especially the ones from Morocco My Moroccan husband is the most sensitive, affectionate, passionate, sincere, sweet, generous, wonderful man I have ever met. I'm not sure if that's because he Moroccan, or just because he is wonderful...but love is fabulous, and I hope everyone is blessed with true, sincere, pure love...broken or unbroken, we all need it

Thank you for understanding.

When my husbands brother died this past year, he had been so awful to me in the throes of getting out of this and who was the first person he turned to for comfort? Me. I had to help him pack his clothes to go back home. The friends who constantly egged him on to be a piece of ###### to me? Gone. Did any sexual or physical affection return between us? No. When he called me from back home where he went after his brother died, he acted as if we were married to people back there when in reality, there was nothing left. I was a substitute mother. I have never ever ever ever ever raised an unkind voice to him.

Is the new guy someone who will be in my life? Most likely not. Has being able to talk things through with soemone who WANTED to talk to me helped me? Yes. Do I still love the person I brought here to the US and basically parented? Yes. Is it and was it a good thing for me to be with someone who took every single thing they could from me from money to papers and gave nothing back a good thing for me? What do you think? Would you wish that nonsense on anyone? My parents are soft spoken professors. My family was very ill prepared to deal with someone who had horrible intentions for me, con artist intentions and was basically from a family of ( I found out later) grifters, drug dealers in France and people who sponged off of other people. My ex was the BEST of his family and I know he had some good attributes. Loving and taking care of me were not some of them. He wanted to come to the US or France or ANYWHERE else and I was the boat here. I know ENOUGH people from North Africa to know that there are so many amazing good people who do NOT do that to people just like there are people in the US who do their very best to be culturally open.

As Mithra said, I just might not be "girlfriend" material right now. Thank god I have friends who knew me BEFORE this misadventure and have stood beside me, laughing with me when things were not so hard. I loved my husband. I loved him so much and with every part of my heart. If I did not, I would not have stood in the face of loss and sickness and made sure he had what he needed to live in the US safe. Had I not, when he did the nonsense he did 3 years ago, I would have been vengeful. I gave him a future here. He did not give me anything back. For me that was the HARDEST thing to face. My friend who is Moroccan married an illegal very young moroccan and she only wanted him for papers. There was nothing wrong with him. He is handsome, smart... and he got taken advantage of.

You know today after spending 4 weeks talking, he went out to see a football game. He called me and said. hey honey.. I went to go see a football game. Its been years.. thanks for talking to me and spending time with me..I needed to go have some fun because I have been so angry. I am not the only one who got hurt in life. I am not the only one who felt like they poured water into the ocean. I do not know if I will EVER completely heal from what happened and a lot more has to do with a bigger loss and the fact that I had to stay for years without any physical affection. It does something to you, to live without touch, without a hug, financially blackmailed into staying. And in the end, I am not in the situation anymore. I am legally free. I have to try to find a way to help my kids, my family and my friends reunite with me. I entered into this in December 2006. Thats a very long time to be entangled. I might not easily bounce back. But I will tell you, in September I felt like I wouldnt make it

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I've been reading this thread with interest...And I'm gonna go out on limb here...

I know its quite hip to suggest that true healing can only be found if your heal "yourself" and love yourself etc. I don't necessarily disagree with that, I do think there is great value in having a healthy sense of self worth...but...

I think what I feel is said best in a quote from Les Mis: "To love another person is to see the face of God..."

I feel like there is such incredible healing power in loving someone else. I have been self critical of my body since I was 10. Sad, I know - the curse of being a woman perhaps. And when I met my husband, I was still super critical of my not being a size 0. Some would say I should have learned to love myself more before I got in a relationship. But, the incredible thing is, loving my husband, even with his imperfections, has actually helped me be more accepting of myself. And yes, the fact that he loves me despite my imperfections makes me feel wonderful....but its fleeting. The real healing for me has come from truly, deeply loving someone else despite their flaws. That I could never have done on my own.

Again, I do think there is a place for developing a healthy sense of self worth. And I also think that sex and love are not one in the same. I do not think that sex alone has the same healing power as love. So I am not advocating seeking "sexual healing." But, real love is a wonderful, powerful thing. And I just don't know if avoiding "falling in love" with someone, because of past trauma being "unhealed" is the best solution. I know some people feel that always wanting and needing to love and be loved is a sign of weakness...but I don't think it always is that. I believe we are meant to be with someone. We are not meant to be alone and to struggle to find supreme happiness being alone. For people that are able to find happiness alone, they are blessed and fortunate. But I don't think we all need to find that. I believe there is, in all of us, an innate need for love and companionship. And I am going to venture to say that if "Beauty" feels that this man she's met is a good, kind, loving man - then the relationship may bring more healing than could ever happen on her own.

So to "Beauty" - he sounds wonderful. Best of luck to you. And I think all "good men" are a gift from heaven....maybe especially the ones from Morocco My Moroccan husband is the most sensitive, affectionate, passionate, sincere, sweet, generous, wonderful man I have ever met. I'm not sure if that's because he Moroccan, or just because he is wonderful...but love is fabulous, and I hope everyone is blessed with true, sincere, pure love...broken or unbroken, we all need it

You are right.

And sometimes people who are wrong in many different ways have to make decisions that in their own way, are brave ones. I do not regret helping my ex husband. What I regret is how things ended up for me. Thats all.

I am not alone. That was the biggest piece of the puzzle for me. Where do I go from here?

I take care of my kids. I clean my house. I try to put my job back together and make a living so I can support my children. I try to piece my life back together and try to find momentary little spots of warmth and sunshine. I plan my sons graduation. I go to my daughters birthday party saturday. I build myself back. I write. I talk. Sometimes I just try to sleep through what happened. If I tell you that I feel great, I am lying. I want to dream a little again and have a little space of comfort and happiness. I want to keep trying. I got my hair done saturday professionally for the first time in 3 years. I turn towards paper and pen, the computer and record my thoughts. The physical divorce was not the end for me. It was the fact that I had to endure for years and years past getting anything good out of something that hurt so bad.

Sometimes things do not work out like they should. Sometimes there are no happy endings. Sometimes you do not make it out the other side. But you can try and try until you get somewhere than where you are standing exactly.

That was my visa journey.