The Rest of the Story...a year later!!!

[Krikit 1,163]

I trust you received permission from your ex-wife to post her private words to you on the internet?

[FrancElsie 6]

It does take guts to put yourself out for abuse by others in telling your story. I could not agree more that we have to really look at those warning signs. If you have any doubts at all then there is something seriously wrong.

I've been through a bad situation with one more than 20 years younger, and I have been through an amazingly wonderful relationship with my wife 30 years younger. The first gave signs I should have heeded. But eventually there was an insult I could not conscience and I bolted immediately. There was no forgiving or listening to pleading.

Because of that experience I was pretty paranoid about my wife after meeting her. I came close to leaving her over something people might think of as trivial. But it was very early on and I had no record like I do now to weigh its importance. Glad I did not over-react.

Heh. We were both paranoid about each other, I guess. Read each other's email accounts, snooped in cell phones, - I created a fake personality on friendster and contacted her. Filthy rich, much younger, used a picture from a heart-throb in the 60's... She very sweetly rebuffed my advances and tried to introduce me to her sister.

There is nothing you can say or do with one that doesn't work out like Karina. She didn't love you. The letter is insincere. She is the kind of person that will do this sort of thing without remorse. I realize we wish for closure, to be vindicated, but you just have to move on. They don't view it as having ruined their life because while you were (still are) looking at what could have happened for them if they had stayed with you, they never looked at it that way in the first place.

The way she looks at it, she did not ruin her future because there never was a future with you. There was only the present, and her present was made better with money. Party on!

I am so grateful for what I have now - and yes you can have a much younger wife that loves you. There are countless numbers of such relationships.

But to stay on point: the warning signs. In general when they do something you question, ask yourself if it is something you would do to them. Is this something I would do to someone who I love? Lying is a huge red flag. If you discover one then there will be more.

You can't work harder to overcome a liar, a manipulator, a cheat - and goodness gracious there are so many out there with good hearts that want to find someone who will treat them kindly. Think about them. Think about the girl out there who longs for you. She is out there.

Go find her.

Hi rlogan,

I re-read your response to my post from a year or so ago...got a few "nasty" responses but in general the people were very supportive. I've forgiven Karina for her deeds...she has to pay the consequences now. I sent her, Maria and her new baby gifts for Christmas and the baby's birthday in February, 2010 (the baby had no culpability in this mess...he is totally innocent.) because I knew that they would get nothing from the now ex-boyfriend. So, my generosity came out again because of the immense love I had for her when we married. You're right...I did want some closure and I recently got some in the form of a letter from Karina after I'd sent money and a birthday gift for her baby boy. I posted the e-mail and translated it for you if you do not read spanish. She sounds genuinely contrite and ashamed of her actions. Honestly, I don't think she was a "bad" person...just made some bad decisions and did not cut off all communication with her ex-boyfriend and allowed him to worm his way back into her life. I've spoken with her and she's told me that her decision to be with him was the WORST decision of her life...it made her life a living hell!! Her parents and family castigated her severely...shut her out of their lives completely. Her friends abandoned her too. She lost her job with an insurance company. Her boss and I became friends because I had a background in the insurance industry. I'm sure he was very disappointed with her. This mistake cost her HUGELY!!!! Only now, three years later is she beginning to recover. Her boyfriend Carlos (of course) is no longer in the picture...he's on to the next conquest. What a jerkoff! Anyway, maybe something GOOD did come out of all of this. We're nearing the "interview stage" of a new VisaJourney with Elsie. She seems to be a truly nice and sincere person. She could be here with me in less than 30 days!!!! She'll get to meet my family and we'll all have a great time together.

Sincerely,

Captain Craig

[FrancElsie 6]

I trust you received permission from your ex-wife to post her private words to you on the internet?

There's no identification as to who she is...just a person named Karina...no last name or anything that would identify her in any way shape or form. What's your issue, friend? Besides, I was not writing to you...I was writing to two other posters on this forum.

[Gemmie 142]

Just wondering, if you feel you've really learned from your experience with your ex-wife, why are you doing another visa-journey? You say that your new woman "seems nice and genuine" but it doesn't sound like someone who is 100% sure that this is the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

[Krikit 1,163]

There's no identification as to who she is...just a person named Karina...no last name or anything that would identify her in any way shape or form. What's your issue, friend? Besides, I was not writing to you...I was writing to two other posters on this forum.

Because the Terms of Service state you will not:

Post any information obtained or originally transmitted in confidence or with the implied belief that the message was to be kept in confidence without the express permission of the original author of the communication.

Other than the fact that it is not a gentlemanly thing to do.

[TracyTN 237]

There's no identification as to who she is...just a person named Karina...no last name or anything that would identify her in any way shape or form. What's your issue, friend? Besides, I was not writing to you...I was writing to two other posters on this forum.

'Friend'? Try moderator.

[Minya's wife 24]

You're 'almost at the interview stage' with your new lady, but you're sending money and gifts to your ex, almost two years since you divorced? Way to let go, get "closure" and focus on your new life. You, yourself said, actions speak louder than words. Have you thought about what your actions speaking right now? And posting the contents of a private mea culpa is just not cool.

Edited April 8, 2010 by Minya's wife

[DanielParul 50]

All I have to say is - better late than never. I am happy that you were able to end the drama before she got here and it became messier. Its a good life lesson learnt. Wish you all the best.

[Marina-Del 10]

I agree Criag....your new lady "seems to be nice". Seems to be? If you haven't spent enough time with her to know that she IS nice and the woman that you want to spend your life with then why have you applied for a K-1?? Didn't you sign the letter of intent? That letter did not say "I intend to marry this girl if after a month or so in the US I like what I see?" I know it didn't say this because if it did -or if it does- she will be denied at her interview. The K-1 visa is not a test drive...

[zainab786 1]

All I can say is best of luck!

Edited April 8, 2010 by zainab786

[FrancElsie 6]

OK, OK, OK...LOLOL I get your points! It was a poor choice of words...my new fiancee' IS A NICE WOMAN AND I AM GENUINELY IN LOVE WITH HER!!! Our wedding plans are being coordinated by my sisters right now. Did you bother to read my "story" where I met my future wife in Costa Rica? I went there with a broken heart!!! I was in a 4-5 month exclusive relationship with Elsie and have continued to this day. So, I know her much better than my ex-wife who I met by internet and married within 4 months. (I look back on that period of my VisaJourney experience and remember that I was a very enthusiatic member...to a fault. LOLOL I was really eager to get them to the USA because of the love I had for her. )I have a good relationship with my "ex's family" in Colombia and I have a friendship ONLY with my ex-wife. I have no romantic interest in her and see no harm in giving her children a little something because no one else would!! She made a huge mistake and is paying the consequences. She wishes me the very best now and I wish the same for her.

Best Wishes to All

Captain Craig aka Franc

PS My apology to Krikit...didn't know you were a moderator. And, I didn't think I'd broken any TOS rules because I did not identify her by last name or anything that could identify her at all...just the name that I called her. She actually has another first name...but, I will not use it.

PSS The letter was not verbatim...I eliminated several paragraphs which did not pertain.

Edited April 8, 2010 by FrancElsie

[FrancElsie 6]

All I have to say is - better late than never. I am happy that you were able to end the drama before she got here and it became messier. Its a good life lesson learnt. Wish you all the best.

Thanks for the positive comment...I am very happy with my new fiancee' and thrilled to bring her to the USA. I learned a good lesson...and so did she. I used a poor word choice by using "seems" in my posting and everyone seems to jump all over that word. MY FIANCEE' ELSIE IS A WONDERFUL, SINCERE, HONEST, GREAT, TRUTHFUL AND GENERALLY A TERRIFIC PERSON. PLUS, I am getting a WONDERFUL, cute 8 year old stepson in the process! (Do you think everyone will jump on the word "generally?" LOLOL) Honestly, I do not know why some people "seem" so mean and rude...the intent of my original posting was to point out to people that there are pitfalls to this VISA process...some beneficiaries are insincere and dishonest. It took a lot of guts to "put myself out there" to public ridicule on this forum. And, I got some!!

Insofar as my contact with my "ex"...it is extremely limited. She called me crying one day last year and could not buy food for her kids!! Do I let someone that I loved (past tense) go hungry and die? At Christmas, I sent her money to buy a crib for her child and some gifts because I knew no one else would!! Is that not a Christian thing to do...especially at Christmas? I sent truckloads of gifts for Elsie, her family and friends. For pete's sake, it is difficult (for me) to refuse to help someone that I'd loved when they are down on their knees and begging for forgiveness and asking for a little help when she had been "SHAT UPON" by the guy who dumped her and left her destitute and hungry. All these people on VJ only know a small portion of the interpersonal dynamics that went on and it is impossible for me to put everything in a public forum.

Sometimes I feel like I should just quit posting on VJ and be a lurker. But, I've had experiences that I thought could help others in this forum. Best Wishes and thanks again...some of this post is in response to others who responded.

Franc

PS Mr./Mrs. Moderator...please close this tread to additional postings, I've had enough abuse. IF anyone wants to contact me, they can send a personal message. Thanks!!!!

Edited April 8, 2010 by FrancElsie

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Thread closed at the OP's request. Two posts containing inappropriate and judgmental comments have been removed. If you have nothing useful to contribute to a discussion then it is better not to post at all.