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squaw_1970

please can someone offer some advice

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My name Is J***, In Sept 2009 I became married to a U.S citizen we were married In , Ohio.I went back to the U.K to sort things out whilst my paperwork was being sorted and visited again In Dec of the same year.In May myself and my youngest daughter **** came back to C******* and stayed with my husband and we had been lucky enough to inherit his grandmothers house after she died, this being said the house Is In his name but we decorated it and modernized it and made it our home.

During my time there my husband told me that he was dealing with all the paperwork etc and ****was enrolled at St *****s School and I did charity work as my husband said that he didn't want me to work but be at home looking after the house and caring for him and ****.My husband Is not **** biological father but she has never known anyone else and I had known S**** (my husband) since before her birth and he wanted her to known as his daughter so that is all she has ever known.

I realized quite early on that my husband was quite controlling and I was never involved In any financial matters including not knowing what was in any bank accounts etc.He had been married previously and I was told that he divorced his wife as she had an affair although I have since learnt that she filed for divorce due to mental cruelty.He did on numerous occasions loose his temper and not speak for days at a time and I learnt to be quiet as to not anger him anymore although I never knew what mood he would return home In.

Things finally got physically violent In July 2011 when a neighbor called over to invite us to a barbecue S**** was upstairs and so I went up to ask him whilst my neighbor her daughter and **** were downstairs.At the time he was trying to install a webcam and he became furious as I had interuppted him.He started pulling at the web cam until it came out of the computer and starting lashing it around, I was more concerned this time as I knew the neighbor and the children were downstairs and told him so but he continued and whipped it so hard around my face, he then slammed me against the door and told me to stop shaking like a retard and get out of his house he carried on shouting and pushed me out of the room.As I went downstairs I found that my neighbor and her daughter had left as they were frightened although my daughter was still there.He took my house keys from my key ring and threw us both out by this time both myself and my daughter were crying.

We drove around for hours and I had no money and was too embarrassed to go to any friends hours later I arrived back at the house and sent him a couple of texts to see If he would let us in, he said no.I then asked if we could have pillows etc or a drink as It was really hot and It was after midnight he still said no.Eventually I text him saying that he was leaving me no alternative than to call the police to which he came out of the house got In his own car and drove away. I called the police and told them what had happened and at this point I hadn't even noticed the mark on my face. The officers called him on his cell and told him that under the law It was my house too and that he could not throw me and a child out like this and that **** needed to be in bed.The officers wanted me to press charges with regards to my face but I was too afraid.He came back and the officers let us Into the house and told him to go away and come back In the morning when he had calmed down.An hour later he let himself Into the house came upstairs woke Isabella up saying that this was his house and nobody was going to make him go anywhere else and he took my phone.

For the next week I got the silent treatment and was not spoken to or communicated with at all.Although I was informed by St *****'s that he had stopped paying ****s tuition and that she would not be allowed back for the start of the new school year unless he made payment.Things gradually got back on track but he never apologized although when I asked him never to hurt me again I was told not to disobey him or make him angry again but one night I was told to go upstairs and not come back down and I knew by the tone In his voice not to.When he left for work the next morning I went downstairs to find a knife embedded In the table and with black marker written'DO NOT PUT MY KNIVES IN DISHWASHER'. At the beginning of Aug that year some friends of mine told me that they were going to New York and I really needed a break for 2 days as I didn't know how I felt, to my surprise he told me I should go whilst he looked after ****.I went by bus and he was going to collect me from the bus station when I returned.

My bus changed at Buffalo , New York on my return trip but there were Border Patrol Officers at the station and they asked to see my passport which I showed them and then was arrested and searched and questioned and was not allowed to even call him.I was worried thinking that he and Isabella would be waiting for me.I was finally released to appear at the immigration office in C******* awaiting deportation and was dropped back at the Bus station.I managed to call him thinking he would be frantic but he was at home in bed saying he thought I must have decided to stay a while longer.

After seeing the Immigration people I was told that my paperwork had been cancelled and that we needed to leave the country to which I contacted an attorney who said they would fight the case but needed a $10,000 retainer. My husband said that he had asked his Uncle but had been refused, I have since found out his Uncle had agreed to lend him the money . S***** said that we should make a fresh start and that he would apply for British citizenship and would transfer his job at ******* Insurance. He told me If me and ******went back to the U.k and stayed with my father he would join us In March after selling the house and getting our stuff shipped.I then packed all the house ready for this and we left C******** on November 29th.I have also been barred for 10yrs from entering but have my own Uncles and cousins and friends there too.

Once I arrived back In the U.k his contact all but stopped and we hardly heard from him not even a Christmas card. I went to withdraw some money from the bank and received and email saying 'If you ever do that again I will f~~~ing stop your card' I replied that I only tried to get some money to pay for food and ***** new school uniform and that I could not live on nothing and my bank card was then stopped and we have had no money since.

I am having to live on government help at the moment and cannot find work although I am willing to he will not send these we have had to buy from charity shops just to get by as all i came back with was two suitcases.

I left my home my job and my life here to live there for what I thought was forever and I have been left with absolutely nothing and I am not sure financially If I am entitled to anything from him at all. I would like someone to represent me but It would need to be on a no win no fee or a pro Bono basis. If you cannot help me could you possibly advise me of anyone who can or anything I can do as any English lawyers I have contacted do not know Ohio law and do not really want to get involved.

All I would like now is a divorce with mine and **** personal belongings back and a small settlement if I am entitled to anything at all

S**** is still living and working In C******** and although I don't think this has any relevance has had another partner since January.

PLEASE HELP AND ADVISE ME WHAT DO x

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This is not really an Immigration issue, sounds like you were living illegally in the US and will not be coming back anytime soon.

My first thought would be to divorce in the UK, I do not believe there is anything that requires you to divorce in the US.

The CAB may be able to advise more.

I am not sure what you think you would be entitled to financially, seems a very short marriage, no children etc.

Are the items you left worth the cost of shipping?


“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

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Hi , All our clothes, Jewellery personal belongings like i said all i returned with was 2 suitcases, all i have to show for 42 yrs!! I had known my husband 14 yrs and still cannot believe this has happened.I am shocked that someone could do this and leave us in this mess without even giving a second thought to how we were going to eat or live just feel like have been thrown away with the trash.I don't think there is anyway i could get the ban over turned now but it breaks my heart knowing i cannot go back and visit my family and friends and to the country that i felt was my home .

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Sounds like you were married and living together for 2 years?

Hopefully if you pay to have your belongings shipped back he will help facilitate the process.


“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

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Unfortunatly at the moment I am still to find work back here which is not proving easy but yes i would pay but he will not reply to any email or letter or telephone call. An old neighbour told me that he has now finished the all of our home and has moved alot of stuff out and is thinking of renting it out..I am guessing that maybe our things are no longer even there anymore.

And yes sorry just over 2yrs thats correct.

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Quite possible, perhaps you can ask a friend to look into it.


“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

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I have but the neighbour is the one who was in the house when he hurt my face and he isnt exactly an approachable man most are intimidated by him. if the lawyers here issue divorce papers and he ignores them what happens then i just have to wait?

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If it is not contested I think you just have to wait longer for it to be Absolute, I am sure there are plenty of on line resources.


“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

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As I understand Ohio divorce laws, you should be entitled to an equitable split of property/assets acquired during the marriage. You also have to have been a resident of Ohio within the past 6 months before filing for a divorce. You also should be entitled to spousal support, and given the nature of the relationship of the child to the non-father, you might also be rewarded child support as well.

Contact a law firm in Ohio. Explain your situation. There are MANY of them online with a wide variety of payment options.

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Thank you for your reply..I have emailed many firms in ohio and have heard back from non except 2 that were unwilling to take the case..my name was not on our home though would that make a difference? I truly do not want to be nasty or take anything that isnt mine or be greedy but i truly believed this was for life and my home and my little family and i am shattered totally. even if it had of just been enough to help me start again or atleast by us some things that were not from charity shops would have been nice hard enough losing what i believed was someone who loved us never mind coming back to nothing penniless it just hurts..if anyone knows of any lawyers or anyone willing to help i would be more than grateful, like i said im not lazy i have been looking for work since i have been back but there is just nothing at all.just feels wrong that i went there and come back with nothing yet his life has carried on exactly the same, except he had me to help re decorate our home and be a wife to come home to..im sorry i really am just lost and you guys on here are my final ditch at trying to salvage something or anything out of this whole mess.

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Unless the home was completely paid for before the marriage, you own a 2 year stake in it. You or him both made sacrifices during the marriage to make the payment, so you are entitled to a portion of the equity.(the equity accrued during the marriage)

You are making a common mistake by trying to be nice. You will not get anything from your marital assets with that approach. In many states you can file a divorce in that state without being present. I won't do all your homework for you, but my guess is you can file from the UK. You are going to have to put on your tough girl panties and get down and dirty, just like he has, if you expect to succeed.

This is but one resource for info: http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/ohio/ohio-divorce-laws-709.shtml

I have no knowledge of the site other than a quick google to find such a site. I see they have forums which also might assist you on Ohio specific law as it pertains to you. Good luck :)

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Unless the home was completely paid for before the marriage, you own a 2 year stake in it. You or him both made sacrifices during the marriage to make the payment, so you are entitled to a portion of the equity.(the equity accrued during the marriage)

You are making a common mistake by trying to be nice. You will not get anything from your marital assets with that approach. In many states you can file a divorce in that state without being present. I won't do all your homework for you, but my guess is you can file from the UK. You are going to have to put on your tough girl panties and get down and dirty, just like he has, if you expect to succeed.

This is but one resource for info: http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/ohio/ohio-divorce-laws-709.shtml

I have no knowledge of the site other than a quick google to find such a site. I see they have forums which also might assist you on Ohio specific law as it pertains to you. Good luck :)

I would not suggest you send him money. I don't think he has any plans to send you your things. You should try to use your energies to get a job and take care of your daughter. I think trying to get anything when you where only married for two years is not worth the trouble and expense. I am a little surprised he has not filed for divorce. Try to find out if he has remarried if he has he can be in some big trouble.

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hi, thanks for the replies. His grandma passed away and he inherited the house so mortgage etc.. yes i know in some peoples eyes the marriage was not for long because was only 2 years but like was said it was my home which i took care of and looked after and i was a good wife.No i do not have the money to send him anyway but no i still dont things i would see our belongings returned to be honest, he said a few times that he would like when he got his bonus in march etc and nothing... he did send the odd card to my daughter still love from daddy but that stopped although she still writes and i recently caught her calling him from my phone and she left him a message just saying daddy i love you and hope your ok.this breaks my heart as she adores him i have told her that daddy wont be coming and although he still loves her he doesnt love mummy anymore but there is no way in my heart i could tell her anything else she is a child and loves him dearly.Like i said i have contacted some divorce lawyers in ohio i also have pictures of what he did to my face and the knife in the table with his writing on it but dont think this will help or do anything especially as cannot find anyone willing to take it on so maybe like someone else said am i best just to forget about it? in my heart i want to fight for the hurt he has caused my daughter im an adult and can live on next to nothing she is a child and he has taken everything away from her so unfairly.No he has not remarried by all accounts but i do wonder if maybe this other lady was around and it was quite an easy way to get me to go thinking he would follow esp as he was with her only a few weeks after i had gone but i dont know.he did send me an email telling me it would do me good to go out and get laid rather than mopping around which he imagined i was doing!! lovely... if only i had the time to mope when i trying to take care of a child and find work x

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