Any step-parents here?

[HelloMiffy 1]

As you know American is a country of high divorce rate and the high number of blended families.

I have a step-daughter from my USC husband's previous marriage. She's still so young (6 y-o) that I don't have a major problem yet. But I have a little concern on whether she might start to feel unconfortable of having a stepmom of different race when she becomes a teenager, since my husband and her biological mom iare both Caucasian and I'm Asian. I fear that it may be difficult for her to form a bond with me by over-coming cultural and racial differences. Are any people here in a similar situation? Any good parenting advice?

Edited June 19, 2009 by HelloMiffy

[Y's_habibitk 2]

My stepfather is mexican, I never thought anything of it. I wouldnt worry about it really.

You got her so young (lucky you!) you have years to bond with her and love eachother, I doubt she will ever feel any different towards you because of your race. She may have to answer questions from her peers when she gets older, but its no biggie.

I think it will be fine. you are her stepmom, not her "Asian stepmom" relax and enjoy her.

Good Luck

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I have an 8 yr. old stepson who is Asian. He showed a natural curiosity over the difference of my appearance from his, but he quickly got used to it. His school is ethnically diverse and he's never had any problems with any kids over his ethnicity. I've shown him a real interest in the culture he came from and if anything, the fact that we are different ethnically makes our family life more enriching.

[HelloMiffy 1]

There's also a big difference between Japan and America in how kids are raised. In Japan parents don't have to watch kids for 24 hrs. But here if kids are not supervised for any moments the parents are in trouble It's creating some stress on me. But all I have to do is to get used to this I guess....

[Y's_habibitk 2]

There's also a big difference between Japan and America in how kids are raised. In Japan parents don't have to watch kids for 24 hrs. But here if kids are not supervised for any moments the parents are in trouble It's creating some stress on me. But all I have to do is to get used to this I guess....

Could that be because there are generally larger families there? Like in my husbands family, there are 218793857 kids and they can all kind of watch eachother. Whereas here, there are alot of families with only one child for the first 5+years. I have a 5yo son and my husband is used to the kids running off to play by themselves, it was an adjustment for him to realize that there arent a bunch of kids/cousins ect for him to run off and play with.

you will get used to it im sure.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

There's also a big difference between Japan and America in how kids are raised. In Japan parents don't have to watch kids for 24 hrs. But here if kids are not supervised for any moments the parents are in trouble It's creating some stress on me. But all I have to do is to get used to this I guess....

I know it's frustrating even for me as a parent who has lived here all my life. It didn't use to be this way and I don't agree with the over protectiveness that some parents do with their kids. For example, we live right next to a park and we let our 8 yr. old go to the park and play on his own, but there is another parent who told our son he's not suppose to be at the park without his parents. However, your stepdaughter is only 6 and not quite old enough to be outside on her own.

Do you and your husband have friends with children or neighbors with children?

[HelloMiffy 1]

I meant in general (not limited to my step-daughter). Most of the time in Japan parents do not have to supervise kids for 24 hrs. I've seen many kids playing / walking alone or with his/her friends/siblings in Japan without any adult supervision. But here adults have to be always be "present" or "close to them" until they become 12 y-o. Yes, thank god for that my step-daughter have some play-dates

[nurse1967 287]

This might be related to the fact that in the USA kids aren't generally safe to be walking the streets alone. I noticed in Egypt that kids also wander free there and when I spoke with my husband about it he told me that kids are rarely targets of crimes like they are here. That might be part of the issue.

[DouglasFiel 53]

As you know American is a country of high divorce rate and the high number of blended families.

I have a step-daughter from my USC husband's previous marriage. She's still so young (6 y-o) that I don't have a major problem yet. But I have a little concern on whether she might start to feel unconfortable of having a stepmom of different race when she becomes a teenager, since my husband and her biological mom iare both Caucasian and I'm Asian. I fear that it may be difficult for her to form a bond with me by over-coming cultural and racial differences. Are any people here in a similar situation? Any good parenting advice?

Although, I am certainly no expert.. Depending how the realationship is between her mother and her father... And how the mother interacts with her... Your bigger problem may jealosy... You could be viewed as taking her daddy time away from her... Or you could be viewed as the obstacle bewteen her mother and father getting back together. Personally I think the bigger challenges have little to do with race and more to do with her mother, her father and their relationship "Do they make her feel safe and important".

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I meant in general (not limited to my step-daughter). Most of the time in Japan parents do not have to supervise kids for 24 hrs. I've seen many kids playing / walking alone or with his/her friends/siblings in Japan without any adult supervision. But here adults have to be always be "present" or "close to them" until they become 12 y-o. Yes, thank god for that my step-daughter have some play-dates

I agree with you. Hopefully you and your husband will find friends with children who share similar ideas. Just don't feel like you are an outsider with your view because you are not alone, even among us American parents.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

This might be related to the fact that in the USA kids aren't generally safe to be walking the streets alone. I noticed in Egypt that kids also wander free there and when I spoke with my husband about it he told me that kids are rarely targets of crimes like they are here. That might be part of the issue.

Interesting. I think you might be right. There's a lot of fear of our children being kidnapped or assaulted by a stranger, but statistically, most child abuse happens within families....someone they know and trust. So keeping children locked up inside the house all day isn't really keeping them safe.

[Jenn! 918]

I think people are terrified of having someone call DSS on them for letting their kids play outside by themselves.

[HelloMiffy 1]

As you know American is a country of high divorce rate and the high number of blended families.

I have a step-daughter from my USC husband's previous marriage. She's still so young (6 y-o) that I don't have a major problem yet. But I have a little concern on whether she might start to feel unconfortable of having a stepmom of different race when she becomes a teenager, since my husband and her biological mom iare both Caucasian and I'm Asian. I fear that it may be difficult for her to form a bond with me by over-coming cultural and racial differences. Are any people here in a similar situation? Any good parenting advice?

Although, I am certainly no expert.. Depending how the realationship is between her mother and her father... And how the mother interacts with her... Your bigger problem may jealosy... You could be viewed as taking her daddy time away from her... Or you could be viewed as the obstacle bewteen her mother and father getting back together. Personally I think the bigger challenges have little to do with race and more to do with her mother, her father and their relationship "Do they make her feel safe and important".

Yeah, that maybe true. We are still working on the jealousy issue. I'm relatively lucky to be a stepmom when my stepdaughter is still young and when we still have chance to form a bond. But my fear is that we might never be able to form a bond as stong as if I were the same race or have the same cultural background as her.

Edited June 19, 2009 by HelloMiffy

[HelloMiffy 1]

This might be related to the fact that in the USA kids aren't generally safe to be walking the streets alone. I noticed in Egypt that kids also wander free there and when I spoke with my husband about it he told me that kids are rarely targets of crimes like they are here. That might be part of the issue.

Interesting. I think you might be right. There's a lot of fear of our children being kidnapped or assaulted by a stranger, but statistically, most child abuse happens within families....someone they know and trust. So keeping children locked up inside the house all day isn't really keeping them safe.

So true. Our school (and most schools in NY states) goes from 8 to 2:30pm. It's like saying that parents with small kids can't work or spend all the money they earn for expensive daycares It's insane.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

This might be related to the fact that in the USA kids aren't generally safe to be walking the streets alone. I noticed in Egypt that kids also wander free there and when I spoke with my husband about it he told me that kids are rarely targets of crimes like they are here. That might be part of the issue.

Interesting. I think you might be right. There's a lot of fear of our children being kidnapped or assaulted by a stranger, but statistically, most child abuse happens within families....someone they know and trust. So keeping children locked up inside the house all day isn't really keeping them safe.

So true. Our school (and most schools in NY states) goes from 8 to 2:30pm. It's like saying that parents with small kids can't work or spend all the money they earn for expensive daycares It's insane.

Yep. My wife just started working again (we have a 15 month old son) and childcare is so expensive, I don't know how people making only minimum wage can afford to work. Thankfully, my wife's parents were just granted a 10 year, multiple entry Visa so they will stay with us for periods of time to help out with the kids.