How did you meet?

[CarolineM 0]

Are you being sarcastic?? No worries either way

[rellik 0]

No, I'm not being sarcastic.....I actually do try to admit when I'm wrong and I reacted wrongly. And thank you for the "no worries"....

Are you being sarcastic?? No worries either way

[dxt7339 1]

Just to add my two cents worth............

I have no problem with the fact that I and most of the people here have met their wives or husbands through an internet based introduction/dating website. When i think about the ways to meet someone to consider for a committed relationship, bars, interest groups, etc., the most effecient way is through an internet system. I think the term "mail order bride" is a non-applicable term. I am not ordering out of a catalog. The internet is where people with mutual desires and intentions can meet and determine if they want to meet and pursue a relationship. Both have the free will to choose to be on the sites and to meet someone. In my case I did not have any need for any other service than seeing and reading about a potential person to meet. I was fully capable of communciating and traveling in Russia well enough to not need and "marriage broker service".

There is a perception by many people that meeting people from a foreign country through is "mail order". But it is not different that the dating sites for the USA like Match.com or similar sites. I do not get offended by what other people think about the way I met my wife. Their ignorance is not my concern. I found the most loving and beautiful women that is perfect for me and for that I am very grateful!

Yes, my Russia wife is a hot looking 43 year old! ! ! I am not what American women would consider hot man, but my Russian wife considers me hot. But it is her values about who she wants to be with that made me attractive to her. He main values she was wanting is someone that she could trust and believe in his words and deeds. This was the most important thing too her. Which by the way is tops on my list too! She also wanted someone that would accept her daughter and treat her kindly and with love.

Devereux

[PurrSuede 0]

at least it's not an A/W this time! The abuse is coming from somewhere else!!

must be a nice break for ya'll.

No, it's really not a nice break, because you still seem to feel the need to throw these kinds of nasty comments into the fray, hoping to fan the flames...

-- Dan

3 years of pretend love from a hot lady for the American and a green card / citizenship for the Russian lady who gets an opportunity for the American dream. Nobody should take offense to that, unless they some how thought the Russian lady actually loved them for anything but a green card.

I think the USCIS might take offense at it, since it's clearly FRAUDULENT intent, Satellite...

-- Dan

[CarolineM 0]

You thought that was nasty??

I was actually trying to be nice!

[Satellite 1]

I think the USCIS might take offense at it, since it's clearly FRAUDULENT intent, Satellite...

Sorry for being so blunt in the thought process. Neither party would ever mention their true intentions to either themselves or the USCIS. USCIS is thus left totally in the dark. But something of the equal exchange that I mentioned should cross the minds of both parties getting involved in these quick meet, "fall in love", and get married internet schemes. Screaming fraud to the USCIS long after the fact is a lost cause in my opinion. Smart Russian ladies will never disclose their true intent, that's my point. And there are plenty of smart ladies in Russia who won't pass up a good opportunity to escape Russia for three years of undisclosed fake love.

[PurrSuede 0]

You thought that was nasty??

I was actually trying to be nice!

Ok, then I apologize. I'm so used to the flames being thrown around here from some people, I guess that I read too much into it. So I'm sorry. And I will try to assume your intent is "nice" from here on out. Deal?

-- Dan

[CarolineM 0]

[PurrSuede 0]

I think the USCIS might take offense at it, since it's clearly FRAUDULENT intent, Satellite...

Sorry for being so blunt in the thought process. Neither party would ever mention their true intentions to either themselves or the USCIS. USCIS is thus left totally in the dark. But something of the equal exchange that I mentioned should cross the minds of both parties getting involved in these quick meet, "fall in love", and get married internet schemes. Screaming fraud to the USCIS long after the fact is a lost cause in my opinion. Smart Russian ladies will never disclose their true intent, that's my point. And there are plenty of smart ladies in Russia who won't pass up a good opportunity to escape Russia for three years of undisclosed fake love.

Yeah, well mine made it two years. But she still might have problems with the USCIS. Not that I was screaming "fraud" to them but I did turn over the information I had to them. The result of that remains to be seen.

And as slim has said, maybe she figured "life in America is good thing" and if he turns out to be "nice guy, so much the better".

But go figure, I actually ~expected~ her to participate in the marriage and not spend her (new) life "exploring America" on her own as though she were single... kinda gives a clue about what she was up to though... things that make you go hmmmmmmmmm...

As I said, there's other things that went on that I just won't discuss publicly, but 20/20 hindsight, I can't say it was an "equal exchange"... more like she got what she wanted and decided to take a quick exit... while I got to pay for her freight, shipping and handling fees... maybe that IS more like mail order??? LOL

So do I sound bitter?? LOL

-- Dan

[slim 1,514]

I think the USCIS might take offense at it, since it's clearly FRAUDULENT intent, Satellite...

Sorry for being so blunt in the thought process. Neither party would ever mention their true intentions to either themselves or the USCIS. USCIS is thus left totally in the dark. But something of the equal exchange that I mentioned should cross the minds of both parties getting involved in these quick meet, "fall in love", and get married internet schemes. Screaming fraud to the USCIS long after the fact is a lost cause in my opinion. Smart Russian ladies will never disclose their true intent, that's my point. And there are plenty of smart ladies in Russia who won't pass up a good opportunity to escape Russia for three years of undisclosed fake love.

They do disclose their intentions... but not overtly. They (well, at least the majority although there are exceptions) won't come right out and say "I want be with you only for Green Card." However, they will do little things that a trained eye (and an unsatisfied heart) will be able to notice.

Basically it boils down to this: the basis of your relationship (and her pending immigration) should be based on love and everything else should be erroneous. If she's placing more emphasis on where you're going to live, what car she's going to drive, what her allowance is going to be, etc., then you've got a girl that is looking for a better life. If she's saying "nothing matters, only that we be together" then you should be OK.

See my posts on the "types" of R/W. (don't have the links... but they're floating around here somewhere.)

[akdiver 3]

Basically it boils down to this: the basis of your relationship (and her pending immigration) should be based on love and everything else should be erroneous. If she's placing more emphasis on where you're going to live, what car she's going to drive, what her allowance is going to be, etc., then you've got a girl that is looking for a better life. If she's saying "nothing matters, only that we be together" then you should be OK.

Definitely.

One day recently I came home and not in a great mood, which was obvious, and my sweetie kept asking me what was wrong. When I told her that I might need to be looking for a job soon (to replace a rather hard to get, high-paying job), I was stunned when all she had to say was something to the effect of, "oh, is that all?? Sweetie, don't worry about it so much. Things could be much worse - we could have health problems or some other such thing." Not a WORD about money, or paying bills, or anything along those lines.

I love my supportive sweetie!

Cheers!

AKDiver

[Satellite 1]

Basically it boils down to this: the basis of your relationship (and her pending immigration) should be based on love and everything else should be erroneous. If she's placing more emphasis on where you're going to live, what car she's going to drive, what her allowance is going to be, etc., then you've got a girl that is looking for a better life. If she's saying "nothing matters, only that we be together" then you should be OK.

Slim, don't you think these ladies also learn from these agencies, other websites, or friends not only how to properly attract US men through email but what to say and what to avoid saying in order to get to their ultimate goal of a green card / citizenship if that is what it happens to be?

I've read enough from you guys to be an independent consultant to the ladies that want to commit fraud and get away with it.

The Soviet mentality of lying, stealing and cheating is just embedded in the people along with other things like alcohol. If there is anyone that can pull of the perfect scam, it has to be the Russian lady.

Edited October 19, 2006 by Satellite

[russ 1]

Slim, don't you think these ladies also learn from these agencies, other websites, or friends not only how to properly attract US men through email but what to say and what to avoid saying in order to get to their ultimate goal of a green card / citizenship if that is what it happens to be?

I've read enough from you guys to be an independent consultant to the ladies that want to commit fraud and get away with it.

The Soviet mentality of lying, stealing and cheating is just embedded in the people along with other things like alcohol. If there is anyone that can pull of the perfect scam, it has to be the Russian lady.

I will agree with Sat 100% here. Lying and cheating is far more common in Russian culture (I'm not speaking about relationships per se, but things like Universities - bribes and cheating are very common, and rarely punished severely).

My ex-wife (as of tomorrow) was never very honest - but wasn't getting married for a green card either. She's getting married again on Friday, but I think she understands now that it won't help her with her green card. She is doing it anyway before she leaves for Russia next week.

And - as per the theme of this thread - we were both young, attractive, (relatively) wealthy, well travelled and spoke several languages. She is marrying someone older, abusive, not attractive (opinions of girls I know), and with no money. In my case, I don't visa fraud is at play here. But I will agree with Sat - I think this is very common.

[IrinaNMike 0]

I will throw in my two cents' worth on this 'lying' issue, because I think it is misleading. Among Irina's friends (all over 40) who want to emigrate, and who advertise on the Internet, I don't believe any would consider tricking a man into marriage just to get a Green Card. Lying however does come easily to all of them. Irina herself told me that she shared my enthusiasm for hiking, while at the same time asking her friends "what is hiking?" She laughs about that now and thinks it was funny, not dishonest. Basically she and her firiends seem to think that lying is OK but hurting people is not OK. I would agree that we can thank the Soviet system for this dual standard,

Another thing I have learned is that women in Irina's generation, who were shaped by the Soviet system, had to learn as a survival strategy never to reveal information, no matter how innocuous. Frank exchanges of feelings and ideas is difficult for them.

Irina herself has been here for a year and has spent almost nothing on herself. She wears second-hand clothes, doesn't want a car, doesn't want to eat out, and insists on doing the work that was formerly done by my gardener and my housekeeper. The only things we do still spend money on are travel and concert tickets, and I face an argument if I want to sit in good seats or stay in a hotel room with a bath. While she doesn't want money, she has told me that if I ever stop loving her, she will be back in Russia in a heartbeat.

In short, every woman I know in Russia can and will lie to you at some point, but they are also sincere about wanting love, marriage and a family more than anything else, and they are all wonderful prospects for someone

[PurrSuede 0]

In short, every woman I know in Russia can and will lie to you at some point, but they are also sincere about wanting love, marriage and a family more than anything else, and they are all wonderful prospects for someone

Well believe me, there are others who are not so sincere about wanting love, marriage and a family more than anything else... or perhaps they feel that way in Russia, but once they've Americanized (aka established their own choices in America) decide that marriage and a family are NOT what they wanted.

I am sure she will be a wonderful prospect for someone, now that I've paid the freight, shipping and handling to get her over here, and given her $12,000 as "severance pay" to get the frak out of my life.

Oh and by the way, she would look me squarely in the eye here in America and lie through her teeth about where she had been or what she had been doing, until I actually knew from her body language and expressions whenever she was lieing. And yes, it was frequent, even over little things. So there was no way I could ever trust her farther than I could throw her (which I never did... see VAWA for more info... LOL!)

-- Dan

Edited October 19, 2006 by PurrSuede