Internet Love or not to Love?

[TiklingGuy 211]

That made me laugh right out loud!

[KLS2010 30]

You only need to think about the likelihood that an older American male with relatively limited income would be able to attract a much younger woman from a First World Country - the chances are nil.

Not nil.

I'm from a 'First World Country' and I married my older American husband for no other reason than because I love him. There is a 20yr age difference between us.

Although, I do agree that there are many younger women from poorer countries looking to marry as a way out of poverty. Just like there are some older men that want much younger wives, whether love is involved or not.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

My wife is 14 years younger than me. She had her dream job and was the principal of a school in Metro Manila. Her students scored the highest of all schools within her district too. She had financial security, and a promising future. She left it all to be with me. We live in relative poverty. Life is hard for us financially. We have had our rough times. We also have a 2 year old between us. We also met online, but not at a dating site. She had all to lose and nothing to gain in coming here. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for my family. But then we both believe that is exactly who brought us together and holds us together.

That's great. My wife gave up her practice and her license as a dentist when she came here. However, I don't think that changes the fact that both our spouses came from a place where a large population lives in dire poverty. While some people can make a comfortable living for themselves, a lot seek work abroad and many families there rely on a regular flow of money from relatives living abroad. Most of them see no real economic future without looking elsewhere.

Edited June 21, 2012 by Mister Fancypants

[A and T 82]

Met my wife on myspace 8 years ago or more, been married for 3 years still going strong. Yes, you can love and find a good person over the internet.

[actob99 156]

Ok - here we go..... First off, I met my fiancee while I was living in the Phils 10-15 days off a month. We met through a friend of mine, my fiancee is his wifes aunt. Nothing wrong with internet sites, I tried and met some good people before I met my future wife. Thats my story, not better or worse than any others story....

The only thing I would suggest/personally do, is spend as much time together as possible before starting this process. Yes there are scammers out there, but so easy to squash them when you spend quite a bit of time with them.... I understand that this is not possible for everyone, but what is wrong with a 2 year relationship online if its true love? Why so fast for some?

Ok, for the comments about age, 3rd world country, no love!!!!!!!! BS!!!!!! I got divorced 7 years ago from my ex in the states. I then dated american girls, those would be 1st country(is that what their called now)??? ANd I was utterly dissapointed with their expectations.. Example, sure I tried Match.com right out of the divorced gate, you don't think their looking for money??? You ever go on there and see what their profiles are and what thier looking for. If I didn't have black hair, or 6 foot tall, or made over 75K then done deal with some.. I had a couple 6 month relationships, one being a friend of the family that was supposedly a good women, MONEY!!!!!! Only 3 years younger than me.. This is in every culture so please don't say filipina's are like that!!!!!

In the Phils - just having this conversation with my mahal, she has many examples.. She has heard the typical comments about that she has an american boyfriend and she should get some land and maybe some money in the bank in case I leave her. Many people have said that you need to get what you can from the foreigners because they don't think that a relationship can last forever with a foreigner.. (Sounds familiar to me like every Country) Every woman has the same concerns..

Pretty easy for me to know - that if you have trust, honesty and love that all is good. Doesn't matter where you are from. That is what I made sure of the last 2 years with my fiancee. Is it going to last forever? Nobody knows, but a pretty good damm chance that it will. ANd beleive it - we know when it's true love, and when its not.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Ok, for the comments about age, 3rd world country, no love!!!!!!!! BS!!!!!! I got divorced 7 years ago from my ex in the states. I then dated american girls, those would be 1st country(is that what their called now)??? ANd I was utterly dissapointed with their expectations.. Example, sure I tried Match.com right out of the divorced gate, you don't think their looking for money??? You ever go on there and see what their profiles are and what thier looking for. If I didn't have black hair, or 6 foot tall, or made over 75K then done deal with some.. I had a couple 6 month relationships, one being a friend of the family that was supposedly a good women, MONEY!!!!!! Only 3 years younger than me.. This is in every culture so please don't say filipina's are like that!!!!!

Go back and read my posts - I never said anything about "no love." And yes, of course some women here in the states still look for financial security when finding a potential mate, but the difference is that women in the states are much closer to equal ground when it comes to earning power and economic mobility so they are less likely to make that a precondition of potential suitors. And the only reason I bring that up is the the OP of this thread mentioned 'scammers.' It's far too easy to dismiss any of these marriages to Filipinas that fall apart as 'her just going after the green card' when essentially, for most of couples here, the Filipina is in fact looking for financial security by marrying a Kano. That doesn't make a girl any more a scammer than it makes the relationship any less valid. As you pointed out - it exists in varying degrees everywhere. The difference, however, is that a man with relatively modest income, who carries with him the baggage of divorce, kids middle age and whatever comes with that, and he can find a very young, petite Filipina who will be eager to marry him with a minimal amount of courtship. Those marriages, on average from the statistics I've seen, are actually quite successful, but on the occasion that one doesn't pan out, I think these guys aren't being honest with themselves if they react by claiming the Filipina was just after a green card, as if that never factored into the relationship to begin with.

[Hank_ 9,173]

Go back and read my posts - I never said anything about "no love." And yes, of course some women here in the states still look for financial security when finding a potential mate, but the difference is that women in the states are much closer to equal ground when it comes to earning power and economic mobility so they are less likely to make that a precondition of potential suitors. And the only reason I bring that up is the the OP of this thread mentioned 'scammers.' It's far too easy to dismiss any of these marriages to Filipinas that fall apart as 'her just going after the green card' when essentially, for most of couples here, the Filipina is in fact looking for financial security by marrying a Kano. That doesn't make a girl any more a scammer than it makes the relationship any less valid. As you pointed out - it exists in varying degrees everywhere. The difference, however, is that a man with relatively modest income, who carries with him the baggage of divorce, kids middle age and whatever comes with that, and he can find a very young, petite Filipina who will be eager to marry him with a minimal amount of courtship. Those marriages, on average from the statistics I've seen, are actually quite successful, but on the occasion that one doesn't pan out, I think these guys aren't being honest with themselves if they react by claiming the Filipina was just after a green card, as if that never factored into the relationship to begin with.

boy do you live a sheltered life, go check match.com as the other poster mentioned... almost ALL have high income requirements. Nope, the American woman is MORE likely, not less...

[one...two...tree 2,762]

boy do you live a sheltered life, go check match.com as the other poster mentioned... almost ALL have high income requirements. Nope, the American woman is MORE likely, not less...

No offense, but match.com isn't exactly a good measuring stick for knowing what women are looking for in a potential mate.

But don't take my word for it, google search "what are women looking for in a mate."

Here's just a few examples:

sweetiepielove writes: Good Communication

Stability in all aspects of life

Strength (both physically & mentally)

Humor

Sensitivity

(but maybe she's a bit pudgy and doesn't live up to men's expectations in terms of physical attraction?)

........

lauren17 writes: I am looking for a man who can except me for me, will not lie, cheat and steal, can not only be my lover, but my best friend as well. Someone that I can get along with alone and with a group of people/friends. Family oriented, good comunication, one who can open up and share the feelings/talk about things. An over all - wonderful guy! One that i can miss/think about when I am not with them, one who will make me smile.

.......

rome619 writes: well im looking for the opposite of my ex, i need a man that doesnt live with his mother, has a job and can take care of himself. Im tired of men who want to live off a woman, expect her to do everything-cook, clean and satisfy him in bed. well for me, if you can't satisfy me in the bedroom there is no relationship and that was the problem with my marriage. he would please himself and leave me hanging,so i stop doing anything for him-and i do mean anything-i didnt even cook for his a** no more. a man also needs to be honest, someone that a woman can trust and vise versa. you dont want to be in a relationship and you can't trust a person. i like men that don't have a problem because i can do something better than they can or make more money than they do. someone passionate and loving, believes in me and himself, strong and once again can take control in the bedroom. IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE ME IN THE BEDROOM, THEN YOU CAN'T HANDLE ME OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM

..............

http://www.datehooku...read-234844.htm

[Hank_ 9,173]

So based on that you ran right out and found an American woman to marry?????

[one...two...tree 2,762]

So based on that you ran right out and found an American woman to marry?????

Sounds like you went looking for love from the Philippines on the presumption that American women only look at your bank account. Hopefully, you can see the irony in that.

[Hank_ 9,173]

Sounds like your presume to ASSume

Edited June 21, 2012 by Hank_

[kev_n_jena 89]

"I would like to know the percentage of K1 or K3 Visa's started with Internet Dating"

Check the poll, there's also a poll I made about how long you knew each other before meeting in person.

"and how everyone's relationship is going? Pros, Cons etc."

We met online in 2005 and married in 2007. Our relationship is going very well. We both love each other and our first child was born about three months ago.

Pros for me:

1) Hot young wife

2) More traditional relationship and home life than I found in women I met in the US

3) No baggage from previous relationships (this is huge for me)

Pros for her:

1) financial stability

2) Tall blue eyed handsome

3) Extremely faithful

Cons for me:

1) Only one I can think of: I must pay for her education before she will have much earning potential. I don't really care and am happy to do it.

Cons for her:

1) Older husband with less chance of being around in 20 or 30 years. (anybody can get hit by a bus though )

2) Being away from her family

[LSnBigBear 61]

Sounds like you went looking for love from the Philippines on the presumption that American women only look at your bank account. Hopefully, you can see the irony in that.

I can say this about American Women. ANd before I say this please note I lived in Asia more the last 8 years then USA. What I find are bitter women that have been scarred by previous relationships. I was to but I am not bitter. I love life. My fiancee had to ex BF's while she was in College. She said her ex pinoy BF's both hurt her. However she is not at all bitter nor am I. My fiancee works and earns her own income. Actually I just started sending her $50 a month due to the Visa thing so it showed support. She did not need. Of course she could use it as she does not earn alot. As for the discussions back and forth of the date sights as Match. I found and as other friends pointed out to me that women in USA are scarred to get into regular relationships now too. They are hiding behind computers. And I have not idea what I did to get the yellow in between the words.. Sorry.

ANd one last item, My 21 year old niece is dating her 8th grade teacher. He retired and is 61. Both live in USA and are Americans. Times are changing with peoples wants in relationships

[Emmysaur 29]

There is no real difference between whether an Amerikano meets his future wife through a dating service or face-to-face in terms of the potential for fraud, given that in both situations, it is incredible that a woman would be so willing to give up everything she knows and leave it behind to spend her life with a man who is typically older than her, along with all the personal baggage he has. You only need to think about the likelihood that an older American male with relatively limited income would be able to attract a much younger woman from a First World Country - the chances are nil. Young Filipinas, by and large, who are eager and willing to marry these older American men are looking at marriage as a way out of poverty. That's the reality. The consulate recognizes this and most of these couples, if they are honest enough with themselves, know this as well. So whether you meet her through a dating service or face-to-face, there is always that factor - income inequality, that impacts the decision making process for the Filipina. Recognizing that would go a long way in helping these older American men avoid feeling they are being exploited for the 'green card.'

I agree with the bolded part

[rlogan 2,036]

I never said anything about "no love." And yes, of course some women here in the states still look for financial security...

You dismissed what a woman actually feels, and poofed this conceited definition into existence so that you could judge others and put them down.

One of the ways you did that was to say that people get married under the pretext of love, but in reality it is just economic security. Since there is no justification for your love on USCIS forms, this accusation about false pretext is a lie. In your conceited world, a woman cannot love a man for rescuing her from poverty. The truth is there's no purer love than that. This is knight-on-a-white-horse Cinderella type love for those of us that have it.

So long as it is a fairy tale then poor young Cinderella is allowed to fall in love with the richest man in the Kingdom and live in a castle for the rest of her life. We all root for Cinderealla. But if she is a real human, now her love is not pure. Cinderella is just a ####### and the Prince is exploiting her. What that proves is how envy, jealousy, and crab mentality operate in real life: cut other people down rather than be happy along with them for how thrilled they are in finding the partner they love.

Instead you tell Cinderella how much you pity her living in the castle now and what a creep the Prince is. When someone stands up in the middle of our Cinderella story and drones on like a bore about how our love isn't pure, this is the kind of person we avoid interaction with in our lives. Because this person is always going to be looking for the malicious way to frame things and justify it by saying he is a "realist" with lies and conceited (nonexistent) definitions.

Edited June 21, 2012 by rlogan