ROC on process

[asianwifey 2]

Been married to my hubby for 4 yrs now but it seems like im no longer happy. I never felt i was or i am treated like a wife; im more of someone who does the chores, who do the laundry, cook etc. I feel like im more of a maid than a wife. Im trying so hard to understand my husband with his ways etc but it seems like the love and care that i give and show to him isnt reciprocated at all. This marriage us like a one way street and no room for improvement esp on my part since i cannot work bec hubby doesnt want to teach me how to drive. I dont want to leave him as much as possible but i guess i also need to love myself and think of my future. Coz as long as im with my husband, ill never find myself and grow. Right now, my removal of condition is still on process so i dont have a choice but stay till i get it.

Do you think leaving him is just fair? This marriage is mentally and emotionally abusive....

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Do you have an immigration question in there somewhere?

If it's personal advice on the marriage you're looking for I'd say you pretty much already know the answer...

[jojolicious 38]

I don't know either of you so I can't tell you whether leaving him is the right thing to do. I just don't think you should stay in an unhappy marriage just to receive immigration benefits. You can ROC without him.

[amyandjorge 76]

Do you have an immigration question in there somewhere?

If it's personal advice on the marriage you're looking for I'd say you pretty much already know the answer...

Seems like the OP is worried about leaving husband before Removal of Conditions is complete. I'm not 100% sure, but I believe if you have your Green Card you can leave your husband.

For more accurate advice, share your immigration timeline (ie what visa you entered with/when, how long you've had GC, etc)

Good luck, you shouldn't stay if you're uncomfortable or mistreated. 4 years seems like a good try at marriage.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Seems like the OP is worried about leaving husband before Removal of Conditions is complete

Per the OP, the only question she asked was "Do you think leaving him is just fair? "...

Since ROC has been filed before she divorces her husband then the joint filing is no longer valid.

If she had filed for divorce before ROC then she could file requesting the divorce waiver.

Edited April 13, 2012 by Bob 4 Anna

[Darnell 8,478]

fwiw, the divorce waiver is something relatively new, is NOT needing 'VAWA' stuff, at all.

[issha2lynden 77]

I don't know either of you so I can't tell you whether leaving him is the right thing to do. I just don't think you should stay in an unhappy marriage just to receive immigration benefits. You can ROC without him.

You are asking if it is fair leaving him, not if it is right leaving him. The two are different. Fair yes, maybe, is it right? NO!

Often times it is hard to fight and stand for what is right.IMHO, the only valid reason getting out the marriage is when the spouse commits adultery. That is why one must give time knowing the person before being hitched, that is why one must really take a lot of considerations. Anyone who start marriage for a wrong reason will end it by picking the spouse or marriage flaws. You need a marriage councilor, you need to discuss it with your husband, you have to pray. I can feel you, must be really hard to be in your shoes but

why you have waited 4 years before coming to this seem plan. I am not saying you waited for your immigration status be in "safe place"

but forgive me I can't help not to think likewise.

God bless your heart deary.

[asianwifey 2]

Do you have an immigration question in there somewhere?

If it's personal advice on the marriage you're looking for I'd say you pretty much already know the answer...

Hello! Tnx for your reply. I forgot to include in my question if just in case i leave him after receiving my permanent gc, will i be deported? And as with marriage, what can you advise?

[asianwifey 2]

You are asking if it is fair leaving him, not if it is right leaving him. The two are different. Fair yes, maybe, is it right? NO!

Often times it is hard to fight and stand for what is right.IMHO, the only valid reason getting out the marriage is when the spouse commits adultery. That is why one must give time knowing the person before being hitched, that is why one must really take a lot of considerations. Anyone who start marriage for a wrong reason will end it by picking the spouse or marriage flaws. You need a marriage councilor, you need to discuss it with your husband, you have to pray. I can feel you, must be really hard to be in your shoes but

why you have waited 4 years before coming to this seem plan. I am not saying you waited for your immigration status be in "safe place"

but forgive me I can't help not to think likewise.

God bless your heart deary.

Tnx for your reply! I know what you're trying to say but to use him is not what i have planned. Leaving him is my last resort; i dont want to leave him but he is making me. Why wait 4 yrs? Bec i was hoping my hubby would treat me the way it should be... but i think its hopeless... and it just so hapoened that we just filed for ROC? im not filing for divorce or anything right now coz i dont have any money....

[asianwifey 2]

I appreciate all your replies. Thank you so much!

Just to be clear, I didnt and I am not filing for divorce or anything at the moment coz I dont have money. And I know that most of you are thinking that i waited for 4 yrs and use my hubby for immigration BUT whatever thats happening now is not what i have planned; its just happening. Leaving him is my last resort and would be the hardest thing for me to do but i think i also need to love and take care of myself.... We just applied for ROC and right now its being processed.

[ralphlaw 14]

You've already made your decision. If you're looking to feel better about it though I'm not sure you'll get that here.

It'll all be ok soon enough

PS Congrats on getting your GC soughted out. That must be a huge relief.

[asianwifey 2]

You've already made your decision. If you're looking to feel better about it though I'm not sure you'll get that here.

It'll all be ok soon enough

PS Congrats on getting your GC soughted out. That must be a huge relief.

Thank you!

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Hello! Tnx for your reply. I forgot to include in my question if just in case i leave him after receiving my permanent gc, will i be deported? And as with marriage, what can you advise?

The answer to your immigration question is No you won't be deported for divorcing him. In fact you could have left before filing ROC and then filed without him after getting divorced.

As for advice regarding your marriage, all I can to is ask you one question: "Would it be fair to you to continue living the life you've described?"

[asianwifey 2]

The answer to your immigration question is No you won't be deported for divorcing him. In fact you could have left before filing ROC and then filed without him after getting divorced.

As for advice regarding your marriage, all I can to is ask you one question: "Would it be fair to you to continue living the life you've described?"

@ Bob 4 Anna: we are not yet divorced, i didnt file anything yet coz im not working, dont have money. But i plan to file for divorce once im able to move out from our house.

Like i said, been so patient and understand enough for 4 years now and i think its no longer fair on my part if i continue with this marriage and myself believe that he can still change. Im already tired of pretending to other peopl esp to my relatives here that we are a happy couple. Its about time for me to love myself. Ive had enough already.... i just hope he will still be able to find someone as patient, understand and loving as i am. He doesnt deserve me....

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

i just hope he will still be able to find someone as patient, understand and loving as i am. He doesnt deserve me....

He doesn't deserve to find someone as you've described. Your final statement however is spot-on...