First Mass in 40 years

[Dan and Judy 614]

I'm not putting this in religion and politics cause it was not a religious

experience for me. It is the direct result of marrying a Filipina.

My parents didn't go to church in general but if we were visiting relatives for the holidays we would go with them. I was probably about 13 the last time I had the pleasure.

Judy is Catholic. I think in PI she would probably go to church 4 times a year, Christmas, Easter and maybe couple more times if she felt the need.

I established early on that I wanted a simple civil marriage and she was fine with that. Once she was here I didn't bring up the subject of

church because I didn''t want them trying to talk her into a Catholic wedding.

With the vows safely behind us, I asked her if she wanted to go to church.

She said yes. If she could drive I probably would have let her go by herself........... I mean I would ford the widest river, climb the highest mountain and even go to Catholic mass for my baby. Yeah that sounds a lot better. So I put on some dress pants and the shirt Judy gave me for christmas. Am I a trooper? or what?

We slept too late for the 9:00 mass. "Luckily" there was another at 11:00

Even with that we were going to be a couple minutes late so I ran a couple

of red lights. I didn't want to start off on the wrong foot by coming in late.

No problem there was a bunch people strolling in after 11:00. Also I could

have skipped the dress pants. It seems that blue jeans are now the prefered attire. I let Judy go in first and said " I'll follow you" I don't know

the seating protocol and didn't want to sit in some elses pew. I'll skip the joke on that one. Judy immediatly turned left so we sat in the last row on

the left side.

Well it was every bit as boring as I remembered. I think when I was a

kid they were throwing in a bunch of latin. None of that here. As I recall

it was something about Paul changing his name to Simon and the body

being a temple. Misc. women were reading parts of the bible and then

the Priest gave a little speech that barely stood out from the rest of it

In the old days there were usually some hot girls in skirts to stare at during

the sermon. Somehow I remember crying babies and that hasn't changed.

they are just a little more interesting than the sermon. I was able to do

survey of the various stages of men going bald. I wondered which stage

I most closely resembled and was thankful that I was in the back so

nobody would be assesing my stage

Also now the altar boys have breasts.

I mean they are not realy boys any more.

I stood up when everyone else did but I didn't do the kneeling down thing.

Once, they tricked me into thinking it was time to sit down when apparently it

wasn't. just another good reason for sitting in the back row.

Then it was time for that communion thing which I never did as a kid. I

wasn't going but I expected Judy to. She didn't want to. I thought maybe

she was just being shy so I pressed her a little. She said she had to confess first.

What could my little angel possibly have to confess?

　

Judy:

Father forgive me for I have sinned "I decieved my Fiance' into thinking I never fart, now that we're married I let em fly at least 20 times a day.

Priest:

Say two Hail Mary's

Judy:

Father forgive me, I used to warm my feet by the oven every night before

getting into bed with my Fiance', Now that we're married, I put two ice cube trays on the floor and stand on them for one minute before climbing into bed and snuggling up feet first.

Priest: Say two.........wait. You were in bed with him before you got married?

Judy: oops

Priest: Oh Dear!! This is serious. Which of our churches did you get married in?

Judy: uhhhhhhhhhhhh

Priest: My child, It is not too late, You must bring Dan back into the fold

and then get married in the church

　

[Dan & Jenni 457]

ok now that seriously brightened my day up

Edited February 13, 2012 by Dan & Jenni

[duriantaste 44]

I mean I would ford the widest river, climb the highest mountain and even go to Catholic mass for my baby.

　

Some people who follow religion or are catholic might get offended by your statement. You are putting God down. Not a nice thing to say. You saying that you went to the church because of your baby not to give respect to God. Please be careful

[X Factor 1,112]

There are 3 rings in a relationship. 1. the engagement ring. 2. the marriage ring . 3 the suffer ring. That is why you baby farts after marriage ... ha ha.

[skiptex 225]

i did not really care for his remarks about MASS.. but it is opinion..

and when he goes back in another 40 yrs.. i am sure it will still be the same

Edited February 13, 2012 by skiptex

[Caryh 5,206]

Some people who follow religion or are catholic might get offended by your statement. You are putting God down. Not a nice thing to say. You saying that you went to the church because of your baby not to give respect to God. Please be careful

I'm at church every Sunday, and I thought it was a great read. He got her there so she could practice her faith, which is wonderful! God can take care of being offended if he feels so. My own opinion was he was there and maybe he'll find his own faith one day by seeing his wife and others practice theirs. As it is he respects her's, which is more than enough.

[Hank_ 9,174]

If a christian was offend by his comments in my book they're not very good christians.

Me? I would rather be riding and thinking of church then be in church thinking of riding... hmmm, scratch the part about me riding and thinking of church that won't happen.

[duriantaste 44]

I'm at church every Sunday, and I thought it was a great read. He got her there so she could practice her faith, which is wonderful! God can take care of being offended if he feels so. My own opinion was he was there and maybe he'll find his own faith one day by seeing his wife and others practice theirs. As it is he respects her's, which is more than enough.

Hold your opinion tight because I am holding mine tight...

Take care.

Thanks

[Dan & Jenni 457]

i thought it was a great read and anyone who takes offence at that needs to lighten up a little... of course it is easy for me to say that because as far as im concerned god does not exist. im actually impressed that the OP went just for his girl... now that is love

[LSnBigBear 61]

Well Dan the church did not collapse and it now looks like you can renew your wedding vowels in church.. Look on the bright side.... You can wear jeans.. You made me laugh... consider doing stand up Good luck!

[Leatherneck 693]

That was funny Dan. However, some fail to see the humor in it, they are free to do so...better yet, not to do so.