Please help - what happens when we divorce?

[troubled 0]

Hi everyone,

I have been lurking here for quite some time trying to see if my question was answered. I'm sure it has, but I would like to ask it case specific. Here is my story:

I am the USC my husband is the Legal Permanent resident with a permanent resident card and a social security card. We would be removing conditions next year if our marriage hadn't fallen to pieces like it did. After a year of being seperated during the visa processing, my husband I couldn't have been happier to be back together. After about a month of him being here, hell began. My husband began drinking HEAVILY when he was depressed with home sickness and that just made the whole situation worse. He makes no attempt to go outside and talk with the people here. He hasn't bothered to look for a job and he has been here for over 7 months. I am the one who goes out and fills out the applications because he is too scared to. I have shown him everything and gotten him everything he needs (SSN, Drivers License, Phone, Family and Friends). He has no desire to get his life going here and I am tired of his drinking. I have to walk on eggshells and be sure not to upset him when he is drinking. Everything we talk about, he turns into an argument and our conversation goes nowhere. I am through with the hurtful remarks. I am through with the drinking. I have put my life on hold for the last year and a half to get him here and settled and now I can't do it anymore. I have been strugglling like this for over 5 months and I have tried everything possible to talk it out and make it work and now I am ready to cut my losses. He will be happier by his family and friends and I will be happy to be free of the emotional abuse and have my life back. Sorry that was a bit long winded.

I don't know whether I could annul the marriage or if I should proceed with a divorce. We are both young and have nothing that would be split up and no custody battles (thank G-d).

So here is my question :

Where do I start? Is this means for annullment or a divorce? Do I have to contact immigration (because of the affidavit of support)? What do they need to have and know regarding our situation? Anything else you could provide would be extremely helpful.

Thank you for your help and understanding,

troubled in california

[beans 7]

First off, I am sorry this has happened to you it sounds like hell and I'm proud of you for recognizing that you cannot do this anymore.

I imagine divorce would be the best route, no need to contact Immigration as the I-864 is still binding after divorce or annulment.

Someone will come along shortly and provide you more information. Sorry I couldn't help you more.

[troubled 0]

Thank you for your reply!

[Old Dominion 26]

I agree that you need to get on with your life for all the reasons you mention, if it is impossible to get medical help for him regarding his depression and his drinking. Life is too short.

The USCIS has no interest in your case until your divorce is final. If you are eligible, low-cost help from lawyers on the staff of your local Legal Aid Society are available. Otherwise go to a good divorce lawyer and get the ball rolling. A lawyer can advise you on how to get him removed from your home.

[Dakine 26]

Hi everyone,

I have been lurking here for quite some time trying to see if my question was answered. I'm sure it has, but I would like to ask it case specific. Here is my story:

I am the USC my husband is the Legal Permanent resident with a permanent resident card and a social security card. We would be removing conditions next year if our marriage hadn't fallen to pieces like it did. After a year of being seperated during the visa processing, my husband I couldn't have been happier to be back together. After about a month of him being here, hell began. My husband began drinking HEAVILY when he was depressed with home sickness and that just made the whole situation worse. He makes no attempt to go outside and talk with the people here. He hasn't bothered to look for a job and he has been here for over 7 months. I am the one who goes out and fills out the applications because he is too scared to. I have shown him everything and gotten him everything he needs (SSN, Drivers License, Phone, Family and Friends). He has no desire to get his life going here and I am tired of his drinking. I have to walk on eggshells and be sure not to upset him when he is drinking. Everything we talk about, he turns into an argument and our conversation goes nowhere. I am through with the hurtful remarks. I am through with the drinking. I have put my life on hold for the last year and a half to get him here and settled and now I can't do it anymore. I have been strugglling like this for over 5 months and I have tried everything possible to talk it out and make it work and now I am ready to cut my losses. He will be happier by his family and friends and I will be happy to be free of the emotional abuse and have my life back. Sorry that was a bit long winded.

I don't know whether I could annul the marriage or if I should proceed with a divorce. We are both young and have nothing that would be split up and no custody battles (thank G-d).

So here is my question :

Where do I start? Is this means for annullment or a divorce? Do I have to contact immigration (because of the affidavit of support)? What do they need to have and know regarding our situation? Anything else you could provide would be extremely helpful.

Thank you for your help and understanding,

troubled in california

If you divorce him he can file to remove conditions on his own. He will have to prove he married in good faith and not for immigration purposes.

You will still be responsible for him fiancially under the I-864. What that entails I don't know. Here in Hawaii Human Resources won't let GC holders even apply for public assistance.

[Anh map 2,098]

Divorce does not end the responsibility for the Affidavit of Support. He can go for the Removal of Conditions himself.

[Ning 619]

Hi everyone,

I have been lurking here for quite some time trying to see if my question was answered. I'm sure it has, but I would like to ask it case specific. Here is my story:

I am the USC my husband is the Legal Permanent resident with a permanent resident card and a social security card. We would be removing conditions next year if our marriage hadn't fallen to pieces like it did. After a year of being seperated during the visa processing, my husband I couldn't have been happier to be back together. After about a month of him being here, hell began. My husband began drinking HEAVILY when he was depressed with home sickness and that just made the whole situation worse. He makes no attempt to go outside and talk with the people here. He hasn't bothered to look for a job and he has been here for over 7 months. I am the one who goes out and fills out the applications because he is too scared to. I have shown him everything and gotten him everything he needs (SSN, Drivers License, Phone, Family and Friends). He has no desire to get his life going here and I am tired of his drinking. I have to walk on eggshells and be sure not to upset him when he is drinking. Everything we talk about, he turns into an argument and our conversation goes nowhere. I am through with the hurtful remarks. I am through with the drinking. I have put my life on hold for the last year and a half to get him here and settled and now I can't do it anymore. I have been strugglling like this for over 5 months and I have tried everything possible to talk it out and make it work and now I am ready to cut my losses. He will be happier by his family and friends and I will be happy to be free of the emotional abuse and have my life back. Sorry that was a bit long winded.

I don't know whether I could annul the marriage or if I should proceed with a divorce. We are both young and have nothing that would be split up and no custody battles (thank G-d).

So here is my question :

Where do I start? Is this means for annullment or a divorce? Do I have to contact immigration (because of the affidavit of support)? What do they need to have and know regarding our situation? Anything else you could provide would be extremely helpful.

Thank you for your help and understanding,

troubled in california

Start in local family court near your location. They wont give you legal advise but will help you understand how to get the help you need to file. You can file yourself. There are two sets of documents. File the first ones & then 30 to 60 days later the second set. He doesnt have to agree to it but if he doesnt you will have to have him served with the documents. The easiest way to do that is to have the Sheriff serve him. You might as well find out how to get a restraining order filed at the same time. Usually reality mixed with booze creats anger & you need to protect yourself.

There are agencys in your area that can guide you if you need it & dont want to use a lawyer.

[troubled 0]

Thank you everyone for your informative replies. Here's some other information that might be useful.. he has already said that he would go back to his home country if it didn't work out and in addition to that he doesn't speak English and is too shy to seek anything other than a plane ticket back home. I am hoping there won't be any problems with the paperwork. I am going to talk it over with my parents tomorrow and get the ball rolling. I don't want to prolong out misery any longer. If he goes back to his home country, does the I-864 Affidavit become obsolete if nothing is done in terms of removing the conditions. I know he isn't going to do that....

[Anh map 2,098]

If he abandons his LPR status then the I-864 is no longer valid.

Here is the VJ Wiki page for Permanent Resident info. A good place to start your reading regading the abandonment of LPR. -->> http://www.visajourney.com/wiki/index.php/...anent_Residency

[troubled 0]

Thanks again everyone!!!

My last question, because we married in him home country and do not have a Californian marriage certificate, how does this change the divorce procedure? Can I still file for a divorce... that by all means is really only recognized internationally, or does the international certificate count here? When filing for taxes, I was labeled as married and through the Social Security Office - when I applied for a name change I had to provide my marriage certificate.. but I do not have a Californian certificate. Any help is greatly appreciated.

[Ning 619]

Thanks again everyone!!!

My last question, because we married in him home country and do not have a Californian marriage certificate, how does this change the divorce procedure? Can I still file for a divorce... that by all means is really only recognized internationally, or does the international certificate count here? When filing for taxes, I was labeled as married and through the Social Security Office - when I applied for a name change I had to provide my marriage certificate.. but I do not have a Californian certificate. Any help is greatly appreciated.

File for divorce in the State you reside in. Go to the court house in your area & begin asking all of these questions. Remember they cant give you legal advise. Just ask the questions about the procedures & the forms required to follow those procedures.

[HappyNathy 0]

Troubled,

I know I am sticking my nose in here but your post made me think of my situation with my DH.

I have really struggled to adapt in the US and am sort of feeling more at ease after being here 2 years next month.

I am an English speaker but I have often wondered what an enormous adjustment and struggle it must be for people whose first language is not English.

DH and I have had massive fall-outs in these last 2 years and have come very, very close to divorce a few times. One of the major reasons I have held back is because I think back to what we have had to endure in order to be together. I had residual resentment that my first year of marriage was spent essentially as a single gal due to him being here & me being in SA while waiting for our approval ~ you all know that drill!

Adjusting to marriage is hard enough but when you throw in immigration, USCIS, driver's licenses, trying to find a job, foreign certification, no friends or family ~ starting your life over from SCRATCH ~ (then throw in the male ego )... It's tough. I often think that DH has not always really understood my situation as we are living in the town he grew up in, his mom is 10 minutes down the road, his brother is an hour away, my first year here I earned peanuts while working on getting my credentials recognized in the States, etc. etc.

Talk about starting off a new marriage on totally unequal footing, which for some people can be a bigger issue than for others.

How long has your DH been in the US now? Is this not something you can take your time on because undoing it would be so hard.

Don't get me wrong: I am far from an incurable romantic and I am not opposed to divorce but situations like this just remind me of my own & that I am relieved we took our time and then, changed our minds.

If I am out of line, please say so.

Good luck

[a-jeanne 2]

Troubled,

I know I am sticking my nose in here but your post made me think of my situation with my DH.

I have really struggled to adapt in the US and am sort of feeling more at ease after being here 2 years next month.

I am an English speaker but I have often wondered what an enormous adjustment and struggle it must be for people whose first language is not English.

DH and I have had massive fall-outs in these last 2 years and have come very, very close to divorce a few times. One of the major reasons I have held back is because I think back to what we have had to endure in order to be together. I had residual resentment that my first year of marriage was spent essentially as a single gal due to him being here & me being in SA while waiting for our approval ~ you all know that drill!

Adjusting to marriage is hard enough but when you throw in immigration, USCIS, driver's licenses, trying to find a job, foreign certification, no friends or family ~ starting your life over from SCRATCH ~ (then throw in the male ego )... It's tough. I often think that DH has not always really understood my situation as we are living in the town he grew up in, his mom is 10 minutes down the road, his brother is an hour away, my first year here I earned peanuts while working on getting my credentials recognized in the States, etc. etc.

Talk about starting off a new marriage on totally unequal footing, which for some people can be a bigger issue than for others.

How long has your DH been in the US now? Is this not something you can take your time on because undoing it would be so hard.

Don't get me wrong: I am far from an incurable romantic and I am not opposed to divorce but situations like this just remind me of my own & that I am relieved we took our time and then, changed our minds.

If I am out of line, please say so.

Good luck

This is where I am struggling in my marriage and thoughts of divorce. I have heard stories that once you get through the adjustment period (however long that is) that things could work out. I mean - we came together for love - what happened to that? It was a lot of hard work getting him here and I hate to throw it all away. The homesick for him was hard and don't even speak of ego - he doesn't have one (so he says). He left three weeks ago and I know that he would like to come back, but what is hard for me is that he moved all of his things out before he went on his so-called holiday. Yes, drinking was a big part of it too - and the age difference as he is 17 years older than me and is retired. He changed everything but his eye color - THAT has to be hard. But how do you get them to admit it and work on the adjustment and get on with life? Can there be a new start?