If you could go back...

[Always+Forever 7]

Ok all...was just hanging out and this popped in to my head. What question(s) do you wish your would have asked your SO before you got engaged/married? Can be little or big things Things you might know now, but wish you knew then.

And I know there are some of us that haven't gotten that far yet...so what are questions u'd like to ask but might be afraid to....or just haven't yet?

Or anything else you feel like adding...pointers to others...Questions you think should be asked before becoming engaged/married...etc.

Thanks...thought this might be interesting to get every ones opinion on.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

Ok all...was just hanging out and this popped in to my head. What question(s) do you wish your would have asked your SO before you got engaged/married? Can be little or big things Things you might know now, but wish you knew then.

And I know there are some of us that haven't gotten that far yet...so what are questions u'd like to ask but might be afraid to....or just haven't yet?

Or anything else you feel like adding...pointers to others...Questions you think should be asked before becoming engaged/married...etc.

Thanks...thought this might be interesting to get every ones opinion on.

Honestly, for me... I cant really think of anything bcz we covered ALOT before we married. He knew my background of my biological family and what I've been through physically, he knew my adopted family ( and met grandparents) and how strict but godly with how they raised me growing up. He knew my health issues and the possibility of what if we didnt get pregnant. I think I could go on and on about the little and big things we covered while waiting on the visa process back then. I wasnt afraid to ask any question, and I sure did talk alot! I really think its best to put it all out there now and get as many answers to questions, so later on down the road you dont get blind sighted by something you wish you would have covered earlier on.

[Peace be still 6]

Ok all...was just hanging out and this popped in to my head. What question(s) do you wish your would have asked your SO before you got engaged/married? Can be little or big things Things you might know now, but wish you knew then.

And I know there are some of us that haven't gotten that far yet...so what are questions u'd like to ask but might be afraid to....or just haven't yet?

Or anything else you feel like adding...pointers to others...Questions you think should be asked before becoming engaged/married...etc.

Thanks...thought this might be interesting to get every ones opinion on.

I asked all the questions that I needed to before I married my husband. I will list some of them for you. By no means do you have to ask these questions because they apply to me and my own thoughts:

1. What are your views on having more then one wife?

2. How much money do you plan on sending your mother when you move to America and we are established

financially?

3. Are you able to deal with an educated and Independant woman that is set in my own ways?

4. Could you love me if I was to get fat and less attractive?

5. Will he take care of me the way I believe a husband should provide for his wife?

6. Will he have any male Moroccans comming to our home onces he meets some here in America?

7. Would he have a problem with me working late hours. I am a work alcoholic and have been before I met him, and

that is not going to change.

8. Will he have a problem with me having my housekeeper?

9. Will he ever go back to Morocco without me?

10. Does he have any intentions to bring his family here once he get's established.

I had to have all these questions and more answered for me within the 2yrs that my beloved and I been together.

[bhajishah 4]

and then consider the real answers, which will be directed toward the "islam-arab way"

A. wives- as many as I want and afford up to 4

A. as you are working and obviously not taking care of house and me appropiately (not knowing your number one woman job), my min wage will all be going overseas

A.your ways? no its my ways you gave up old family(ways) and married into mine.

A. fat is attractive for a wife, you not a belly dancer, that what belly dancers are 4 to look at, you is to give the kids.

A. Im looking for brothers (fellowship) everyday, you need to have tea and food service up running whenever anyone pops in.

A. I provide share with what GOD gives me for my family. you will too, all things are a gift, even if we have to split it all 9 ways, learn to live humble share what you got.

A. sure you can work late hours, someone wife need to be here when im home to recieve me and my friends after work, tea, food service Im not coming home to an empty house after working and providing for it all day. We too get married for a reason.

A. housekeeper sure, she better be young , foreign,single and nice to me. Do thorough job to my liking. Maybe we can convert her and she can be my housewife

A.I would like to bring at least one wive around travel with me, someone has to get the food and fluff my pillow etc, if im @ my family house , i willl leave you at home with the women and go do my business with the guys.

A.I will bring as many as my family sponsorship will afford, your income is listed as our family, so you need to keep this $ number up , bcoz i (we)

have 5 brothers and sisters with families, not to mention mom.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

and then consider the real answers, which will be directed toward the "islam-arab way"

A. wives- as many as I want and afford up to 4

A. as you are working and obviously not taking care of house and me appropiately (not knowing your number one woman job), my min wage will all be going overseas

A.your ways? no its my ways you gave up old family(ways) and married into mine.

A. fat is attractive for a wife, you not a belly dancer, that what belly dancers are 4 to look at, you is to give the kids.

A. Im looking for brothers (fellowship) everyday, you need to have tea and food service up running whenever anyone pops in.

A. I provide share with what GOD gives me for my family. you will too, all things are a gift, even if we have to split it all 9 ways, learn to live humble share what you got.

A. sure you can work late hours, someone wife need to be here when im home to recieve me and my friends after work, tea, food service Im not coming home to an empty house after working and providing for it all day. We too get married for a reason.

A. housekeeper sure, she better be young , foreign,single and nice to me. Do thorough job to my liking. Maybe we can convert her and she can be my housewife

A.I would like to bring at least one wive around travel with me, someone has to get the food and fluff my pillow etc, if im @ my family house , i willl leave you at home with the women and go do my business with the guys.

A.I will bring as many as my family sponsorship will afford, your income is listed as our family, so you need to keep this $ number up , bcoz i (we)

have 5 brothers and sisters with families, not to mention mom.

WOW! If those answers were from a man before marriage, I certainly would consider his motives.

[Courtney08 0]

I am not sure if this is the proper reaction to the post by askfruitcakelady, but

I laughed. I am sure that has to be a joke, if it was a genuine answer I appologize for my reaction. As long as the SO knows the answers before a relationship begins that is the crucial part.

The things that I wish we would have talked about more befor our relationship got serious.

They have been mostly adressed. MOSTLY because the emotion and friend thing are not going to change.

Children, how many more (WHEN ???) ?

number was not problem the when was

Living, where and family visits ?

we both agree on this minus family visits .. looks like alot of us flying to ME not the other way around.

travel, how much do you really expect to go (mainly a I am setteled down he wants to go)?

Relationships, my friends are my friends male, female, and all religions.

Showing emotions, I dont do it he doesnt do it it causes some miss-comunication from time to time.

Fat thing ... well if you have seen us you understand this one I made a deal to work on me and he made a deal to quit complaining about my slower than he wanted progress. Lol, I have actually slowed down even more, due to the irritation it causes.

I am happy with my marriage, and I love my husband dearly but its been over a year now and I do not expect either one of us to change. We are who we are that is why we love one another ....

Edited May 10, 2009 by Courtney n Ahmad

[~Jackie~ 30]

I ....ALMOST ..responded.

Thank GOD I stopped my fingers before they got me in trouble. (sliding my jaded rose-colored glasses back into place )

jJ

[bhajishah 4]

YOU Mena Ladies miss me, yah ive been overseas in pakiland. HEy yah its joke , but if you let htme have thier total way (any moan american or foreign). WATCH out.!! espcially as they get older and tigther with family. Different cultures clash, and mesh, its a struggle for sure huh, b ut exciting and fun @ most times aas well. AT least we have home turf advantage here!! wink wink. Wa sallaams

[ANONYMOUSXXXXXX 0]

Ummm, hope this doesn't sound too horrible, but do you really think you will get the same answers once they get here? I heard he will take any job, work in yard, give me foot massage every night, do you think that really happened? NOT

Maybe I am just jaded cuz of my hubby, but I'm thinking most would say what you want to hear until they get here. I think many of these men are out to look out for #1, which is him. (and his family)--which may be the poor men's mentality. I have found that most of their so=called friends are out to screw them over, have them spend his money, etc. Make no mistake, they are coming from a man's culture. Mine still thinks no woman is outspoken in the USA except me. hee hee

fruitcakelady, you aint' so wrong....lol

You will be seen as cheap and selfish if you are not willing to go along with what he wants--such as sending money home, not arguing with him, generally pandering to him. If this is wrong for you, then I apologize. Just my two cents....

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

You can ask anything and he can answer anyway... it's all about intention and understanding... If his intentions are good AND he even understands/comprehends the questions (because he has NO idea what it will be like to live here and live in YOUR culture) then maybe it's worth asking....

The view MENA men have for the most part of life with an American wife, in the USA is so far off reality that they could even THINK they knew the answer to your question, but not really understand enough to even KNOW how they would REALLY feel about something until they experience it. Like the 20 something year old man who is SURE he doesn't care if he has kids, or thinks he doesn't want them, until he's 38 and sees all his friends with their kids and changes his mind... Or the MENA man who's father was a player man or had many wives and he saw how it hurt his Mom and he thinks he would never do that to his wife, but then when he is given the chance, discovers just why his father thought it was such a blast and changes his opinion and repeats the pattern he grew up with and excuses it as "well my father did it, and he's a good man"... yada yada yada

If his intentions are self-serving and self-centered, he'll say anything you want to hear and the "Un-official MENA Netcafe guidebook to marrying a Western Woman" has all the RIGHT answers... And he will say it so many times that even HE starts to believe it... (and you do too).... and then when the time is right he will realize he's "changed"... yada yada yada

Better to spend your time knowing his family's way of behaving (father/mother, parent/child) because more likely than not, he'll repeat it in his marriage, parenting, etc. Better to know his religious values (not the religion's values, HIS religious values)... And if he says one thing, and does another, expect that to continue... with YOU. If he doesn't pray, and fools around with you before marriage, etc. don't expect him to follow his religion AFTER he's married... Don't study his religion and think it guarantees his behavior... Study his behavior and compare it to his faith... if he's off-base, be careful.

Questions and answers also have expiration dates... which no one can predict 100%. He used to think it was OK for Christians to celebrate Christmas until his Muslim friends came over to your house and saw your Christmas tree and gave him a hard time, so NOW he has decided it's not OK.... yadda yadda yadda...

The fruit doesn't fall far from the tree.... look at Dad and you'll see glimpses of him... Oh my, I could go on forever, but will spare you all...

Thanks Fruitcake Lady for the laugh! I was ROFLOL... Too bad for those living with it, it just isn't so funny... But I'm beyond that now so I can laugh... (that was marriage # 1, or was it #2???) LOL

[childress_london 3]

Questions are useless if you don't get honest replies.

[Nagishkaw 510]

Questions you think should be asked before becoming engaged/married...etc.

Are you a virgin?

[childress_london 3]

Questions you think should be asked before becoming engaged/married...etc.

Are you a virgin?

[Always+Forever 7]

Questions you think should be asked before becoming engaged/married...etc.

Are you a virgin?

LOL yeah...i definately asked that one

And thanks everybody who's replying...very interesting, informative, and good for a laugh at times

[bhajishah 4]

That is the beauty of it all, , Im not so far off the cultural mark on this. depends on how much of a martyr your life you wanna be depends on how much you will tolerate.(or be brain washed to do) . SAD , somewhere down the line, the Greates religion has been twisted by men. ...real life khadija here. ILl tell him off if I have 2 if the demands roll in and im overwhelmed, and 2 bad 4 us its that or divorce. Marriage isnt suppose to bring more stress.. and it wont. thats all i know. This works for me, and things going well for most part with pakistani guy here. Of course wow thier women esp ones here got it made!! soap operas, gossip time, lol ####### gossiping Islam way NO way.!!