How much do you send to your wife's family monthly ?

[Sayha or bust. 71]

My wife is from Vietnam. We send about 200 to 300 month. Major holidays we send several hundred on up to about 1500. We will also pay for our nieces and nephews weddings. As long as our bills get paid we will keep sending.

Get used to it, thats Asian way. None of my wifes family are dead beats, there hard working people. I'm blessed that we can help.

Edited April 24, 2012 by Sayha or bust.

[RickJovi 81]

what about the mold in the other members statement?

They stated "Total bull. Filipinos are nothing but conniving when it comes to extorting money from friends and relatives. The usual modus operandi is to spend all your own money freely, then go broke, so that you can leech again off everybody else. No need to plan ahead, when you wait until the last moment, then everything becomes an emergency." I don't agree and it is my opiion only. He s basically all Filipinos are like what he said and that put someone in a mold, like saying they are all alike.

[RickJovi 81]

Don't worry, he is another newbie expert on the virtues of Filipinos. Some of us have actually been married to a Filipina for several years now, and watched the interaction between our wives and their relatives and friends back home, and new friends here in the US, who constantly take advantage of their unrelenting generosity and sense of obligation. No ax to grind, just a reality check. It's an emotional roller coaster, and not fit for the faint of heart.

Not a newbie at all. I actually lived in the Philippines for 4 years while in the Air FOrce and I have also been married to a Filipina before. I didn't have any of her family or relatives come out of the wood work for mone. We each have our own view. Maybe you Filipina's family is like that and that is why your view is like that. No hard feelings.

[Hank_ 9,173]

I just wanted to share my thoughts about what you posted. Don't generalize everyone. Maybe with your family back in the Philippines will act that way but not every family who have a daughter married a foreigner will act that way. I am not against with anybody here..but what you said sounds like you know a lot about Filipinos. I am Filipina so i know more than you know i guess...If you said something and you know you can't do it..why say it?? But if you said something and you really wanted to do it there's a lot of ways to get what you want right?It's just not a filipino thing about be careful of what you are going to say. It's everybody's thing. It is not children's responsibility to take care of their parents. You should take care of your parent's because you wanted to not because you need to. If you wanted to help your family it is your choice and don't say that you don't have a choice.If you wanted to help your family just simply help them and stop complaining and bragging stuff about them. PEACE

:thumbs:

Edited April 24, 2012 by Hank_Amy

[RickJovi 81]

Please note my "myopic" view is based on the province and "traditional" Filipino living. My "myopic" point of view is not based on the "forward liberal city viewpoints" others may have. I did not mean to generalize to all Filipinos. Nor was it meant to generalize to all filipinos. My viewpoint comes from "traditional provincial" viewpoints which are dramatically different from probably many of the people on VJ. I am not saying there are not "traditional" viewpoints in the city orthe provinces may be more "iberalistic" then I may believe. However, I do believe certain Filipinos and Filipinas have certain viewpoints they hold dear to some varying degree whther they wish to admit to it or not. Just like the "rules in women" any attempt to nderstand the rules will result in the rules being changed.

Maybe I am "myopic" maybe I am biased. Maybe I am not learning things. But I am learning visayan and tagalog. I am learning how the structure in my wife's village works. I am learning and studying on how to make my wife's family more steadfast without needing money from us. For once, someone in my wife's village is not turning his back on the village when leaving with his bride. I am not only helping my family there, but helping the village there. My own family doesn't want me or my help. When they learned I married a Filipina, they turned their back on me. I haven't talked to my own parents since December 26. My wife's family wants my help. I am investing in them living a better life. And not only my wife's family, but their extended relatives and village. The difference is I am not just walking in offering "charity" and leaving. I am coming back again and again. I am working with the village leaders to help them live a better life. Maybe I am "myopic" maybe I am biased. Maybe I see things in a very ver yvery "traditional Filipino way" which is not seen in the city. But then again, my wife is from the province, form a very very very very traditional town. It is probably why her and I get along so well. After all, I am a backwater reneck hic hillbilly Appalachian country farmboy who married a backwater, provincial Filipina and culdn't be happier then a "pig in mud"

Nice use of the word myopic for rebuttal. I am your fan now, hahaha I do understand where you are coming from and share a lot of your views. Take care.

[sunandmoon 450]

I was referring to this statement...

I would say to this, if you don't send money. Expect a "cld" reception when you go back. They may be "nice" to you, but you will not be treated as family

[sunandmoon 450]

Nice use of the word myopic for rebuttal. I am your fan now, hahaha I do understand where you are coming from and share a lot of your views. Take care.

rebuttal? seems more like damage control for generalized statements made about Filipinos.

[Hank_ 9,173]

Liberal city .... people............... wash your mouth out!!! Not all city folk are liberals!! Thank goodness.,

[sunandmoon 450]

Liberal city .... people............... wash your mouth out!!! Not all city folk are liberals!! Thank goodness.,

when I told my wife she was "forward liberal city viewpoints" , she me

[rlogan 2,036]

Total bull.

Well don't take it as some kind of consensus view, to put it lightly.

Filipinos are nothing but conniving when it comes to extorting money from friends and relatives. The usual modus operandi is to spend all your own money freely, then go broke, so that you can leech again off everybody else. No need to plan ahead, when you wait until the last moment, then everything becomes an emergency.

In the US, the rule is: Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

This kind of manipulation will happen if you let it, and the irony is our friend Gretchen seems to be doing just that while saying the opposite. There is a little too much "White Man's Burden" in some of his posts, and if you read about that poem by Rudyard Kipling the subtitle is "The U.S. and the Philippine Islands" so I mean this in the exact literary and historical sense.

Kipling was doing a parody of US Imperialist bigotry, but was clever about writing it in a way that resonated with the imperialist bigots instead of understanding he was mocking them. The Filipinos are referred to as "new-caught sullen peoples, Half devil and half child". We were torturing, killing, and raping our way across the Philippines back then. Taxing them under penalty of death. Double-crossed their great General Aguinaldo, by tricking him into helping us gain victory over the Spanish - only to make the USA their new owners. So it was abject hypocrisy and cynnical propaganda lies, saying the opposite of what you are doing all the way. But they believed in their own propaganda so much that Kipling could openly mock the USA and get away with it.

That kind of doing the opposite of what you are saying in the Philippines, but believing in your own propaganda, rescuing the savages - nothing new here. Kipling published the poem in 1899. The messianic fantasy going on in a person's head can be completely at odds with the facts on the ground and there's nothing you can do to dissuade them of it.

[Hank_ 9,173]

when I told my wife she was "forward liberal city viewpoints" , she me

Good woman!

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Half devil and half child...

I like that. That does describe the wife at times, but in a good way.

[mayeeization 3]

Wow.. you are all generous dudes! My husband doesn't send any money to my family, i don't ask him to... and it's because my family doesn't ask for it either. My family is not well off but they are industrious enough and contented with what they have. They believe that my husband has no obligation to them since they only married me and not them. I'm a Pinay and it's best to do it that way. This makes everyone stand on their own feet and learn to be content and always joyful to God's everyday blessings big or small.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

We regularly send exactly ZERO DOLLARS!

My Mother-in-law is getting by just like she did before Anna even met me and my brother-in-law and his wife both work.

We don't respond to emergencies and they have stopped asking.

Anna still has a great relationship with her family.

We are paying for her younger half-brother to go to a tech school for mechanic training but that's it.

We do send about 2 BB Boxes each year.

[MI.PI 7]

No offense meant to the OP, but topic like this would not have been an issue if it was discussed prior to getting married. You (particularly the Filipina wife) should have made the family understand that new responsibilities and priority change come with marriage. Marriage is a commitment contracted between the groom and the bride, not with the in-laws. Once you become husband and wife, the priority is for the growth of your family, not your extended family.

Let me address first the Filipina wives: once you get married, you are no longer a daughter or a sister but a wife or a mother thus you act and decide as such. It is not a sign of ungratefulness or disrespect if you are unable to give financial support to your family in the Philippines. You must make them understand that you have a new life now and they cannot expect you to be responsible for their well being in the Philippines, because you have your own concerns to take care of now that you are married.

For the USC husbands: Save yourself the stress. Your wife’s family survived before you even came into their lives and they will continue to do so even without you sending them regular financial support. The most important thing you can do for them is to make sure you give your wife a good life.

I am not saying that you should totally ignore them and never send them anything. If your lifestyle and financial status allows you to help them, then do so, but not to the extent that you will encourage them to be totally dependent on you.

I understand that you want the family in the Philippines to have a better life by helping them financially but if it becomes a burden to your own budget then it’s about time to re-evaluate. If you continue to do what you’re doing now (i.e. sending them monthly allowance + extras) then they’re probably making a false assumption (and you're creating unrealistic expectations) that you can afford to help no matter what, regardless of the amount. Help when you can but do not give them everything because it is never going to be enough, there will always be a need for more. Set a limit as to how much you can help them with, and stick with it. If they need more then they must find ways to provide for themselves. The best way to help them improve their lives is to teach them how to be more responsible and not how to constantly ask for support.

Edited April 24, 2012 by MI.PI