Benefits of a Non-Native English speaking spouse

[thongd4me 69]

1. less offensive synonym: a word or phrase used in place of a term that might be considered too direct, harsh, unpleasant, or offensive
   
2. use of inoffensive words: the use of a word or phrase that is more neutral, vague, or indirect to replace a direct, harsh, unpleasant, or offensive term
   

{2 definitions of "euphemism"}

One of my wife's pet peeves is discovering the difficulty a lady has in

finding a "rest room" or "bathroom" in the Big Apple.

Normally when she speaks English she asks for the "toilet" but I remind

her that we have more polite expressions for that - ladies' room or "rest"

room or bathroom.

Actually what she is looking for is a toilet, but it's funny how we never seem

to use that word. She asks people and they are confused by it at first but then

a lightbulb goes on and they understand.

It's funny that we normally call a small room with a toilet & sink a "bathroom"

when you are not likely to find a bath there at all.

After all, how many baths can you take in a day?

[alienlovechild 75]

One of my wife's pet peeves is discovering the difficulty a lady has in

finding a "rest room" or "bathroom" in the Big Apple.

Actually what she is looking for is a toilet, but it's funny how we never seem

to use that word. She asks people and they are confused by it at first but then

a lightbulb goes on and they understand.

In Georgia, she must ask for the indoor outhouse. If there's a communication gap, try the "pee-pee dance". Works in most countries.

[thongd4me 69]

In Georgia, she must ask for the indoor outhouse. If there's a communication gap, try the "pee-pee dance". Works in most countries.

[thongd4me 69]

I don't know if this is a mixture of Thai & English

but instead of saying "noodle" she says "noo-don"

which sounds like a combination of "noodle" and

"udon" (Japanese for noodle).

[Captain Oates 911]

Doesn't matter about which language - you will live to learn that you are WRONG !

and she isn't interested in cars and guns and fishing and Hydro electric dams and the Deutches Museum of technology and all that boy stuff. Funny, she was while you were engaged.

You are an insensitive beast and wanting to visit your mother once every 10 years makes you a mummy's boy

You will also learn that women can drive AT LEAST as good as men and they are safer

This stuff is universal and it's coming to house near you soon

Communication - the response to all my statements in Wisconsin American dialect is

" What ?"

She says I am a misogynist trapped in a heterosexual body

I bet I am not the only one.

Young chaps make me laugh when they say "it will never happen to me."

I used to rag my Afghanistani taxi drivers about how lucky they are to have a subservient Muslim wife - you should have heard the stories they told me back

Who would have thought that some Mujahaddin living up the Khyber would be suffering all the same stuff ???

[trillium13 84]

Wow, bitter much?

[john & jean 37]

you should see the looks my wife gets, when she asks a Texan for the comfort room

[slim 1,533]

It's funny that we normally call a small room with a toilet & sink a "bathroom"

when you are not likely to find a bath there at all.

Does Thailand use the "water closet" designation? In some places throughout the world they have a big "WC" or a picture of a toilet with a WC or a man/woman with WC. That's probably the politest and easiest way to designate it, albeit a semi-confusing one as well. I've been other places where it's a picture of a toilet. Direct and to the point!

If there's a communication gap, try the "pee-pee dance". Works in most countries.

One of the funniest things I've ever seen was a group of college girls come up to me and my partner whle working security at a festival in Korea. These girls couldn't speak any Engrishee at all and they started talking to us, obviously asking where something was (because we understood "where" in Korean) but we couldn't figure out what they wanted. They started dropping down to the ground, squatting, and making a grunting and hissing noises.

We still had no idea what they were talking about and a group of young, unmarried women talking to young men is sometimes highly embarassing for them so they kept giggling and covering their mouths, pulling on each others' arms, and it seemed like we were all having a pretty good time.

Since many Asians squat down when they're talking for a while, we squatted down too. They pulled us back up, then squatted down again. We squatted too. They pulled us up, squatted, and we did that dance several times until one of the girls finally started rubbing her stomach while grimacing and grunting really hard while sticking her butt way out.

"Aha!"

From that day on, I knew the international sign for dropping a deuce. (I also learned how to say "where's the restroom" in Korean.)

Doesn't matter about which language - you will live to learn that you are WRONG !

Many of my co-workers used to ask me if I had problems communicating with my wife since she speaks Russian. I said, "No. I have problems communicating with her because she's a woman."

I used to rag my Afghanistani taxi drivers about how lucky they are to have a subservient Muslim wife - you should have heard the stories they told me back

I was lucky in that some of the first Muslim men I ever met set me straight on that real quick.

"Dude, it's so awesome that you can have four wives! That's the sh!t! You're the man!"

"No, my friend. It is absolutely horrible. You have four times as many problems, four times the stuff to buy and four people nagging at you and yelling at you all day long.... and you still get the same amount of sex you would get with one wife. NONE!"

[Captain Oates 911]

ok this deserves a separate thread and it's going to be HUGE !

Here we go !

[Atencio 43]

My ex-wife's parents spoke only Spanish.

It was nice visiting. I didn't have to pay attention to anyone.

[Gary and Alla 3,696]

Doesn't matter about which language - you will live to learn that you are WRONG !

and she isn't interested in cars and guns and fishing and Hydro electric dams and the Deutches Museum of technology and all that boy stuff. Funny, she was while you were engaged.

You are an insensitive beast and wanting to visit your mother once every 10 years makes you a mummy's boy

You will also learn that women can drive AT LEAST as good as men and they are safer

This stuff is universal and it's coming to house near you soon

Communication - the response to all my statements in Wisconsin American dialect is

" What ?"

She says I am a misogynist trapped in a heterosexual body

I bet I am not the only one.

Young chaps make me laugh when they say "it will never happen to me."

I used to rag my Afghanistani taxi drivers about how lucky they are to have a subservient Muslim wife - you should have heard the stories they told me back

Who would have thought that some Mujahaddin living up the Khyber would be suffering all the same stuff ???

Obviously married to a woman that speaks English as a primary language.

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

I don't know if this is a mixture of Thai & English

but instead of saying "noodle" she says "noo-don"

which sounds like a combination of "noodle" and

"udon" (Japanese for noodle).

Same here.

I taught my wife the #1 and #2 numbering code. She had never heard about it and loves it now.

[slim 1,533]

I taught my wife the #1 and #2 numbering code. She had never heard about it and loves it now.

I don't know if I've ever heard of it. What is it?

[thongd4me 69]

Same here.

I taught my wife the #1 and #2 numbering code. She had never heard about it and loves it now.

That could only be high finance/accounting or scatology.

[SMR 368]

I don't know if I've ever heard of it. What is it?

Are you being facetious or did you simply not understand the context? It's in reference to the bathroom. When someone says if they have to go number one or number two. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you must be a commie spy.

In Russian, they say, "по большому" or "по маленкому" meaning in a big way or in a little way.

Edited August 10, 2010 by SMR