One and Done: The Case For Having Only One Child.

[Jenn! 918]

I read some scary statistic that there will be 20 million more boys than girls - not good for social cohesion, I would imagine

Maybe they can start importing American brides. You know, the leftovers after all of the American men have wised up and got themselves FSU women.

[GabiandVi 34]

I get that, and I don't disagree. Our society has undergone a huge transformation over the last few generations, and family size is just one piece of it. It's kinda funny that some of the same people who like to throw around phrases like "social engineering" to describe social policies they don't like still feel free to tell people how many kids they should have. I'm generalizing, of course.

Now that I'm visibly expecting a kid (our first), I've suddenly had to field all kinds of nosy and intrusive questions, along with buckets of unsolicited advice. People are already asking me if we're planning on having another--and I'm not due until October. I'm also old. ####### is the matter with people?

I can relate! And if you are an older mom, prepare for the eventual question, "Is that your only grandchild?" I even had one women ask me where I adopted my child from.

So far, none of that has bothered me. I was one of those women who never felt better than when she was pregnant. Nothing could bring me down. And now I'm just so amazed at what I produced, that no manner of rude questioning can dampen that.

Surprisingly, my parents, who are pushing my younger sisters-in-law to produce even more grandchildren (they have 20 already) strongly advised me to not get pregnant again. I was just too old!

[chri'stina 190]

I have been having some of the same wonders and worries as the person who wrote the article. We have one. Sometimes we think we will just have one. Other times I feel like I really want him to have a sibling to play with and grow up with. We just don't know for sure yet. We still have time to think about it.

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

My decision not to have children has proven to be more provocative than I expected. Not only have I had to deal with my own family questioning my sanity (and on one memorable occasion, my mother telling me that I will die alone unless I have children), total strangers feel it's a topic they can opine on. In particular, it seems that 8 out of 10 times when I go to get my nails done I end up in a deep discussion with the technician about my childfree status. They tell me I will change my mind, that I can't be happy unless I have a child, etc. For this reason I now go to a nail joint where they don't speak to me unless it's to ask if the water is too hot or if I want my nails round or squared off.

But I digress. I don't flaunt my decision (except on VJ, clearly). It is one that is based not only on the fact that I have few maternal urges, and that I'm a selfish little madam, but there are also certain potential medical issues I might face in pregnancy that I was warned about years back when I thought I might want a child. It's my decision not to have kids, and I'm not one of those b!tches who mock parents as "breeders" so I don't understand why so many people take offence to this and feel they need to tell me I'm wrong. Not everyone is made to be a parent.

[mawilson 2,133]

It could be said that we ought to accept what G-d gives us

God? You do know how women get pregnant, right?

[mawilson 2,133]

I'm with Sousuke on this one. This oven does not make buns.

So am I.

Edited July 12, 2010 by mawilson

[GabiandVi 34]

I'm sick of people saying to my best friend "you'll change your mind" about not wanting any children.

I can see how that would be very annoying. I, on the other hand had always wanted children, but I had given up on having any, and I thought I had come to terms with it. But it wasn't until I became pregnant that I realized that I had been agonizing over it subconciously. Ironically, it was at that moment when I finally fully realized that you can be perfectly happy without a child.

I used to think there was something wrong with people who don't want children. Now I'm one of their strongest supporters. If they refer to children in ways such as one person put it, #### trophies, they loose my support, but if they are honest with themselves and have come to the conclusion that they don't want children, I say, more power to them!

[chri'stina 190]

I always wanted two kids, ever since I was old enough to think about having kids. I am one of two, I am sure that's why. But now I am not sure! I am a stay at home mom. I wanted to be this, even though I graduated college, my real idea was to be what I am right now. It's not an easy job in itself but I like it better than working full time at a job for someone else.

Some of the reasons we aren't sure about a second are that right now we have no close family nearby. That means no help if I got pregnant right now or with a newborn. That is probably one of the biggest factors for me. If we can move near my family, that problem will be gone for me. When we visit with my family they completely love helping with my son, it changes the whole parenthood dynamics. Financially I think we are fine to have another but my husband is the one more concerned with finances all the time even though we aren't having problems. He is very frugal and a good saver, imo sometimes overly concerned with money but I guess that is much better than someone who blows money all the time at the risk of his family's financial security.

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

I used to think there was something wrong with people who don't want children. Now I'm one of their strongest supporters. If they refer to children in ways such as one person put it, #### trophies, they loose my support, but if they are honest with themselves and have come to the conclusion that they don't want children, I say, more power to them!

I have never heard a single one of my childfree friends refer to a child as such. It's weird, but most of my friends don't have kids, including friends I have had since school. Did we find each other back then? Anyway, I have had conversations along the line of "Thank god I don't have kids, I couldn't do _____" but I've never said anything stronger than "rugrat" in reference to a child, and in those cases, very specific children behaving in very specific ways.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

I can relate! And if you are an older mom, prepare for the eventual question, "Is that your only grandchild?" I even had one women ask me where I adopted my child from.

So far, none of that has bothered me. I was one of those women who never felt better than when she was pregnant. Nothing could bring me down. And now I'm just so amazed at what I produced, that no manner of rude questioning can dampen that.

Surprisingly, my parents, who are pushing my younger sisters-in-law to produce even more grandchildren (they have 20 already) strongly advised me to not get pregnant again. I was just too old!

OK, I'm not so old that people would think I'm grandma (I hope not, anyway! )--just old enough to hear the phrase "advanced maternal age" a lot.

I've felt pretty awful physically for much of the pregnancy, so I'm proud of myself for not telling people to ** off and mind their own business--even the old lady at Safeway who probably has dementia.

[chri'stina 190]

I can relate! And if you are an older mom, prepare for the eventual question, "Is that your only grandchild?" I even had one women ask me where I adopted my child from.

So far, none of that has bothered me. I was one of those women who never felt better than when she was pregnant. Nothing could bring me down. And now I'm just so amazed at what I produced, that no manner of rude questioning can dampen that.

Surprisingly, my parents, who are pushing my younger sisters-in-law to produce even more grandchildren (they have 20 already) strongly advised me to not get pregnant again. I was just too old!

At the bolded part- me too. I loved it. I had a good pregnancy. The labor part was really bad and ended in c-section, but at least the part leading up to that went really good! lol

[GabiandVi 34]

I have never heard a single one of my childfree friends refer to a child as such. It's weird, but most of my friends don't have kids, including friends I have had since school. Did we find each other back then? Anyway, I have had conversations along the line of "Thank god I don't have kids, I couldn't do _____" but I've never said anything stronger than "rugrat" in reference to a child, and in those cases, very specific children behaving in very specific ways.

I refer to my own child as rugrat. (Never to her face.) She is. She is also a brat, a holy terror, a destructive little f*cker, etc., at times! It's contempt for children, not being annoyed by them that bothers me. Children are very annoying! But I actually have heard that term before and I was deeply offended. I'm usually not offended by stupid comments made by strangers, but I guess when it comes to your children, even though it wasn't directed at my child, you take it more to heart.

My best friend doesn't want to have any children, but she loves my daughter.

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

My best friend doesn't want to have any children, but she loves my daughter.

I think you'll find most of us childfree peeps feel the same.

And your daughter is adorable.

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

That is why you married a woman from the FSU. Do not expect others to understand, they do not value women and their role as we do.

To them, women are just money machines, whores, really. Get out there are make $$$$!!!! The husband is just the pimp and the family are just crack babies. Bring home the bacon, baby, we will eat from a box! The kids can let themselves in.

Of course, if you do not believe in marketing your children's mother for dollars, they will call you a "misogynist".

What you wrote, right there, makes absolutely no rational sense.

[GabiandVi 34]

And your daughter is adorable.

Thanks! I think so too, but I'm obviously biased. In fact, I'm convinced there is some sort of hormone produced when you look at your own child that makes it impossible for you to see them objectively. When she was born, I asked my parents if she was beautiful because when I looked at her all I could see was beauty. My dad just laughed. My mom said nothing. A year later, I looked at her birth pictures and realized she was as ugly as every newborn!