not that happy...

[Scarlet_ 0]

I wasnt able to check VJ yesterday.. I was out of the house almost the whole day yesterday... hubby helped me out with the papers for my nursing license and we did a li'l shopping, maybe he felt Im lonely deep inside.. I know he's been trying hard to make me happy. I realized I married a wonderful guy.. And should be thankful for that.. Also, being away with my family is just temporary. I know in time I can get my mom and my sister can always try to get a tourist visa. Or I can visit them. I always talk to them everyday. I have unlimited international texts and they have unlimited calls to US. We also see each other on webcam.. But as we all know, it helps seeing and talking to them but being with them for real is still different. What really upsets me most is I know my mom misses me terribly coz Im her youngest daughter and I used to sleep in her room coz Im scared of sleeping alone since I was a kid.. So when I talk to her on the phone she will tell me that she misses her baby and she feels sad that I dont sleep beside her anymore.. ANd its sooooo sadddddd... I know Its funny for some people and it seems that Im such a baby but my mom and I are really close thats why.. But what can I do. I guess we really cant have everything we want in life. I should be thankful for all the blessings I had and yeah I guess should stop feeling sorry about myself coz I'm indeed blessed... Im just trying to think positively that my mom and sis can join us here too someday..

I am so overwhelmed with all the response that I read in this thread. It made me feel that Im not really alone.. I am crying while reading your posts guys, but these are tears of joy.. Thank you so much.. I am deeply moved with your heartwarming messages. And your suggestions and opinions are all good I know it'll help me a lot.. i really wish I could get through this soon.. It will take time but I know Im strong I can do it and you guys are right, this is just a phase.. I'll get the hang of things in time.

Also thank you for those who greeted me on my birthday.. I am really happy I joined this site. all your resposes made me feel better.. May God bless you all. Thank you!!! (L) (L)

[khwaidee1 196]

My wife went through/is going through many of the same feelings. She only learned to drive about two years ago in her home country so she's not really anxious to drive here right now. I walked with her to the local shopping area a couple of times so she knows the way. She now is able to go to Target and Kohl's and the market on her own. I never even thought of explaining to her how our money works but I obviously needed to. The food thing I understand, I have to explain to her menus when we go out to eat (except for sushi where she can use the picture placemate to tell me what she wants!) She talks with family regularly which helps a lot. We're in AOS now waiting for our biometrics this month and then the AP/EAD so we can go back and visit.

Take your time. Ask a lot of questions. Find a local Phillpipino newspaper for what's going on. I found a local Thai paper in Thai that is delivered to our house. Surround yourself with some familiar things, food, cooking utensils, art etc. My wife is like a sponge and is learning quite quickly but there have been rough times to be sure. Be patient. I don't think love can conquer all but, it sure can smooth out a lot of bumps in the road. As my wife now says: "Your money is our money and my money is my money", she's learning quickly! Enjoy.

[Treva 3]

You will be fine in time. You already know that your situation will not stay the same for long. It makes sense that you are homesick and sad. One of the best cures for sadness is exercise. Do you live in a neighborhood where you can go for a walks or ride a bike? You need to meet more people, too. There is nothing wrong with talking to strangers, just use your instincts and be smart. If where you live is a little isolated, perhaps your hubby can drop you off in the city or at least drop you off at the metro station. Learning to find your way around on your own in the city will give you confidence. I'm sure there must be things to do for free or for little money like going to museums. You can look in the paper to find out about free activities. It sounds like you have a loving husband who should be understanding and give you a little spending money. You can also volunteer. That way you will be focused on other people's problems instead of your own. Also, volunteering can be a good way to make friends. A lot of women wish they had the free time you have. Take advantage of it now as much as you can, because once you start working and having kids you will miss it!

Best wishes,

Treva

[dwheels76 5,463]

Do you have webcam? I thik the two biggest factors in my wife's adjustment were:

#1 - My family anticipating her coming for so long and then welcoming her, spending time wiith her like shopping and even just visits when I was at work and my mom would come and get her and take her around when I was at work. This includes my 12 year old daughter whom I have with my Filipina ex, when she comes for her visitation.

#2 - Webcam. Just like I did during the time we courted and were waiting all the papers, etc and even before, my wife used to webcam/web chat with her family in the Phils EVERYDAY! And why not because its free! If you have computer here and your family has there int he Phils. My wife has been working the past 3 months so now she only web chats them on the weekends, but still i can tell the affect it has on her to be able to do that - from the beginning.

I bought her family a desk top computer before Chie came here for the purpose of their communication. Best money I ever spent. But even my first Filipina wife, her adjustment here was made s o much easier because of my families acceptance of her and their willingness to extend and make her feel welcome and at home. Also she had a 2 yr old son wen we met and married and I patitioned him also so she had his company when she first came and I was at work and then she was pregnant with our daughter within the first year also. (Maybe you need to get pregnant!) just joking cuz i don;t know if that is in your plans.

Anyway what you are experiencing is normal and as everyone else has mentioned, you will adjust and you're not stupid or any of that. you're a foreigner and we Americans are used to foreigners (or most of us who have had lost of exposure to them are), and what you are self-concious of, most people aren't even aware.

My wife got a job about 2 weeks after she got her EAD. It was via temp agency. She doesn't drive yet so I drop her before I go to my work and then pick her up after. Its a factory job abd is physical labor but for now she doesn't care cuz she feels more independant. It's not a lot of money but she is not responsible for any of the housold bills like utilities or mortgage, etc (except her cell phone bill!), but she buys the groceries and helps with other financials. She's not responsible for them but she always helps cuz as you know the K-1 process can set you back a bit. But she has been helping the ends meet - willingly. I never have to ask.

You'll be fine. God bless!

I just had to comment and say what an excellent thorough how to get your SO adjusted and feeling more comfortable. This is assume. Thank you. Not there yet but gosh cool stuff here.

[Octagon 3]

i actually dont know how to start. .. im happy being with my husband, we waited to be together for years and during those times of waiting i thought this was the greatet dream i ever had... and i still do believe in that though... only the part of adjusting to this new enviromnent makes me feel sad despite the fact that i had my dream to be with hubby came true now...

right now i cant stop crying coz i really miss being home. i miss our home in the phil especially my mom and my sister. my dad lives here in the US too but he's quite far, he in CT. It costs much to visit him.. Though I really wanna see him. I think seeing my dad might make my homesickness come off a li'l bit. But its costly to travel there. I really feel sad being alone at home while hubby is at work. Im trying to fight off the feeling but its too strong that I cant help but cry alone... I dont have anyone else to talk to when he's out and Im feeling bored doing the same things at home over and over.. Though Im kind of thankful with the chores coz thats only effin thing that makes me a li'l busy... II even feel so dumb here. I dont even know how to go to burger king alone. and besides I dont have any money so I definitely cant go anywhere. Hubby is taking care of all my needs and he's supportive but its also different to have your own money. I feel like I'm not capable of doing anything. I cant drive, I cant go out alone, I'm stuck being home. And one more thing, I do speak englis well enough to communicate but I sopmetimes find it hard to understand native english speakers when they talk too fast. I feel so dumb and stupid. How am I supposed to get a job if Im this dumb?!!! And I dont even applied for my AOS and EAD at this point! (more than a month now in CA) Our marriage certificate hasnt arrived yet... Uggghh evrything is a mess and I so feel like going home (Phil).. Im so lonely here... Im just staying here because of my hubby. Nothing else... What am I gonna do?

Hi, you are nit alone. I feel what you feel even i am nearly 2 years here.