what to do about wife who abandons

[KevinH 0]

Sorry about posting this here, I didn't see any other topic this question would seem to fit under.

About 2 1/2 years ago, my current wife and I started an online relationship. Shortly thereafter, I began supporting her and planning that we would someday marry. I visited her in Lithuania the Christmas before last Christmas, and generally spent alot of money on her and her family (probably over $40,000).

She came to the US in March of this year on a fiancee visa, we married in May. A couple weeks ago, she told me that she had met another man (on the internet), and she left me for him. She had told me that her relationship with him began months before she left, so to the best of my knowledge, she was pursuing another relationship within 3 months of being married.

I haven't heard from her in over a week. At this point, being almost past the point of horrific shock, other concerns are setting in.

My first concern is that I swore to the government that she resides with me during this conditional residency before her greencard, I should most likely contact them as soon as possible to discover whether my affidavit of support could be revoked and what my liabilities are in regards to her, taking into consideration she abandoned me and it was beyond my control.

I wasn't abusive, even as she was leaving I was calm and tried to talk things through with her. I honestly believe at this point, that she contemplated doing this on the day that we were married, pursuing another relationship as soon as she was here. I wonder if that would qualify for an annulment or if I should pursue divorce.

I'm wondering if anyone else out there has any advice or has had something similar happen to them, I'm to the point now where I don't believe things are fixable and I'm concerned about making sure my responsibilities to the governement are resolved.

[Kez/JWolf 6]

How far are you along in the AOS process? You need to seek good information from both an immigration lawyer and a divorce lawyer so that you can do what is best for you and protect yourself from any backlash...

I wish you well

Kezzie

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Sorry about posting this here, I didn't see any other topic this question would seem to fit under.

About 2 1/2 years ago, my current wife and I started an online relationship. Shortly thereafter, I began supporting her and planning that we would someday marry. I visited her in Lithuania the Christmas before last Christmas, and generally spent alot of money on her and her family (probably over $40,000).

She came to the US in March of this year on a fiancee visa, we married in May. A couple weeks ago, she told me that she had met another man (on the internet), and she left me for him. She had told me that her relationship with him began months before she left, so to the best of my knowledge, she was pursuing another relationship within 3 months of being married.

I haven't heard from her in over a week. At this point, being almost past the point of horrific shock, other concerns are setting in.

My first concern is that I swore to the government that she resides with me during this conditional residency before her greencard, I should most likely contact them as soon as possible to discover whether my affidavit of support could be revoked and what my liabilities are in regards to her, taking into consideration she abandoned me and it was beyond my control.

I wasn't abusive, even as she was leaving I was calm and tried to talk things through with her. I honestly believe at this point, that she contemplated doing this on the day that we were married, pursuing another relationship as soon as she was here. I wonder if that would qualify for an annulment or if I should pursue divorce.

I'm wondering if anyone else out there has any advice or has had something similar happen to them, I'm to the point now where I don't believe things are fixable and I'm concerned about making sure my responsibilities to the governement are resolved.

I'm presuming your submitted the AOS package and the I-864 Affidavit of Support already? Have you received notice of approval yet?

[KevinH 0]

All paperwork leading up through marriage was completed. Anything thereafter hasn't been filed yet. In regards to the affidavit of support, I supplied the original for the fiance visa, I believe called I-134. I did not supply the I-864 yet.

We've been having alot of issues since marriage, financial, her medical, and relationship based, I haven't pursued filing more paperwork yet since after we were married. We haven't taken any steps towards her greencard since then.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

All paperwork leading up through marriage was completed. Anything thereafter hasn't been filed yet. In regards to the affidavit of support, I supplied the original for the fiance visa, I believe called I-134. I did not supply the I-864 yet.

We've been having alot of issues since marriage, financial, her medical, and relationship based, I haven't pursued filing more paperwork yet since after we were married. We haven't taken any steps towards her greencard since then.

OK. So at this time, although you married within the 90 days, her status has expired. If she leaves and your marriage culminates in a divorce, she will be unsuccessful adjusting status with another USC. The statutes prohibit adjustment of a K type through anyone other than the original petitioner. The I-134 is not binding, and if you feel the marriage has no chance of reconciliation, you could alert USCIS to her departure and put it on record that you will not be pursuing adjustment of status due to the impending divorce.

If you have reason to believe that the marriage was entered into solely as a vehicle to permit her to gain entry into the USA, you could mention that in your letter. If the other man is a USC, I'm not sure how that would be viewed by USCIS. The position could be that he could have petitioned her himself. UNLESS he is only an LPR.

Edited October 23, 2006 by diadromous mermaid

[KevinH 0]

OK. So at this time, although you married within the 90 days, her status has expired. If she leaves and your marriage culminates in a divorce, she will be unsuccessful adjusting status with another USC. The statutes prohibit adjustment of a K type through anyone other than the original petitioner. The I-134 is not binding, and if you feel the marriage has no chance of reconciliation, you could alert USCIS to her departure and put it on record that you will not be pursuing adjustment of status due to the impending divorce.

If you have reason to believe that the marriage was entered into solely as a vehicle to permit her to gain entry into the USA, you could mention that in your letter. If the other man is a USC, I'm not sure how that would be viewed by USCIS. The position could be that he could have petitioned her himself. UNLESS he is only an LPR.

Yes, we were married within 90 days. Her status has expired. I think her strategy is that she is going to try to wait it out inside the country until a divorce has been finalized, then instantly marry this new man and sort it out after that ... her feeling that as long as she's married to him they won't make her leave.

I'm not trying to be vengeful, if she would eventually come back on her own I'm not in an extreme rush to mess up her chances at reconciliation if I don't have to ... not that I expect it but its only been like 3 weeks now since this issue has occured so I wouldn't entirely rule out that she'd be willing to reconcile.

Am I liable if I wait it out another couple weeks without notifying the USC? I'm not wanting to do anything like commit fraud or mess up my chances at ever taking another lady through this process in the future, but on the other hand I think after 2 1/2 years that it'd be silly to trash everything without giving her a little more opportunity to resolve things.

I don't know if she entirely plotted to do this for certain on the day of our marriage, or if it was more of a ... "you're good enough for now, but if I find something better eventually I'm leaving", but doing that only after 3 months to me seems rather convincing that it was her intention.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

OK. So at this time, although you married within the 90 days, her status has expired. If she leaves and your marriage culminates in a divorce, she will be unsuccessful adjusting status with another USC. The statutes prohibit adjustment of a K type through anyone other than the original petitioner. The I-134 is not binding, and if you feel the marriage has no chance of reconciliation, you could alert USCIS to her departure and put it on record that you will not be pursuing adjustment of status due to the impending divorce.

If you have reason to believe that the marriage was entered into solely as a vehicle to permit her to gain entry into the USA, you could mention that in your letter. If the other man is a USC, I'm not sure how that would be viewed by USCIS. The position could be that he could have petitioned her himself. UNLESS he is only an LPR.

Yes, we were married within 90 days. Her status has expired. I think her strategy is that she is going to try to wait it out inside the country until a divorce has been finalized, then instantly marry this new man and sort it out after that ... her feeling that as long as she's married to him they won't make her leave.

I'm not trying to be vengeful, if she would eventually come back on her own I'm not in an extreme rush to mess up her chances at reconciliation if I don't have to ... not that I expect it but its only been like 3 weeks now since this issue has occured so I wouldn't entirely rule out that she'd be willing to reconcile.

Am I liable if I wait it out another couple weeks without notifying the USC? I'm not wanting to do anything like commit fraud or mess up my chances at ever taking another lady through this process in the future, but on the other hand I think after 2 1/2 years that it'd be silly to trash everything without giving her a little more opportunity to resolve things.

I don't know if she entirely plotted to do this for certain on the day of our marriage, or if it was more of a ... "you're good enough for now, but if I find something better eventually I'm leaving", but doing that only after 3 months to me seems rather convincing that it was her intention.

At this point you, as the USC, have no responsibility to do anything and given the circumstances you've shared there's no way tht I can see, that you are in any risk of being found to have engaged in fraud. If her plan was to do what she's done, she has misused the K-1 visa and deceived you.

It is your choice to report her departure, or not. Obviously, if you hope to reconcile, the best thing to do is wait. Frankly, her plan to remain in the US and adjust is foiled, if that is what she intends to do. She could marry this other bloke, if she divorces you, but she'd be required to return to Lithuania to begin the petitioning process all over again as a spouse of a US citizen, and the longer she waits to do it, the more out of status time she accrues and then there's no assurance that USCIS may not find her first marriage in question. All very 'iffy" if you ask me.

[KevinH 0]

At this point you, as the USC, have no responsibility to do anything and given the circumstances you've shared there's no way tht I can see, that you are in any risk of being found to have engaged in fraud. If her plan was to do what she's done, she has misused the K-1 visa and deceived you.

It is your choice to report her departure, or not. Obviously, if you hope to reconcile, the best thing to do is wait. Frankly, her plan to remain in the US and adjust is foiled, if that is what she intends to do. She could marry this other bloke, if she divorces you, but she'd be required to return to Lithuania to begin the petitioning process all over again as a spouse of a US citizen, and the longer she waits to do it, the more out of status time she accrues and then there's no assurance that USCIS may not find her first marriage in question. All very 'iffy" if you ask me.

But the USCIS wouldn't force her to leave the US if she was actually married to this guy after our divorce, correct? If this guy offers to take care of her indefinitely and she finds under-the-table work, she's pretty much guaranteed able to stay in the US indefinitely?

I'm curious, if during our divorce, if I were to notify the USC of whats going on and they knew where she was located at, if she would be in danger of being deported. Also curious whether if she stays hidden until divorced, then marries the same day, if she's able to stay indefinitely ... perhaps not legally but then again not under risk of being deported.

I promised her parents that I would wait for her, so I'd probably give her a good many months if it is possible.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

At this point you, as the USC, have no responsibility to do anything and given the circumstances you've shared there's no way tht I can see, that you are in any risk of being found to have engaged in fraud. If her plan was to do what she's done, she has misused the K-1 visa and deceived you.

It is your choice to report her departure, or not. Obviously, if you hope to reconcile, the best thing to do is wait. Frankly, her plan to remain in the US and adjust is foiled, if that is what she intends to do. She could marry this other bloke, if she divorces you, but she'd be required to return to Lithuania to begin the petitioning process all over again as a spouse of a US citizen, and the longer she waits to do it, the more out of status time she accrues and then there's no assurance that USCIS may not find her first marriage in question. All very 'iffy" if you ask me.

But the USCIS wouldn't force her to leave the US if she was actually married to this guy after our divorce, correct? If this guy offers to take care of her indefinitely and she finds under-the-table work, she's pretty much guaranteed able to stay in the US indefinitely?

I'm curious, if during our divorce, if I were to notify the USC of whats going on and they knew where she was located at, if she would be in danger of being deported. Also curious whether if she stays hidden until divorced, then marries the same day, if she's able to stay indefinitely ... perhaps not legally but then again not under risk of being deported.

I promised her parents that I would wait for her, so I'd probably give her a good many months if it is possible.

KevinH,

She's approaching a deadline right now of declaring her change of address. 10 days is the requirement for an alien. I suspect she won't file it, so as to not draw attention to her activities, but, nonetheless, it is a violation of the statutes. Now, USCIS do not ordinarily enforce failure to alert a change in address, but there are penalties and it is a violation of the INA.

Yes, she could remain, as an out of status alien. Aliens are deported, but there's a chance she'd run under the radar for quite some time, as typically being out of status, in and of itself, is not generally enough to make the USCIS remove a person from the United States.

[KevinH 0]

KevinH,

She's approaching a deadline right now of declaring her change of address. 10 days is the requirement for an alien. I suspect she won't file it, so as to not draw attention to her activities, but, nonetheless, it is a violation of the statutes. Now, USCIS do not ordinarily enforce failure to alert a change in address, but there are penalties and it is a violation of the INA.

Yes, she could remain, as an out of status alien. Aliens are deported, but there's a chance she'd run under the radar for quite some time, as typically being out of status, in and of itself, is not generally enough to make the USCIS remove a person from the United States.

So these penalties she's accruing to herself, for being out of status and everything else, and I don't tell the USC until many months after the fact ... lets say two years from now I'm divorced and I want to initiate the process again with another girl ... are they going to look at my record, see that I petitioned before, see that not only did she mess up but I went a long while without notifying them that she messed up ... could they potentially refuse my process or require alot of extra legal runaround before they'd consider another petition from me?

Thanks so much diadromous mermaid for your replies.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

KevinH,

She's approaching a deadline right now of declaring her change of address. 10 days is the requirement for an alien. I suspect she won't file it, so as to not draw attention to her activities, but, nonetheless, it is a violation of the statutes. Now, USCIS do not ordinarily enforce failure to alert a change in address, but there are penalties and it is a violation of the INA.

Yes, she could remain, as an out of status alien. Aliens are deported, but there's a chance she'd run under the radar for quite some time, as typically being out of status, in and of itself, is not generally enough to make the USCIS remove a person from the United States.

So these penalties she's accruing to herself, for being out of status and everything else, and I don't tell the USC until many months after the fact ... lets say two years from now I'm divorced and I want to initiate the process again with another girl ... are they going to look at my record, see that I petitioned before, see that not only did she mess up but I went a long while without notifying them that she messed up ... could they potentially refuse my process or require alot of extra legal runaround before they'd consider another petition from me?

Thanks so much diadromous mermaid for your replies.

If you wish to work on reconciliation, you don't necessarily have to report that you will not be pursuing adjustment of status with the beneficiary. But at such time that marriage is clearly non-viable and heading for divorce, you are wise to alert USCIS to that fact.

[doodlebug 3]

lets say two years from now I'm divorced and I want to initiate the process again with another girl ... are they going to look at my record, see that I petitioned before, see that not only did she mess up but I went a long while without notifying them that she messed up ... could they potentially refuse my process or require alot of extra legal runaround before they'd consider another petition from me?

First of all I'm so very sorry that you have to go through this.

Second of all though, why on earth, after your new wife has left for only three weeks, would you even consider going through this process again with someone else who lives outside of the US? I only ask because for me, if my relationship does not for whatever reason work out, there ain't no way in heck I'm going to even talk to anyone outside of the US since it's just too darn difficult!!!

[KevinH 0]

First of all I'm so very sorry that you have to go through this.

Second of all though, why on earth, after your new wife has left for only three weeks, would you even consider going through this process again with someone else who lives outside of the US? I only ask because for me, if my relationship does not for whatever reason work out, there ain't no way in heck I'm going to even talk to anyone outside of the US since it's just too darn difficult!!!

I love the russian people, fascinated with the culture, and started learning the language long before this last lady ever contacted me (wasn't even looking when she contacted me). I was a little too eager, little unwise (I'm 35, she's 25 ... 10 years is a huge difference). The next time around I'd be more discerning.

I have no intentions of considering pursuing another girl now with the potential of her returning, but I certainly don't want to do anything right now that would jeopardize my possibilities in the future.

I don't associate this with being a typical scenario, I think I've read less than 50% of american marriages remain married, and its more than 70% when it comes to a foreign marriage, so my chances are still better at looking abroad.

[simple_male 1]

Based on what you said, you should not reconcile with her. She will leave you again. She is not even grateful to you that she is in the USA because of you. You should not let her come to your house again, as she can call the police and claim that you threatened her or something. If that happens, you will be in problem, even if she tells a lie to the police. So becareful. You should not even keep in touch with her. Start the divorce process immediately, notify USCIS everything including her failure to fill our AR-11 to change her address. It will be uptp the USCIS what they will do. You may not like what I am suggesting, but this kind of things happen when someone enters into a marriage solely to come to USA. I hope, she is not pregnant. You should see immigration and divorce lawyers.

[Boiler 43,619]

First of all I'm so very sorry that you have to go through this.

Second of all though, why on earth, after your new wife has left for only three weeks, would you even consider going through this process again with someone else who lives outside of the US? I only ask because for me, if my relationship does not for whatever reason work out, there ain't no way in heck I'm going to even talk to anyone outside of the US since it's just too darn difficult!!!

I love the russian people, fascinated with the culture, and started learning the language long before this last lady ever contacted me (wasn't even looking when she contacted me). I was a little too eager, little unwise (I'm 35, she's 25 ... 10 years is a huge difference). The next time around I'd be more discerning.

I have no intentions of considering pursuing another girl now with the potential of her returning, but I certainly don't want to do anything right now that would jeopardize my possibilities in the future.

I don't associate this with being a typical scenario, I think I've read less than 50% of american marriages remain married, and its more than 70% when it comes to a foreign marriage, so my chances are still better at looking abroad.

A classic tale, many similar ones on this board.

Men could substitute Phillipines for Russia, depends on your taste.

Women would substitute Morrocco.

Once bitten twice shy?

Count yourself very lucky she had not had the brains to wait a bit for adjustment and you to be on the hook for the I-864.