When is it Okay to Ask Parents to Pay When Invited to a Birthday Party?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

My wife and I come from different family customs and cultures. For her, when someone has a party, they pay for everything and will easily spend $300, even for a children's birthday party, which would make my mother gasp. I came from a family of 6 boys and my parents never had any fancy birthday parties for us. I understand if we were inviting guests to a party at our home, we wouldn't ask for anything, but for a venue (like a zoo or skating rink), I don't see anything wrong with asking in the invitations for the parents to pay for their kid's admission. My wife, on the other hand, thinks it is absurd to even consider anyone else paying.

Your opinions?

[Peikko 1,575]

My wife and I come from different family customs and cultures. For her, when someone has a party, they pay for everything and will easily spend $300, even for a children's birthday party, which would make my mother gasp. I came from a family of 6 boys and my parents never had any fancy birthday parties for us. I understand if we were inviting guests to a party at our home, we wouldn't ask for anything, but for a venue (like a zoo or skating rink), I don't see anything wrong with asking in the invitations for the parents to pay for their kid's admission. My wife, on the other hand, thinks it is absurd to even consider anyone else paying.

Your opinions?

Absurd? Not sure, but it's not the normal thing and I wouldn't do it - if I invite a kid to do something with my kid I'm going to pay for them to do whatever activity it is anything else seems cheap to me, and that includes birthdays, trips to the cinema, trips to a restaurant, trips to zoos, museums, most anything that involves a payment. If whatever you have in mind is too expensive or you think you can't afford it without asking for contirubtions, choose something else. There are some very cost effective party ideas out there but it requires a little more creative thinking on the part of the parents.

[alienlovechild 75]

My wife and I come from different family customs and cultures. For her, when someone has a party, they pay for everything and will easily spend $300, even for a children's birthday party, which would make my mother gasp. I came from a family of 6 boys and my parents never had any fancy birthday parties for us.

Our family never had fancy birthday parties for 5 kids and we won't do it unless my wife starts nagging me about it but then again my daughter's birthday is only two months away.

I don't think it's okay to ask for money as I thought those invited paid with gifts.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Absurd? Not sure, but it's not the normal thing and I wouldn't do it - if I invite a kid to do something with my kid I'm going to pay for them to do whatever activity it is anything else seems cheap to me, and that includes birthdays, trips to the cinema, trips to a restaurant, trips to zoos, museums, most anything that involves a payment. If whatever you have in mind is too expensive or you think you can't afford it without asking for contirubtions, choose something else. There are some very cost effective party ideas out there but it requires a little more creative thinking on the part of the parents.

Interesting. My thinking is that in these times we're in, "going dutch" is the norm. There were countless times that I was invited to a party, but asked to pay for my admission. IMO, if the norm was that the invitee always pays, there would be less invitations, especially in large numbers because of the cost involved.

[Danno 1,228]

Our family never had fancy birthday parties for 5 kids and we won't do it unless my wife starts nagging me about it but then again my daughter's birthday is only two months away.

I don't think it's okay to ask for money as I thought those invited paid with gifts.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Our family never had fancy birthday parties for 5 kids and we won't do it unless my wife starts nagging me about it but then again my daughter's birthday is only two months away.

I don't think it's okay to ask for money as I thought those invited paid with gifts.

That's a good point. However, I've always thought bringing a gift was optional and IMO, I'd rather they pitched in for the cost of the party then buying toys that my kids probably won't want or need. I guess I'm just getting grumpy and old.

[chri'stina 190]

Tricky! I also didn't have expensive parties when I was a kid but they were kinda big - but just at my house, mostly. Very low budget yet fun.

I think if it's an invitation to a birthday party, people assume their admission is being paid for as a group. I would then not consider doing that kind of party if the expense is going to be too high. If some of my friends ask me to meet them somewhere for their birthday, I would expect to pay for myself. But when it comes to kids and venues, it does seem assumed that the birthday child's parents pay. I guess it's in the wording too. "Meeting up(pay your own way)" vs "you are invited to a party for so and so at such and such place". My mother would gasp about the $300 too. So would I! I just don't want to spend that much for a kids party.

Edited December 28, 2010 by chri'stina

[Peikko 1,575]

Interesting. My thinking is that in these times we're in, "going dutch" is the norm. There were countless times that I was invited to a party, but asked to pay for my admission. IMO, if the norm was that the invitee always pays, there would be less invitations, especially in large numbers because of the cost involved.

Depends. I have never been asked to pay for participation, not now, not when I was a kid. However, I've never hosted a party in an amusement park nor involved a professional party planner either. If the kids are into sports of any kind, those are really good themes for parties. My son just went to a soccer party which was amazing fun. The parent's hired an outdoor soccer field from city amenities (and told me the cost was about $60.00 per hour) and brought all the refreshments themselves. They invited about 20-30 kids but the more the merrier because the cost was the same regardless of attendees (well apart from the food and no one is going to ask for that are they?) Things like that are a lot of fun. In SoCal it's really neat to have a party in a public park, but of course you need to make sure you organize some kind of entertainment for the kids. When I was a kid we used to do treasure hunts, they were always hugely popular.

[spookyturtle 9,466]

I wouldn't ask parents to pay when invited to a party. If I couldn't afford to pay for the number of guests invited, I'd do something else that I could afford. Something simple can be good too. I don't think it is fair to invite a child to a party and ask the parents to pay, I think it could get messy.

[Peikko 1,575]

I wouldn't ask parents to pay when invited to a party. If I couldn't afford to pay for the number of guests invited, I'd do something else that I could afford. Something simple can be good too. I don't think it is fair to invite a child to a party and ask the parents to pay, I think it could get messy.

It could get murky I agree. I want my kid to feel that he can invite whoever he wants, not whoever can afford to come.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

It could get murky I agree. I want my kid to feel that he can invite whoever he wants, not whoever can afford to come.

I understand that sentiment. However, asking for say $5 per guest is reasonable., IMO. I wouldn't ask for much more than that.

[spookyturtle 9,466]

I understand that sentiment. However, asking for say $5 per guest is reasonable., IMO. I wouldn't ask for much more than that.

If it's only $5, then the host should pay. If that is not affordable, do something else or have a smaller party. Otherwise all of the other parents will talk about you.

[Jenn! 918]

I understand that sentiment. However, asking for say $5 per guest is reasonable., IMO. I wouldn't ask for much more than that.

Yeah, not sure about that. I don't think that's going to go over so well. I think most people will think you're being rude honestly. And bringing a gift to a child's party is not optional either.

[Danno 1,228]

Just wait till your wife starts doing the "Build-a-Bear" parties, that ####### can get expensive too.

If I were you, I wouldn't fight it... just do your best to get out in front of the parade next time, before she has the chance to plan something... you beat her to the punch with your "group fishing trip" or nature tour hosted by a park ranger.

Orsome other low cost interesting event.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

If it's only $5, then the host should pay. If that is not affordable, do something else or have a smaller party. Otherwise all of the other parents will talk about you.

Lets give 'em something to talk about.