have you considered just giving up?

[nab 74]

well due to the fact that this topic has turned into.............. well not exactly sure what it has turned into

here is my question, if i go to the airport & get felt up will i then know how to make my timeline show up under my posts?

i started one but i doesn't show up do the TSA storm troopers know the secret or are they only good for playing with your balls???

thanks

piglett

ooooh! i misread! i thought you meant regular timeline

go to top/right, click on "settings", then on next page click on "profile" on left, then "change signature" also on left, and make sure to click "save changes" when done

[piglett 16]

ooooh! i misread! i thought you meant regular timeline

go to top/right, click on "settings", then on next page click on "profile" on left, then "change signature" also on left, and make sure to click "save changes" when done

Hey thanks Nab that did the trick

i'm just not sure why the VJ people make it so hard to make that happen.

thanks

piglett

[nab 74]

the waiting has worn our nerves so badly, because for us it's not just been the USCIS but also the waiting prior to filing. i talked him into getting a job over there (against his parents wishes) so he wouldn't be sitting around going crazy with his parents standing on his head about me all time (very long and not nice story)... a job gives him an excuse to get out of the home and get some peace and quiet, allows him to think, and may have been my downfall.

now when we talk about the plans we've had for here for more than a year, the location changes to there. he wants me to come there, he's saving his pay and wants to buy land there (he is constantly showing me land pics), build a home there, start a business there (all the things we planned for HERE), rear a family there, and when i say but wait the plan was to come here he says we will someday (and of course he says we would keep the land there, why?) .... but i know how things like that work, you build a life somewhere with home and children you dont just uproot your whole life and move.

i love him dearly and moving anywhere would not be an issue... except pakistan. there are very legitimate reasons i do not want to move there, though he tries to gloss over them.

when i've told him i would divorce him rather than move there before certain things would happen he says he will move to ecuador or malaysia or wherever i want to go so we can be together but anytime i begin working toward anything he again moves the plans back to pakistan.

so for those of you who said "no way"... what would you do if you HAD to move to your SO's country or divorce?

for those who said you'd go anywhere just to be with your SO (and i know how you feel!), would you go as far as to entrust your SO to protect your life?

[chri'stina 190]

usually cost of living is much cheaper in the foreign country, wait times for the visa and all is so long, have you ever considered just throwing in the towel, moving to the SO's country and building life there?

if you have done that, or are considering it, i'd like to hear your thoughts on it.

Our visa story is already 6 years old, but...

I guess wait time, delays, or denials would impact these decisions.

We had a straightforward visa process. Took about 7 months from filing til k1 visa interview(approved). I said things back then like that I would move there if his visa was denied. He knew I loved him enough to do that, but he said my life would be difficult there. Which is true.

If I really had had to make that decision, he would probably ask me to wait to move there until he moved to a better apt, his family moved out of their city at the time(which they did eventually), and until they accepted me so that they could be my support system within India. Without that, I imagine it would be very difficult. Not financially, but socially.

Edited November 16, 2010 by chri'stina

[chri'stina 190]

Another option would be living in a 3rd country that would have granted him a visa. To be honest, I would have been very stressed out living in India. Much more stressed out than he would be with living in the US. I am glad I didn't have to choose that.

[sara..... 371]

the waiting has worn our nerves so badly, because for us it's not just been the USCIS but also the waiting prior to filing. i talked him into getting a job over there (against his parents wishes) so he wouldn't be sitting around going crazy with his parents standing on his head about me all time (very long and not nice story)... a job gives him an excuse to get out of the home and get some peace and quiet, allows him to think, and may have been my downfall.

now when we talk about the plans we've had for here for more than a year, the location changes to there. he wants me to come there, he's saving his pay and wants to buy land there (he is constantly showing me land pics), build a home there, start a business there (all the things we planned for HERE), rear a family there, and when i say but wait the plan was to come here he says we will someday (and of course he says we would keep the land there, why?) .... but i know how things like that work, you build a life somewhere with home and children you dont just uproot your whole life and move.

i love him dearly and moving anywhere would not be an issue... except pakistan. there are very legitimate reasons i do not want to move there, though he tries to gloss over them.

when i've told him i would divorce him rather than move there before certain things would happen he says he will move to ecuador or malaysia or wherever i want to go so we can be together but anytime i begin working toward anything he again moves the plans back to pakistan.

so for those of you who said "no way"... what would you do if you HAD to move to your SO's country or divorce?

for those who said you'd go anywhere just to be with your SO (and i know how you feel!), would you go as far as to entrust your SO to protect your life?

we lived in Multan Pakistan for about four years......we loved it there and it was not a hard life.......but since that time so many things have changed....our own family there has told us is better for us not to come because its not safe for us....i dont know if i was in your shoes if i could make that my home now but i guess it all comes down to are you comfortable there? Do you feel secure when your there? Not everyone can move to Pakistan and be comfortable even if things were like they were six years ago. Its a different way of life there and it is a mans world in every way.

I personally loved our life there... for us it was stress free.

It really comes down to a personal choice on your part....what you can live with out in life and what you cant.

I will add you to my prayers.........I hope that everything turns out the way you need for it to.

sara

[luckytxn 2,265]

the waiting has worn our nerves so badly, because for us it's not just been the USCIS but also the waiting prior to filing. i talked him into getting a job over there (against his parents wishes) so he wouldn't be sitting around going crazy with his parents standing on his head about me all time (very long and not nice story)... a job gives him an excuse to get out of the home and get some peace and quiet, allows him to think, and may have been my downfall.

now when we talk about the plans we've had for here for more than a year, the location changes to there. he wants me to come there, he's saving his pay and wants to buy land there (he is constantly showing me land pics), build a home there, start a business there (all the things we planned for HERE), rear a family there, and when i say but wait the plan was to come here he says we will someday (and of course he says we would keep the land there, why?) .... but i know how things like that work, you build a life somewhere with home and children you dont just uproot your whole life and move.

i love him dearly and moving anywhere would not be an issue... except pakistan. there are very legitimate reasons i do not want to move there, though he tries to gloss over them.

when i've told him i would divorce him rather than move there before certain things would happen he says he will move to ecuador or malaysia or wherever i want to go so we can be together but anytime i begin working toward anything he again moves the plans back to pakistan.

so for those of you who said "no way"... what would you do if you HAD to move to your SO's country or divorce?

for those who said you'd go anywhere just to be with your SO (and i know how you feel!), would you go as far as to entrust your SO to protect your life?

I will be serious for a tad. It is a tough call for you for sure. I do love my wife a lot and I know she loves me a lot. We both asked the what if....they deny us a visa and then what and the answer was that we would just get married and try again and if they deny us then we try again and again and again until we wore them down and they finally said yes just to get rid of us and even if it took many years. They might as well have just given us the visa ASAP because they were going to do it eventually.

I knew that I would move there but also knew I would eventually be very unhappy there and want to come back home. I have actually been all over the world and sometimes for extended periods and eventually always start to miss my home. I would have been just spinning my wheels in Vietnam. She would be happy to be with her friends and family but she would have gotten unhappy seeing me in the condition I was going to be in. She seemed to know that we were going to be together forever even way before I knew it myself and done whatever needed to be done. She has the patience of an angel where I do not.

In your shoes though I will say that if you know that you do not or can't live in Pakistan and he is heading in that direction then you have a lot of soul searching to do. Love they say can conquer all but trust me that is a fable. Love can overcome much but being unhappy turns into being miserable and then that turns into hatred and resentment. Soon you will be striking out at the ones you love and pretty soon it will escalate to unpleasantness all around. It sounds like you really need to have a long and deep talk with your significant other and clear the air and do it soon. Do not be pushed into doing something you know that is unhealthy for you. Also do not push him into doing the same thing. If he is happy there and you are happy here and both don't want the changes then there are not too many options open to you both. Please take care and God bless. I will say a prayer for you both.

Also maybe he dreams of some land of his own to have and so send him some pics of land near you so he can see that there is land in our country here that dreams can be built on.

[piglett 16]

when i've told him i would divorce him rather than move there before certain things would happen he says he will move to ecuador or malaysia or wherever i want to go so we can be together but anytime i begin working toward anything he again moves the plans back to pakistan.

so for those of you who said "no way"... what would you do if you HAD to move to your SO's country or divorce?

for those who said you'd go anywhere just to be with your SO (and i know how you feel!), would you go as far as to entrust your SO to protect your life?

My wife is from the Philippines & in some of the southern areas there it would not be a safe place for me to live, SO I WILL JUST NOT MOVE TO THOSE AREAS!!! My wife loves me so i know for a fact that she would never ask me to move to those dangerous places. lucky for me she is from the centeral part of the Philippines & it's so safe on the island where she is from that many people don't even have doors on their houses.

now if my wife decided that after living here in the US that she just hated it & couldn't stand it one more day i guess i would move back with her to the remote province where she is from & do my best to be happy there.

I myself have never been to Pakistan but if it's just not safe for you there then you just can't go ....can you?

good luck

piglett