My Story

[LoveNigarmostyle 165]

WOW! I have not confused anything where express and have are concerned. It would be nice for you to extend an assisting hand instead of of criticism and judgement. That would be a welcomed change from your current responses here.

[pushbrk 14,160]

I know that you are very helpful to many many people. Often straight talk such as you give is very needed. Sometimes it is to hard for people to see past their situation to appreciate that though. Sometimes treading light is called for, sometimes heavy. In the situation with Lagos the words fair and equal do not apply at all. The double standard I am referring to is the fact that men who marry younger women are approved, yet women who marry younger men are denied.

Lastly, how would you change the system then? I recently finished my thesis on the family based immigration system & am interested in hearing your opinion.

I don't have time to write a thesis on changing a system, when I know nobody with the power to do anything is going to read it.

You're twisting my use of fair and equal. I said they are not synonyms. I did not use them together to describe what happens at the Lagos IV unit. Google "fair and equal are not synonyms" and you'll find some interesting reading.

Maybe you should write your next thesis on the difference between "fair" and "equal". An unequal result is often very fair and an "equal" result can be very unfair. What you describe is NOT a double standard. In the context of considering local culture, it's not only apples to oranges it's really more like fruit to meat. Sure, you can argue that they make mistakes using their methods but how much the US Citizen is committed to the relationship is not an applicable argument in that context. Rarely are the USC's motive's in question.

Consular officers are not looking to or required to provide the same result of a visa interview when all else, on paper, is equal except the genders of the parties are reversed. In the Philippines it is culturally acceptable and extremely common for a 22 year old woman to marry a man in his forties or fifties. It's equally common when marrying a local man or a foreigner. So, seeing such an age difference is not a fraud indicator. In Nigeria, that may well be common as well. I haven't seen those cases. However, in the Culture of Nigeria and many other countries, particularly but not exclusively when the man is a Muslim, to marry a woman who has been divorced, or is too old to bear his children (particularly when it is the man's first marriage) is highly unusual and if "acceptable" crosses the mind of a local, so does the thought that it is acceptable to enter into fraudulent relationships to cheat one's way to the USA.

Context and circumstance are key here. Some politically correct appearing equal result in the eyes of the petitioner is not in the Consular officer's job description.

My straight talk and avoidance of expressions of empathy are intentional. The intention is to HELP the reader understand, face and deal with the realities of the circumstance at hand, in the hope they'll make wise decisions about dealing with it. I'll leave it to others to try to make them feel better. What I know from vast experience with the immigration process is that the source of actual good feelings will be either a successful process or the satisfaction of moving on from a bad situation. The related choices are very personal and critical to the involved party's future happiness. I like helping them make informed decisions. These are tough situations, so best to put on the big boy or girl panties and get on with it.

Edited July 30, 2011 by pushbrk

[jenkatx 52]

Yet again you are not understanding the point of this whole discussion. I am saying we all need to stand up & call for change. The system is not working and we all know it. To many people with legitimate relationships are being denied. I understand that your focus is not on changing the system but educating on our current system. I however believe that we need to work to change the system. That it goes against the rights we are used to here and it goes against what America was built upon. The CRA protects us from discrimination based upon our age, gender, and nationality. Our embassy's and consulates are one of the few areas of governemner that are allowed to dismiss that act & in fact violate it on a daily basis.

Fortunately a masters program does not require two thesis. Even if they did I doubt something so elementary as the usage of a synonym would qualify. There is really no need to question or degrade my intelligence. I was simply offering you an olive branch & trying to politely tell you that you may need to have a better understanding of Lovernigarmorestyles situation/story before you are so quick to judge. No one here is asking for your sympathy, but we also do not in this situation care to hear you defend a consulate that is so blatantly discriminatory. If you do not care to hear the complaints on this consulate why are you on their forum?

Regarding the Nigerian culture; I travel there often and stay for extended times. I do have a deep understanding of their culture both past and present. In this situation we are not referring to a woman who is to old to bear her husbands children. That situation would be a more understandable denial. We are talking about a much smaller age difference which is now become acceptable to the majority of that culture (at least in my fiances tribe).

I would encourage you to read more on the Nigerian culture & the stories of people who are denied in this consulate. I am sure a deeper understanding and knowledge would allow you to assist more people in their plight & help you to understand the frustrations we are voicing in dealing with this system.

[LoveNigarmostyle 165]

Yet again you are not understanding the point of this whole discussion. I am saying we all need to stand up & call for change. The system is not working and we all know it. To many people with legitimate relationships are being denied. I understand that your focus is not on changing the system but educating on our current system. I however believe that we need to work to change the system. That it goes against the rights we are used to here and it goes against what America was built upon. The CRA protects us from discrimination based upon our age, gender, and nationality. Our embassy's and consulates are one of the few areas of governemner that are allowed to dismiss that act & in fact violate it on a daily basis.

Fortunately a masters program does not require two thesis. Even if they did I doubt something so elementary as the usage of a synonym would qualify. There is really no need to question or degrade my intelligence. I was simply offering you an olive branch & trying to politely tell you that you may need to have a better understanding of Lovernigarmorestyles situation/story before you are so quick to judge. No one here is asking for your sympathy, but we also do not in this situation care to hear you defend a consulate that is so blatantly discriminatory. If you do not care to hear the complaints on this consulate why are you on their forum?

Regarding the Nigerian culture; I travel there often and stay for extended times. I do have a deep understanding of their culture both past and present. In this situation we are not referring to a woman who is to old to bear her husbands children. That situation would be a more understandable denial. We are talking about a much smaller age difference which is now become acceptable to the majority of that culture (at least in my fiances tribe).

I would encourage you to read more on the Nigerian culture & the stories of people who are denied in this consulate. I am sure a deeper understanding and knowledge would allow you to assist more people in their plight & help you to understand the frustrations we are voicing in dealing with this system.

He has not walked a mile in our shoes to understand what it is like to be in our situation. As women, we still have a long way to go to overcome narrow minded individuals, and ultimately to be treated equally. Weather he understands it or not, that is irrelevant here, for most of us who are dealing with these issues first hand "do". Therefore, I apologize, if in the process of the replies, this has caused you any disrespect, or insults to your intelligence, which is unnecessary.

Originally, when I posted my thoughts on here, it was because I felt the pain the member was expressing, personally and first hand. As many of you know, recently, My fiance and I, were devastated by the denial of his K1 visa, after a drama of three interviews and a year and half of waiting.

I feel it is our right to advocate for the much needed change the immigration system, which is currently failing most of us miserably. I am in full agreement with you on this subject and we need more voice and action to make it happen.

Individuals, who oppose such changes or feel it is unnecessary, or think it is impossible, should take a closer look into our history and see how individuals with strong convictions, were able to overcome the word "impossible", by persistence, perseverance and made a difference!

By the way, this is a known fact by attorneys as well, that the existing immigration laws need a new overhaul, laws are there to protect us, that is "a privileged right", which we are entitled to.

I would love to get Marc Ellis's point of view on this subject. Thanks all!

Edited July 30, 2011 by LoveNigarmostyle

[pushbrk 14,160]

Yet again you are not understanding the point of this whole discussion. I am saying we all need to stand up & call for change. The system is not working and we all know it. To many people with legitimate relationships are being denied. I understand that your focus is not on changing the system but educating on our current system. I however believe that we need to work to change the system. That it goes against the rights we are used to here and it goes against what America was built upon. The CRA protects us from discrimination based upon our age, gender, and nationality. Our embassy's and consulates are one of the few areas of governemner that are allowed to dismiss that act & in fact violate it on a daily basis.

Fortunately a masters program does not require two thesis. Even if they did I doubt something so elementary as the usage of a synonym would qualify. There is really no need to question or degrade my intelligence. I was simply offering you an olive branch & trying to politely tell you that you may need to have a better understanding of Lovernigarmorestyles situation/story before you are so quick to judge. No one here is asking for your sympathy, but we also do not in this situation care to hear you defend a consulate that is so blatantly discriminatory. If you do not care to hear the complaints on this consulate why are you on their forum?

Regarding the Nigerian culture; I travel there often and stay for extended times. I do have a deep understanding of their culture both past and present. In this situation we are not referring to a woman who is to old to bear her husbands children. That situation would be a more understandable denial. We are talking about a much smaller age difference which is now become acceptable to the majority of that culture (at least in my fiances tribe).

I would encourage you to read more on the Nigerian culture & the stories of people who are denied in this consulate. I am sure a deeper understanding and knowledge would allow you to assist more people in their plight & help you to understand the frustrations we are voicing in dealing with this system.

Again, I "understand" you perfectly but I disagree. I suggest you trust that I have sufficient exposure to and experience with spouse immigration from Nigeria to write with confidence on the subject. You are free to disagree.

[pushbrk 14,160]

He has not walked a mile in our shoes to understand what it is like to be in our situation. As women, we still have a long way to go to overcome narrow minded individuals, and ultimately to be treated equally. Weather he understands it or not, that is irrelevant here, for most of us who are dealing with these issues first hand "do". Therefore, I apologize, if in the process of the replies, this has caused you any disrespect, or insults to your intelligence, which is unnecessary.

Originally, when I posted my thoughts on here, it was because I felt the pain the member was expressing, personally and first hand. As many of you know, recently, My fiance and I, were devastated by the denial of his K1 visa, after a drama of three interviews and a year and half of waiting.

I feel it is our right to advocate for the much needed change the immigration system, which is currently failing most of us miserably. I am in full agreement with you on this subject and we need more voice and action to make it happen.

Individuals, who oppose such changes or feel it is unnecessary, or think it is impossible, should take a closer look into our history and see how individuals with strong convictions, were able to overcome the word "impossible", by persistence, perseverance and made a difference!

By the way, this is a known fact by attorneys as well, that the existing immigration laws need a new overhaul, laws are there to protect us, that is "a privileged right", which we are entitled to.

I would love to get Marc Ellis's point of view on this subject. Thanks all!

You have a right to express your thoughts as you please within the terms of service here. You do not have the right to expect me or any other member to agree with you. Please realize when you say what others "should" do, we understand you mean "I wish", as you have no standing to say what others "should" do. Should is such a misused word by those with almost any agenda these days. It's misuse shows great disrespect.

IMO, "I feel" is also a highly misused phrase. What do you "think"?

[LoveNigarmostyle 165]

You have a right to express your thoughts as you please within the terms of service here. You do not have the right to expect me or any other member to agree with you. Please realize when you say what others "should" do, we understand you mean "I wish", as you have no standing to say what others "should" do. Should is such a misused word by those with almost any agenda these days. It's misuse shows great disrespect.

IMO, "I feel" is also a highly misused phrase. What do you "think"?

This sounds more like a threat, than a post to me? "I feel" and "think" within the terms of the service? I have as much right to express my opinion as you do. If offends you then I suggest you don't reply and move on to other posts.

If you are suggesting something I "think" you should say it and not hide behind my words instead.

Again, I "understand" you perfectly but I disagree. I suggest you trust that I have sufficient exposure to and experience with spouse immigration from Nigeria to write with confidence on the subject. You are free to disagree.

So only certain members have a right to disagree without being threatened? Interesting.

[pushbrk 14,160]

This sounds more like a threat, than a post to me? "I feel" and "think" within the terms of the service? I have as much right to express my opinion as you do. If offends you then I suggest you don't reply and move on to other posts.

If you are suggesting something I "think" you should say it and not hide behind my words instead.

So only certain members have a right to disagree without being threatened? Interesting.

Nobody was threatened. What is it that you interpreted as a threat? A threat to do what, exactly?

You have the right to disagree. So do I. What you DON'T have is a right to expect others to agree or to refrain from expressing their disagreement.

I think if you have an opinion on something, it is a thought, not a feeling. You're equally free to express both thoughts and feelings. I'm suggesting you be clear which are which.

[Golden Gate 530]

I know that a group of people were getting in contact with a certain person in government to complain about issues in Casablanca. Any time someone believed that their SO was mistreated by that consulate, they would make a complaint with this person, so at least they realized how often it was happening. It was a while ago, and I can't remember who that person was and obviously was related to that consulate alone. I would have to do some research to find out.

However, perhaps you can find someone connected to Lagos and do the same thing. Just an idea.

[LoveNigarmostyle 165]

Nobody was threatened. What is it that you interpreted as a threat? A threat to do what, exactly?

You have the right to disagree. So do I. What you DON'T have is a right to expect others to agree or to refrain from expressing their disagreement.

I think if you have an opinion on something, it is a thought, not a feeling. You're equally free to express both thoughts and feelings. I'm suggesting you be clear which are which.

You have a right to express your thoughts as you please within the terms of service here. THAT IS A THREAT.

I will not respond to you any further for you have made this about you when it was about what WE can do for the system that has failed us.

I will not respond to threats.

I know that a group of people were getting in contact with a certain person in government to complain about issues in Casablanca. Any time someone believed that their SO was mistreated by that consulate, they would make a complaint with this person, so at least they realized how often it was happening. It was a while ago, and I can't remember who that person was and obviously was related to that consulate alone. I would have to do some research to find out.

However, perhaps you can find someone connected to Lagos and do the same thing. Just an idea.

Thank you for your response. If you could find out the name of the person, it would be deeply appreciated. Thanks again.

[LoveNigarmostyle 165]

As a member of this site I have a right to respond to a post without being make ridicule of or put down or threatened to be exed out of the site, if we don't conform to a certain member's expectations.

If any one else has an issue with my stating an opinion? please let me know. I would like to hear of more than one person's opinion about how I feel or should think. Thank you.

Edited July 30, 2011 by LoveNigarmostyle

[Golden Gate 530]

Thank you for your response. If you could find out the name of the person, it would be deeply appreciated. Thanks again.

Here it is:

My link

[LoveNigarmostyle 165]

Thank you Golden Gate for the information. Your prompt reply is appreciated.

[Golden Gate 530]

Thank you Golden Gate for the information. Your prompt reply is appreciated.

Your welcome

[pushbrk 14,160]

You have a right to express your thoughts as you please within the terms of service here. THAT IS A THREAT.

I will not respond to you any further for you have made this about you when it was about what WE can do for the system that has failed us.

I will not respond to threats.

Nonsense. Visa Journey has terms of service. I neither set or enforce those terms of service. There was no threat, just an acknowledgment that members live by the terms of service. For example, to express your opinion using profanity would probably get your post deleted but NOT by ME. I'm not a moderator.