things not to say to a cop

[justashooter 430]

I only had one officer Mr. Keg..

Back off Barney, I've got a piece.

Want to race to the station, Sparky?

I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout!

On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.

You'll never get those cuffs on me...You ice cream!

Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!

Hey, wasn't your daughter a pork queen?

How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.

Hey officer, is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?

I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!

Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute?

Hey, you must've been doing' about 125mph (200km/h) to keep up with me! Good job!

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.

Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?

You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

"Bad Cop! No Donut!"

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are cars around, that's how far I am behind the other cars.

You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?

"Lets do it different this time... I will give you the breathalyzer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow"

Didn't I see you get your #### kicked on "COPS" last week on TV?

Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend's bed.

I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket

So, uh, you "on the take", or what?

Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!

Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.

So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little?

Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.

When you smack the ####### outta me, make sure you smile for the video camcorder.

Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

Hey, you look like that girl I banged a few days ago...

Aren't you one of the Village People?

Hey officer, want to see a trick? Look at your wife!

[slim 1,530]

I heard about a cop who pulled a guy over one day for severely speeding. He was going over 100 mph. The cop stopped him, walked up to the car and asked why he was going so fast. The guy said it was because he'd just killed his wife and was trying to get away.

The cop asked him to get out of the car and go sit on the curb while he searched the vehicle. The man told him not to check the trunk because his wife was in there or the glove box because that's where the murder weapon was.

The cop checked both and found nothing so he called his supervisor to explain what happened. After a few minutes, the supervisor arrived and talked to the man himself. He asked about the dead wife, the gun in the glove box and why the cop hadn't found anything.

The man denied everything and said, "I bet that @$$hole said I was speeding too!"

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

I heard about a cop who pulled a guy over one day for severely speeding. He was going over 100 mph. The cop stopped him, walked up to the car and asked why he was going so fast. The guy said it was because he'd just killed his wife and was trying to get away.

The cop asked him to get out of the car and go sit on the curb while he searched the vehicle. The man told him not to check the trunk because his wife was in there or the glove box because that's where the murder weapon was.

The cop checked both and found nothing so he called his supervisor to explain what happened. After a few minutes, the supervisor arrived and talked to the man himself. He asked about the dead wife, the gun in the glove box and why the cop hadn't found anything.

The man denied everything and said, "I bet that @$$hole said I was speeding too!"

[Kathryn41 3,205]

A cop saw a car speeding. He pulled out and followed with his lights flashing. Instead of stopping, the car sped up so the cop sped up as well. Finally he pulled up beside the car and motioned the driver to pull over. The car pulled over and the cop pulled in behind.

Annoyed, the cop walked up to the window and said "Didn't you see me following you with my lights flashing?"

The man replied ,'"Yes, I did".

The cop asked, "Well, then why did you speed up? Why didn't you pull over and stop when I told you to?"

The man said, "Well, you see Officer, last week my wife ran away with a cop who looks a lot like you. When I saw you following me, I was afraid you were him and were trying to catch up with me to give her back!"

The cop closed his ticket book, laughed, and told him he could go, with a warning to keep to the speed limit.

[evli1966 88]

In Arizona:

No hablo Ingles.

No tengo identificacion.

Yo soy el unico con identificacion.

Officer the 25 people in the back of my van paid the taxi fare from the border into Pheonix.