I'm an alien I'm a legal alien... :whistle:

[ONA 133]

FWIW, I've never had anyody react negatively to me in Russia, or anywhere else for that matter, because I'm American. Americans get treated poorly abroad when they act a certain way--like another culture is lesser, assuming and more or less demanding that everyone speaks English and get pissed off when people don't, etc. There are times when I have helped other Americans get what they needed in McDonalds or whatever and got nary a thank you. There are definitely Americans who go to other countries and take with them a sense of entitlement. And that is what makes the natives of the country react badly to them.

Right. The same thing happens when Russians go to Egypt or Turkey and everybody hates them , cause they have too much fun. And then they start to hate all Russian people, because hey think we're all the same.

I admit the younger generation over there is way less brainwashed than their elders. As far as Russian wives getting killed by foreign husbands...Iv'e read about a case where that happened in Seattle, and it was a travesty. I do find it surprising though that Russians are concerned about this seeing how there is zero DV laws in Russia and Belarus. It's open season on your female partner there 24/7. Iv'e witnessed my neighbor beating the holy ####### out of his ...wife,live in gf...she lived with him...anyways the cops came after god knows how long and all they did was tell her to find a place to stay. My mother in law...beaten raw by her ex and nothing happened to him. Pimps beating their hookers...happens every night right on the sidewalk while the cops drive by and do nothing.

I won't even get into the government running prostitution rings over there. In Belarus it's so bad that the government actually charters flights for underage girls to Turkey....fake passports and all. It's a bit different in Russia...the local cops and border cops take bribes...so I can't say the Kremlin is involved like Lukashenko is in Belarus.

There's good and bad everywhere and everyone is different, but to say that Russians treat foreigners better than Americans treat foreigners is laughable at best.

There are a lot of cases of DV in the States with Russian women involved. If you ever read Russian immigration forums, you'll find a lot of women there crying out for help. Sometimes women, who got their K-1 visas just disappear after they fly to the USA, thank God, women on those forums do their best to find them, because there are cases when their husbands limit their access to the internet, so they can't get help from anywhere.

I'm not even talking about the cases of DV which involve Russian kids, who are adopted to American families.

It's not like you can't get in trouble in Russia, but at least you have family in Russia, who can stand up for you. And there are more chances to get to know a person better before moving in with him - that's why it's really bad that a lot of women can't go to the States before they visit their future husbands and see how they live and where they live. I personally think that I would not take such risks if I haven't been to the US before.

As for the police and DV, one of the problems is that Russian women are weird. A lot of them are anyways. First they call the police, then they start begging them "please don't arrest my husband" and even bribe them so they wouldn't put them in jail. Stupid. And after all they keep living with them, forgiving them for everything and the reason is "i love him so much". How is it possible not to be afraid of being beaten up to death is beyond me. Seems like people love those crazy men, but don't care about themselves at all. A lot of times the police doesn't even want to mess with all that stuff anymore, which is not right, of course. But to make things different people should start changing their own attitude.

I agree that there is good and bad everywhere, but I'm not going to put up with an insult, no matter where it's coming from.

Edited February 19, 2011 by ONA

[Nick&Elena 1]

Then even if they say something, it's because there were cases when Russian women married foreign guys and then got abused or even killed. I just say - that what happens when you don't know a guy.

Fully agree. Only first time when they don't know the guy. Also here in Russia we hear that bad stories mostly about turkish husbands. I never heard anything bad about american husbands. I just heard how one american couple adopt the baby and forgot him in a car. Or how american mother send her kid back to russia. I think americans have not bad reputation here. Except the idiosyncrasy that americans are fat. But people also understand that not all of americans are fat.

Most of Russian people are less brainwashed that people in the US.

Da. It's because we watch Hollywood movies, we speak english, we interested in US music. And americans rarely know other cultures. They are more in their own country. I sometimes wondered if I'm still in russia: american movies from all channels, american music from all radios, food too. Its how in the Rammstein song "we all living in america". It's why me and my dear fiance both like same movies, both watched same cartoons in the childhood.

but most of old people in the US think that I'm a spy So what?

And you know what? I'm a spy too

I was wondered why, but when we watched James Bond and I figured out. That woman was cool enough, I would not mind to be a spy like she

I don't mind any jokes, since they are sincere. Bears, babushkas, spies, balalaikas are cool and funny. But here is the difference to say "How's your balalaika?" or to say "You ordered your wife by mail" It depends on if you want to offend person or just kidding. If first, I'd talk back.

[Nick&Elena 1]

Naw their nice as pie in Russia to Americans...especially the police. Like the ones that nab you in a bogus charge, and then let you go after you give them everything in their wallet. But hey...who knows...maybe the store tellers stopped robbing Americans of their money if they didn't think to count every ruble.

Talking about russian police don't forget american police. We all watch TV and see that some american policemen also bribed. Especially on the mexican boundary. Yes, in russia it is worse. Have you traveled anywhere else? Everywhere police are the same, sometimes they cover bandits and sometimes they are bandits. And what?

waitresses are total b*tches when they find out I'm American and she's not.

I suggest you to change the restaurant. We had dinner with my foreign students in russian restaurant. And when they understood one of them is not russian, they gave us better table. All was reserved before, even for locals. Again we speak about different people. But you call all waitress b*tches. I never saw even one like that.

I know all about Belarusian and Russian hospitality / culture only too well.

Better than russians... "Scio me nihil scire" Its Socrates said "I only know that I know nothing". Modesty is the best policy

[ONA 133]

Fully agree. Only first time when they don't know the guy. Also here in Russia we hear that bad stories mostly about turkish husbands. I never heard anything bad about american husbands. I just heard how one american couple adopt the baby and forgot him in a car. Or how american mother send her kid back to russia. I think americans have not bad reputation here. Except the idiosyncrasy that americans are fat. But people also understand that not all of americans are fat.

I heard all kinds of stories of husbands of all kinds of nationalities. Yep, husbands from Muslim countries are the champions of sad stories - mostly, because women seem to not think how different cultures are before they move. Everything is great when their husbands move though. But then there are sad stories about husbands and BFs from the USA, France, Finland and all kinds of other countries, which just makes me assume that one of my English teachers was 100% right when she said "I think there are only 2 nations: a nation of good people and a nation of bad people".

Da. It's because we watch Hollywood movies, we speak english, we interested in US music. And americans rarely know other cultures. They are more in their own country. I sometimes wondered if I'm still in russia: american movies from all channels, american music from all radios, food too. Its how in the Rammstein song "we all living in america". It's why me and my dear fiance both like same movies, both watched same cartoons in the childhood.

That's a good point. The thing I don't like about the USA is that very few people have seen anything else except for Hollywood production, which makes it very hard to discuss a French or German movie with anybody, unless you find some European friends. The same thing about music - there are some great bands from Netherlands or again Germany,or other countries, who actually sing in English, but very few people heard them in the USA. I'm not even talking about Russian culture, but I was surprised that people never heard about some stars, who are considered to be international here.

But here is the difference to say "How's your balalaika?" or to say "You ordered your wife by mail" It depends on if you want to offend person or just kidding. If first, I'd talk back.

Right. Like we're to blame for being born in different countries.

Edited February 19, 2011 by ONA

[ONA 133]

I suggest you to change the restaurant. We had dinner with my foreign students in russian restaurant. And when they understood one of them is not russian, they gave us better table. All was reserved before, even for locals. Again we speak about different people. But you call all waitress b*tches. I never saw even one like that.

My fiance liked some Russian waitresses and waiters better than American ones. Also, a lot depends on a place you go to.

[M&Pooh 12]

You probably read that topic from the right side to left, it's what I have to say.

First. Nobody of my friends, colleagues or relatives ever said any offensive word against my fiance. Find where I told that. And what is "apparently" for you knowing nothing about me.

Second, read the theme of the topic, we're not discussing my relationships, it's not your business. I asked how to be with people who don't like russian wifes. Is your wife russian?

If you have troubles with xenophobia here's not that forum to discuss that, honestly. It's RUB forum.

And else, I have not double standards. At least you can't judge is I have or not.

The quote about bad jokes:

Funny, I'm honestly regret that I told people that I'm getting married american guy. Too much envying from the girls, too many jokes from friends like you're going to live in "pendosia" and eat burgers. Or they said that he'll close me in the garage or a basement and treat as a slave

I said that it's me who's rather going to close him and do that I want.

Now it's just annoying that they ask everytime they see me "Are you still here?"

Now I start to understand why people around you might treat you badly. Obviously, I have no interest in discussing your personality ( why do you think you are of interest for me, after all? )

You made some comments about Americans treating aliens and, particularly, "Russian wives". I made general remarks about your thoughts. You didn't like them and started taking things personally... Well, way to go! But don't be surprised when somebody will call you rude - you actually deserved to be called that way. Civilized arguing about the points rather than personalities is not for you.

Last but not least - it would probably be helpful for you to remember that I can make any judgement I want. And you are not the one to tell me what to do.

Edited February 19, 2011 by M&Pooh

[Nick&Elena 1]

Oh, how old are you? 15? Looks like that.

Troubles with reading? Where did you find what they offend my fiance in personal or even behind?

"you're going to live in "pendosia" and eat burgers" - it's what they said to me. Don't see anything offensive. "Pendosia" I don't like, but again they were talking among themselves. "close me in the garage"? It was again a joke told to me. I'll repeat again for retarded, people never offended my fiance. If they do, I'd fix that problem.

Obviously,

Again obviously? What is obviously for you is not obviously for others, remember it.

I have no interest in discussing your personality

When don't make comments about me or my fiance, speak about your experience. Nobody interested what you think about what kind of people me my fiance are. Posting comments about others and telling that America is the best... It's not a good tone in internet. "Obviously" sometimes better not to talk if you have nothing to say.

comments about Americans treating aliens

Some of them treat aliens bad. And what? I never said all russians are good.

I made general remarks about your thoughts.

Like I have double standards and let people to offend my fiance? It's not even remarks it's a delirium of a paranoiac.

to remember that I can make any judgement I want

Sure, but do it mentally, nobody asked you to post things that made your imagination.

Long arguing and nothing about the subject. I start to understand people who don't like you.

[ONA 133]

Now I start to understand why people around you might treat you badly. Obviously, I have no interest in discussing your personality ( why do you think you are of interest for me, after all? )

You made some comments about Americans treating aliens and, particularly, "Russian wives". I made general remarks about your thoughts. You didn't like them and started taking things personally... Well, way to go! But don't be surprised when somebody will call you rude - you actually deserved to be called that way. Civilized arguing about the points rather than personalities is not for you.

Last but not least - it would probably be helpful for you to remember that I can make any judgement I want. And you are not the one to tell me what to do.

Seems like you didn't quite understand what the OP was talking about. The quote was actually a remark about how judgemental some Russian people can be. Nobody said that they enjoy it when people say something like that.

And as for being rude, you just assume that because you are probably not familiar with Russian culture and what's more important - Russian language and linguistic pragmatics. I understand that, so I never get mad when people from other countries think that Russians are rude or gloomy, or something else. We're not. The reason why we sometimes seem to be like that is because there can be something which is polite or at least OK in Russia, but at the same time it is very rude in the USA and vice versa. It takes a lot of time and effort to learn how to communicate with people from other countries, and it's not all grammar and vocabulary. I'm writing my 4th big research paper just on the ways people are making suggestions in English and the way they react. See how complicated it is?

[eekee 182]

Naw their nice as pie in Russia to Americans...especially the police. Like the ones that nab you in a bogus charge, and then let you go after you give them everything in their wallet. But hey...who knows...maybe the store tellers stopped robbing Americans of their money if they didn't think to count every ruble.

And all the smiles Americans get from people there...oh ya. Lots of smiles (sarcasm there). I love it though when going to a restaurant with my wife and the waitresses are total b*tches when they find out I'm American and she's not.

Best one was when I got into a scrap at a Russian night club in Smolensk...a dozen witnesses that knew I didn't start it, and low and behold....who ends up having to pay those cops close to $500 ? Ya, one guess, and it wasn't the other guy.

It doesn't get any better in Belarus...other than the cops there don't seem as dirty as the ones in Russia. I know all about Belarusian and Russian hospitality / culture only too well.

Find a middle-aged male foreigner with enough money to come to RUB specfically to find a young hot girl: get a bribe big enough to feed your family for a week. You had to pay 500$ because you HAD 500$, if that makes sense.

As non-middle aged female foreigner--and perhaps female is the key here?--whenever I've been picked up by the police for things that could legimately be cause for a bribe (drinking hard alcohol on the street, etc.), once they see the blue passport, it's all, "Oh, why didn't you say something earlier? We don't want an international scandal!" and they ask me questions about America and are also nicer to my Russian friends.

And I do have to say that my Russian friends--and also my American friends who have spent a lot of time in Russia--are way more hospitable/willing to give you the shirt off your back/etc.

[eekee 182]

Talking about russian police don't forget american police. We all watch TV and see that some american policemen also bribed. Especially on the mexican boundary. Yes, in russia it is worse. Have you traveled anywhere else? Everywhere police are the same, sometimes they cover bandits and sometimes they are bandits. And what?

I have never heard about American police being bribed. Also like beating people, a policeman found to be taken bribes in the US would be prosecuted. I would never ask a policeman for help in Russia. When I see them, I go the other way. In America, they make me feel safer.* In Russia, they are people to fear. That is a huge distinction.

*Granted, I'm white.

[ONA 133]

And I do have to say that my Russian friends--and also my American friends who have spent a lot of time in Russia--are way more hospitable/willing to give you the shirt off your back/etc.

My fiance says that he was surprised how Russian people are willing to help and they don't expect anything back. He says that in the States when people help you, they expect that you at least pay them some money for it, which was a big surprise for me. Russian people get offended a lot of times when you offer them money for help.

I have never heard about American police being bribed. Also like beating people, a policeman found to be taken bribes in the US would be prosecuted. I would never ask a policeman for help in Russia. When I see them, I go the other way. In America, they make me feel safer.* In Russia, they are people to fear. That is a huge distinction.

*Granted, I'm white.

I have to agree with that. Russian people don't like policemen. And because of Russian police I'm just afraid of the police everywhere. When I'm driving in the US and there's a police car behind me I get nervous for no reason, my fiance can never understand me, he is like "Calm down, you didn't do anything wrong", but I guess this fear is just so deep in my head that it's hard to do anything with it.

[Nick&Elena 1]

I heard all kinds of stories of husbands of all kinds of nationalities. "I think there are only 2 nations: a nation of good people and a nation of bad people".

Agree, agree. Even not all people who is making bad jokes about russian wives are bad people. Some just silly and brainwashed. You must have some brains in your head to be open minded. Also some people just do it unconsciously. I hope we'll have immunity for that.

I was always interested in other countries and cultures. It's why I have my fiance and he has me. And I'm sure russian girls who have russian men are also happy. It doesn't depend on nationality.

I think its governments try to separate people. They wash their brains. Much less now, thanks god. USA going to be my country too and I'm going to love it as russia. As russians say "Love me, love my contry"

That's a good point. The thing I don't like about the USA is that very few people have seen anything else except for Hollywood production,

Da, da. And it's even hard to show different movies to americans, they used to watch Hollywood picture. And "other" cinema they barely understand. You should see my poor fiance watching "Brother-2" or "Everything will be all right" And he never saw "Knocking on heaven's door". We also watched Almadovar's movies and Ozon's. Oh, we also went to ballet and opera. I know he goes there just for me. Russian ballet, russian culture... Do you think he'd rather watch baseball?

I'm not even talking about Russian culture, but I was surprised that people never heard about some stars, who are considered to be international here.

What stars, mr Conchalovsky? hehe

Right. Like we're to blame for being born in different countries.

Yes, what I don't understand. Why blame us, we do ballet here and rockets...

[Nick&Elena 1]

I have never heard about American police being bribed. Also like beating people, a policeman found to be taken bribes in the US would be prosecuted. I would never ask a policeman for help in Russia. When I see them, I go the other way. In America, they make me feel safer.* In Russia, they are people to fear. That is a huge distinction.

*Granted, I'm white.

I agree with you. I do the same, stay far from them.

I wantched on eurinews, like in the USA they caught a big narc-gang in the boundary with mexico that was delivering drugs to USA. And when they found out it was a lot of american policemen covering that gang. I can find the link if you want. I didn't watch what it was at the end. I think they jailed policemen, one even was crying.

I also like Mario Puzo books about mafia and so on. Well I know it's a fiction. Love books about mafia. But I really think not all policemen are pure angels in the USA.

[ONA 133]

I think its governments try to separate people. They wash their brains. Much less now, thanks god. USA going to be my country too and I'm going to love it as russia. As russians say "Love me, love my contry"

"I love my country, it's the government I'm afraid of" - I think that works for every country

Da, da. And it's even hard to show different movies to americans, they used to watch Hollywood picture. And "other" cinema they barely understand. You should see my poor fiance watching "Brother-2" or "Everything will be all right" And he never saw "Knocking on heaven's door". We also watched Almadovar's movies and Ozon's. Oh, we also went to ballet and opera. I know he goes there just for me. Russian ballet, russian culture... Do you think he'd rather watch baseball?

We also watched Brother-2 I can't find proper translation for anything, that's why we don't usually watch anything, which is not meant to be in English.

I'm not a ballet fun myself, really. So a different question bothers me - why Americans call soccer the sport known as football anywhere else in the world? I am a big fan.

What stars, mr Conchalovsky? hehe

No, no, I said that I wasn' talking about anybody Russian. But not everybody in the States heard about, for example, Pierre Richard or Til Sweiger. And if we talk about music, not everybody there have heard about Mylene Farmer or Armin van Buuren.

[eekee 182]

My fiance says that he was surprised how Russian people are willing to help and they don't expect anything back. He says that in the States when people help you, they expect that you at least pay them some money for it, which was a big surprise for me. Russian people get offended a lot of times when you offer them money for help.

Yep. When I lost my phone earlier this week, I knew that I had three friends with old phones lying around. No questions asked, no mention of payment, just "I'll bring it into work tomorrow and you can come by and pick it up." At most, you'll buy someone a beer or something.

But in America, even my best friend paid me 50$ when I gave him my old blackberry.

Da, da. And it's even hard to show different movies to americans, they used to watch Hollywood picture. And "other" cinema they barely understand. You should see my poor fiance watching "Brother-2" or "Everything will be all right" And he never saw "Knocking on heaven's door". We also watched Almadovar's movies and Ozon's. Oh, we also went to ballet and opera. I know he goes there just for me. Russian ballet, russian culture... Do you think he'd rather watch baseball?

It's the same reason why so few Americans (and Brits, Australians, etc.) learn a foreign language. When your native language is so dominant, you're less inclined to exert the extra effort involved in watching a film in another language.

I agree with you. I do the same, stay far from them.

I wantched on eurinews, like in the USA they caught a big narc-gang in the boundary with mexico that was delivering drugs to USA. And when they found out it was a lot of american policemen covering that gang. I can find the link if you want. I didn't watch what it was at the end. I think they jailed policemen, one even was crying.

I also like Mario Puzo books about mafia and so on. Well I know it's a fiction. Love books about mafia. But I really think not all policemen are pure angels in the USA.

There's never going to be 100% compliance. But it's not endemic like in Russia, and doesn't go unpunished.