Verbal abuse

[CarolineM 0]

They CAN change yes...but again the motivation from within must be there. I hope everything is ok Alex. My thoughts are with you.

[vartan 0]

there's that, a 2x4, and vocal cord surgery.....

[babybunny 2]

How can we be more specific. Are you asking about someone in particular?? It sounds like you arne't just asking out of curiosity but because you have someone in mind...someone at work??

My boyfriend reads everything I post anywhere on the internet, apparently. After this, I believe it's the end of my Visa Journey. The frowny face emoticon does not quite encompass my particular facial expression at this moment. Let's go with:

I believe it comes from a bad family example. Which I hear is difficult to overcome.

This is how you can handle it. this is what I would do myself.

when he starts yelling. " whisper". this should force him to drop it down a few notches..

never show emotion - just whisper softly. give him the " I am not listioing til you change your tude" expression. if you get upset he will feed off your weakness

[Alex+R 0]

They CAN change yes...but again the motivation from within must be there. I hope everything is ok Alex. My thoughts are with you.

Thank you... I hope someday, somehow everything is ok again.

The motivation is there, but I'm not sure I can sit around waiting for it to get better anymore. In fact, I'm pretty sure I can't.

[rebeccajo 14]

Darlin', if he's talking trash to you now, wait 20 years and then see how bad it is.

He can only change if he wants too.

He won't change just because his behavior makes you unhappy.

[Ban Hammer 14,281]

They CAN change yes...but again the motivation from within must be there. I hope everything is ok Alex. My thoughts are with you.

Thank you... I hope someday, somehow everything is ok again.

The motivation is there, but I'm not sure I can sit around waiting for it to get better anymore. In fact, I'm pretty sure I can't.

does that mean we lose our grammar police?

alex, if there is a significant problem you both need to talk about it and find a resolution. expectations can be too high on the part of one or both involved. best wishes to both of you

[babybunny 2]

Darlin', if he's talking trash to you now, wait 20 years and then see how bad it is.

He can only change if he wants too.

He won't change just because his behavior makes you unhappy.

holy cow..

he calling you Names?

[rebeccajo 14]

apply dimensional lumber upside the head

I know that was supposed to be funny but to me it's not.

There's no reason for me to expound on why I feel that way other than suggest you connect that image to the context of the OP's question.

Darlin', if he's talking trash to you now, wait 20 years and then see how bad it is.

He can only change if he wants too.

He won't change just because his behavior makes you unhappy.

holy cow..

he calling you Names?

No Shonnie, Wes would never do that.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

How can we be more specific. Are you asking about someone in particular?? It sounds like you arne't just asking out of curiosity but because you have someone in mind...someone at work??

My boyfriend reads everything I post anywhere on the internet, apparently. After this, I believe it's the end of my Visa Journey. The frowny face emoticon does not quite encompass my particular facial expression at this moment. Let's go with:

I believe it comes from a bad family example. Which I hear is difficult to overcome.

I have no expertise in this, but from the above statement, it appears to be a control issue, which can't be adjusted by you changing your behaviour, such as whispering etc. He has to change, not you, other than not being willing to be the brunt of his problems that is. If he won't attend counselling on his own, you'd be well-served to just have a natter with a counselor to make sure you are reading him correctly. Good luck!

[Ban Hammer 14,281]

apply dimensional lumber upside the head

I know that was supposed to be funny but to me it's not.

at the time such was posted i took it to mean a problem with a co-worker....my apologies

[gimygirl 0]

alex ...

as hard as it is right now ... you are doing the right thing. if you ever need to chat, please feel free to pm me for emotional support. verbal abuse is just as, if not equaling, damaging as physical abuse. you hit the nail on the head when you stated that a bad family example is hard to overcome.

if there was one cliché or stereotype i wish i had given way to in my younger years ... i would have not chosen to be with a man that had poor relationships with his mother, sisters, etc. it dissolved into an extremely unhealthy marriage, although giving me valuable experience in becoming the person i am now.

you already raised one of my eyebrows the other day in regards to rhinoplasty. there is no way i would ever tolerate my husband 'joking' about something that made me insecure ... nor would i do that to him. i'm sorry but there seems to be a lack of even a basic level of respect here. even his comments on that thread were inappropriate.

i understand that you love him and you've invested time into this relationship ... but you do not deserve this type of treatment. it's not easy to push those emotional feelings aside and think about what is logically the right thing to do right now. stand up for yourself and demand respect through your actions.

you really don't want to be with someone that has no problem verbal degrading you because it usually escalates ... it's just not worth it 5, 10, 20 years down the line (as rebecca alluded to as well).

[KarenCee 3]

If the abusive party is willing to change, CAN they change? Does anyone have experience with that?

I don't really know and some cursory google searches did not return much not written by Oprah's staff.

I'm just curious, and a coworker brought it up today.

From personal experience? Not in the case of my ex. I would hope that one IS capable of changing though. Why are you searching for stuff written by Oprah's staff? Just curious, that's all.

And yes...verbal abuse IS abuse. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It took me a very long time to regain a lot of what I lost as a result of the abuse I suffered and it took me a long time to trust. The physical scars have healed but like I said, the verbal (and emotional/mental) are taking a bit longer. I still have moments, but I WILL become whole again.

Edited August 29, 2006 by KarenCee

[babybunny 2]

apply dimensional lumber upside the head

I know that was supposed to be funny but to me it's not.

There's no reason for me to expound on why I feel that way other than suggest you connect that image to the context of the OP's question.

Darlin', if he's talking trash to you now, wait 20 years and then see how bad it is.

He can only change if he wants too.

He won't change just because his behavior makes you unhappy.

holy cow..

he calling you Names?

No Shonnie, Wes would never do that.

opps not wes..

[Ban Hammer 14,281]

http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/r...hips/abuse.html

http://www.actabuse.com/chartofcoercion.html

http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~counsel/abuse.htm

http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art1799.asp

http://www.verbalabuse.com/3.shtml

http://www.enotalone.com/92-1.html

^^^^^^ lots of good links^^^^^^^

http://www.dvirc.org.au/whenlove/checklist.htm

[Alex+R 0]

alex ...

as hard as it is right now ... you are doing the right thing. if you ever need to chat, please feel free to pm me for emotional support. verbal abuse is just as, if not equaling, damaging as physical abuse. you hit the nail on the head when you stated that a bad family example is hard to overcome.

if there was one cliché or stereotype i wish i had given way to in my younger years ... i would have not chosen to be with a man that had poor relationships with his mother, sisters, etc. it dissolved into an extremely unhealthy marriage, although giving me valuable experience in becoming the person i am now.

you already raised one of my eyebrows the other day in regards to rhinoplasty. there is no way i would ever tolerate my husband 'joking' about something that made me insecure ... nor would i do that to him. i'm sorry but there seems to be a lack of even a basic level of respect here. even his comments on that thread were inappropriate.

i understand that you love him and you've invested time into this relationship ... but you do not deserve this type of treatment. it's not easy to push those emotional feelings aside and think about what is logically the right thing to do right now. stand up for yourself and demand respect through your actions.

you really don't want to be with someone that has no problem verbal degrading you because it usually escalates ... it's just not worth it 5, 10, 20 years down the line (as rebecca alluded to as well).

I feel weird airing this out in public (and sorry to anyone offended by private info) but, here goes. This is my fear. He has apologized up and down for his inappropriate (and bizarre!) comments yesterday, but they still happened, and they still really upset me. There were a few other incidences. Mainly it was just a lot of jokes at my expense and then being told not to take them seriously. Once we talked about it, he really stopped doing it...96%. We just talked, and he has really recognized that he has a problem, and he HAS really made it quite a way in terms of stopping, and showing me the respect I deserve (as do all people). He says the long distance thing is just really taking a toll on him.

But if it can't COMPLETELY stop, I'm not going to go through hell for this relationship, only to have the relationship turn into its own hell later.