How much do you send to your wife's family monthly ?

[rlogan 2,036]

Ha! I don't know exactly how much we send. My wife doesn't work outside the home but she has her own money because I put regular deposits into her checking account plus whenever work is good I'll drop a thousand bucks of "mad money" in there. Whatever she sends is her business.

I'm going to guess ballpark three hundred a month. Plus tuition to merchant seaman college for a brother. I paid that because it is my agreement with her brother. I can' think of how things could be going better. The father had been unemployed for a couple of years before I met my wife. He's in his fifth year of continuous employment and gaining better skills along with higher salary now. We're happy to help. Their life has improved a lot, they're grateful, my wife is fulfilled in a big way.

We built a house together and we stay there of course. We'll build another one too and they'll help with that. Since we are retiring to the Philippines, it is a little more important to take advantage of extended family reciprocity.

If we were strapped financially we wouldn't do it. Everything is on our terms. I knew the score in the Philippines before I met her. I said "I know what is important to you" We're going to help your family. But the we're going to be smart about it and not turn them into manipulative wards. I'm real proud of my wife for how she has handled the money situation at home. Because we see it ruining families more than helping.

[FaithHopeLove 3]

I guess, if you are in debt that's understandable if you won't send hundred $ to philippines.. but for some who thinks that they're making the pinay's family dependent on the money they sent, you know better than that! Some of us here live even before we met our husbands/fiance. sending few hundred $ to our families somehow helps life make it easier for them.. I guess it's just about touching people lives & makin it better. One thing is for sure whether you send them money or not they will always make a way to fill in an empty stomach, we filipinos are known survivors! And if you don't want to send anything to your wife's family then don't so you wont have any reason to complain & ###### about.Just my two cents!

[wine 1]

:thumbs:

That is the Filipino culture. Tyey raise their children, sacrifice for their education all the way through college and the children put back into the household when they get a job. It is unreasonable for you to think that a person marrying a Filipina should not do anything for the family. We are taking one of their bread winners from them that they have sacrificed a lot for. A set amount should be agreed upon with no miscellaneous expenses popping up on a frequent basis. Yes the Filipina wife could work and send money home to help her family since she can make a lot more here in the U.S. even working at a fast food chain, but should also contibute to her household here in the U.S.. When you make statements, just be aware that their culture may be different form yours. I wan to marry a Filipina and I know what comes with it. I didn't go into it with my eyes closed.

Now as how much I send to my Fiancée and her family, it is $330.00 a month. That is because I choose to give her and her family a support allowance of $250.00 a month and the rest is for internet and cable TV that I offered to pay for. She or her family have never approached me and asked me for any money. I make a good salary, got a 12% salary increase for my recent promotion in August 2011, so what I send does not hurt me. I was blessed with a good promotion and it came at the right time for a reason. What I send to her and her family is a small price to pay for my happiness and her peace of mind that I love and care for her family and they are taken care of. When she comes to the U.S. and we marry, she will not work as we are trying to have children soon and I informed her that she did not have to work and I would send the allowance to her family. My fiancée’s family is not lazy. Her father is a police officer who will retire in the next two years and makes roughly 17,000PHP, which is roughly $405.00 a month. She has four younger siblings, an older sister and her mother doesn't work because she is raising the children while papa is at work and they are responsible for paying on her and her sister’s student loans and board certification for her older sisters accounting tests that she had to take 3 times before finally passing and the ongoing education expenses for her younger siblings. The average working Filipino is lucky to make 400PHP ($8.00 USD) a day. So I don't have a problem with my financial responsibility if it will help support her family and make their life a little easier. Living in the Philippines for most Filipinos who are not educated or do not have skill sets to get a good paying job, is very hard. Some families are lucky just to have rice, small bananas and salted fish to eat to stay alive. Now granted some families will take advantage when their daughter is married to a foreigner because they look at us be rich. Most of us aren't but we have a better lifestyle than most Filipinos who are poor. One thing I will say in conclusion is that even though a lot of Filipino families are poor, they are happy with what they have and would even offer you the last food they have if you visited them. I am proud that my wife is Filipina, I love her family and I will retire in the Philippines as soon as I reach retirement age. I guess I just love the Philippines, their culture and family values. I am american, but I consider mysely pinoy also. Just my two cents worth.

[gretchen_darren 67]

I guess, if you are in debt that's understandable if you won't send hundred $ to philippines.. but for some who thinks that they're making the pinay's family dependent on the money they sent, you know better than that! Some of us here live even before we met our husbands/fiance. sending few hundred $ to our families somehow helps life make it easier for them.. I guess it's just about touching people lives & makin it better. One thing is for sure whether you send them money or not they will always make a way to fill in an empty stomach, we filipinos are known survivors! And if you don't want to send anything to your wife's family then don't so you wont have any reason to complain & ###### about.Just my two cents!

I would say to this, if you don't send money. Expect a "cld" reception when you go back. They may be "nice" to you, but you will not be treated as family. Filipinos have 4 things:

1) if you say it, you will do it. Be careful what you say.

2) Children take care of parents. Never is there an exception.

3) when children marry. they are no longer under the care of the parents. However, the spouse is expected to assist with the fmaily if at all possible.

4) budgeting is not something in the Philippines, nor is mortgage, insurance, or car payment. Learn to teach them our budgets. Also, to them, some items are just a want. A car gets you places. They don't see the type of car or house as you do or as Europeans, CIS does.

[B_J 2,752]

I would say to this, if you don't send money. Expect a "cld" reception when you go back. They may be "nice" to you, but you will not be treated as family. Filipinos have 4 things:

1) if you say it, you will do it. Be careful what you say.

2) Children take care of parents. Never is there an exception.

3) when children marry. they are no longer under the care of the parents. However, the spouse is expected to assist with the fmaily if at all possible.

4) budgeting is not something in the Philippines, nor is mortgage, insurance, or car payment. Learn to teach them our budgets. Also, to them, some items are just a want. A car gets you places. They don't see the type of car or house as you do or as Europeans, CIS does.

I just wanted to share my thoughts about what you posted. Don't generalize everyone. Maybe with your family back in the Philippines will act that way but not every family who have a daughter married a foreigner will act that way. I am not against with anybody here..but what you said sounds like you know a lot about Filipinos. I am Filipina so i know more than you know i guess...If you said something and you know you can't do it..why say it?? But if you said something and you really wanted to do it there's a lot of ways to get what you want right?It's just not a filipino thing about be careful of what you are going to say. It's everybody's thing. It is not children's responsibility to take care of their parents. You should take care of your parent's because you wanted to not because you need to. If you wanted to help your family it is your choice and don't say that you don't have a choice.If you wanted to help your family just simply help them and stop complaining and bragging stuff about them. PEACE

Edited April 23, 2012 by B_J

[sunandmoon 450]

I just wanted to share my thoughts about what you posted. Don't generalize everyone. Maybe with your family back in the Philippines will act that way but not every family who have a daughter married a foreigner will act that way. I am not against with anybody here..but what you said sounds like you know a lot about Filipinos. I am Filipina so i know more than you know i guess...If you said something and you know you can't do it..why say it?? But if you said something and you really wanted to do it there's a lot of ways to get what you want right?It's just not a filipino thing about be careful of what you are going to say. It's everybody's thing. It is not children's responsibility to take care of their parents. You should take care of your parent's because you wanted to not because you need to. If you wanted to help your family it is your choice and don't say that you don't have a choice.If you wanted to help your family just simply help them and stop complaining and bragging stuff about them. PEACE

some of what he posts may be based on a myopic view from life in the "village".

[B_J 2,752]

some of what he posts may be based on a myopic view from life in the "village".

It's just annoying that people think they knew everything about Filipinos but they really don't. I respect every one have their own opinion and point of views but saying "if you don't send money you won't be treated as a family" It just hurt me.

Edited April 23, 2012 by B_J

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

I would say to this, if you don't send money. Expect a "cld" reception when you go back. They may be "nice" to you, but you will not be treated as family. Filipinos have 4 things:

1) if you say it, you will do it. Be careful what you say.

2) Children take care of parents. Never is there an exception.

3) when children marry. they are no longer under the care of the parents. However, the spouse is expected to assist with the fmaily if at all possible.

4) budgeting is not something in the Philippines, nor is mortgage, insurance, or car payment. Learn to teach them our budgets. Also, to them, some items are just a want. A car gets you places. They don't see the type of car or house as you do or as Europeans, CIS does.

Total bull. Filipinos are nothing but conniving when it comes to extorting money from friends and relatives. The usual modus operandi is to spend all your own money freely, then go broke, so that you can leech again off everybody else. No need to plan ahead, when you wait until the last moment, then everything becomes an emergency.

In the US, the rule is: Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

However, you are free to allude to any made up rules that make you feel better while you are being fleeced.

Edited April 23, 2012 by ☼

[RickJovi 81]

Total bull. Filipinos are nothing but conniving when it comes to extorting money from friends and relatives. The usual modus operandi is to spend all your own money freely, then go broke, so that you can leech again off everybody else. No need to plan ahead, when you wait until the last moment, then everything becomes an emergency.

In the US, the rule is: Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

However, you are free to allude to any made up rules that make you feel better while you are being fleeced.

So no user name, I wonder why. Sounds like you have an axe to grind about Filipino's. Sorry that you have been hurt and used before. I have also in my life, but I don't go around casting aspersions on the Filipino's. There are good and bad with all races/cultures. So you can't say all Filipino's fit the mold that you tried to set in your statement. It is just plain ignorant to think that all Filipino's are like that. Choose wiser next time like I had to do. I didn't give up when I could have easily done so and became hateful and spiteful like you. Not trying to insult you, but I didn't like your point of view, but we are all entitled to one and I let you know my unbiased view. Take care.

[sunandmoon 450]

So no user name, I wonder why. Sounds like you have an axe to grind about Filipino's. Sorry that you have been hurt and used before. I have also in my life, but I don't go around casting aspersions on the Filipino's. There are good and bad with all races/cultures. So you can't say all Filipino's fit the mold that you tried to set in your statement. It is just plain ignorant to think that all Filipino's are like that. Choose wiser next time like I had to do. I didn't give up when I could have easily done so and became hateful and spiteful like you. Not trying to insult you, but I didn't like your point of view, but we are all entitled to one and I let you know my unbiased view. Take care.

what about the mold in the other members statement?

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

what about the mold in the other members statement?

Don't worry, he is another newbie expert on the virtues of Filipinos. Some of us have actually been married to a Filipina for several years now, and watched the interaction between our wives and their relatives and friends back home, and new friends here in the US, who constantly take advantage of their unrelenting generosity and sense of obligation. No ax to grind, just a reality check. It's an emotional roller coaster, and not fit for the faint of heart.

Edited April 23, 2012 by ☼

[aaydrian 479]

...I'll drop a thousand bucks of "mad money" in there.

That #### is hilarious!!!

[Ann25 4]

Just my opinion. I'm a Filipina. I used to work in Thailand and most of the time I send my parents some money when I have extras specially birthdays, Christmas and New Years or buy tickets and let them come to Thailand. I love doing that for them, it makes me happy. I love sending them to restaurants so they can have dinner. I just love seeing the pictures lol. When my daughter went to study in Philippines, I took care of her needs and bought them a motorcycle (monthly payment until now) Then, I had to come here and I told them before we got here that I will still pay for it every month, I'll just ask my husband. But when we got here, things change. I couldn't ask my husband. With him working hard, paying all the bills and taking care of us, I don't want to add a hundred dollars or two. He'll say yes for sure but I just couldn't. So I told my parents just for the mean time while I'm waiting for my visa so I can find a job SOON lol, they could pay for it (5000 a month is not easy for them) and promised them that I'll pay the money back they paid and pay the rest of it. I know it's my obligation to pay for it but being a single mom for 6 years, paying all bills, etc, I know how hard it is for them but I don't want to put pressure on my husband too.

The thing is, if maybe you could talk to your wife (I'm sure all wife knows every situation) and she could talk to her family. I should say for me, it's better if you save the money here than sending money monthly there when no emergency or something so that when they big emergency there, you have the money. I know for some, they have extras and for some, its just enough for the living. If you can't afford, then don't do it. But if you wanted then send some that's enough. (I don't want to offend others if ever but just my opinion) Well, maybe if she has her own work and she wants to send her money there, thats her choice because she works for that.

[gretchen_darren 67]

Please note my "myopic" view is based on the province and "traditional" Filipino living. My "myopic" point of view is not based on the "forward liberal city viewpoints" others may have. I did not mean to generalize to all Filipinos. Nor was it meant to generalize to all filipinos. My viewpoint comes from "traditional provincial" viewpoints which are dramatically different from probably many of the people on VJ. I am not saying there are not "traditional" viewpoints in the city orthe provinces may be more "iberalistic" then I may believe. However, I do believe certain Filipinos and Filipinas have certain viewpoints they hold dear to some varying degree whther they wish to admit to it or not. Just like the "rules in women" any attempt to nderstand the rules will result in the rules being changed.

Maybe I am "myopic" maybe I am biased. Maybe I am not learning things. But I am learning visayan and tagalog. I am learning how the structure in my wife's village works. I am learning and studying on how to make my wife's family more steadfast without needing money from us. For once, someone in my wife's village is not turning his back on the village when leaving with his bride. I am not only helping my family there, but helping the village there. My own family doesn't want me or my help. When they learned I married a Filipina, they turned their back on me. I haven't talked to my own parents since December 26. My wife's family wants my help. I am investing in them living a better life. And not only my wife's family, but their extended relatives and village. The difference is I am not just walking in offering "charity" and leaving. I am coming back again and again. I am working with the village leaders to help them live a better life. Maybe I am "myopic" maybe I am biased. Maybe I see things in a very ver yvery "traditional Filipino way" which is not seen in the city. But then again, my wife is from the province, form a very very very very traditional town. It is probably why her and I get along so well. After all, I am a backwater reneck hic hillbilly Appalachian country farmboy who married a backwater, provincial Filipina and culdn't be happier then a "pig in mud"

[B_J 2,752]

For once, someone in my wife's village is not turning his back on the village when leaving with his bride. I am not only helping my family there, but helping the village there. My wife's family wants my help. I am investing in them living a better life. And not only my wife's family, but their extended relatives and village. The difference is I am not just walking in offering "charity" and leaving. I am coming back again and again. I am working with the village leaders to help them live a better life.

I just want to make sure I understand. When you talk about helping the village, I'm assuming you aren't including the person who makes his living renting boats.

Now I want to drive the person currently renting boats out of business.

B.

Edited April 24, 2012 by B_J