Need Advice..

[Ann Marie and Leo 9]

There was a lot of good advice given to you, most of it had nothing to do with your questions. For me you seemed to have already made the decision to be with her for the medical & interview process, and I too did that for my wife, even though I am sure she could have done it without me, I found it to be a very special bonding time, where we went through the whole process together, then went back to her family home waited for the visa, then said our goodbyes to everyone, had a farewell party, and took off for the US.

Our schedule:

I arrived the day before the medical

Departed US on a Friday night arrived in Manila on Sunday

Monday-Tuesday Medical & shots

Wednesday-Sunday – Stayed near Manila, with time allowed for any problems with medical and allowance for file to get to the Embassy (could take care of CFO stuff during that time)

Monday- Embassy interview, approved told ~10 days to receive visa. ( I know of many that requested to pick up Visa in around two days, and were approved)

Tuesday- following week we received Passport/Visa, departed on Thursday (Wednesday we had to get CFO stamp in passport, already did seminar)

Total time for was 18 days from Interview to flight, That can go up or down base on good or bad luck, so if you take care of CFO quickly, all goes well at medical/Interview and your request for embassy visa pickup is approved, you can shave several day off this timeline, and if problems do arise your there to deal with them, (not having to hear a crying lady on the phone trying to explain what the problem is.

So can things go wrong to screw up your schedule (absolutely) you’re talking about both a not so efficient US government ran operation, and the world worst (IMHO) organization (CFO), but again your there to handle things.

So if you can somehow manage the time away, the expense of being there, I think it is a great way to start your being together time. If you can’t, then go to the web site MAG-ANAK, add a message about your situation, and there are some very nice Fil-AM couples that live in and around Manila, and other places, that can help you, and you wife through the process at some very low cost fees, including room & Board in Manila.

Good Luck

[Ning 619]

There was a lot of good advice given to you, most of it had nothing to do with your questions. For me you seemed to have already made the decision to be with her for the medical & interview process, and I too did that for my wife, even though I am sure she could have done it without me, I found it to be a very special bonding time, where we went through the whole process together, then went back to her family home waited for the visa, then said our goodbyes to everyone, had a farewell party, and took off for the US.

Our schedule:

I arrived the day before the medical

Departed US on a Friday night arrived in Manila on Sunday

Monday-Tuesday Medical & shots

Wednesday-Sunday – Stayed near Manila, with time allowed for any problems with medical and allowance for file to get to the Embassy (could take care of CFO stuff during that time)

Monday- Embassy interview, approved told ~10 days to receive visa. ( I know of many that requested to pick up Visa in around two days, and were approved)

Tuesday- following week we received Passport/Visa, departed on Thursday (Wednesday we had to get CFO stamp in passport, already did seminar)

Total time for was 18 days from Interview to flight, That can go up or down base on good or bad luck, so if you take care of CFO quickly, all goes well at medical/Interview and your request for embassy visa pickup is approved, you can shave several day off this timeline, and if problems do arise your there to deal with them, (not having to hear a crying lady on the phone trying to explain what the problem is.

So can things go wrong to screw up your schedule (absolutely) you’re talking about both a not so efficient US government ran operation, and the world worst (IMHO) organization (CFO), but again your there to handle things.

So if you can somehow manage the time away, the expense of being there, I think it is a great way to start your being together time. If you can’t, then go to the web site MAG-ANAK, add a message about your situation, and there are some very nice Fil-AM couples that live in and around Manila, and other places, that can help you, and you wife through the process at some very low cost fees, including room & Board in Manila.

Good Luck

This is much better advise than telling the 18 year old to grow up on the way to Manila. Not only will she not have time to grow up she would be terrified, intimtated, alone & lost at a very difficult time for anyone at any age. Any mistakes made would have a huge impact on the outcome but on the lives of both of these people.

The info about the Fil- AM couples may be a great help.

[rheanick 42]

This is much better advise than telling the 18 year old to grow up on the way to Manila. Not only will she not have time to grow up she would be terrified, intimtated, alone & lost at a very difficult time for anyone at any age. Any mistakes made would have a huge impact on the outcome but on the lives of both of these people.

The info about the Fil- AM couples may be a great help.

This is the nicest post i have seen! A thailander knowing the best advise rather that other filipinas who grew up in the Philippines and knows the Philippines culture by heart! And yes... I am beingsarcastic here.

[rheanick 42]

This is much better advise than telling the 18 year old to grow up on the way to Manila. Not only will she not have time to grow up she would be terrified, intimtated, alone & lost at a very difficult time for anyone at any age. Any mistakes made would have a huge impact on the outcome but on the lives of both of these people.

The info about the Fil- AM couples may be a great help.

And btw, are you aware that if she does not know how to survive this travelling on her own or even asking a family member/relative/friend to help her out.., HOW THE H*LL WOULD SHE SURVIVE THE US CULTURE???

If she does know how to stand on her own two feet, unless she has a very contol freak and he-man in charge of a husband... she would be a burden to her future husband and to the US.

And never never undermine tha capabilities of a filipina...

[Ning 619]

This is the nicest post i have seen! A thailander knowing the best advise rather that other filipinas who grew up in the Philippines and knows the Philippines culture by heart! And yes... I am beingsarcastic here.

Sacrastic or just plain ignorant?

According to you & some others the OP should just listen to you & send her into one of the worlds biggest cities at 18 years old to find her way alone. It isnt about culture. Its about good sense.

Additionaly you dont think she can survive the U S if she cant survive one of the worlds worst cities? In the USA she will be safe while having her husband to guide her. Your own preciouse Filipinas indicate everyone in Manila is corrupt for example. They say everyone will rip off the USC. Probably right.

Now you have decided her future husband is a control freak or he man? Where do you get this stuff?

By the way I think you mean underestimate not undermine. I'm not doing that you are by the very statements you make. You dont need my help.

[Kang 22]

Rheanick does have a point. Comparing the Filipino culture to US culture, she MUST to learn to do things independently. A good way to start is to start in the Philippines because she is familiar with the cultural climate.

[Ning 619]

Rheanick does have a point. Comparing the Filipino culture to US culture, she MUST to learn to do things independently. A good way to start is to start in the Philippines because she is familiar with the cultural climate.

I am sure her husband will know better than people here what she needs to learn & how to help her. Its part of the union of two people.

I dont see how its good for her to be sent to Manila on her own. The cities reputation speaks for its self & is even described by some of the people here as a city were rip offs ect occure at every turn. They say he cant even pay someone to help her.

This isnt the circumstance to have her become independent. Do people really believe she can & will do that on the plane ride to a city such as Manila?

The OP didnt ask for advise about how to parent the 18 year old. He asked for ideas about how to help her. He understands she is 18. How many people here would send their own 18 year olds into this situation? Culture? This isnt the culture of any Asian country that I know of.

[Kang 22]

A lot pf people in the Philippines send their kids to Universities in the Philippines away from home, away fr her comfort zone. A lot of these kids are 16 or 17

She will really need to be independent because in the interview and medical, it is usually only allowed in the premises. More so the OP is less familiar with the local culture, all the more she need to learn to be independent

[Loolie 56]

I am sure her husband will know better than people here what she needs to learn & how to help her. Its part of the union of two people.

I dont see how its good for her to be sent to Manila on her own. The cities reputation speaks for its self & is even described by some of the people here as a city were rip offs ect occure at every turn. They say he cant even pay someone to help her.

This isnt the circumstance to have her become independent. Do people really believe she can & will do that on the plane ride to a city such as Manila?

The OP didnt ask for advise about how to parent the 18 year old. He asked for ideas about how to help her. He understands she is 18. How many people here would send their own 18 year olds into this situation? Culture? This isnt the culture of any Asian country that I know of.

heller i was able to do it alone even though i know nothing about manila. i went to the airport, flew to manila,arrived in manila, contacted the driver to pick me up, then arrived in the hotel... So simple... You must think shes a stupid girl do you... Hehehehe.

[Ning 619]

A lot pf people in the Philippines send their kids to Universities in the Philippines away from home, away fr her comfort zone. A lot of these kids are 16 or 17

She will really need to be independent because in the interview and medical, it is usually only allowed in the premises. More so the OP is less familiar with the local culture, all the more she need to learn to be independent

I am sure they do send them as you say. To a controlled enviroment where there are people used to helping the newcomers. They also leave with an education that the OPs fiance may not have from a family that has some means of paying their way.

Do you really believe that this 18 year old that has never experianced anything even close to this situation will become independent during the plane trip? What she is about to experiance will certianly contribute to her growth but it isnt an injection she is getting.

This is now way off topic. He didnt ask for others to tell him how to parent a child. He knows her age & knows her better than anyone here. He is concerned about the effect & impact of whats to come. He said he cant go there to help her & wanted ideas of how to help her. I doubt he will tell her she's own her own & its time to grow up. Anyone with a 18 year old fiance knows they will need to grow up. He must realise it falls on him to help her which is exactly what he is trying to do.

If she does this alone & makes mistakes it could cost her the chance at a better life. Its tough enough for anyone let alone an 18 year old. Who will accept the blame if it goes badly for her.

The O P may have a sense that getting this visa may be very difficult simply because she is just 18. How many 18 year olds here on V J are from the P I?

[TeapotGirl 66]

The OP's money is a little tight and he still needs to accompany this girl for medical. How much is the cheapest flight $1200 round trip DELTA for January? That $1200 could go a long way if you only know how to use your mouth and common sense. It's best for her to get one of her parents accompany her. If none of her parents can accompany her, then she should do it on her own. I personally do not believe that she doesn't know anyone that have been to Manila that she could ask direction how and where and possibly accompany her. Helpful neighbor would be willing to go with her if she'll pay for everything like fare, food, rent etc. You don't have to pay them, just feed them. Yes it's intimidating but everyone's got the first time.

[TeapotGirl 66]

If she does this alone & makes mistakes it could cost her the chance at a better life. Its tough enough for anyone let alone an 18 year old. Who will accept the blame if it goes badly for her.

The O P may have a sense that getting this visa may be very difficult simply because she is just 18. How many 18 year olds here on V J are from the P I?

The best thing you could do is read, research and ask to prevent mistake. You make mistake that that's ok, it's not the end of the world. Going to the medical exam won't be the first time to be alone. It will be a 2day process, she has to come to the interview in the embassy and has to attend CFO seminar, get documents and sometimes fix it if there's a problem- birth certificate, NBI, CENOMAR, get a passport etc. This guy surely loves this girl but he can't always be there.

My mother abandoned us when I was 12 and I looked for her when I was 16. Again, it's not the age. It's not the age. This girl doesn't have any feeling of urgency because people think she can't do it and someone will surely do it for her. It's a natural instinct for everyone to force yourself if you've got nothing to depend on.

Edited October 22, 2011 by teapotgurl1983

[MI.PI 7]

I spent more than half of my life away from home and in the city for studies and work so I learned how to be independent and resourceful at an early age. Me and my then fiancé are both single never been married, highly educated and with very good professional background, so I thought the K-1 process would be a breeze for me, but as I was going through the whole process, I felt I was not as confident as I thought I would be. My fiancé did not need to be with me but he came anyway and it made a lot of difference. Somehow it gave me an assurance that everything will be fine no matter what.

I understand the OP’s concern because his fiancée is young and naïve. For an 18-year old who has never been anywhere else but her province to go through this process alone with all the possible intimidation (I’ve seen how younger girls have been treated in the CFO and embassy) would be a nightmare. I agree with Ning, this is not the best situation for her to be left alone and learn to be more independent. It is not an issue of her intellect and capabilities or to encourage dependency on her fiance. This is a critical stage and little misapprehensions may cause unnecessary hurdles and strain to an already stressful process.

However, since the OP is tight on money, I think it is best that her mom accompany her and just like another poster suggested, try to get in touch with other Fil-Am couples in Manila who can help them out. I am not suggesting that other people do things for her. There are things she will be doing herself anyway like the interview. I don't think she is totally helpless but she obviously need someone to guide her.

[Ning 619]

The best thing you could do is read, research and ask to prevent mistake. You make mistake that that's ok, it's not the end of the world. Going to the medical exam won't be the first time to be alone. It will be a 2day process, she has to come to the interview in the embassy and has to attend CFO seminar, get documents and sometimes fix it if there's a problem- birth certificate, NBI, CENOMAR, get a passport etc. This guy surely loves this girl but he can't always be there.

My mother abandoned us when I was 12 and I looked for her when I was 16. Again, it's not the age. It's not the age. This girl doesn't have any feeling of urgency because people think she can't do it and someone will surely do it for her. It's a natural instinct for everyone to force yourself if you've got nothing to depend on.

Below is the O P s post. It doent say anything about how to send her alone to do what has to be done. You have somehow read into this what you think the girl is feeling or that she thinks she cant do this.

Its not the age? The very thing you make reference to? She hasnt been abandoned as you were. No feeeling of urgency? How do you know that?

You yourself have given advise to people here on V J. You didnt suggest that they just fix it themselves. They ask because they need help. In the midst of her experiance who will she turn to? She will have little idea of the process just as many others.

" My fiancee is from a mountain area. She has no access to net on cell. Her English skill are basic at best. My problem is that she is not able to fly to Manila alone and has no one who can help her or go with her. So I am going to have to fly back to the Philippines to help her go to manila for the medical and the embassy interview.

Money is a little tight so I am trying to figure best way to deal with booking my round trip ticket there and booking her one way ticket back to the USA. Has anyone went to the Philippines, to bring their fiancee home after the interview? What airlines did you fly? Did you have any problems getting your return ticket changed? What were the fees in doing so? Any problems getting a seat next to your fiancee added? Are there any airlines that are better or worse in doing this?

Also about time frame.. I filed the I-129 in the middle of August. I am planning to go to the Philippines around Middle of January. With NOA date of Aug 26. What is your best guess of NOA 2 and when I can book Medical Exam and Interview for her? What would be the best idea for dates to book my return ticket. My main concern is cost and lost time of work. I welcome any and all suggestions. Very stressed here, and like to have her here in the USA ASAP".

[Kang 22]

Ning, why do you keep on insisting people who have different from yours are telling him how the will parent her. No one is even inplying that. What people here are saying is for both of their sake, she will need to take the initistive. To learnto do things in her own. I think you are the one inplying how he should parent her